Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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There are two cadets of N-skogo of a military college in a smoking-room, kuryat.
odin at another and asks:
-Know, than the muzzle of our major differs from the asinine?
vdrug from round the corner creeps out malicious mayorsky morda.
-Well and than?
- Anything, companion major!
- Here! The same at me!

*****

Studen asks the devushki:
-That you would like that I presented to you on birthday?
- the Right, I do not know...
All right, I give on reflection a year more.

*****

The student in apteke:
-Dayte me ten condoms and, just in case,
odnu a tabletochka viagry.
professor in apteke:
-Give me ten tablets of viagra and, just in case,
odin a prezervativchik.

*****

The student runs along a corridor of university and unintentionally pushes professor talking to the colleague. Professor indignantly starts uttering to the student, for that that that so behaves in the temple of science and stirs two stars of a message important scientific discussion:
-Go, - professor speaks, - and that it did not repeat any more!
I turning to the interlocutor:
- So on what it I stopped... And! And so, I shower her feet to myself on shoulders...

*****

The student bought the ticket, looked at it and put on a table. Other ticket also looked and put. And the third ticket - too. Then without words left. Examiners decided to deliver it the two. But old professor zayavil:
-In my opinion, he can put troyechku.
-For what?!
- Well, see, it something looked for... Means, he knows something.

*****

The student of VMIK, before session, comes in biblioteku.
-Where the librarian?
-B arkhive.
-, please, me the book is necessary to Razarkhiviruyta.

*****

The student to the doctor comes and zhaluyetsya.
-Four days do not go to a toilet, probably, at me a lock, help doktor.
vrach examined it, got a purse from a pocket and, stretching dengi
studentu, speaks:
-Descend, eat.

*****

The student rushes into the hostel and speaks tovarishcham:
If the teacher will not take away the words back - I will leave university!
tovarishchi: And what he told you?
student: told - from university!

*****

The student learned all tickets on philosophy, but did not go for examination because life does not make sense and all people of a pawn in it.

*****

The student leaves audience. It is surrounded tovarishchi:
-Well as, handed over?
- Handed over. It heated me, heated, and I vyplyl.
kogda about this student asked professor, it otvetil:
-I pulled it, pulled, hardly extended.

*****

The student with the girl walk on the city, see, sell pies. Devushka:
-Vasya, buy me pie. They approach the shop assistant. Student:
-you have vermicelli pies?
- Is not present. Student:
-Well here you see, there are no your darlings.

*****

The student in dean's office asks dekana:
-I did not hand over the third repeating an examination, what now to do to me?
DEKAN:
-to you need to pass Now medical board...

*****

The student does the degree drawing - huge, difficult, three days continuously potter with it. Suddenly appears feya:
- At night That you do?
- Yes here, with the drawing I strike!
-A on the present you want to fuck!? Of course I want
-!!!
- Well fuck, fuck! - the fairy speaks and splashes out a vial of ink on the drawing.

*****

The student filled up examination, faces sad the examiner, such dialogue - Go, I put to you two, then pridete:
-E … Give I a forehead a school desk to a rasshib, and you to me for it 3 postavite.
-cannot such byt.
-Soglashaytes.
-Davayte.
student a school desk rasshib.
-Go, I put to you 3.
- Give I a wall a forehead to a rasshib, I will leave in a corridor, again I will come, and you to me for it 4.
- Well it already absolutely nevozmozhno.
-Agree!
-Davayte.
stenu student too proshib.
-E … Go, I put to you 4.
-A give I on you I will pee and from you will smell as spirits!
-??!??!!! Skazki.
-A 5 will put??? I Will deliver to
-!
popisal on it the student. The examiner smells himself …
- It seems does not smell dukhami.
-Honestly does not smell … Well put 4, and I went.

