Jokes about the characters

Read funny Jokes about Sherlock Holmes

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Sherlock Holmes and doctor Watson after a wild booze on Baker Street wake up next morning. Watson asks:
-Holmes, tell and why I have a blue member, and at you red?
-is elementary, Watson! Because I banged Mrs. Hudson yesterday, and you - an inkwell.

*****

Professor Moriarty, walking in the evening on bogs, sees sobaku
baskerviley, with awful we howl running away from some strange man.
-Not differently, Mr. Sherlock Holmes came for hunting, - speaks with usmeshkoy
moriarti.
-If Holmes... Gerasim, from new Russians.

*****

The secret of a violin of Sherlock of Holmsa:
tikhimi is solved in the winter evenings its sounds were carried across night London, and from it feet were taken away from hooligans, at robbers hands fell!
nasilniki too were not happy …

*****

Conversation in a toilet. Vatson:
-Holmes why I have a ringing sound, and you have a deaf?
-is elementary, my friend! You pisat to me on a boot, and I to you in a pocket.

*****

Doctor Watson decided to disaccustom somehow Sherlock Holmes to smoke a pipe! He twisted in tikharya a mouthpiece at itself(himself) in a bum and put back. But Sherlock Holmes took and without problems smoked the tube. So proceeded very long, but Sherlock Holmes did not forget to smoke, and doctor Watson without tube could not any more!

*****

Doctor Watson of Holmsa decided to disaccustom to smoke, but how? He a tube also cherpnut
VZYAL from buttocks of a shit and put ee.
kholms as smoked, and smokes. Watson thinks, likely it is not enough, cherpnut more! Holmes both smoked, and smokes. Passed month. Holmes both smoked, and smokes, and Watson without tube cannot any more!

*****

- From you 283 rubles. To turn?
-A? No, it is not necessary, simply put in a package... One question - garantiya
est? Forgive to
-, and for what case a guarantee?
-Well if it is not read?
-That is how?
-Well incompatibility of requirement

*****

Sensation! The first edition Conan-Doyle on Korean. Readers in perplexity: what there for problems at Baskerviley?

*****

Sits in an English pub warm kompaniya.
vdrug one philosophic asks:
- And here it is interesting, gentlemen why Sherlock Holmes was not married?
DRUGOY:
-But same is elementary....!
Bce horom:
-Watson?????????

*****

Sherlock Holmes and Doctor Watson sit in the evening, smoke. Relax... Holms:
-Eee... Watson...
-Yes, Holmes?
-Watson... why you have such strange name - the Doctor?

*****

Sherlock Holmes and Mrs. Hudson sit at a fireplace. Sherlock Holmes speaks:
-Mrs. Hudson, serve, please, brandy!
-God podast.
-is not present God, Mrs. Hudson!
-God is, Mr. Holmes!
-of God is not present!
-Is not present God - there is no brandy!!!

*****

Stay at home Holmes and Watson at Holmes. Holmes tells Vatsonu:
-Here I look at you, Watson, and I think: you not blue?
-But... eee... but... How you learned, Holmes?!
-As learned? Simply asked...

*****

- Tell, Berimor, what it for chilling howl?
- The Hound of the Baskervilles, sir... This
-A... here... heard?! What it for awful sounds?
-Cat Baskervilya, sir...
-Berimor and why suddenly now there came the gloomy and ominous silence?!
-Fish

*****

- Tell, Holmes why nobody found a corpse of The Hound of the Baskervilles?
znachit, it after all was a ghost?
-Same is elementary, dear Vatson.
vam it is well known that sir Henry the big fan of Korean cuisine.

*****

- Tell, Holmes and why the current U.S. President is silly how a tree?
-Well, same is absolutely elementary, Watson. You on its initials posmotrite.
dub - it and in Africa an oak.

*****

- Tell, Holmes why in Russia on Easter eggs write I
letters "X" "In"?
-is elementary, - Holmes and Watson...

*****

- Whether you heard, Holmes, about a cat Baskervilya?
-NET.
-Is an awful animal, Holmes. Five times more than a dog, striped, s
ogromnymi claws and canines, incredibly pryguchiy.
-This animal is called a tiger, Watson.

*****

- Dog! Vlyapovshis in shit Watson exclaimed! How you guessed? - Sherlock asked Holms
elementarno! - Watson answered. You drink tea, and I drink Red Bul!

*****

There are in the dark lane fairly drunk Sherlock Holmes and doctor Watson and pisat. Watson of asks:
-Holmes and why I have such sound "bzzz …", and at you such "bzhzhzh …" .
-Elementarno, Watson. You pisat to me on a boot, and I to you on a raincoat.

*****

Sir Baskervil (-voiced N of Mikhalkov) precept of Berimora:
-Berimor, galupchik, and... what at us for breakfast?
-porridge, ser.
-e.a.a. and what at us for lunch?
-porridge, ser.
-ee, aha, and for dinner? Cutlet
-, ser
-URAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
from porridge, the sir

*****

Sir Henry of Baskervil:
-Doctor Mortimer, you are sure that Sherlock Holmes will cope with ours delom
luchshe, than Gerasim?

*****

Sir Henry Baskervil uzhinayet.
goryachaya food in a plate fills the room with aroma east pryanostey.
-That it, Barrymore?!
-One minute, the sir, now I learn at our new povara.
kim how this dish is called?
golos from kukhni:
-He from mutton in Korean, ser.
genri Baskervil udivlyon:
-is strange. In ours the district long ago nobody parts ovets.
i why it is so silent on bogs today?

