Jokes about Rzhevsky

Read funny Jokes about Rzhevsky

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The lieutenant Rzhevsky floats in the boat with Natasha Rostova. In time
nelovkogo silence the Lieutenant asks:
-Natasha, to you sometime an oar on a pizda beat?
- the Lieutenant and as you dare...
- Yes I so, simply wanted to keep up the conversation …

*****

- Lieutenant Rzhevsky! You rascal! I demand satisfaction!
- Well, we will go, opposite!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky at the last party confused the issue. Water in the fountain long had to be washed out.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky sends the striker for pokupkami.
-Buy me matches and look that good byli.
-I Obey, yours blagorodiye.
poruchik tries to light a match, any not gorit.
-What you to me, the robber, matches bought - do not burn! I cannot know
-, your nobleness. All burned, I tried them: which did not burn - threw out.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky invites Natasha to dance. Natasha:
-Lieutenant, you it seriously or just like that?
rzhevsky, undoing shirinku:
-Just like that, Natasha, just like that...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky was invited to a ball to Growth. In the heat of fun pressed it in a toilet more. The lieutenant ran to look for a toilet in a mansion, but did not find. Rzhevsky ran to the first room, sat down behind a curtain and is noisy was facilitated. Then wiped a curtain, raised eyes - and in the room misters with ladies sit and drink tea with a pie …
- Well, misters, - the lieutenant Rzhevsky grinned, - You found a place where to drink tea!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky arrived to Pierre Bezoukhov to the estate, but that did not appear at home. "In a grand piano perhaps наср#ть?", - podumal
poruchik, and aloud dobavil:
-Is not present, the province - with, will not understand - page.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky comes on a visit to Natasha of Rostovy.
-Natasha, I just thought up a new pose - I called it a beaver pose, go on lestnitsu.
poruchik and Natasha come to a ladder and Rzhevsky puts it on karachki.
- The Lieutenant and same ordinary a cancer...
- Is not present, Natasha, you thus have to gnaw a handrail!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky comes to officer meeting and speaks:
-Everything, the Lord, will be enough бл^#дей and bachelorhood! It is solved, I marry Natasha Rostova! In one golos:
-But after all she is married
gusary to Pierre, the lieutenant!
rzhevsky, with amazement splashing hands:
-Natasha is married to Pierre?! And so who in the neighboring room snores every night! And that took: "Manual bear, manual bear..."

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky came to the unfamiliar company. People sit and tell the friend drugu:
- The Fifteenth! In total smeyutsya.
- And the twentieth, twentieth! Even more strongly hokhochut.
- The Three hundred fifty sixth! Again laughter. The lieutenant asks:
-That you do it? We jokes tell
-A. But as all of us told them long ago and by heart learned, we them pronumerovali.
-it is interesting to saving of time, - the lieutenant speaks. - The hundred seventeenth! Here men confusedly grin, and one lady approaches the lieutenant and gives him a slap in the face. objyasnyayut:
-We at ladies of indecent jokes do not tell Rzhevsky.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky came to be Natasha's suitor for the hand of Rostovoy.
- The Young man, marriage - business serious, - Natashin the father speaks to it, -
VY are sure, what are ready to such event in your life?
- Of course, is ready: three boxes of vodka, four - cognac, were ordered by the Gipsy. Vy
budete to dance with my mother.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky spent night with Natasha. Men started it asking, as as. He speaks: "Well the person - as at the 15-year-old girl". "And further?" "Well a bust - as at the 18-year-old girl...." "And below, below as?" "Men, you sometime fed a horse from a hand?"

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky, walking on park, tells Natasha yesterday's son:
-... And here you lie, Natashechka, having stretched hands, fine as the fairy, v
chistom a field, all in flowers. Around the fragrance, magic, krasota
neopisuyemaya, shaggy shmelik buzz, emerald dragonflies on solntse
perelivayutsya, velvety butterflies flit, larks in blue as vashi
ogromnye eyes lakes, the sky are filled in. And your golden hair...
Natasha:
-Oh, watch, what birdie departed... so, well-well?! h@y I BEND
-!!! Brought down, an ass shitty!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky asks the denshchika:
-Help, the dearest! Today Natasha has a birthday, I am invited. Think up something cheerful, than I could razveselit
i strike with the flashing mind of guests!
- Please... At the moment when blow into candles on a pie, and the light will not be turned on yet, ask: "Misters! Darkly, how at the Black where?" And everything will become veselo.
poruchik went for a holiday, waited for the necessary moment and when Natasha blew into candles, sprosil:
-Misters!!! Darkly as in ж#пе at whom?

