Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Jokes about teachers

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The first grader comes to shop school prinadlezhnostey.
podkhodya to the seller, asks:
- The Aunty, and you have glue for the 1st class?
- Is not present, malchik.
- And notebooks in a circle? What
-B else circle? Too net.
stoyashchy behind the citizen angrily speaks.
- The Boy, do not take the seller for a ride and do not take away time u
lyudey. The girl, and me, show the globe of Ukraine.

*****

The first grader comes from shkoly:
-Mother, the teacher asked: "How many will be 2х2?" Anybody ne
znal, I told 4, it me pokhvalila.
-It, the sonny because we from Nyyufaundlenda.
-Mother, the teacher asked: "How many will be 7х7?" Anybody ne
znal, I told 49, it me pokhvalila.
-It, the sonny because we from Nyyufaundenda.
-Mother, today we had a physical culture. All took off pants and u
nikh at all such small, and at me such big. Eto
potomu that we from Newfoundland?
- Is not present, it because you are 28 years old.

*****

First lesson of English. Uchitelnitsa:
-Children who from you, knows the English alphabet?
vstayet son programmista:
-I!
- Well, call on poryadku.
-Q, W, E, R, T, Y …

*****

- Peter, why are you so bad you teach English?
- And why?
- Like what? After all, the language says half the globe!
- And is not that enough?

*****

- Petya when you at last will correct bad marks?
- the Father, I try to make every day it. But the teacher, as ill luck would have it, na
minutu does not leave the magazine without supervision.

*****

Pioneers found the diary partizan:
15 sentyabrya:
"Occupied the forester's izba. "
16 sentyabrya:
" Germans beat out us from the forester's izba. "
17 sentyabrya:
" We beat out Germans from the forester's izba. "
18 sentyabrya:
" Germans beat out us from the forester's izba. "
19 sentyabrya:
" We beat out Germans from the forester's izba. "
20 sentyabrya:
" Came the forester. Gave pizda to us and Germans."

*****

On a forest footpath towards the rabbit and a polecat each other run, well and on abrupt turn from all scope are knocked by the heads. From blow at both completely strikes memory. After a while small animals recover and painfully try to remember who they are is. A rabbit offers:
-Let's describe each other in turn. Perhaps though so we will remember who we are such! You nachinay.
khorek:
-Well, you such fluffy, long-eared, a tail at you malenkiy.
krolik, it is joyful podprygivaya:
-So I, probably, a rabbit!!!
KHOREK:
-A I, and I?!! Now describe me!!!
KROLIK:
-is fine, listen. You such light, a vertical strip behind also stink strongly...
Xopek in despair claps itself a pad on lbu:
-In a pancake, really I am the ASS?!!!

*****

The Cheburashka approaches Gena Genya and speaks:
-somehow, Shapoklyak for February 23 presented us 10 oranges, on 8 kazhdomu.
-As it on 8, if them 10? I do not know
-, but I 8 already ate the!

*****

The elderly teacher asks at uchenika:
-To what class you will study?
- To the eleventh. And you?

*****

Monday. Morning. The aunt with knots gets into the trolleybus. To it aktivno
pomogayet little man. Dragged knots, pushed the aunt. Here the aunt turns i
dayet to the little man a sonorous plyukha. Doors of the trolleybus are closed, and it uyezzhayet.
muzhik perplexedly costs at a stop and scratches turnip. Nearby there is a pioneer i
asks:
-Painfully?
- is not sick, and obidno.
-with A, do not pay attention. This aunt, our teacher. It voobshche
zlaya for now you helped it, I its three times for buttocks pinched.

*****

Monday. The teacher came into a class, greeted, sat down, massaged whisky and a low voice sprosila:
-Children, what lesson at us of the schedule?
-Algebra.
- Then solve such problem, it is given: two young nice intelligent women at restaurant ordered a bottle of champagne and frukty.
askssya: well, on what X they ordered two more bottles of vodka and a bottle of port?

