Jokes about the characters

Read funny Jokes about Harry Potter

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

362  363  364  365  366  367  368  369  370  371  372  373

Voldemort decided that time it is impossible to kill Harry in any way, it is necessary to hurt it, having killed relatives to it people. Having found out from Snegga that the best friend Harry - somebody Weasley, it went to Hogvarts. Late evening. Someone knocks at the door of the Griffindorsky tower. Nevill Dolgopups opens a door - the Dark Lord, a stick nagotove:
-is on the threshold Call to me Uizli.
nevill ispuganno:
-K-whom to them-menno? We have them ch-chetvero.
-Oh, a pancake... Well, call Potter.

*****

Voldemort asks at kukushki:
- The Cuckoo, and a cuckoo, how many I needed to live? Much, much, only a throat release
-.

*****

Wizards invented the perpetual motion machine! The principle to a disgrace is simple - a round wooden wheel in which lord Voldemort runs without stopping.

*****

Magic pet-shop. Behind a counter the tolstenky wizard wearing spectacles, ulybayetsya.
zakhodit small devochka.
-Good afternoon!
-Hi, girl!
-A can be bought a rabbit?
-Of course! You probably need the small, the most ushastenky, the most downy?
-to my hyposignature stamp all the same...

*****

Voldemort decided that time it is impossible to kill Harry in any way, it is necessary to hurt it, having killed relatives to it people. Having found out from Snape that the best friend Harry - somebody Weasley, it went to Hogvarts. Late evening. Someone knocks at the door of the Griffindorsky tower. Nevill Longbottom opens a door - the Dark Lord, a stick on call is on the threshold: - Call to me Weasley. Nevill scaredly: - K-whom to them-menno? At us is their h four. - Oh, pancake... Well, call Pottera.
garri, Ron and Hermione stand between a hell and paradise. The angel asks them: - Raise a hand who from you stole something in the life! Harry and Ron raised hands. - Raise a hand who from you to somebody lay in the life. Harry and Ron raised a hand. The angel speaks to the devil: - Take away these two in a hell. Points to Hermione: - And this deaf there.

*****

Voldemort abuses syna:
- The Nightmare! It appears, you on the Stories of Magic have a two!!! When I studied, I in this subject always had only good marks!!!
-Of course! - the son speaks. - To you the History was twice shorter!!!

*****

The Trinity entered the strange hall with a checkered floor and round flat figovina on it. "I know that to do" - Ron exclaimed and took seat on one of them. In the next second it with shout flew through the hall and broke about an opposite wall. Poor children... They did not know that Mac-Gonagall Ave. was not able to play checkers and chess, only CHAPAYEV!!!

*****

The sheriff (who is poured out Oleg Tabakov) swims in in a tavern. Sees: for stoykoy
barmen (the portly such, poured-out Hagrid from series about Harry Potter).
B to a corner, behind a little table, peacefully sipping whisky from glasses, sit kovboi.
a at a rack - heels trupov.
"Who put?" - inertly nodding on lying, is interested at the bartender sherif.
"Yes Limonadny Joe ran here, - the bartender, - Toropilsya.
poprosil explains a glass of cold lemonade. And that four-eyes (Hagrid nods na
odnogo from lying) take and bryakn: 'By the way, here by the way zhivaya
ochered!'. In vain he told it..."

*****

The doctor asks the patient psychiatric bolnitsy:
-you claim, what you Harry Potter, ­ Malchik-Kotory-Vyzhil also live in London, Great Britain? Whereas you can explain what now are in Russia? Here to explain
-A of that? I will return back - I will kill Fred and George. Got the tricks with spatial magic!

*****

Angered Filch rushes into Griffindor's bedroom and in a hand something derzhit.
-Whose somehow in the morning, - shouts, - the pajamas on the street rolls?
-A- And, - are told half asleep by Harry, is my favourite God Sirius again from Azkaban ran away...

*****

After all as strongly the magic changes the person, - Harry told and scratched a trunk a fin.

*****

Having met professor Snape, Potter fainted. "Happens", - Snape thought, correcting folds of the lilac cloak.

*****

Two wizards, one drugomu:
"Gore to us meet! Harry Potter is not present more with us! The magic wand became a cause of death! "
" About horror! Any pernicious spell? Terrible damnation? (in a whisper): Really... Awad Kedavr? "
" Is not present. He got a splinter into a finger and died of gangrene."

*****

Heroes of all times and the people - Frodo, Enekin meet, Neo well and by itself GP.
FRODO speaks: A pancake and that I listened to this Gandalf! fail it all! (throws out the Ring in a garbage can) .
enekin: And I too on a horse-radish went to Jedis? (throws out a laser sword) .
Heo: and I too am better in the Matrix I will remain! (throws out tablets and the mobile phone) .
garri (rubbing a scar): Yes, I envy you, children...

*****

Meet Parvati and Germiona:
germiona:
-How are you doing? of
-is remarkable! You know, Harry promised to buy me a mink coat...
-Is tremendous!
-... and still he promised me to buy "Jaguar"...
-Is tremendous!
-... and still we will go with it to have a rest to the Canary Islands!
-Is tremendous!
-A that at you new?
-Ya I study at school good maner.
- And to that teach there?
-Well here, for example, on the last occupation taught us instead of "Do not lie!" to speak "Fantastically!"

*****

Ron and Hermione meet (in bad mood). Her Ron spashivayet:
-You chyo such sad???
-Yes here, with Harry quarreled...
-Because of what???
-We with it went to the subway yesterday, and I all road wrote his name on glass, and he took offense...
-is strange, unless on such it is possible to take offense?
-Yes are not loved by him when to it on points breathe...

