Jokes about men

Read funny Jokes about men

Jokes about men

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99% of answers of men for phone call look so late at night - "Silently men, washing calls, pour so far" - "Yes expensive, I will be soon, was late at work".

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Ladies' choice dance - ladies invite passive heteros.

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Roughly spent night - a good occasion to remind about new shubke.
ona, it is gentle pritragivayas:
-Darling so you solved about...?
ON, sprosonya:
-About whom, you? So far you remain!

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There were at me two acquaintances - the twin. They solved once prikolotsya.
odelis equally, further one goes to the subway with a big bag, suddenly at station before the closing of doors with shouts that was not in time vybegayet.
narod begins already to its bag primerivatsya.
tut at the following station the man runs entot (IMHO his brother): - 'Ooh, was hardly in time'.

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In the bus quite well-fad man addresses to malchiku:
-Give way to the uncle with akvariumom.
malchik ustupayet:
- And where an aquarium?
muzhchina, clapping itself on zhivotu:
-Five liters of beer and two voblas.

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In the bar two men sit, the bar is already closed, and one man speaks drugomu:
-Listen, and went to me home, there we will continue!
-Not, went better to me, my house is closer otsyuda.
-Is not present, you are mistaken, wash closer!
-Well went, we will look whose blizhe.
v the general, there are they bar, turn for a corner, and one of them speaks:
-my house there, see?
-Yes a horse-radish similar, is my house!
-Is not present mine! Well let's knock with
- At a door and we learn whose is the house, and? Give
-!
podkhodyat they to a door, knock, they are opened by the hostess and says:
-About! Well you only look at this handsome - papanya with the sonny on horns!

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In life of each man there are moments when the size does not matter.

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In life of the man there are three perioda.
pervy when he thinks that all women raznye.
vtoroy when understands that all women odinakovye.
i the third when he knows that all women identical, but come across the different.

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In bookstore the man plays with the book Make itself, then fatefully puts back and addresses to prodavshchitse:
-Tell, and you incidentally will not have a book Make the wife?

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In culinary chate:
freyd: I love rigid and hot cake. And you?
marina: Izvrashchenets.
Natasha: Ozabochennyy.
lyusya: To svidaniya.
freyd: You do not like to eat cakes at all? And it I am a pervert?.

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At restaurant the man resembles to a little table at which sits lonely zhenshchina:
-Allow to get acquainted with you?
-Well, directly I do not know. And intentions at you serious?
-more serious does not happen! It intends to pay your dinner, and to give money for a taxi in the morning.

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- Vadik, I want to return everything as was, we left because of my nonsense, I still love you and I want that we were together!
-Ya too I want it:)
-Truth? Tell honestly:)
-A, no. it seemed:)

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- Vasya, what at you with eyes?
- The Spring attack of squint is everything women … There is a wish to look at the same time at a breast and at a bottom.

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Near maternity hospital every second daddy looks for the third.

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Earlier in Russia what there were men! Nose small hump, x. about a bludgeon, ten sticks will throw and on hands carries! And now? Bulbous nose, x... an accordion, the floor of a stick will throw and on the road asks!

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- Here tell if I went on the nine, but not on Mercedes and suggested you to bring, you would get to me into the car?
-A if I stood in a jersey, but not in a mink coat, you would stop?

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All troubles of men from odnogo:
nu it is visible the silly woman, so why to learn closer?

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All men know that if near a reservoir to take a rod, or simply a stick in hand, at once there are a wish to drink, and having drunk - women.

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All men want sincere and unconditional love - but it is necessary to be spent strongly.

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Two friends meet. One speaks drugomu:
-Let's talk about fine, speaks:
-give
drugoy. But about what?
PERVYY:
-U you worms is?
VTOROY:
-Net.
pervyy:
-Well and is fine.

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Two friends meet. One complains on bessonnitsu.
- And what you accept from sleeplessness?
- The Glass of wine everyone two chasa.
- And after that you fall asleep?
-Is not present but after that more cheerfully to be awake.

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Two henpeckeds meet. To one another: - Yesterday on a her sent the! - Oh well! Not the fig to itself. How it? - Yes, estimate, it approaches: - Go throw out garbage. - And you? And I to it: - Yes you went on a her! I did not dostirat yet!

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- Yesterday I was called the real man:)
-Beat street muggers and made repair in the apartment?
-Is not present... Did not take off socks during sex:)

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- You such gallant gentleman! Who so well brought up you?
-Father! He always spoke: you want to vperdolit to a tyolka - with it be polite!

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- Where that man capable to fall in love with me such what I am?
-Here I, I love you!
-Is not present, you terrible.

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The main difference between the man and the woman is that the man achieves favor from a subject of the passion contrary to everything, and the woman usually continues to love despite everything.

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3012 year. Men at last start realizing past mistakes. They sit on benches, drink beer and reinterpret events of thousand-year prescription.

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The civil marriage is when the woman considers that she is married, and the man - that it is free!

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Two drunk, Larry and Joe, wake up in the morning with a hangover. To guzzle hunting, the head cracks, and in the refrigerator one sausage was overlooked and money nol.
larri takes sausage and speaks:
- There is an idea! They went in bar.
prikhodyat, ordered food and binge, restored health. Larry gets sausage, undoes trousers, inserts it into a fly and speaks:
-Joe, on knees and suck!
-Yes you that, okhuyet???! Suck
-, I told you!
delat nothing, Joe kneelt and sucks. The bartender, having seen such, zaoral:
-Hey you, homosexuals, well went from here!
smotalis they quickly, Larri:
-Well, went to other bar?!
posle of the seventh snack bar of Joe speaks:
-Fffuuu, got drunk, got drunk, the International Federation of Journalists will be enough? And that I was tired and knees bolyat.
-is fine, stuck, especially - I after the third bar lost sausage.

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Two friends sit in bare:
-Well, let's pass on one? Give
-. And that the wife says that I do not pass any skirt.

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The girl votes on the road. The car stops. Driver:
-to you where?
-To goroda.
-Sadites.
edut.
-you the seventh woman to whom I give a lift to goroda.
- And I not zhenshchina.
-But also not the city yet...

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The girl - parnyu:
-Syoma and if there was a women's army, you would begin to wait for me?
-Ya would go to it.

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The gentleman with the lady at restaurant. The waiter on polusognutykh:
-That will desire?
-Something exotic, You're welcome.
-Hm, how about a mad cow? I Believe
-, it will order to herself …

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Dear women, in connection with the beginning of the European Football Championship at all men began the monthly!!!!

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If the naked man, incidentally, gets to a female bath - women squall and try to splash on him kipyatkom.
a if the casual, naked girl in the man's - opposite, all men are very glad, friendly …
POChEMU??????

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The wife feeds the whole day the husband with one peas - there is no money for other products. By the evening looks - the husband sits in the small river, sweaty and red from natugi.
-That you do it?
-I cannot more peas... Small fishes zakhotelos.
- And where rod? Yes I not to fish
-, and I am going to suppress.

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Female and man's: "A-a-a-a!!!", at emergence of an individual of an opposite sex in a bath, sound differently.

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The woman says that the head hurts her, and the man speaks that he has many affairs...

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The woman by the ship - unfortunately. But, as the seamen of long voyage who yearned on women's society speak: there would be no happiness and the misfortune helped.

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