Jokes about politicians

Read funny Jokes about Lukashenka

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In Belarus the new system of vote - on the Internet is developed.
Te who votes for Lukashenko, go on the site president.za.
Those who against, - on the site kgb.by.
TAM will explain to you how to get on the site president.za and 1jj.ru.

*****

In Belarus are going to hold the next referendum. To the people two will be set voprosa:
1. Who, in your opinion, the best presidential candidate?
2. Why Alexander Lukashenko?

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In Belarus even the opposition supports Lukashenko. The proof to they are candidates whom it exposes at each presidential elections.

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In Belarus the new newspaper "Svoboda Slova" .
glavny the editor opened: Lukashenko A. G.

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In Belarus passed the closed meeting of intelligence services.
Ha it made the president Lukashenko the report on results of fight against the American imperialism.
itogi were recognized unfavourable as as told Lukashenko "Some chocks opyat usekh were ahead of us".

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In Belarus there are three degrees of poverty: 1) Is not present deneg; 2) Absolutely is not present deneg; 3) Money in general is not present, it is time to change dollars.

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On St. Valentine's Day Belarus was included in the Guinness Book of Records for the most mass kiss.
bolee of 6 thousand people before lenses of television cameras of domestic and foreign correspondents kissed on an ass of the president.
B fast time organizers promise to break and this record.

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On the Internet there was a new virus "Lukashenko". It spoils nothing in your computer, but it is impossible to survive it from a computer.

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In response to the statement for blocking of bank accounts of the highest chinovnikov
belorussii in banks of Europe, Lukashenko issued the decree on blocking schetov
vysshikh officials of Europe in all banks of Belarus.

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Due to the arisen doubts in correctness of counting of votes at an election of the president of the USA, Americans addressed to the Belarusian Central Electoral Commission.
B of the USA took off the commission from Minsk. 85% of bulletins are at the moment counted. With a big separation Lukashenko is in the lead.

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Because the President Belarus made the decision on renaming of the main streets of Minsk, the Belarusian opposition considers that will do an injustice not to immortalize a name of the President.
poetomu in Mingorispolkom is made the offer to rename the Minsk ring highway into Lukashenko's Loop.

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Whether a question Armenian radio:
-a brain operation at A. Lukashenko Is possible? It is excluded by
-, the surgery is not engaged in woodcarving!

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The minister foreign del:
-Batka enters to Lukashenko! Americans want to create with us the Union State!.
-Ya agrees! But the press here on a table, Obama in Witz to attach the States to Belarus the seventh area.

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Yesterday in Belarus an election of the president of Republic of Belarus of Alexander Grigoryevich Lukashenko will take place.

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Presidential elections in Belarus are recognized as the taken place - as zayavil
predsedatel the Belarusian CEC, 51 percent of votes for Lukashenko,
neobkhodimye for this purpose, gathered already by noon.

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Performance of comrade Lukashenko on November 7 of 97 g at opening of metro stations We never lived in Minske:
- At own expense, we always earned...

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2011. Meeting of the government. A. G. as Lukashenko:
-Here supports the last three five-years periods we constructed 6 ski resorts. Each regional center received on the ice arena. Constructed National Bibleoteka, a television tower... Well came it is time to think and of afterlife of the Belarusian people. What is the Mausoleum or the Pyramid better?

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2008. Press conference of the Hague doctors. "Alexander Lukashenko ochen
bolen... We treat him for tuberculosis, leprosy, AIDS, a cancer, ptichyego
grippa, atypical pneumonia, a heart attack... At it still it is necessary nebolshoy
shans to survive, but we try..."

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The announcer of news objyavlyaet:
- At 9 o'clock in the morning on the Minsk time from pyatikilommetrovy height fell Today to the ground and the helicopter of the president of Republic of Belarus crashed. Whether there was onboard a president - yet it is not known, but the people to be put on the best.

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The president Lukashenko with the driver on Merce on the village goes and suddenly drove forces down a pig. To a pig, estessno, a fuck-up, and the Father as the person of a chesna, gives drove $100 and speaks that that found in the village of the owner of a pig, apologized and gave it grandmas. The Father waits for a vodila hour, two, tri.
nakonets that was dragged in in an ass pyanyy.
-That you so got drunk?
- Yes here were put by me a pig in a bag, went on the village and I speak to the local: I drove Lukashenko, I just killed this pig. And here to me as all began to pour...

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Inhabitants of Belarus proposed the candidate of the father for the Pope's elections.

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Journalists ask Lukashenko:
-How many languages you know? Torah
-: Russian, byalorussky and angliyskiy.
- And tell, please, something in English!
-Shprekhen zi doych.
-It after all German!
- Well, znachyt, chytyra!
-of Lukashenko to us brother or friend?
- Of course the brother, after all do not choose friends!

