Jokes about women

Read funny Jokes about blondes

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- Why blondes change pampers to the children only once a month?
-Because on packing is written "calculated on 4-6 kg".

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Blondes wear sunglasses on hair because if to dress them on a nose, it becomes dark and terrible.

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- Why blondes wear sunglasses on hair?
-Because if to dress them on a nose, becomes dark and terrible.

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– Why blondes do not wear watch?
-Because everyone tick-tock Are Two calories.

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– Why blondes take offense at jokes about blondes?
-Because is not enough brains to Understand that it is humour.

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– How blondes pierce ears?
-Stick buttons in shoulder pads.

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– Why blondes - bad shepherds?
- They cannot hold together even Two feet.

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- Why blondes perish before there comes the help? Gathering
-"911", they cannot find the 11 button.

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- Why blondes after drink tablets peep?
-is simple on packing is written: "... after meal"....

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– Why blondes prefer not to sit down in the plane about a window?
-that a wind did not spoil a hairdress.

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– Why blondes do not drink soluble coffee in bags?
-He can Understand How Two cups Of water get into such bag.

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- Why blondes so seldom dive?
-Because under water it is impossible to talk /

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- Why blondes quarrel, getting on the motorcycle?
-Because everyone wants to sit at a window.

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– Why so reticent blondes in a bed?
-Because Mothers in the childhood knocked them into the head not to talk to strangers.

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The blonde ask in restorane:
-to you pizza on 6 parts to cut or on 12?
-On 6, I will not eat much!

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The blonde sprashivayut:
-How many letters in the alphabet?
-Sem.
-Seven?! What?
-A, L, F, V, I, T. Ity - seven.

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- Why blondes are buried in a triangular coffin?
Because as soon as they close eyes, feet are right there moved apart...

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- Why blondes are buried in triangular coffins?
- Therefore when they close eyes, are moved apart at once feet!

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- Why blondes are not accepted to the elevator operator's position?
- They cannot remember the route.

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The blonde in a miniskirt tries to get into the bus, but in any way ne
mozhet to throw a foot on a footboard. Then she unzips behind na
yubke and again tries. Fiasco. Undoes even more widely and here nakhalnye
muzhskiye hands pick up it and place in the bus. The girl s
vozmushcheniyem:
- The Man how you dare?
-Well after you to me two times undid a fly, I thought, chto
tozhe I will be able to help you!

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– Why God created blondes? the Sheep cannot bring to
-beer from the refrigerator.

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Most of blondes will sustain everything, except their comparison with brunettes.

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The brunette and the blonde watch races "Formula 1" of
blondinka asks:
- And what governed here?
-Here who the first will arrive, to that huge priz.
- The First goes behind a prize, and the others where?!

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Brunette: - Only looked through. So roared. All person swelled up also eyes krasnye.
blondinka: - Allergy to the movie?

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The brunette, the brown-haired woman and the blonde the drunk broke by car. Stand in a queue before Saint Pyotr's office. The first the brunette comes. On a table the huge volume lies. Saint Peter speaks:
-In this book all your sins are written down. You see, what it thick? It because you sinned much. I will pass you to paradise if you bear blow this book on the head. If there is no that, will go to a hell. Such pravila.
svyatoy Pyotr takes the book from us. Blow. The brunette falls, hardly rises, being unsteady there is from kabineta.
zakhodit a brown-haired woman …. The blow is audible, it creeps out from kabineta.
zakhodit the blonde. The brunette with the brown-haired woman exchange glances: well, it definitely not vyderzhit.
v an office silence, at last the blonde leaves, absolutely safe. The brunette and the brown-haired woman with amazement sprashivayut:
- And what, Saint Pyotr did not beat you the book?
-Ha! Yes it could not lift it!

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In what similarity and a difference between blondes and drainage pumps?
skhodstvo - on life both that and others are occupied otsosom
raznitsa - pumps cannot pull bespereryvno 24 hours, overheat

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In a drugstore the blonde asked to weigh on children's scales of the child whom it held on hands. The employee answered that children's scales are broken, but he can calculate the child's weight if at first on adult scales to weigh her with the child, and then only mummy. The difference will also be the child's weight. The blonde thought and told that the plan is good, but will appear nothing because she is not the child's mother, and the aunt.

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At the airport of Hamburg two talk blondinki:
-so big Planes, and are afraid of some motes, here and we sit second day...
-Well and silly woman you! When they rise highly, they become such small that at collision with a mote can break.

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In the bar ofitsiantu:
-Count two blondes, You're welcome.
ofitsiant brings schet.
-Is not present! It is necessary separately! Who considers calories for two?!

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In marriage agentstve:
- The Young man, what you wish?
-Ya? Magnificent blonde!!!
-OK! No problem! Consider that especially for you already we fatten and we recolour!

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In the head of the blonde someone knocks. It asks:
-Kto there?
It worm-mozgoyed! That do you do
-A there?
-I starve To death!

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The blonde comes into shop. Tell
-, you have something from a moth?
-Is naphthalene in bags.
-Please ten.
Ha comes the next day the same blonde and buys 20 bags, the next day 6. When it came again the shop assistant asks it:
-Why to you is a lot of naphthalene? You know
-A as difficultly to get to mol such small bag?

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The blonde comes to shoe shop and speaks: Give to
-please size boots 60.
-Unfortunately we have no such big sizes.
-is good, then give 3 couple 20 sizes.

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In a police site the blonde with okrovavlenym paltsem.
ee sprashivat supposedly sits that happened. Blondinka:
-Understand, I wanted to make suicide. Got to itself the gun, put to a breast, and then thought: "And after all y me beautiful breast. There is no need to spoil it.". Then I sent a barrel to a mouth, but then thought that y me very beautiful teeth, is direct pearls. Then I sent the gun to an ear, but thought that it will be loud and stopped up other ear with a finger....

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One fine day the husband came back home from work and saw, what his young wife blonde drowned in tears sits on kukhne.
- The Darling what happened?! - he rushed to ney.
ona answers him, squelching nosom:
-I... I... brought ice cubes from the cellar... Rinsed them hot water... and now...
NE I can them naytii- And- And!!!

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At restaurant the drunk blonde sits down for a little table by two parnyam.
razgovor for next stolom:
-Well everything to her konets.
- There are no two ends.

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In court. The charming blonde - the accountant sprashivayut:
-you know, what it is necessary to you for such actions? I Know
-. The director spoke, piece of dollars and a fur coat.

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In a supermarket the blonde speaks kassiru:
- And still, please, a pack sigaret.
-Cigarettes are not present!
-That means is not present?!
-This same that is, only on the contrary.

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The blonde from summer holiday comes back. Sits in the plane, looks at the knees and speaks:
- At last you together!