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky wakes up after a booze, leaves to the yard, and there the striker cleans it mundir.
-Chto happened? - is perplexed он.
- Yes here, your nobleness, yesterday during a dinner the uniform was poured, it is necessary cleans-answers denshchik.
poruchiku it became ashamed and it began врать:
- Yes it not I at all, and the young cornet got drunk and is direct on me as blevant, I to it three days of a guardroom of Dal.
-Mahlo of a distance, your nobleness, he to you still trashed trousers.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky wakes up in the morning after a terrible hangover. Looks, the striker cleans ego
obblyovany a uniform. To it it became awkward and it speaks:
-you Represent, Prokhor, yesterday on a ball approaches me a drunk cornet, got to kiss and all me obblevat. So I to it to cattle pyat
sutok arrest vlupil.
-am Not enough distance, your nobleness!
- Why?
- It to you also in trousers nasr@l.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky to Pierre Know Bezukhovu:
-, Pierre, I now to you as the father...
- in honor of what?!
-Ya vyeb your mother-in-law!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky talks to Natasha Rostova about voyne:
nr: Oh, war, war. Cold, golod.
rzhevsky: Yes. Here at us to a regiment one hussar in the village stole from the old woman of egg, so it for it hung up!
HP: For what? Really for eggs?
rzhevsky: Well, for a neck.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky tells hussars the son.
- There are I on the wood and see...
- Ж#пу!!! - hussars shout, perfectly knowing style poruchika.
-Well, I see the small house, and so I approach this house and I see...
- Ж#пу!!! - shout gusary.
-Well, a door, I enter, so at this door and I see...
- Ж#пу!!! - shout gusary.
-Yes, - the lieutenant Rzhevsky, - and what became puzzled, I already told this dream to you?

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky told in officer club that he thinks of democracy in Russia. Misters-officers did not hear such platitude yet.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky tells misters ofitseram:
-Misters officers, there are I somehow to a balcony, and under a balcony there is Natasha rostova and smeetsya.
-Forgive, the lieutenant - as is slightly dressed?
-B of eye-glasses and g@ndena.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky decided to invite Natasha Rostova to himself home, but without knowing as to make it gallantly Bezukhovu.
-It pretty simply decided to ask for the help Pierre, - Pierre Rgevscomou told, - begin conversation on weather, with smooth transition to music, and then under a pretext to execute something on any muzykalnom
instrumente better, invite her to sebe.
na the next day the lieutenant approached Natasha walking in park and from all scope kicked eyo
sobachku. The doggie with wild squeal flew away in far in storonu.
-Lap dogs fly low now, - with a clever look the lieutenant told Natasha, - it is probable by a rain. K
vashemu to maintaining there is a drum, come
edut in the train in a compartment Andrey Bolkonsky, Pierre Bezoukhov, the lieutenant Rzhevsky and Natasha Rostova at my place. Suddenly Natasha hiccups. Right there Bolkonsky as true muzhchina:
-Oh, forgive, misters, yesterday with a nalivochka plaid about - here, now is given!
hopmalno, go further. He passes a lot of time as Natasha breaks wind. Right there Bezukhov:
-Oh, excuse, misters, yesterday here pea to soup tried - here it has an effect!
Bce is excellent, go further. The lieutenant Rzhevsky, leaving pokupit:
-Well, generally, when it obo@retsya - bring down everything on me!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky was on a secular reception and talked to Natasha Rostova. Suddenly he got up, apologized and left to the yard. All wet comes back. His Natasha asks:
-That, rain?
- Is not present, a wind.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky strongly jumped on svyom a horse. The horse took offense.