*****

Sir Henry unsuccessfully tries to crack a bar door. Berimor:
-approaches That you do, the sir? I Want to drink
-, and the key I poteryal.
-But there is not present anything, ser.
-From where you know it, Berimor? Simply I found
-a key.

*****

Sir Henry asks the butler: - Barrymore, what you pour it between windows? - Mammoths powder, the sir - But, Barrymore, mammoths died out long ago! - Powder artificial, sir!

*****

In the quiet evening of Holmes and Watson are heated at kamina.
-Watson, today I saw at you on particle boots peska.
vy that, the gay?
-But why, Holmes?
-A why is also not present, Watson?

*****

In the quiet winter evenings Sherlock Holmes played the violin for missis
khadson.
zvuki violins were carried across night London, and from it feet were taken away from hooligans, at robbers fell ruki.
nasilniki too were dissatisfied.

*****

- Why men have buttons on the right, and at women at the left?
-elementary Watson, the right hand to undo udobnee.
poshyol somehow time doctor Watson for mushrooms and found nothing.
prikhodit home all upset complained to Holmes and asked
objya

*****

The convinced bachelor Sherlock Holmes speaks to the doctor of Vatsonu:
-of the Woman - worse razboynikov.
-But why, Holmes?
-Because robbers demand a purse or life, and women - and that, and drugoye.
berrimor, what at me squelches in a boot?
-Porridge, sir!
-Porridge?! What does it do there?!
-Squelches, the sir... Holmes and doctor Watson went hiking
sherlok somehow. Put tent went to bed at night. Suddenly both wake up at night Holmes speaks:
-Watson tell about what to you tell these stars?
These bright stars speak to me about that that tomorrow there will be a wonderful weather!
Da!? And Watson they say me that at us tent of a spizdila!

*****

Sherlock Holmes learned about ingenious opening of Mendeleyev somehow and arrived v
rossiyu to talk to the great chemist.

*****

Sherlock Holmes died, got to paradise. Ha a gate are costed by the apostle of Petr
i You ask ego:
-who?
-Ya the best detective in mire.
- Then go and find to me in paradise Adam and Eve, and that to the people is a lot of there, I them to find
A not mogu.
sherlok Holmes leaves, every other day gives a couple and speaks:
-It is Adam and EVA.
-As you learned?! It is elementary
-both of them without navels.

*****

Morning on Baker Street. Doctor Watson reads gazetu.
-Tell, Holmes why in Georgia began to see so often neopoznannye
samolety? It is elementary
-, Watson, came a season of young wine.

*****

In the morning at breakfast sir Henry asks: - Barrymore, what it creeps on salad? - Vitamins, sir!

*****

In the morning Holmes drinks in kitchen of coffee. Watson enters. Holmes speaks to it: - Watson, yesterday you came home dead drunk! - How you guessed, Holmes? - Elementary, Watson! All ladder of a zablevan.

*****

Hell-haund. Breed was removed by the same sincere persons who removed tserbernar. But if tserbernara are used as sentry dogs, hell-haunda are removed, as office and investigation. Breed is in huge demand among the highest vampires and sorcerers of average and high degree posvyashcheniya.
s some time of hell-haund adapted for carrying out some kind of hunting, other name of this breed from where went - Infernal Gonchaya.
zlye languages claim that the sort damnation Baskervilya concerned to this porode.
dostoverno it is known that hell-haunda became characters at least of one computer game (Master of Magic).

*****

Holmes, Watson, Barrymore and sir Henry ran to catch the fluent convict of Sema.
kholms asks:
-Watson, at you that with himself?
-Hlyst.
-Sir Henry, and at you?
-Revolver.
-Barrymore, and at you?
-Porridge, sir!

*****

Holmes and Watson go on grinpinsky bolotu.
-Watson, what you will tell on it? H-m-m
-... Holmes, it - about... govno.
-it is right, my friend and if to be more exact, is manure which left high and lean loshad.
-Well as you guessed? It is elementary
-, Watson. See, there is not a lot of this good from what it is possible to assume about bad food zhivotnogo; and it lies a thin flat cake - therefore fell from decent height. I think that it is Berrimr's jade, and here she came in search of a curative grass since judging by scattering of splinters at it frustration zhedudka.
-is ingenious, Holmes!
-of Idemte dalshe.
through 2 chasa:
- And, what you will tell on it, Watson?
-Oh, Holmes! Using your deductive method, for me does not exist what secrets now! So, what we have? We have dense cone-shaped fecal construction a la "ant hill". From - that it is possible to make the conclusion that is waste product of undersized, but very dense horse with excellent work of a digestive tract. I think that it is a fat pony of sir Henry who came here to regale gribami.
-I shitted It, Watson... In my opinion we got lost.

*****

Holmes and Watson go down the street and catch up with two ladies who eat ice cream.
ODNA bites it, another licks. Holmes asks:
-Watson how you think which of these ladies is married? Watson thought and speaks:
-it is probable, that which licks ice cream.
-Is not present, Watson. That which bites.
-As you guessed, Holmes?
-is elementary, Watson! It has on a hand a wedding ring.

*****

Holmes and Watson cast at one of walls of London. Vatson:
- And you have no Holmes and why I have a ringing stream? Because Watson Vy pour
-to yourself on a boot and I to you into a pocket.

*****

Holmes and Watson went to travel by a balloon. Got lost, land not a message where. See: snow, taiga, anybody. Suddenly see: the person in a sheepskin coat, on skis. Holmes at it asks:
-Dou you speak english?
-Yes, certainly... And h@y - whether I pound?