*****

You re-read Harry Potter if during viewing of the Lord of the Rings shout, having caught sight of a nazgul: "Ekspekto Patronum!"

*****

- You claim, what you Harry Potter, Malchik-Kotory-Vyzhil also live in London, Great Britain? Whereas you can explain what now are in Russia? Here to explain
-A of that? I will return back - I will kill Fred and George. Got the tricks with spatial magi

*****

Dumbledore Nymphadora (when she still studied) and speaks:
-summons Ms. Tonks why it you on changes absolutely fonarno conjure any dirty tricks though it and is forbidden, and at lessons the fig is impossible to you?
-Professor Dumbledore, so I am Metamorfa...

*****

Dumbledore summons somehow Hagrid and speaks:
-Tell me, Rubeus, you have hairy feet?
-Well, choy you ask, the director... Right, somehow awkwardly...
-All right to you, Hagrid, feet hairy or not?
-Well.... the hairy... - Aha! Filch, write down
-not to give out valenoks for the winter to Hagrid!

*****

Dropped out sneg.
rassledovaniye showed that Snegg dropped out of a window of the ninth floor of the Northern tower.

*****

There was Lyutsius Malfoy to a balcony in solar morning, was tightened by a cigar, drank whisky and speaks:
-Kak it is good!
your mother! - on a habit the echo answered...

*****

Harry has a shave in front of the mirror and tells Ronu:
-Something at me the razor does not shave!!
RON:
-is strange, and it cut linoleum well...

*****

Harry comes back from the wood and tells Ronu:
-A I for professor Snape in the wood of mushrooms sobral.
-A suddenly they poisonous? What means "suddenly"?

*****

Garri:
- And I drove Hermione in a zoo yesterday! RON:
-Well and how? Garri:
-did not take...

*****

Harry: - Hermione how you think, Snape will manage to get the Filosovsky stone? - No, Harry, I do not think. It was hidden very well. - And will be able to get it, we will tell... Kvirrel? - No where Kvirrela to get him. - And will be able to get a stone Voldemort? - No, Ty-Znayesh-Kto too will not be able to reach a stone - that is very well hided! - Hermione, and you will be able to get it? - No, Harry, I will not be able!! - And I will be able to get the Filosovsky stone how you think? - Yes, Harry, you though whom will get!!!!!!

*****

Garri:
-Hermione how you think, Snape will manage to get the Filosovsky stone?
No, Harry, I do not think. It very well spryatali.
-A will be able to get it, we will tell... Kvirrel?
No, where to get Kvirrela ego.
-A sozht to get a stone Voldemort?
No, Ty-Znayesh-Kto too will not be able to reach a stone - that is very well hided!
Hermione, and you will be able to get it?
No, Harry, I will not be able!!
-A I will be able to get the Filosovsky stone how you think?
Yes, Harry, you though whom will get!!!!!!

*****

Harry to Hermione: - Germi! And where you bought such thin curve stockings?

*****

Harry, looking at one hundred dementor:
kakaya pity that remained with me the last patronus...

*****

Harry speaks with Ronom:
-Represent, yesterday all evening laundered money!
-Good turned the businessman?
-Yes not I! Kot Hermione in a purse spoiled...

*****

Harry tells Ronu:
-Know, I ceased to trust any sorcerers, fortunetellers, vorozheyam.
ron:
-Why?
GARRI:
-Ya came to professor Trelawney and knocked at a door. And how you think, what she asked?
RON:
-That?
GARRI:
-"Who there?"!!!

*****

Harry gives Rhone sovety:
-If you invited the girl to feed small fishes, and you never before had no aquarium, open at least a can of sprats. As a rule, having crumbled a little bread there, girls start guessing, why them called.

*****

Harry Ginny does a compliment: "What you at me brown-eyed... and karezuby!"

*****

Harry and Ginny got married, somehow Ginny's time tells Garri:
-Listen, darling, I feel that you there with someone change me!
-Well, stop! Well, from what you took!.
-Well, I after all Ginny, and you me at night already two times called Draco …

*****

Harry complains Germione:
-As I hate Lev Tolstoy: wrote four volumes of War and peace! It is possible to be stunned!
-You that, read?
-Xerocopied!...

*****

Harry - You Are an Idiot!I asked You Two nailing to hammer into a wall!I And vbil.
-Hammered
-A?!And where I will turn on the iron now?

*****

Harry puts a stick on scales and passes through a frame in the ministry. It Razdotsya zvonochek.
okhrannik: - Please, take out pencils, toothpicks from pockets...

*****

Harry not for long walked with Hermione -
kedavroy on a forehead were received by him from Ron...
I told: "Thanks, mother!
menshe red, is more scar..."

*****

Harry addresses to Germione:
-My dear, only, gentle, sweet, kind, hot, harmonous, good, desired, favourite, native, unique, unsurpassed! Child, branch, swallow, rybonka, sparrow, kisonka, lapushka, my chickabiddy, turtle-dove, my dear, lebedushka, sudarushka! Zorenka, an asterisk, a nanny-goat, the sun, zolotets, a floret, a call, rucheechek, a trostinochka, a dewdrop, a fuzz, a krovinka, a charm, a joy, the sweetheart, delight, an ideal, beauty washing, the clear head, a doll, the baby, the picture, treasure, dream washing, the song, destiny, pleasure, hope, madam, the tsarevna, the goddess! Soul diamond, light of eyes! Heart pearl!. Well, be you the person, well give on beer!.