*****

The student finishes the degree project. The last shtrikhi
karandashom, well, etc. Thinks: year of work, not a joke after all to note
nado. Ran to shop, brought beer, otkryvayet
butylku - and from there dzhin:
-Make any wish!
NU, the student thinks: ''The project already finished, beer is... ''
- Пое@$#ся...
DZHIN takes a small bottle of ink from a table, splashes out na
gotovy the project, and speaks:
-Well poye@is, poye@is...

*****

The student hnychet:
-Professor, I do not deserve the two! I Know
-, but lower marks at us, unfortunately, is not present!

*****

The student comes into the room in a hostel, all beaten and with a shiner under an eye. Silently hangs up a jacket on a tack and wearily sits down on a bed. The roommate begins it otchityvat:
-Kolyan, well, after all you almost the excellent student! You always arrived reasonably and soberly. Eventually, you from a decent family. And what forced you to go to the bar moreover and to fight there because of some maiden?
KOLYA osharashenno:
- And … Well … And, you from where about it know? To me and not to know
-!? Yes, you have behind on a jacket a print of my boot!

*****

The student comes on ekzamen.
-Know? That you know
-Znayu.
-?
- Subject znayu.
-What subject?
-, Which sdayu.
- And what you hand over?
- Well, it you carp!

*****

The student calls home from a hostel that to him to a grant chego-nibud
podkinuli.
-Directly and we do not know what to do! - members of household answer. - Fruit in takuyu
zharu will not reach - will be spoiled. Fish? So mail will not take - budet
pakhnut! Send to
-money - money does not smell!

*****

The student goes for examination. Thinks: "I will hand over - I will get drunk, I will not hand over - I will get drunk". Bought a bottle. Put in a pocket of a jacket and went to be given. It answers on bilet.
prepodovatel:
-That at you in a pocket?
- Yes so, nichego.
-Dostavayte.
student gets a bottle, the teacher stakan.
nalivayet to itself and vypivayet:
-it is good. The pickle is?
-NET.
-Is a pity. And it could be "excellent"

*****

Student:
-What practical application of uncertain integral?
prepodavatel:
-A I here come somehow into a toilet. During process known for all hours slid off in a toilet bowl. I did not become puzzled, and took a wire, curved it in the form of uncertain integral and got hours.

*****

The student in cafe sees pepper and salt on a table and asks ofitsianta:
-Why on a table salt?
- It in case in the dish ordered by you will appear a little soli.
- And why then on a table there is no meat?

*****

The student kolledzha:
-You that made with my shirt?
sosed on komnate:
-Carried in prachechnuyu.
-Oh, My God, what I will do now? After all at it on cuffs byl
zapisan all course of history!

*****

The student of conservatory removed the first in life apartment and in a week calls mother and complains of neighbors: "One sobs all day, another lies in a bed and groans, a still is the guy who fights the head about a wall". You keep
- from them far away, the sonny, - advises mat.
- And I so and I do. I sit the whole day at myself in the room and I play a pipe.

*****

The student from the abrupt passes examination, invests five hundred dollars in a notebook and writes: "on 100 dollars for point" After examination opens a notebook and sees three hundred dollars and an inscription "Delivery".

*****

- The student, you why at lecture sleep!?
-Ya I do not sleep, I slowly blink.

*****

The student mathematician fell asleep with thought of a sexual problem. Woke up with the decision in a hand in the morning.

*****

The medical student carefully raised edge of the ticket and found in nem
takoy a question: "Give five advantages of maternal milk pered
korovyim".
- First, - uncertainly there began a student, - it is always fresher, secondly,
ono more purely, thirdly, it more usefully, fourthly, the woman always has it pri
sebe. And, at last, the fifth, - the student reflected, - it contains in takom
prelestnom a vessel!
komissiya unanimously gave it the excellent.

*****

The medical student passes examination in anatomy. The question "front muscles" got. The student does not know a nifig, something grinds... Professor listened-listened, it bothered him, asks a question:- Tell, musculus f.../* forgot, how in Latin, in Russian" a big gluteus" */- it chewing or mimic? The student has nothing to lose, tries at random:- Mimic! Professional:- Here when she will smile to you then come to a repeating an examination.

