Jokes about hunting and fishing

Read funny Jokes about fishing

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The fisherman went to the sea somehow and not vernulsya.
stariki speak: if by the boat floated, maybe, it is live remained...

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Brag rybaki.
odin:
-caught a rybyokha Recently - (makes a helpless gesture) - here such!
VTOROY:
-Nonsense! Here I caught - it has eyes as your eggs!
TRETIY:
-Hogwash, children! Here I caught and even photographed! So one its photo weighed two kilograms!

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Well pecks in this lake?
-Pecks? I have to hide for a tree that fishes did not break off me when I get a worm on a hook.

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Well klyuyot in this lake?
-Of Klyuyot?!I have to hide for a tree that fishes did not break off me when I get a worm on a hook.

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The king of beasts Lev declared the Prohibition in the wood. And better to exercise control, ordered to gather to animals on a glade. Next day all inhabitants of the wood came to a glade sober, except zaytsa.
-You that, "braid", do not execute my order?
-Yes here met friends... I will not be any more... Last time...
-Well, watch at me. Next time not proshchu.
na the next day all animals gathered on a glade, and the hare is not present. Lev went to look for him. Looks, on the lake ears stick out of water. Lev got a hare, and from it for kilometer neset.
-Well, got?
-You, Lev, the decree extend to animals, and fishes - not trozh...
vypyem, men, for us, for fishermen!

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- You che to catch fish do not go in the winter?
-Yes does not creep a pancake, dynamite in a hole!

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- You che such sad, Mash? - Galya who called on to sosedke.
-Yes mine yesterday from fishing asked came with some woman and says, what it is a Little Mermaid and got to it on a hook absolutely sluchayno.
-Well and you, of course, exposed it?
-Of co

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Than the winter fisherman differs from the summer?
Ta pyan, only in valenoks.

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Than the fisherman differs from sex giant?
-That will not tell that put for night of 10 sticks and 5 more broke.

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The winter fishing championship for the seventh day was closed by crew of experts in narcology.

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Cleaning in kitchen already the twentieth fish, the wife speaks to the muzhu-rybaku:
-Properly you with asperity I ask! On fishing DRINK VODKA!!!

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To hide the alcoholism, strongly struck husband, coming back from fishing, bought huge soma.
vot this pig and gave him away.

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The Chukchi catches fish on the seashore. The Chukchi where we are emerges American underwater lodka.
-Hey?
-Chukchi Sea zdesya!
-we Plunge! Course 220!
through some time emerges the Russian underwater lodka.
-Hey, the Chukchi where we are?
-Chukchi Sea zdesya!
-A of Americans saw?
-Videl.
-Where they floated? With
- The Course 220 odnako.
-All right, you do not show off, a hand show.

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Chukchi fisher: Life - it is good. Love - it is good. Sex - it is good. And fishing is better!

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The Chukchi sinks in the lake. It is necessary to call to the aid and as forgot. Well and oret:
"Lyudi-i-i-i-i, I water from the lake drink!!! "
" Narod", catching a small fish nearby: "Well also drink to yourself..." .
chukcha: "Lyudi-i-i-i, I am water from the lake of many pyyu-yu-yu!!!" .
"People": "It is necessary much, drink much!" .
chukcha: "Lyudi-i-i-i, I probably here to live ostanu- At- At- At-s!!!".

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The chief asks arriving on rabotu:
-you like to work?
-Is not present, I am a fisherman and always I try to discover an occasion to escape from work on rybalku.
-you are accepted, - the chief speaks, - any fisherman telling the truth did not work for us yet.

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The Scot comes back from fishing and with pride tells zhene:
-Such great take at me was not yet!
-But you hold an old boot in hand!
-Yes, but forty sixth size!

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Stierlitz went on the wood and saw people with palkami.
-Skiers, - Shtirlits.
-Stierlitz thought, - fishermen thought.

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- I caught in yesterday - about-from such pike! - it is praised before the neighbor of Kondrat.
-Quite perhaps, - the interlocutor agreed. - I the day before yesterday caught the bream on two kilograms bolshe.
- And you that, weighed him perhaps? I wei

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- "Catch Capiat qui capere potest who can catch" .
(an inscription on a snitcha)
A not the signature of Victor Krum as some think.

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Nimbus 98, Nimbus 2000, Nimbus XP... Take off for a window leaf!

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And well, be quickly pricked! On whose party, a reptile, actually?! - shouted chorus Voldemort with Dumbledore, having seized Snape for grudki.
nikogda still the Master Zely was not so close to a failure...

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- And you know who at us most of all loves jokes about Hogvarts?
-Who?
-Sneyp.
-Truth???
-Aha, it collects them... together with story-tellers.

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- And in what order to watch the Harry Potter movies?
- Look at the size of the breast Hermione.

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And tell to the translator that she - the Baba-yaga!
podpis: Zlodeus Zley.

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And snow all fell and fell...................
"Oh was also torn professor Snegg" - Harry thought

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- Awad... - there began Dark Lord.
-Kedavra - Potter gloomy finished, aiming to the Lord a candlestick between an eye

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Night Knight bus. Harry: - I will be able to reach to Kosoy Lane? Driver: - No. Ron: - And I?

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Albus Dumbledore was such ancient, such ancient old man that instead of spermatozoa it had spermatozavra.

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Albus Dumbledore goes down somehow in a vault of professor of Sneypa:
-Severus at us such misfortune! Harry Potter fell from a sweeper!
-Well and what?
-So it to death broke!
-Well and what?
-All school in mourning!
-Well and what?
-Yes generally, anything. I here a lemon water-ice brought to you...

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Voldemort's ambitions spoke very simply. Besides, that it was a gryaznokrovka, it was also: devoted Jew, jealous Catholic, Muslim fanatic, faithful Buddhist and shaman Vudu!

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Umbridge "brings up" Draco of Malfoya:
- The Real slizerinets has to...
-of Nifiga, - Wad Dra, - to the real slizerinets d about l of N y kills it.

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Umbridge at a lesson at magglovsky school (settled the ambassador Hoga, far away from magic and the half-blooded,
prepodayet fiziku:
-to me on the head falls a brick. What work he makes?
klass chorus: - Useful, professor Umbridge!

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- Argus, your cat eats the newspaper! Start up
-eats, it yesterday's!

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Artur comes home happy and tells Molli:
-Now Fadzh did not begin to use cunning! He clearly told that when Christmas and Easter will have in one day, he will raise to me a salary!.

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Arthur Weasley in shop of madam of Malkin:
-Znayete, me a cloak for the daughter...
Size?
-well- At... It on the fourth year of Hogvartsa.
-A is more exact?
Na fourth year of the house Griffindor!

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- The grandmother, the grandmother and why you have such big eyes? That you it is better for
-to see It, Nevill.
- The Grandmother, the grandmother and why you have such large ears? That you it is better for
-to hear It, Nevill.
- The Grandmother,

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- The grandmother, I again flew in a dream!
-So it you, an infection, cut me?!?!

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The bartender addresses to Bleku:
- At you a glass empty, whether wish one more?
TOT, vozmushchenno:
- And on a horse-radish to me two empty glasses?!