*****

The teacher of physics klasse:
-We live in the 7th on one side of Earth and we see one party of the Moon, and Americans zhivut
na to other side of Earth and see other party of the Moon.

*****

The teacher gave a class on a molochnotovarny farm na
ekskursiyu. Pupils are met the manager of a farm and predsedatel
kolkhoza. Petya approaches a bull and zdorovayetsya:
-Hi, Mischa!
uchitelnitsa asks:
-Petya and why you greeted a bull, and with predsedatelem
kolkhoza is not present?
- Why to me such chairman! Mother will take a cow to a bull -
telenok will appear, the cow of milk will give. Mother will sell milk - mne
portfel will buy. And the chairman how many to mother goes and even konfet
ne bought.

*****

Invited the veteran in school, to tell children about war... Well the veteran (In) i
speaks: В: Well, we sit somehow in an entrenchment with Petrovich, and he to half-liter gets i
mne speaks "let's pull?!", and I to it "let's pull!", we pour on a glass, and here leytenant
kak will shout "In attack!", and we to it "And you went on ****!"... The teacher (At),
smushchayas: Well as it is not a shame to you, right there children... В: And, all right, another sluchay
rasskazhu... We sit somehow in an entrenchment with Ivanychem, and it to half-liter gets and mne
speaks "let's pull?!", and I to it "let's pull!", we pour on a glass, and here the lieutenant kak
zaoret "In attack!", and we to it "And you went on ****!"... У: Well as it is not a shame to you, tut
zhe children... В: Well, very all right, other case... We sit somehow in an entrenchment s
sidorychem, and it to half-liter gets and to me speaks "let's pull?!", and I to it "let's pull!",
nalivayem on a glass, and here the lieutenant as will shout "In attack!", and we to it "And went ty
na ****!" ... У: Well as it is not a shame to you... В: And you went on ****! У: Well after all here zhe
deti... В: And all of them went on ****!

*****

The new teacher of literature comes to a class and speaks:
-Who will be put obscene into words or to spoil our speech,
poluchit in a snout without any markets!

*****

Mashenka (8 years) home comes from school and Mother, and what such asks mamu:
-abortion?
rebenok is 8 years old, and questions...
MAMA consulted to the father: how you will tell? But you will not tell, all the same on the street uznayet.
nu and all explained to the child thoroughly and with examples, and then and sprashivayut:
- And where you heard this word? And otvechayet:
- And we at school at a singing lesson learned the song to
ONA, and there words such: "And waves splashed abortion of the ship".

*****

Comes Mother Is mute from school and asks:
-, the teacher gave us a task to describe a perfume aroma. And I do not know, kak
budet it is correct, a flakonchik or a flokonchik? Write
- pizyrek and do not take for a ride.

*****

The brand new teacher of geography comes to a class, and there a loud laughter, squeal well and other
speaks, znachit:
-Hello, children. And it in otvet:
-Went from here, a knot. Well it with sobbings takes off from a class and to the director... A
ON speaks:
-With them it is necessary to it in a different way, it is necessary to surprise and interest at first. There is it v
klass, and the teacher behind it trudges. A door as it is necessary, a foot otkryvayet:
-Fine men...
- is healthy, direktor.
- And is weak g@ndon on the globe to pull...
-A that such globe?
-A here about it to you will also be told by the new teacher.

*****

The mathematics teacher in shkolu.
-Children comes on Monday, solve a problem: Two intelligent women v
restoran went, ordered a bottle of champagne and a bottle vodki.
question there: Nakh*ya, it is asked it was necessary to order still 2
butylki vodka and three bottles of port?

*****

The son home comes from school and complains mame:
-Mothers, and me the sucker obozvali.
-What you are a sucker? - is indignant ta.
-Told the concrete.

*****

My son first grader comes from school and speaks:
- The Father what I guessed somehow! Watch 'E Dog-G-G-G ', ' E Skul-L-L',
slyshish, words English, and letters that ours...