*****

The medical student was examined at professora.
-As you arrive if it is necessary for you that the patient well propotet? - asked professor.
-I will give it the strong sudorific...
- For example?
- Hot tea, raspberry, lime color...
- Well and if it does not work?
-Ya I will resort then to the help of flying oils, air...
-A if it will be insufficiently? I will try
-Ya mercury preparaty.
- And if action after all is not? I will try to apply
-Ya salsaperel, a saffron, - the student answered and brushed away from a forehead large drops pota.
- And if it is insufficiently? I will send to
-Ya the patient to be examined to you.

*****

The student of medical institute does not differ in special diligence and abilities. And here he also broke a leg and two months did not go to classes. When he returned to institute, asks it professor:
-Well how at you now put?
- Oh, thanks, professor! I began to go and run better, than earlier!
professor, so zadumchivo:
-Ah so! Now you should have broken a skull also:

*****

The student 20 with small got years under the bus, and - to death. Regained consciousness in the next world. In a chair opposite saw someone, similar to the person, but shining from within infrared svetom.
-Gde I?
You in a hell, the sonny. But be not afraid in advance, here actually it is much better, than describe there, on the earth. Here you in life smoked?
student looks down: - Yes, курил.
- Well means, on Mondays for you there will be a holiday. It at us day of smoking. A choice - huge, from a tube and makhorka to expensive cigars and a hookah. We smoke all Monday, until late at night. Both to a pofig asthma and a cancer - You after all already died! And you liked to drink?
student hangs the head: - Not without it...
- At- At! Then prepare for holidays on Tuesdays! This day we drink everything, since the morning, from beer and light wines to the most hard liquor: moonshine and alcohol. And to spit on a liver: you after all already died! And how about drugs?
student reddens: - Yes, happened!
Well, you will have fun on Wednesdays! At us it is day of drugs, from the lungs, to heroin and heavy synthetics. You want - be pricked, you want - smoke, and be not afraid neither withdrawal pains, nor an overdose, cops - You after all already died! And with women?
student quickens: - And as!
Then you will come off on Thursdays! It at us day of general sex. The matter is that women in a hell in 10 times more, than men, and you will have a superchoice! And there everyone do not even remember syphilis - You after all already died! But whether there was you blue?
student is thrown up: - No that you!
-M - yes - sss... Here Fridays then will become for you the real hell!

*****

The Black student from Russia writes the letter home roditelyam.
-Zdravstvuyte, my dear mother and the father. How you live there? I hope that is good. And my life here the unimportant. When the winter was still green, I suffered but when it became white...

*****

- The student, is pleasant to study you in our HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION?
- Yes, is pleasant to study me in your HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION!
-A that specifically is pleasant to you? Me everything is pleasant to
-After army!

*****

The student answers a question on Criminal law. Question: difference of slander from an insult. The Slander brings primer:
-, it when I say that that girl on the first parte
(shows on the classmate) made with me obscene sexual intercourse on the street. (the girl reddens) And an insult it that she now thought.

*****

The student asks for leave from lecture at professora:
-Professor, at me angina.
posle lectures professor comes back home and sees that the asked for leave student walks with the potryasny lady. Professor withdraws the student and speaks:
-Dear, with SUCH quinsy you need to lie in a bed

*****

The student comes to examination, opens a portfolio, gets vodka bottles, puts on stol.
-Here to you three bottles, deliver to me tpi.
ppofessop, taking couple butylok:
-I will take two.

*****

- Pavlov student how to learn Soviet engineer among others?
- By pasportu.
- What does this mean?
- All photos in the same suit.

*****

The student periodically is late for lectures. asks:
-you did Professorrazdrazhitelno military service?
student:
-Yes.
professor:
-Well and what were told you by the foreman when you were late a napostroyeniye? "Health I wish
student:
-, companion lieutenant!"