Jokes about women

Read funny Jokes about blondes

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Blondinka:
a that it for a hole at me in a boot? And it for a foot …

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– How the blonde goes to the blinking red light Of the traffic light?
-will pass. will stop. will pass. will stop...

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The blonde goes down the street to a car, turns on radio and slyshit:
vy listen to radio Europe plus!
gospodi, and from where all of them know?! - the blonde thought...

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The blonde goes down the street on the red car, radio is turned on and by radio govoryat:
-you listen to radio "KISS FM"
blondinka:
-My God, and from where all of them know?!

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The blonde complains podruge:
-Lately my husband sleeps in another komnate.
- And told - why?
-something said about bird flu and a birdbrain Yes there.

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The blonde complains to the girlfriend: "As soon as the child stopped sucking a horn with milk, put it under the crane with cold water and properly clean the brush". Foolish council! It very much was not pleasant to the child, he shouted, as cut!

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The blonde complains podruzhke:
-my boyfriend says that to him with me is uninteresting that I need to increase the silicone. You represent? Again! And I only increased half a year ago!
-Silly woman you! Not silicone, and lexicon!

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The blonde takes away the LCD TV from repair. asks:
- And how you repaired it?
-Yes in illumination a lamp zamenili.
-As, it on lamps?!

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The blonde orders pizza. On a question - on how many parts to cut: six or twelve - otvechayet:
-On six. To me not to eat twelve.

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- The blonde orders pizza. It sprashivayut:
-to you to cut it on 12 or on 6 parts?
-On six, I will not eat twelve.

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The blonde fills in the questionnaire on a dating site 1jj.ru.
question : "Your favourite man's name? "
otvet: "Abramovich".

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The blonde comes into antique shop and asks: Whether
-you do not have something new?

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The blonde comes into library and prosit:
-to me, please, two sandwiches and kofe.
ee odergivayut:
- The Girl, are library!
blondinka (scaredly covering a mouth with a hand, in a whisper):
-Oh, excuse, please! To me two sandwiches and coffee!

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The blonde comes into the nearest shop, approaches the seller and tells him that wants to buy the TV which costs in uglu.
prodavets courteous answered that does not serve blondinok.
neskolko the dumbfounded blonde comes back home, recoloured in black color and next day comes into the same shop, and everything addresses with the same request to the seller. And again the seller answers that does not serve blondinok.
v despair the blonde comes back home, painted in red color and resolutely goes to shop. Fortunately that day other seller worked, and the blonde with confidence reported to him about the desire to buy the TV exposed in uglu.
k to her indescribable surprise the seller told, what does not serve blondinok.
"As you learned, what I am a blonde?!" - exclaimed ona.
prodavets looked at it with undisguised sarcasm and said: "It not the TV, madam, is a microwave!"

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The blonde comes into wine department magazina:
-Give me please a bottle Siberian vodki.
-Madam, she 45 degrees - warns her prodavets.
- And, anything, I in the refrigerator will put it!

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The blonde comes into pet-shop. Lovely smiles to the seller and speaks:
-I would like to buy myshku.
-Want to buy this small greyish the handsome with huge sad eyes or that shaggy lazy white mysh?
-of Any, to my cat all the same!

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The blonde comes into shop. long there are in ocheredi.
-to me two kilograms yablok
-We do not sell apples to blondes!
-A why?
-(is offended) But because it is a drugstore!

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The blonde comes into a TV shop and asks:
-Is black color?
-Yes.
-A is white? Yes.
-Ya also I say
-to the neighbor that I have a color TV, and he does not trust...

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The blonde comes into church and starts blowing into candles on an altar. The father in uzhase:
- The Girl, what you do??!
-A that? I have a birthday today!

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The blonde came into shop and notices that that interesting but does not know as asks the seller what is it?
prodavets answers that it is a thermos and in it hot remains hot, and cold remains holodnym.
blondinka bought a thermos. After that met girlfriends in took with itself termos.
podruzhki noticed a thermos and the Blonde to them rasskazyvayet
-Is a thermos, I bought it in shop yesterday, the new model, in it hot remains hot, and cold remains holodnym.
podruzhki interesuyutsya:
- And what at you in a thermos?
blondinka otvechayet:
-to Two cup of hot coffee and ice cream.

