Jokes about women

Read funny Jokes about blondes

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There are on the mountain a brunette, the brown-haired woman and the blonde.
GORA speaks to them:
skazhite to me of what you now think but if tell lies, a subsoil of the earth will disperse under you and you will fall in an abyss.
bryunetka:-I think that I the most beautiful!...
I failed under the earth.
shatenka:-I think that I the cleverest!...
I failed under the earth.
blondinka:-I think........
I failed under the earth...

*****

The lawyer suggests the girl to play simple game - that it was not boring. The blonde refuses - she was tired and wants to sleep. The lawyer insists on igre:
-you will see, it is absolutely simple. I ask you a question if you do not know the answer, you pay me 5 dollars, and naoborot.
ona again otkazyvayetsya.
-Well, - the lawyer speaks. - Let's change rules: if I am not able to answer your question, I will pay you 500 dollarov; and on the contrary - You to me only 5.
togda the girl agrees. The lawyer asks it, how many kilometers between Earth and the Moon. Silently she gets 5 dollars, gives it and asks in the ochered:
-That rises uphill on three feet, and back goes down on four?
advokat thinks long, takes the laptop, tries to find something useful in the Internet, then calls friends - all in vain. In two hours it awakes the blonde and gives her 500 dollars. It takes them and again is arranged to sleep. It parts forcibly it and asks:
- And what answer?
ONA silently takes the bag, gives to the lawyer 5 dollars and fills up.

*****

- Two news are scarlet, darling, at me: good and bad...
-(fatefully) Well, begin with horoshey.
-(solemnly) the Safety cushion worked!!!...

*****

A very daunting task to reach consensus with itself at a huge choice of alternatives, - the blonde thought, having critically examined the clothes.

*****

Airport. On a runway there is a Boeing-747 following flight New York - Paris. There is a landing. Here the exhausted stewardess comes into a cabin and, choking, speaks:
"the Captain, there in the first class the blonde, at which ticket in the house-keeper sits. We ask it to change fifteen minutes on its place, but she awfully goes obstinate. What to do to us? Now the real passenger of the first class" .
kapitan speaks:
"will come there are no problems, now I will suit everything" .
ON approaches the blonde, something dins a couple of minutes into it then she immediately goes to salon the economy-klassa.
vse:
"the Captain how you managed it? "
kapitan:
" of Anything difficult, I simply told it that the first class flies not to Paris, and to London".

*****

The brunette came on a visit to blondinke.
bpyunetka made coffee and govopit:
-You know, there was in a teapot a hot water, and it is a pity to pour out. Where to put it? Deliver to
blondinka:
-it in the refrigerator. Hot water in the house is always useful.

*****

Two talk blondinki.
-From all working days I most of all love Friday! You do nothing, and simply you sit and you think how to spend days off! I prefer
-A Thursday!
-Why?
-Well, first, days off ahead, and secondly, also Friday!

*****

Library of Lenin. In a reading room silence, doctors of science, professors write theses. Here the nice blonde comes into the hall, approaches the librarian and speaks loudly:-Give me, please, a hamburger, potato and Coca!
bibliotekar (shocked) low voice:-Girl!!! Same library!
devushka in a whisper:-Op, excuse, a hamburger, potato and Coca...

*****

The blonde goes down the street to a car, turns on radio and slyshit:
"you listen to radio "Europe plus"! "
" My God, and from where all of them know?!" - the blonde thought...

*****

The blonde comes to shop and sees a nekhnakomy subject. asks:
-What is it?
EY govoryat:
- Thermos. In it hotter remains hot, and cold - cold. She buys it, next day goes with it to work. Shows sosluzhivtsam:
-It is my new thermos. In it hotter remains hot, and cold - holodnym.
ee sprashivayut:
- And what at you in it?
-Two to a cup of hot coffee and ice cream.

*****

The blonde in bank makes out credit.
menedzher:-Here write the sum in cursive script!
blondinka:- And how it?
menedzher:-Letters!
blondinka:-Young man, you in the right mind? How I letters will write figures?

*****

- Why the blonde runs under a shower backwards-forward?
-Because shampoo is called as "Wash & Go"

*****

The blonde - blondinke:
-You that did not blink the passer yesterday when passed a gaishny ambush?
-Yes I so blinked that already ink began to flow!!!

*****

The blonde - the blonde: - You are aware that to connect a sweater, three sheep are necessary!
-You do not say so! And I did not even know that they are able to knit.

*****

The blonde - blondinke:
-You is aware that to connect a sweater, three sheep are necessary!
-You do not say so! And I did not even know that they are able to knit.

*****

The blonde blondinke:
-Here I somewhere heard expression "The light head at you! "
-Probably, it about us!

