Jokes about the characters

Read funny Jokes about Harry Potter

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In book-stores of Pekuna the piracy book about Harry Potter is on sale. In it the young magician, having been caught in the magic rain, turns into a thick hairy krlik and loses the magiyesky abilities.

*****

In the ministry of magic for consideration the document consisting of two points is offered: "not ubi;y do not steal" .
ministerstvo works on amendments.

*****

In the numerous company all tell jokes about Voldemort. Whether through noise and a laughter the pleading voice of Pettigryu:
-is distributed It is impossible slightly more silently, I after all write down!
-I as you are in time? - asks Dzheyms.
-Yes I and just I write down initials, - that waves a hand.

*****

In the sky James Potter on a sweeper shows aerobatic maneuvres. From the earth watches Lili.
-it Tell, - ask it, - to you it is not terrible when your husband does bends headfirst?
-have nothing to worry! Before flight I always remove all trifle from its pockets.

*****

In the 47th book Harry Potter kills Joanne Rowling.

*****

In response to the statement of the writer Joan ROWLING that in the latest book "Harry Potter and Fatal Relics", at least, two characters
odnim from which probably will be the main character - Harry Potter will be lost,
tineydzhery of Great Britain organized social movement: "Kill Joanne Rowling - rescue Harry Potter!"

*****

In response to requests of young readers to continue the epic about Harry Potter,
avtor of the epic of Joanne Rowling wrote the 8th and latest book "Harry Potter
i Biryulevo's Street Muggers".

*****

In a pub "Copper full of holes":
-Volume, and you are sure, what the young owl ordered by me is really young?
-Of course, younger does not happen! Then why it has
-on a pad a ring with an inscription: "Hogvarts completed. We go to you. Godric Griffindor."

*****

In a vault gloomy Hoga
deti of a potion izuchayut.
mezh boiling kotlami
gordo the Master of potions,
ptitse to a kite podobnyy.
oskudel flies darling Hogvarts,
CHERT - those is that around is created,
ladno of magl not nabrali
na to a commercial basis, -
bogadelnya, but not school!
dambldor, the director wise,
VPAV in marasmus safely,
objedayetsya sweets,
I Mcgonagall old woman,
dissertatsiyu having thrown,
ZNAY to itself mice gonyaet.
potter, the impudent cattle,
vechno gads on devkam
v a fashionable cloak volshebnoy
("Where to me to get such?" -
DUMU thinks professor),
A Malfoy - the son with daddy -
gnusno machinate to it,
vsyaky of times bezrezultatno.
filch, nanyukhavshiysya bleaching powder,
SLEG in a bolnichka, and Hagrid
shumno drinks with Sivilloy.
tolko Severus Bednyaga
sokhranil still mind, -
I of that will ruin deti
(Probably, soon enough).
griffindortsy chorus groan,
Ha the textbook stupidly looking,
Kak the pygmy on holodilnik.
im, poor, nedostupna
eta thin science! - professor.
tolko Granger something knows
usmekhayetsya,
DA from it not legche.
botanichka and the bore,
ShLA on kitchen would cook Russian cabbage soup! A hand stirring
To a potion,
To another for a forelock hvataya
zazevavshegosya Rhone,
boltovneyu busy,
sneyp of possession bypasses,
nablyudaya for protsessom.
glupy Nevill is shy pryachet
telo thick under partoy
ot a teacher's look,
znat, something confused again,
OY, he will weld on, however …
Ha a copper ill-fated looking,
sneyp orders pospeshno
griffam: "Akhtung! All bend down!"
vzryvom breaks a door with petel.
i carries on a horse-radish in shchepki
stol teacher's oak,
GDE of a zanachen butylka
i "Playboy" for last month,
konfiskovanny at Drako.
kabinet again zalyapan
lipkoy nasty thing green!
zatseniv the scale of damage,
sneyp shouts - and signature stamps hear,
KHOT and are glad to become deaf, -
"Reptiles! That you failed!"
B this shout - squall of a protest,
nerastrachennaya rage,
neotmshchennye of offense,
nenavist to kids in tselom
i to the specific student …
prigovor quite seryyoznyy
k to ten years rasstrela
slyshit Nevill in this shout!
I an ukradka professor
na looks hours tosklivo:
predstoit still uborka
i a lesson at Puffenduya …
pust will burst a dinner rather …

*****

In the Estate Malfoyev - Day of Good Deeds. Voldemort asks to think up a good deed. Belatriks offers:
- And let's Potter give a free hand. There is Lyutsius and involuntarily speaks:
-Aha, you still suggest it to dig out!