*****

- The lieutenant Rzhevsky, I heard, you were shot because of Natasha Rostova with a cornet of Obolenskim.
-of Da-with yesterday, it is the truth. I was shot because of Natasha, and here the coward a cornet was shot because of a tree.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky gathers for a ball and puts to himself in the right pocket banan.
-Why to you in a pocket banana? - is surprised kornet.
-I Will go to dance with the lady. In dance it will cling to my right side. Will feel banana, will come to confusion and will go over on my left side. And here we will also meet her!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky gathers for a ball. Costs in front of the mirror and the member greases with spirits. Denshchik
udivlenno asks:
-Barin, why it?
- Yes so, on everyone sluchay.
posle it Rzhevsky starts greasing with vaseline zadnitsu.
-Oh, the barin, and it what for?
- So cases, Stepan, they different happen.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky, gathering for a ball asks the striker to tell it any zanimatelnuyu
istoriyu. Denshchik:
-you know as catch ostriches in Australia? Take the native, shave to him the head on a goal, dig in to the earth. The ostrich approaches and, thinking that this his egg to sit down. The native is also enough ego.
poruchik, having got drunk on a ball offers:
-Misters, and you know how in Australia catch ostriches? Take the bald native, shave to him yaytsa
na a goal, dig in to the earth, the ostrich thinks, what this his egg approaches, sits down to vysizhavat, tut
aborigen and hvatayet.
-But why to shave him eggs bare, poruchak?
- Savages - page.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky accompanies the general's wife at walk on the wood. The general's wife having bent collects florets, here with the back the porutchik approaches, podymat a skirt and...
- Oh who it?
- Lieutenant Rzhevsky of madam! Continue
-... COLONEL.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky sleeps. Misters officers tiptoe, enjoying the rare not vulgarized minutes. The lieutenant opens one eye, misters officers in a panic - now sposhlit. The lieutenant Rzhevsky opens the second eye and is thoughtful says:
-Misters, on what oil fry eggs?. And so, eggs, probably, fry on sunflower oil...
poruchik closes eyes, and all exchange glances shaken - the lieutenant Rzhevsky HE SPOSHLIL!
poruchik opens one glaz:
-Ho who to it will agree, misters... Tell
-, the lieutenant! What is the monarchy?
- It when the country the king governs!
-A if the king will die?
- Then queen!
-A if will die the queen?
- Jack!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky dances on a ball with Natasha and gradually wipes her to a wall. At last Natasha driven by a back into the corner in a dark recess, asks:
- The Lieutenant you that, want me to crucify?!
- Is possible also time five... Or six...
- the Lieutenant as it is not a shame to you! What do you mean?! That I have
-, I will enter …

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky dances on a ball with Natasha Rostova. Put it a hand under a skirt... Natasha languidly sighed and asks:
-That you feel, the lieutenant? M-m-m
-... You never fed a horse from a hand?

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky dances on a ball with Natasha Foo's Rostovoy.
-, the Lieutenant as from you smells - go take off socks!!!
through the lieutenant comes back minute to Natashe.
- The Lieutenant, from you the same smell, you took off socks?
-A as, - also pulled out them because of a bosom.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky dances with Natashey:
-My God, Natashenka, what neck at you!
Natasha, koketlivo:
- At me all body such!
poruchik, in a fright otskakivaya:
-So it is necessary to wash, Natasha!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky dances with Natasha Rostovoy:
-Natashenka whether not to go to us to strike?
- Lieutenant, you boor and impudent fellow!
-A you against?
- Is not present, but you the boor and the impudent fellow!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky dances with Natasha Rostovoy.
Rzhevskiy:
-Natasha, I wait for you in the evening on senovale.
Natasha:
-I cannot, after all your favourite color of a single-breasted coat - blue! To what it?
Rzhevskiy:
-Is not present the reasons for a panic. It is blood of the killed enemies.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky at theater. The young actor for the first time on a scene, on a role owes the proiznesti odnu-only phrase "porridge oil will not spoil". For excitement it speaks:
-Masha Kaslom not isportish poruchik:
-Looking what kasly!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky at theater. Watches "Othello". Othello tiresomely extorts from Desdemona, where a scarf which he presented to it. It bothers Rzhevsky, and he shouts from zala:
-Misters, give you to him, at last, a scarf, or be wiped by a sleeve, smorkach, and do not disturb action!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky in the dark room embraces Natasha. Through some time it asks:
- The Lieutenant, why you rummage hands on my back?
- I Look for a breast, mademuazel.
-It speredi.
-Tam I already looked for.