*****

The blonde - blondinke:
-That you such clever?
-Ya - not the natural blonde, and krashennaya.
-Oh, quite good idea! Perhaps, I too will be recoloured!!

*****

Blondinka:
-It. I in Big will not go to "Nutcracker". I am afraid...
-Why?
-In the same place mice!!!

*****

The blonde and the brunette go in the elevator and get stuck. The blonde starts shouting: Help
-, to the aid!
bryunetka offers?
-Let's shout together?
blondinka:
-Together! Together! Together!

*****

The blonde and the brunette I go through park. The brunette speaks: "Oh, look at this at the poor died baby bird.".
blondinka looks at the sky and asks: "Where?".

*****

The blonde and the brunette sit in cafe. At the blonde the mobile phone calls, but she does not answer it. The brunette speaks:
-That you do not answer a call?
-It not to me, after all nobody knows that I here! - the blonde answered.

*****

- Why the blonde returned the brush for a toilet bowl back to shop?
-In her opinion, toilet paper is softer...

*****

The blonde returned from Paris where went on movie tests. Mother asks, as kak.
-Everything is good, - the daughter answers, - but the director told that a foot there is some holodnovata.

*****

- How the blonde turns on the light in the mornings?
-Opens a car door!

*****

The blonde at vracha:
- The Doctor, I hear a constant rumble in the head!
-Close ears cotton wool, golubushka.
-But after all a rumble iznutri.
-Of course, from within. It, my dear, wind.

*****

The blonde jumped on a horse. The wind frayed her hair, strong rushes throwing them here and there. The blonde already hardly kept in a saddle, a second more and it will fall and will be lost! But here the watchman uncle Vanya switched off a roundabout.

*****

The blonde on introductory ekzamene:
-Well wait, I need to skonservirovatsya!
-A is valid, try better happiness in conservatory... this physics was given you?

*****

Blondinka:
- And I yesterday at the oculist byla.
-That told?
-Told that I learned the alphabet!

*****

The blonde drives to the back to other car. From there the driver and asks:
-you gets out though examination in driving passed?
-Of course, goat! And, in difference, from you many times!!!

*****

The blonde speaks muzhu:
-Here that, I thought and decided that to you will be useful to resemble couple of days with rasstegnuty shirinkoy.
-It still what for?
-Well let's argue logically. You remember, you couple of days went without scarf with a rasstegnuty collar? So at you then three days the neck was not bent...

*****

The blonde speaks podruge:
-Know, I have recently absolutely other requirements to men. The main thing that it was kind, gentle, fairly clever, the rest everything is unimportant... How you think, is such in "Gazprom"?

*****

– How the blonde does jam?
-Squeezes out it from donuts.

*****

– What does the blonde do after sex?
-Opens a car door.

*****

The blonde shares with podrugoy:
-Here I did not trust in signs earlier, and they come true!
-?.
-Here speak after all how you will meet New Year, so it and will spend? So I as under last New Year "flew", so most part of year of the pregnant woman and passed!

*****

The blonde Jodie fairly overspent and decided to get money. It is cleverer than anything, than to steal the child and to demand from parents of money, she did not think up. At a playground she found in park a rebyatenka, raked up it in an armful, carried for the next bush and told him: "I kidnapped you". Then she wrote a note: "I kidnapped your child. Tomorrow morning, at 9 o'clock, put $10000 in tens and the twenty in a paper package and bring a package to a sprawling oak on the bank of a pond in park". Also "Blonde Jodie" signed it. She pinned this note to a shirt on a back to the boy and sent him home that that showed the message to parents. Next day in the morning Jodie approached an oak and, certainly, found in deepening between roots a package in which 10000 tanks lay and zapiska:
"Really it is not a shame? How one blonde with another could arrive so meanly?"

*****

In diagnostic kabinete:
-Oh, I you here had yesterday a blonde, did... as it... it... Unified State Examination! Or EGEGE?
-of EEG-elektroentsefalografiya... work research mozga.
-Aaa, well here... You to me yielded result yesterday, and I twisted that bumazhechka in a tubule, and then in salon a hairdress did, and then on manicure sat, then in a sunbed sunbathed, and then... generally, somewhere lost...
A now to nervnomu.
-is clear to me...
VRACH gets a student's notebook in a lineechka, pulls out a double leaf from the middle, puts below yesterday's date, podpis:
-Take... Here, as yesterday was...

*****

Blondinka:
-Darling, and what such a tailbone, I do not understand something?
-Is the end pozvonochnika.
-Strange, and I have a head here...

*****

- What does the blonde think of the new computer?
-It is not pleasant to it: does not catch the 9th channel.

*****

Blondinka:
-I thought that it is useful to change toothpaste for teeth, but my stomatologist told, it appears, them it is necessary also cleans.