Jokes about cats

Read funny Jokes about cats

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Three cats sit argue who lenivee; the
First I tell the laziest to me milked and to me laziness was it to drink! The
Second speaks and to me it to a muzzle stuck to me laziness was it to lick! The
Third speaks heard shouts to two o'clock in the morning yes heard I stepped to himself on eggs and to me was laziness from them to rise!

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Hy that, helped you to get rid our poison of mice?
-O yes! It so was pleasant to mice that they grew fat and could not get through in a hole. Our cat caught all of them and ate!

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Ha an exhibition of cats got the casual person - goes, considers everything with genuine interest. It approaches one owner and asks:
-That for a cat at you?
-Siamese!
-Well Well, blow me down! As well divided them...

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Novelty Japanese robotostroiteley! The new model kiberkota is almost indistinguishable from live, but asks to eat in fifteen languages, tears up wall-paper and furniture under musical maintenance and spoils strictly in the places programmed by the owner.

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And I have a grief - my Persian cat on my Persian carpet made the Persian Gulf!!!

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- What do you do?
- Kittens razvozhu.
- Yes? And how?
- two kittens in a bucket of water.

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- And that it here the road is so densely spat?
-a black cat stole a march on the Company of soldiers!

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- And I have an unusual cat, think in her circus otdat.
-That in her unusual?
-you See the photo?
-Well? She removed
-!

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- And where my sausage?!
-Cat sozhral.
-Here dog!

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- And I have under a window March cats a concert ustroili.
-Good?
-Yes so, pop-music everyone.

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- And I really think that between an animal and the owner there is a communication hidden... Once at me the cat wounded a pad, so at me just like that for some reason the foot ached...
-PANCAKE!!! At me TOMORROW the CAT is CASTRATED!

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The alcoholic Igor could not understand how cats drink milk until broke 0.5 "Finland" about a floor of kitchen.

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- Hallo...
husband :
-Kot came?
Wife:
- Yes.
husband :
-Dai to it a tube, I will ask as to get out of the wood....

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The American, the Englishman and the Russian are praised that will force a cat to eat mustard. The American is enough a cat and pushes mustard to her in past.
-This violence! - protests russkiy.
anglichanin puts mustard between two pieces of sausage, and the cat sjedayet.
-Is deception! - the Russian then smears with mustard to a cat under a tail, and a cat protests with we howl vylizyvayet.
-Pay attention, - tells Russian, - voluntary and from songs.

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The American, the Russian and the German argue who will manage to teach a cat is gorchitsu.
nemets catches a cat and pushes mustard in rot.
-This violence! - protest Russian and amerikanets.
amerikanets puts mustard between two pieces of sausage, and the cat sjedayet.
-Is deception! - protest Russian and nemets.
ruccky is enough a cat and smears with mustard at her under hvostom.
koshka with we howl begins it slizyvat.
-Here so, - tells Russian, - voluntary and from songs!

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The American, the Frenchman and the Russian argued who will be able to feed a cat with mustard. The American opened for a cat a mouth and thrust it gorchitsu.
-This violence there! - was indignant russkiy.
frantsuz took two pieces of sausage, smeared between them mustard and fed koshke.
-It is deception! - cried russkiy.
russky took mustard and smeared to a cat under a tail. The cat started shouting and licking under hvostom.
russkiy:
-Here! Voluntary and from songs!

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- The grandmother and why you call the cat "kasatik"? Same it is somehow unmodern...
-So it, a parasite, so me, happens, will get, granddaughters. As you will kick it with a foot with all the heart, so it flies so smoothly, on a tangent.

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The grandmother with a poor eyesight so loves cats that 3 days unsoldered milk the thrown-out cap.

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Barack Obama presented to the daughters shchenka.
docheri very much were delighted to a puppy and called it Bo.
khotya they already had a kitten of Mya and a canary of ChI.
-From where such strange name? - was surprised zhurnalist.
-to ;... - girls answered.

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Poor cat... Neither to drink, nor to smoke, to talk...

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Two muzhikov.
odin speaks:
-talk I Want a cat to buy - the wife not dayet.
vtoroy:
- And why you decided, what the cat will give you?

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- Pancake! Here, it appears, what friends at me - figs to whom you will give a cat when you are going on vacation, all refuse!
- Then that the friend is learned in a cat...

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Stir two cats: - And when he promised to marry you? marte.
-In March all of them promise
-B!!!

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The huge cat addresses to small kotyonku:
-we Will go poblyaduyem.
kotyonok is flattered, such cool uncle Vasya and so a zapanibrata! It soglasilsya.
podoshli to some structures. And there the kitty imposingly sprawled, a back rides. The uncle Vasya kotyonku:
-You here postorozh, and I seychas.
i dived with a kitty into a crevice. Fuss, squeal was heard and rychaniye.
vsyo it long enough proceeded. The kitten all does not know and very much holodno.
poyozhivshis, to himself: - A little more poblyady, and then I will go home.

