Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

568  569  570  571  572  573  574  575  576  577  578  579

The student danced with the girl and suddenly upal.
-Waters! Waters! - cried devushka.
pribezhali with water and brought a glass to lips postradavshego.
student slowly opened eyes and it is silent prosheptal:
- And bread.

*****

The student of theatrical higher education institution asks at prepodavatelya:
"Professor, and what such true transformation? "
PROF: "Nuu, smart guy, as if is more clear to explain to you? It for example when in the movie "Moscow Saga", Christina Orbakaite plays the singer!"

*****

The student of technical college decided to come to seminary. At entrance examination the father at it asks:
-my Son, what such God's force? It is simple
-, the father. God's force is the God's weight increased by God's acceleration...

*****

The student is a unique creation of the nature which is given half a year that he for one night before examination learned any matheral.

*****

The student physicist was fond of religion and was transferred to seminary. Here sits on
na lectures and, for want of habit (and can on a habit), dozes. The father po
khodu approaches lecture him and asks:
-So, tell, what such divine force?
seminarist shudders, but instantly otvechayet:
-Divine weight on divine acceleration.

*****

The student of philological faculty of MSU got to a mental hospital. The psychiatrist asks ego:
-As you, old man, reached life such? Well understand
-, at the first year I very much rejoiced to that round me is so much beautiful girls. On the second year when they started prattling at me about the, about female, everything was normal. When on a third year they at me measured new jeans and skirts, I had no anything against. When on the fourth year they started discussing with me details of the intimate life, I suffered but when on the fifth year dreamed me that at me stockings spread, here I did not sustain!

*****

The student of philological faculty (where there is a lot of girls and few boys) some months prior to the termination of University comes to the rector and brings the statement that would deduct it from number studentov.
rektor to it speaks:
-Really, you still had some months, finish, will go rabotat
-you understand, I cannot any more when they at the first year discussed the cosmetics is I sustained, when on the second year, they discussed the underwear - a hogwash, when on the third, they trandet for the boys and who sky sleeps - too a hogwash, on the fourth when started to speak for a marriage and for children - a baize but when to me on the fifth year began dreams that at me is arrows on stockings - You know it already too

*****

The student of Financial Academy rolls drunk in a corridor, there is professor and the Student speaks emu:
-?
- the S-s-student, - a drunk voice answers paren.
-What course?!
- Thirty one dollars twenty four kopeks....

*****

The student sends home to mother the telegram: "It was plucked. Prepare the father" .
through day receives the answer: "The father is prepared. Prepare itself!"

*****

The student to conservatories came to examination pocket-eyed, rumpled and not in mood. The teacher asks: - What is? What happened?
- All night long of a cat shouted under a window - did not give usnut.
-Anything though shouted?
- Yes so... pop-music everyone!

*****

The student at examination, worrying asks prepodovatelya:
-"And pislo to scratch? Pislo's "
prepodavatel:
-"?!... Well scratch if it helps you. "

*****

The student at examination does not want to receive neud and offers prepodu:
-Give I to you a question I will ask if you do not answer, will put three?
TOT soglashayetsya:
-Zadavayte.
student:
-Here you, professor when go to bed a beard under a blanket put or on a blanket? zadumalsya:
-Precisely even I do not remember
professor …
professor puts to the student three, that happy ukhodit.
through week professor with circles under eyes catches up with the student in a corridor, selects a record book and corrects the three on dvoyku:
- The Swine! Now so so I cannot fall asleep!

*****

The student at examination leaves to answer with a small scrap bumagi.
- And where your answer? - asks prepod.
-In the head!
-A it that? - the teacher on obryvok.
-nods And it did not hold.

*****

The student at examination in German. Ekzamenator:
-Make the offer in German: the frog jumps on bolotu.
student:
- The Ainu the moment! Der a frog on der's bog flop, der flop, der flop!

*****

The student at examination in physics. Old professor tycht a finger in a formula and speaks:
-What is it? Seem to
-a letter C... That does it mean
-I? Seem to
-velocity of light...
- What With?! What velocity of light?! It is a bracket, the moron! Though... All right, go, rub...

*****

2 studenta:
-Vas, give to me we will go to giving to prepare for session. There the silence, distracts nothing, fresh air...
-A chyo, good thought, went! You only do not forget maids and vodka to gather.

*****

The student sprashivayut:
-That you will do if one million dollars give you?
- Well how that, are long otdam.
- And the others?
-A will wait the others.

*****

The student on examination Sprashivayut:
-what is your name?
student Otvechayet.raduyas:
-Ivan Ivanovich!
prepodovatel asks:
-A that you so rejoice?
student:
-Rad that answered the first question!:)

*****

To students set a task to write the short phrase in which would be religion, sex and tayna.
pyaterku the student who wrote received: "Oh, My God, I am pregnant, and even I do not guess from whom".