*****

Recently Snape had a nasty habit to smoke in laboratory. Dumbledore even wanted it to dismiss. But was not in time.

*****

In Hoge last graduation party. Suddenly at the height of fun in the middle of the hall there is Voldemort. Harry - Ronu:
-So, here and blue came...
-Blue? Why? You See
-, how many round cool little girls, and it will stick to me...

*****

In secular salon Malfoy is proud of the family tree. The skeptic speaks:
-you will tell Soon that your ancestors were in Noah's Ark.
-Never in life! At that time they already had own yacht!

*****

In the seventh book Harry Potter to the people also napoluchat drain Saviour stoka
piz "Yulya that in the movie to its polyuby Bruce Willis will play …

*****

In Hogvartsa pass examination in potions. Professor Sneyp brings down one, the second, third. At last there is the last student. In total sprashivayut:
-Well?
-Put otlichno.
- And what it asked you?
- The Girl, what you do tonight?

*****

In a narrow corridor CC met and marauders. Became nayezzhat.
ss: It is not honest, you four, and I odin.
dp: Precisely... St. Petersburg, Luni, go on his party!
CC: But it is again dishonest, us three, and you dvoye.
dp: Really... All right, you go, and we among themselves will understand.

*****

- Why in Hogvartsa do not carry out KVN?
-Because cheerful constantly fulfill collecting, and resourceful - in the Hospital wing.

*****

To Hogvarts there comes Grozny an Eye Gryum and passes to Dambldoru:
-I would like to talk to Sneypom.
-I Regret, but it is impossible - it net.
-As is not present - I in a window saw a minute ago its!
-It you too...

*****

To Hogvarts there comes Hmuri and passes to Dambldoru:
-I would like to talk to Sneypom.
-I Regret, but it is impossible - it net.
-As is not present - I in a window saw a minute ago its!
-It you too...

*****

At school distributed sheets with marks for the OWL. Ron comes back home and, looking to the father in eyes, speaks:
- The Main thing, what all of us are healthy, however, the father?

*****

- It is difficult to read your essay, - professor Snape Harry speaks. - Work has to be written so that the last donkey could in it razobratsya.
-Yes, professor. What to you it is unclear?

*****

New game - badminton is offered to your attention! You will be able samolichno and asolyutno with impunity to strike with a racket on the Shuttlecock!

*****

Great Trinities of Hogvarts (Potterovskaya and Malfoyevskaya) are going to play in karty.
ron (in space, shuffling a pack):
-A if who will swindle, will be hit cards on a muzzle. On an impudent, belobrysy muzzle...

*****

Evening. Harry reclines near a tree. By passes Sneyp.
-Mr. Potter, 10 balls from a griffindor, you why not in the room yet?
-A me Ronnie... ik!... It was locked and does not let!
-(suspiciously) Mr. Potter, and well breathe at me!
garri is inspired breathes. Snape is developed and knocks on derevu:
-So! Mr. Weasley, immediately open!

*****

Eternity later. House of the Lupine and Blek. On a fence the announcement: "Carefully, angry werewolf".
sneyp (passing by, floutingly):
-Yes it old absolutely became, toothless, does not bite! Black (having looked at him up and down)
-does not bite. But sucks in - fatally!

*****

- You see a bear skin on a floor? - asks the guest Malfoy. - This skin of a bear whom I overcame. Dreadful there was a duel. The question stood so: either I, or it. - Yes, on a floor you would look worse...

*****

See - Trelawney idet.
lyuts approaches it and a speaks:
-Sivilla, you could not tell fortunes to me on a hand?
treloni:
- Yes, please... Give a hand... Oh, My God, Mr. Malfoy! You are waited by something awful - You will be killed, will rip skin, and a body will dismember and sjedyat.
*lyutsius the Blockhead you falls in obmorok*
sneyp:
-, Lyuts, you did not take off a glove!