*****

The son comes from school and speaks to the roditelyam:
-I do not know, than you so were pleasant to our teacher, but she opyat
khochet to see you...

*****

The teacher comes to a lesson. Mood bad - it is necessary to vent on someone rage: as always - on uchenikakh.
-Ivanov, call to me two-digit chislo.
-Eighty sem.
-Why not seventy eight? Sit down, dva.
-Petrov, call to me two-digit chislo.
-Fifty shest.
- And why not sixty five? Sit down, dva.
-Katsman, call to me two-digit chislo.
-Tgidtsat tgi.
- And why not?. Again these your Jewish features?

*****

The decrepit old man comes somehow to the teacher of Latin and asks davat
emu lessons. The teacher asks:
-to you 80 years, why to you to study? To
-Well, present, I will die soon, I will get to paradise, Pavel will meet me, at gate raya
apostol, and it is necessary to talk that to it after all on latyni.
-So you, maybe, and in a hell popadete.
- And I already learned German.

*****

The parish doctor was in combination a teacher at Sunday school. At one lesson asks malchugana:
-Tell, my little friend, what we have to make to get on the sky?
- to Die, - answered malchik.
-It truly, but what we have to make before it?
- to Call the doctor!

*****

- It is simply improbable that one person can make so many mistakes! - saida
uchitelnitsa Maratu.
-Why one? Together with the father, - it is proud Marat answers.

*****

In dvore:
-my aunt speaks conversation English. To it the English teacher yazyka.
-goes Means, my aunt has to speak German, blow the trumpet,
torgovat water-melons, to drive the dump truck and to shoot from the gun.

*****

Conversation in sele.
-Vasya, you heard, what scientific wife was taken to himself by our teacher - You tell on semi
yazykakh.
-My God mine! As he can live with it? Washing speaks only on one, and to
tselymi in the days I do not have a place to houses.

*****

Distributed the very young teacher to the far aul in school. There is she as that on a break to the street and sees as children bang the donkey attached to a column. It, naturally, shocked. Resorts in direktoru.
- There..., there..., there children force osla.
-ChTOOOOO??!! (indignantly and negoduyushche) what else donkey? Yes I to them now all!!! What donkey?!
uchitelnitsa vskhlipyvaya:
-Well, such donkey, belogo.
direktor oblegchenno:
-Aaaa. Nychego, white is children's.

*****

- Hands for the head, quickly, feet on width of shoulders!
- Is a robbery?!
- Well that you, is a physical education class!

*****

- Rustam, - the teacher speaks, - tell about travel of Kolumba.
-Means so. Columbus did not know where he came. And when came back home,
TO did not know, from where.

*****

Rustem tells the odnoklassniku:
- The father me two times vyporol.
-Today For what?
- the First time when I showed it the sheet with marks, and the second time - when understood that it is the sheet - it.

*****

- What with you? - the little girl senior sestru.
-asks Why you cry?
- the Teacher of geography delivered me the two! I forgot where Alyaska.
-Eh you, a rasteryakha! Where you put it?

*****

- Today we have control rabota.
- A calculator can be used?
- is possible. Record topic. The abolition of serfdom.

*****

- Today the father me two times vyporol.
-For what?
- the First time when I showed it the sheet with marks, and the second time - when understood that it is the sheet - it.

*****

On September 1, 1 klass
uchitelnitsa speaks:
-Children, you came to school. Here it is necessary to sit silently, if something want to ask
A - it is necessary to lift ruku.
Vovochka pulls a hand...
U: - You want to ask something, Vovochk?
B: - No, simply I check how the system works.

*****

- Seryozha how your new teacher?
- is excellent! Grippuyet already the third time in a month!

*****

- Tell, Vitya, how many we have parts of the world?
- is So known … to
-Well nazovi.
- The Next world and this light.

*****

- Tell how the person who still speaks is called when anybody uzhe
davno does not listen to him?
- Teacher, Marya Ivanovna!