*****

Studentik came to meet parents of the girl. pier and so. I want to marry your daughter!!
OTETS asks it: and how many you earn?!
STUD.: I live on a grant of 200 rubles a month, if without the three!
OTETS: (with laughter) yes we only toilet paper buy in a month for 200 rubles.
student answers: eeeee, not her such assholes na are not necessary to me!!!

*****

The student comes back zapolnoch to a hostel and speaks podrugam
po komnate:
-you will not believe! Just drank vodka half of liter - kak
rukoy took off pants!!!

*****

The student shares impressions with the girlfriend about summer praktike.
- And we spent the night on a mow. Once the thunder-storm began, and the roof failed...
-I did not press down you?
- Is not present. Everything Lesh fell on a back.

*****

The student - the podruge:
- And I will put on a miniskirt examination... And without shorts... And, better, I will suck off prepodu.
-You chyo? Silly woman? We have a teacher - the woman!
- Here, popados... Shoot... It is necessary to learn.

*****

The student in practice at school. Entered a class, sat down at a table, undertook hands temples - the head bolit.
potom by a weak voice asks:
-Children, what at us now a lesson of the schedule? The Mathematician's
-, Mar Write Vanna.
-a statement of the problem: two students drank two bottles of vodka. It is asked: on what X to them it was necessary also a wine bottle?

*****

The student comes home on kanikuly:
-Mother! At last at me appeared malchik.
-Perfectly. And where he studies?
- Yes you that, to it only a month.

*****

The student passes examination, it is impossible in any way. Then studenka i
speaks:
(c): I ask a riddle if you guess - neud, differently - ud.,
dogovorilis?
(P): OK
(c): why x * @ nya a feminine gender, and p%yodets - man's?
(P): not znayu
(c): Here if to give you 10 women, and to oblige you them to ottrakhat,
tak it to you will be p%yodets, and me 10 men - x * @ nya!

*****

The student passes examination. Professor crafty speaks:
-Well, I will deliver to you 3 with great reserve! But at first stretch.

*****

The student passes examination in economy. In the ticket a question of the economic theory of Adam Smith. It is felt, wrote off everything from a crib and spurs, itself without understanding sense. In total A. Smith yes A. Smith. The elderly teacher does not want to send it to a repeating an examination, and it for conscience cleaning asks:
- And how call Smith?
devushka is rumpled, looks in a piece of paper, but - bespolezno.
-Well, give, remember, same it is so simple! Without results. To the teacher it became final it was a pity for the unfortunate student, and it it is sympathizing sprosila:
-Well give so: how called the first man?
devushka reddened and is bashful otvetila:
-Valera...

*****

The student of university Rosi Reid which exposed on Internet аукцион
свою virginity to pay study - at last overslept s
chelovekom, offered it the highest price. It appeared them razvedennyy
muzhchina, at the age of 44 years, having two children. He paid студентке
$20500. This sum will allow Rosi to continue training in Universitete
bristolya After stays in prison of Bristol the put 7 years za
prostitutsiyu.

*****

The student of Ukhryupinsky state university Myshkina because of the obstinacy only from the seventh calling passed examination in psychology to young associate professor Koshkin though could not break on the first...

*****

The student blonde is asked on ekzamene:
-you know the murderer Lermontov? I Know
-... But unless he is a murderer? He is the Great poet!

*****

The student sprashivayut:
-In what a difference between the rector, the student and tram?
- Between the rector and the student - any, and under tram was not.

*****

To the student tomorrow a deadline for delivery of the most difficult course-cha on TMM. It all night long draws on the A1.
POD format Whatman paper morning draws the last line and in exhaustion leans back on a back stula.
i here Gospod:
-my Son is to it, you nicely worked, ask that you want!
- My God, give to drink. tsya! Here the Lord disappears, and v
vozdukhe over the drawing the inkwell matheralizes and... overturns on vatman.
-E. s, my son!

*****

The student cannot marry never: if is engaged in the wife, tails, and if study - horns will grow. And if after all is engaged in that and subjects, will kick the bucket...

*****

Students come back to the hostel zapolnoch...
komendant: Petrov, you where was?
petrov: Potato zharil.
komendant: And you are Kartoshkina where were?

*****

Students at a graduation party, having gathered, stick to professoru:
-Professor, want all of us will gather and we will purely buy to you the car?
- Is not present, children, I the car not hochu.
-Well then want we will chip in together and we will buy you purely the computer?
- Is not present, not nado.
-We purely with all the heart, and you dream of anything. Che in nature you for the person that!!!
- Is, children, I have a dream: never say to nobody that you at me studied!

*****

Students give intervyyu:
-If us expel from university, we will hand over bottles and we will arrive on paid office!

*****

Students historians of RGU found out, what code on an entrance at Lyudmila Gurchenko.
eto three-digit number - year of her birth.

*****

Students to the hostel lie on beds. Odin:
-Est there is a wish... Let's a pig get! There will be at us a sausage, pork...
VTOROY:
-Ne-e... It is too much dirt!
trety (looking round a mess in the room):
Anything! Will get used!