Jokes about drunks

Read funny Jokes about drunks

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If you think that all there is, but something is missing, then it is non-alcoholic beer.

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If dumplings cooked longer than five minutes, they would not be tak
populyarny as a snack.

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If there is no reason to drink, and drink it would be desirable, it is - it does not matter. One has only to overturn a pair of glasses, as soon as there will stopudovo occasion.

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If you do not treat a hangover - it passes in one day. If treated - ten ...

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If you came to a lot of guests and you have nowhere to put them at night, take plenty of vodka and they will find their place.

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If laughter prolongs life and laughter prolongs alcohol, so alcohol prolongs life!

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There are four types of alcoholics:
1. Malopyuschy - drinking, drink, and he still malo.
2. Shy - get drunk and wall derzhitsya.
3. Omnipresent - drink anywhere ssyt.
4. Mysterious - get drunk and all dirtied.

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Wife somehow cpashivaet: where are you, my dear, nocilo ???
- Yes I was, was as acfalt mo muzzle benefit from it, and so ctoya ucnul ...

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Wife angrily tells her husband:
- got drunk again! Yesterday came sober I was happy !!!
husband :
- And today it's my turn to be happy !!!

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Wife nags at her husband:
- You know what you could buy with the money that you propivaesh.
- know. You coat, and I did!

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The wife meets the drunk husband. He enters the hall, gently closes the door, looking na
zhenu and thought says:
- me on the fifth.

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My wife says to her husband:
- Everything I've had enough, solve - or I, or vodka!
A husband:
- A vodka a lot?

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- Wife gashes. Says all the men - from work to home dragged ...
- Well what do you?
- And I'll bring it out of the drunk tank?

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Wife:
- How can you drink that stuff?
husband :
- That's it. And you say that I am pleased to spend time.

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Wife to her husband:
- Darling, I have a rabbit in the oven. Follow him, and I jumped za
ovoschami.
Vozvraschaetsya in half an hour:
- Well, how are you, dear?
- trouble, my dear, do not doglyadel! This long-eared creature came out of the oven i
vypila all the beer!

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Wife to her husband:
- Came Sidorov your friend ...
- What did he say?
- He told you not to go fishing today, because the pub is closed for renovation.

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Wife - husband:
- decide! Or I, or beer!
- How much beer?

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Wife to her husband:
- decide: either me or beer!
- How much beer?

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Drunk wife scolds her husband:
- Valya - whispers husband - You write it all, but I'll get up in the morning and read everything, everything!

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Wife nags her husband: "drunk again! Not understand how you can every day to drink?"
husband sepdito answers: "How many paz you dupu, pposil: passuzhday not about what you do not understand!".

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Wife sends her husband for bread:
- Buy belogo.
husband comes back and says:
- know there was no white, no chёrnogo.
- But at least you bought something?
- Red ...

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The wife was awakened by a knock on the kitchen. Enters and sees - Pya-
ny husband opens the refrigerator door and shouts:
-dovezesh the airport? - Zahlopyvaet.
Wife and went to bed and in the morning no refrigerator, no husband doma
ne okazalos.
V hearts she cursed:
-That devil persuaded after all!

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The wife of a drunkard-myzhy in ochepednoy paz rolls scandal:
- selects: either I, or vodka!
- How much vodka?

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Wife decided to wean her husband from drinking. Wrapped in a white sheet, took the lantern and began furiously to wake her husband until he prosnulsya.
- Who are you ?! - I yelled muzhik.
- - Satan!
- Ah! Let's shake hands, the old nag, I'm married to your sister.

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The wife asks her husband:
- Petenka, cologne standing here, have you seen?
- Well so ... ahem, ahem ...

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Wife accuses husband:
- You again in a dream varieties listed vodki.
husband :
- me that, in a dream you can not sit in a restaurant?

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Female alcoholism is incurable, unlike men, who treated throughout life

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Woman ring up all sorts of psychological services pomoschi.Nabiraet next issue:
- You know, I have small breasts ...
- why you started drinking?
- No, just a man ...
- Once they see your breasts begin to drink ?
- You kidding?
- Are you kidding! Why borrow a line psihologicheskoy
pomoschi alcoholics ?!

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Women biologists get drunk before losing momentum,
zhenschiny chemists - to the loss of reaction
a female physics - to the loss of resistance.

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There was one drunk who always found an excuse to drink. Decided to wean,
лишив all occasions. Gave him a bottle, locked in the apartment of one and look.
Наливает he glass, goes to the mirror and tipping himself: "For the ваше
здоровье!" Made all the furniture... Gave a bubble, locked, look. Caught a он
таракана, tied to the foot of the thread, was released. Cockroach ran, man - clap glass:
For departure!" Back at the thread pulled, still - clap: "For coming!" He puretravel всех
тараканов, cleaned well, just everything... Gave a bubble, locked, look. Мужик
наливает, clicks a couple of times yourself with your fingers on the throat: "tuk-Tuk!" Himself answers:
"Who's there?" "One hundred grams!" "Come!" - Tilt the glass.

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Lived two friends. One drink, another drink. Man who drank once got drunk, got behind the wheel of a car and crushed to death, who did not drink.The
Мораль: Pei - die and drink, you'll die.

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There were two bosom friends, who loved to drink, which, of course, everyone got from his wife. And they agreed to call vodka "book" and beer "magazine". And have their conversations to look like this:
- I book bought, come see it!
- I magazine. To bring?The
А one is calling one to the other and says:
- Come soon, father-in-law manuscript brought...

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Residents of house number 8 chipped in and gave the grandmother Antonina the Makarovna tour in Amsterdam. Let's see what are the real drug addicts and prostitutes.

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Beetle, well, very drunk, crawling out from the tavern. Puts paws, with трудом
распрямляет wings:
- Aaaaiiiiiieeeee....
- Aaaaaaaaa

gghhhh.....
- AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAR

GHHHHH, damn, опять
домой on foot!

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At a table in the restaurant, sit two Georgian.
- Givi what happened, you pochemu chakhokhbili ne eat, good wine ne drink?
- You Know, the doctor was, says pecan sick. Zapretili are all spicy and salty, and drink sasam impossible.
На another day.
- Givi! What are you doing? Tube after all, can not drink, doctor supral...
- Ah, slushy, I gave him a hundred bucks, it all razreshil.

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At the table sits a drunken company. Was bored and one of them said:
-Muzyki, let's sing the song.
-C'mon. But about what?
-Pro DRAPALA.
-who!?... Well, come on. You begin, and we prodajem.
is the birthplace of sche-e-e...DRAPALA me-Ah!!!

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Tomorrow go Hiking.
- And warm clothes to take?
- Yes, take six bottles!

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Ask any of 'our' man question: what is ten times one hundred grams? At least someone will reply that will kilogram?

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Ends orchestra rehearsal. One musician says to another:
- Well, now grammatici.The
Идут in the snack bar, and he says:
- Value, pour 100 grams and put it on me.