*****

The Lord of the Rings, the third movie, a scene on Orodruine:
gollum falls with the Ring in a crater of the Fatal Mountain. Sam and Frodo sigh with the GREAT RELIEF. Unexpectedly from a crater Harry Potter on a sweeper with voplem:
-takes off Caught! Caught!

*****

Grandsons ask Dambldora:
- The Grandfather, you were sometime small?
-Was, vnuchek.
-, probably, children Here laughed at your bald head and a beard.

*****

During a holiday the Halloween in Hogvartsa there passed information on possible act of terrorism from Revelling - food poisoning. Professor led by Dumbledore, having caught the first doggie and having fed him to a dump, then within two hours searched all building in the most thorough way. Without having found anybody foreign and having seen that a doggie safe and sound, alarm declared false, and the banquet began. Suddenly somewhere in an hour after the beginning of a banquet the Main hall is run in by Nevill Dolgopups and krichit:
- The Doggie died! The doggie died! Right there mass hospitalization of pupils with the subsequent washing of a stomach and various spells began. In some hours Snape to ask Dolgopups's Nevilla:
-, and you are precisely sure, what the doggie died?
-Of course!
-I as it occurred?
-It fell from the Northern tower.

*****

In the phrase: "That I you in a coffin saw in white slippers" Snape most of all the second part frightens.

*****

Vodemort Malfoy Sr. strogo:
-Lyutsius! There in park your Devourers allegedly killed fifty people... Same center of London! How many time to tell that did not lean out ahead of time! You know something about it? Lyutsius (looking honest eyes):
-Is not present! From where? It everything hearings and exaggerations: Voldik (suspiciously) Well watch
-. Lyutsius (leaving)
-Well 48 rounded it to fifty it is possible to understand... but to call pathetic three sosenka the wood?!!!

*****

Dumbledore from otpuska:
-Well as comes back, Severus, everything is normal?
-is normal, mister director. Only shovel slomalas.
-Well, it does not matter. And what happened?
-Yes here a grave dug - and slomalas.
-What grave?
-Yes our Hagrid prestavilsya.
-As?!
-its Hut burned down, and it together with ney.
-Why the hut burned down?! Professor Mcgonagall passed
-by, threw a stub, here a hut and sgorela.
-What stub?! Minnie does not smoke!
-Here, professor, you will light when Voldemort Potter wetted!

*****

Lyutsius comes back home and sees, what his wife makes advances with Makneyrom.
-Narcissa, dear, it is possible you on two words?
-pointed!
Awad of Kedavr!!!!!!

*****

Indignant remark of the main character: "What you so stared at me?! At me that on a forehead is written, what I am Harry Potter?!"

*****

Voldemort revived and attacked magicians. Magicians came running to Cornelius of Fadzhu:
-Help out!
-It is necessary to think...
-I you will long think?
-Mesyats-dva.
volshebniki rushed to Dambldoru:
-Rescue!
-to Think nado.
- And long?
-Week-two... And to Harry Potter, estessno, obratilis:
-Rescue
NU, Malchik-kotory-vyzhil, Voldemort of all will interrupt!
garri Potter jumps out on the street and oret:
- The Sweeper to me! This
-hero! At once! Without "it is necessary to think"...
-of That to think here! - Harry Potter from a sweeper shouts, - it is necessary to be taken up!

*****

Voldemort on reception at psikhiatra:
-Guess a riddle "Two ends, two rings, and in the middle of carnations" Voldemort long thought, but then otvechayet:
-Into points to Potter hammered a nail!
-Well, no... Nozhnitsy.
-Scissors were hammered. To be stunned!

*****

Flounce de Mort (drinks snake milk, stretches in a chair before a fireplace):
-is good to have after all a lodge in the village …

*****

Flounce de Mort decided that time it is impossible to kill Harry in any way, it is necessary to hurt it, having killed relatives to it people. Having found out from Snegga that the best friend Harry - somebody Weasley, it went to Hogvarts. Late evening. Someone knocks at the door of the Griffindorsky tower. Nevill Dolgopups opens a door - the Dark Lord, a stick nagotove:
-is on the threshold Call to me Uizli.
nevill ispuganno:
-K-whom to them-menno? We have them ch-chetvero.
-Oh, a pancake... Well, call Potter.