*****

Detained the demonstrator. Two molodets drag it in avtozak.
-I am arrested?
- Yes.
- Small administrative crime?
- Yes. Used
- foul language?
- Yes.
- Then, you - pidaras, and you - dolboyeb. Also look, in court do not mix.

*****

Medvedev calls Lukashenko and speaks:
-Here at you in Belarus with human rights napryazhyonno.
na that Lukashenko otvechayet:
-Dmitry Anatolyevich, you see, that I have problems, and at you the, but on border between Russia and Belarus there are two of mine polka.
medvedev in horror hangs up and calls Serdyukov with voprosom:
-How many at Belarus of regiments?
-DVA.
-A under what flag they will go?
- Under krasnym.
-Well, thank God, if two regiments will go to Moscow, the Kremlin will be reached by no more battalion, will consult! I am afraid of
-that if they under a red flag will go, the Kremlin will be reached by 20 regiments!

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There is the international conference of doctors. Act American vrachi:
- At us Lately huge progress is observed, for example, to one person tore off a foot, and we sewed it, and now he is the champion in run!!!
vystupayut German vrachi:
- And our medicine in general "rose", for example, to one person tore off a hand, we sewed it, and now he is the well-known pianist!!!
vystupayut Belarusian vrachi:
-It everything a hogwash, here at us in general medicine on a fantasy side, for example, to one person tore off the head, we instead of its zh*pa sewed, and in a year on it moustaches grew, and in a year became the president!!!

*****

There is a meeting of congress of People's Deputies. Lukashenko:
-Companions, came hard times, is compelled to tell you that in 2012 we will have no meat products. What will you do?
ZAL is silent. There is one man and speaks:
-Will work 10 hours per day!
lukashenko:
-is fine. In 2013 we will have no dairy products. What we will do?
opyat silence, rises then the same muzhik:
-we Will work 16 hours per day!
lukashenko:
-A in 2014 we will have no bread! What we will do, companions?
opyat rises the same muzhik:
-we Will work round the clock!
lukashenko:
-Good fellow, companion! Keep in there! And whether it is possible to learn where you work? I dig
- of the Grave, Alexander Grigoryevich!!!

*****

Whether selective byullyuten Belarusian referenduma
ostavit Lukashenko the President for the third term?
vyberite one of otvetov:
-Huy ostayetsya
-remains to Nekhay.

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To birthday of Alexander Lukashenko the original portrait of the father executed from rice kernels on each of which the Russian handymen appeared the best of the gifts received by it from the CIS countries the portrait of his friend Vladimir Putin was engraved.

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To A. Lukashenko's 50 anniversary the film studio "Belarusfilm" shot the movie "Batmen".

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Each politician seeks to immortalize himself. Vodka "Yeltsin", "Zhirinovsky",
"Gorbachev"...
-A as Belarusian president?
-A it modest. It was limited to cologne "Sasha".

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As it became known from reliable sources, after a victory over Iraq of army of the Anglo-American coalition prepare the plan of invasion in Belarus.
povodom for attack existence at Lukashenko of weapons of mass destruction - radiaktivny potatoes has to serve.

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- What difference between Lukashenko and the asshole? I do not know
-.
- Here I too, look, I look, and I do not see any difference...

*****

What all Belarusians wish to see the President and beer?
- Cold and on a table.

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When the immortality elixir is found, the whole world will rejoice. And only Belarus chorus will tell "Bl @@@!!!".

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The correspondent of the Armenian radio asks the Belarusian president Alexander of Lukashenko:
-What languages you know?
- Pork and beef, - are answered by Alexander Grigoryevich.

*****

Crisis flies over Europe. France looks here - ooh, did. Here - Greece. Ooh, did a lot of mischief. Looks - Belarus. "Who it so without me tried?!"

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Alexander Lukashenko and two of his sons fly by helicopter over Belarus. The president throws down, into fields, 100 dollar banknotu:
-Let the person will find, poraduyetsya.
pervy the son Lukashenko throws two 50 dollar banknoty:
-Let two poraduyutsya.
vtoroy the son throws ten 10 dollar banknot:
-Let ten poraduyutsya.
pilot the helicopter, in storonu:
-Yes dump you this moustached, ten million will be glad!

*****

Yeltsin and Kuchma fly by plane. Kuchma to ask Eltsina:
-As you think, Boris Nikolaevich if our plane crashes who will worry more: Ukrainians or Russians?
-of Nuuu, I think belorusy.
-Why?
- Yes because with us is not present Lukashenko.

*****

Putin and Lukashenko fly in the plane. Lukashenko asks Putina:
- And if we get to plane crash and we will be lost - where will be plakat
-in Russia or in Belarus more?
- I Think, in Ukraine...
- Why?!!
- Because with us is not present Kuchma.