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The blonde calls in airline to book the ticket. Operator:
-How many the person will depart together with you?
-From where to me nobility? Same your plane!

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The blonde calls muzhu:
-two news Are scarlet, darling, at me: good and bad...
-(fatefully) Well, begin with horoshey.
-(solemnly) the Safety cushion worked!!!.

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The blonde calls in department technical podderzhki:
-Hallo, department of technical support? I type the password, and me do not let!
-Means, it is correct to gather nado.
-I correctly gather! Five asterisks!

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The blonde calls the girlfriend, and by an uneasy voice speaks:
-Come soon to me! I made a discovery!!!
-What digging?
-Well, come, I will show, not telephone conversation!!!
podruga quickly gathers, comes to the blonde domoy.
ta turns off in all rooms the light and speaks:
-A, know where the whole world disappears?
-Well???
-Went, I will show!
prikhodyat on kitchen, the blonde opens a door of the refrigerator and speaks:
-A here where!!!

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The blonde calls podruge:
-Well how are you doing? As feel?
-Oh, Svetka! I am a poluberemenna! To
-Not ponyala.
-Oh, call after. You distract me!

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The blonde calls podruge:
-my husband in hospital, him nearly ubilo.
-Yes!? And how? You Know
-, I can understand nothing, to it somehow in figures dostalos.
-it is strange, and what for figures?
-220

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The blonde calls podruge:
-Urgently come to me - such pokazhu.
through hour the girlfriend rings a door, that opens, wears out it by a hand vnutr:
-Look... Switches off in all apartment svet:
-you Know where light disappeared?
-of its Ne-e-et.
vedet by a hand on completely dark apartment on kitchen, opens the refrigerator... Watch
-!!!

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The blonde calls in fire chast:
-Hallo, fire, fry to me meat! In zameshatelstve:
-We do not fry
Te, we extinguish...
blondinka:
-So stew to me meat!

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The blonde calls in service technical podderzhki:
- At me a problem with kompyyuterom.
-That at you on the monitor?
-Vaza.
-Is not present, in sense that is written?
-A... "Samsung".

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The blonde calls the boyfpenda:
-Help me to put a mosaic, I do not know as to begin!
-A that it has to be?
-Ha to a box was drawn tigp.
pokazyvayet to it the mosaic scattered on a table. That watches some time at a table, at a box and govopit:
-First, we will never manage to put from this tiger, secondly, I think, it is necessary to put all flakes of "Hrustik" back in a box.

*****

- Why the blonde goes to shop with a ladder?
-Because the prices rose!

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The blonde goes down the street and conducts on a lead svinyyu.
prokhozhy asks:
-From where she at you?
svinya otvechayet:
-Won in a lottery.

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The blonde sincerely considers that Merry Cristmas is a wife of Santa Claus.

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The blonde looks for a key and very much is nervous. To it govoryat:
-In a pocket did not look?
-Is not present, konechno.
-Why?
-Because if I and there do not find it, I in general will go crazy!

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The blonde in a casino puts all money on 23 and wins. For the second time too on 23.
Girl, the croupier is surprised, you just put on 23! You should not risk so, scatter at least on other figures... No! Only on 23! - the blonde cut off. And again vyigrala.
i for the third time she put on 23.
-Devushka!!! But chances in general are not present!
All the same on 23!
I again victory. The mad croupier and говорит:
- Well why 23 approaches it???
Well look: I in the plane had the 7th flight and the 7th place. In hotel 7 номер.
- Well? And and here 23?
-A unless 7*3 not 23???

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- What does the blonde put for ears to become more attractive? Anklebone
-.

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– Why the blonde does not go to church?
-Because at it when kneels Opens a mouth.

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The blonde in a short skirt sits at a bar counter. The man of very small growth and speaks:
-Hi, the red approaches it!
blondinka is puzzled otvechayet:
-I not red, I blondinka.
- And from below am more visible to me!

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– When the blonde turns before an entrance to hotel?
- When gets to a revolving door.