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- What happens if the cat back to tie sandwich and drop design?
- Koshak on the fly slizhet oil and fall on their feet.

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There was an early spring... Near street cafe the old shabby cat sat, and observed how the guy who sat down by the lonely beautiful girl, smiling, started with her conversation. In twenty minutes the guy paid for himself and for the girl, and priobnyav her, suggested to go to him home. The girl confusedly agreed, and they left. The cat deeply and heavy sighed: there was the fourth week as it unsuccessfully bred on sex a domestic cat to Murk...

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In England the visitor comes into a little shop and asks to progdat to it pie. The seller brings it pie, but reports that it is the last ekzemplyar.
pokupatel is interested, whether gnawed his mouse as it strange vyglyadit.
-Oh, is not present! - answers prodavets.
-Why you are so confident in it?
-On it fell down all morning our cat.

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In the Jewish family bought meat kilogram. Put in the storeroom. Look in the morning - there is no meat. Thought - can, this is a cat meat ate? Caught a cat, weighed - just the kilogram weighs. Here the grandfather and speaks:
-Well it is fine, we found meat, but where a cat?

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In one pet-shop the man became constant visitor. Every day comes and, diligently selecting hamsters, buys them. The shop assistant and sppashivayet:
-you so often buy hamsters! You, likely, so love them?
-Not, my cat loves.

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In zoomagazine:
pokupatel-" to me means from fleas. "
prodavets-" Is only for cats. Oh, and I have "
pokupatel-" a cat... will not approach, huh?"

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The woman and speaks:
- The Doctor comes into an office to the veterinarian, today to you my husband with an old cat will come into an office. I ask you to make to it Horosho.
-lulling ukol.
-Yes, the doctor, and then take a cat home.

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In an office at the neuropathologist mother and four-year-old syn.
vrach: - The boy, tell please, and how many at a cat of pads?
-Chetyre.
-A how many at a cat of ears?
-Two. - And how many at a cat a peephole? Whether
-DVA.
-A the cat has a tail?
-Mother, this idiot, what never saw cats?!

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In Kenyan small villages if the black cat steals a march is it is considered a bad sign. Because except panthers, other black cats is not found there.

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In our tire workshop there lives a cat. The next kittens were got. The chief ordered to Polikarpychu, the most elderly of us, to drown. Tot
otkazyvayetsya:
-I cannot, the chief! I cut sausage - and that I pay!

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In "Schoolmates" two school friends met - did not see each other from school! Were delighted - it appears in one city now live. Well, solved vstretitsya.
- At restaurant? - asks odin.
-Give at me, just the wife left with children for giving!
-Normalek! Dictate the address!
through comes hour, rings a door. The friend opens - and here at them between feet to the apartment the tomcat slips huge. The owner is surprised, but is fine. Embraces the companion, invites to a table. Itself pours to a cat of milk. Sit, walk, drink, remember dashing school days. And the tomcat roams about the room, oret.
-Absolutely hungry! - speaks gost.
-Now still I will feed - the owner answers and cuts to a cat sardelku.
vspominayut further. A tomcat ate, approached and again shouts. The owner feeds him again, sit further. And the cat roams about the room, tears up a sofa, tears wall-paper - behaves ugly. The owner is confused, but is silent. Eventually the cat sits down in the middle of a carpet and gadit.
-Listen, absolutely became impudent! - is indignant Gost.
-all right, be not upset! - the owner fusses, tidying up for kotom.
v the general, they continue to communicate, and the cat was calmed down and fell asleep on a pillow …
UZhE late night friends leave, agreeing to meet regularly. Opening a door - to see off the guest - the owner speaks:
-You forgot a cat!
A unless it not yours???

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In pesochnitse:
- And our cat drove on a visit and she gave birth to kittens!
-A where now your mother?
-Left on a visit!

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Throughout a subject - "At us the cat from office was expelled. Methyl on the chief's chair"
nachalnik comes into the office, sees a cat on the chair. Approaches the secretary asks: "What is it?"
sekretarsha speaks in a whisper: "It is a cat"
nachalnik too in a whisper: "Why in a whisper? "
sekretarsha: "She sleeps"
nachalnik: "When will wake up drive it on h@y"

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The computer is for the first time mentioned in what Russian fairy tale?
-B to the fairy tale "Turnip": the cat clicked a mouse.

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In a family, with bad knowledge of anatomy cat's, the cat gave birth to kittens.