Jokes about the Chukchi

Read funny Jokes about the Chukchi

Jokes about the Chukchi

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Why Chukchi speak all the time "however"? They too saw country houses and Abramovich's yachts on the TV.

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Why Chukchi do not eat the Bulgarian tomatoes? The head in bank does not creep.

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Why Chukchi do not eat chocolates? Heartburn from a foil.

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Why Chukchi do not drink boiled milk?
- Because at a cow of a horn do not get into the socket!

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The Chukchi went shooting somehow, saw a hare and fired on it, no
promakhnulsya.
-Eh, absolutely slanting became, - and then looked that nearby anybody is not present i
said, - And before such was.

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The Jew and the Chukchi went to cinema. On the screen the scene where the woman is going to jump out from the 50th floor is developed. The Chukchi also speaks evreyu:
-we Argue, what she will not jump?
- Will jump! - the Jew answers. Argued. The woman jumped and razbilas.
evrey, naturally, won dispute, but a prize refused and explained chukche:
-Understand, I foreknew that she will jump - saw already this film.
-I too already saw this the movie, - the Chukchi answers, - but thought, however, that it will have enough mind for the second time not to jump.

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Went shooting Russian with the Chukchi. Put traps, went in the morning to check. At the Chukchi in traps it is full of animals, at Russian х#$. Next day too most. For the third day the Russian got up a bit earlier, animals in the traps replaced, and in chukchin the condom put a trap. Went to check traps, Russian, happy, takes out animals, and the Chukchi took a condom and speaks:
-What cunning animal, itself escaped, and a skin left!

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Representatives of the different people argue whom was on V. I. nationality of Lenin.
russkiy:
-It was russkim.
-Why? He was born
-, made revolution, died and He was buried in Rossii.
anglichanin:
-anglichaninom.
-Why? He prepared for
- The Russian revolution in English bibliotekakh.
shveytsarets:
-It was shveytsartsem.
-Why?
- It hid from the Russian tsar in Zheneve.
chukcha:
-It there was Chukcha.
-all the time Why?
- Very clever was.

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At paleontologic excavation in the territory of Estonia one of the hairdressing salons, very first on the earth, is found. Well tools, mirrors and small turn remained.

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There arrived a Chukchi from Chukotka to Moscow. Lodged in hotel. Comes to it to number prostitutka:
-you Want? I Want
-! Than you will pay
-?
chukcha opens a suitcase and gets sable skins. "Oh". Well, it otymet it. It is going to leave, and still there is a wish for skins, and asks:
-Still you want?
- Of course!
ON still has it and takes away skins back. She in shoke.
- The Chukchi wants - the Chukchi pays, the Chukchi want - to the Chukchi pay!

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There arrived soldiers to Afghanistan. Well and among them the Chukchi. Well they are also told -
ZA the head of the killed dushman - remuneration. Well, all gather,
avtomaty take, machine guns, grenades. The Chukchi sits and sharpens huge nozhik.
ushli on a task. Come back who with two heads, who with three. Chukcha
prikhodit also throws out the whole bag of the cut-off heads down to the ground. EMU:
- The Chukchi, you where so learned to cut?
- the Taiga hodil.
-So in the same place is not present anybody...
-I here will be nobody...

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The Chukchi brought a seal into the Moscow state university of Patrice Lumumba to arrive on the first course. In a selection committee explain to him: Forgive to
-, excuse, but we do not admit animals to university!
- It not animal, however, is my relative, odnako.
-As - "relative""?? Same this, seal after all?
- Well you are racists, however. Why it is possible for monkeys in university, however, and to cats it is impossible?

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Sentenced the Russian man for murder to death. And business was on Chukotka. To Abramovich … Chukchi also suggest the man to choose
NU how to be executed: execution, a poveshaniye or gas kamera.
stal that to think. The Chukchi's shooters good, hunters so will shoot without miss. And will hang up too easily. And here with a gas chamber can that at them and will not leave - can gas not will or the gate zarzhaveet.
ponadeyalsya into Russian "perhaps" and chose gas kameru.
i there came day of execution. 3avodyat the man in fresh linen in a gas chamber. He looked round and was delighted - guessed! The door iron, walls strong, and is also not present a ceiling, the sky blue above! Now Chukchi can include the gas - all the same everything upward will leave! With relief the man also looked at
vzdokhnul in the blue sky …
poslednee that he saw in this life was the huge gas cylinder flying to it on golovu.
gazovaya a chamber, however …

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There comes a Chukchi to Alla Pugacheva and speaks:
-Pugacheva, give pozhenimsya.
-you Will get to me crocodile boots - we will get married. There went a Chukchi to Africa. Pugacheva waits for one, two years, for the third year did not sustain, went to Africa. Looks - the Chukchi on the bank of Nile sits and crocodiles catches, and behind it the big mountain of crocodiles. The Chukchi thrust a hand into water, speaks:
-Oh, the devil, again without boots got.

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There comes a Chukchi in Gosplan.
-However, 3000 bricks nado.
-What for?
- Economic eksperimenta.
dali. There comes a Chukchi through god.
-However, 3000 bricks nado.
-What for?
- Economic eksperimenta.
dali. There comes a Chukchi still through god.
-However, 3000 bricks nado.
-What for?
- Economic eksperimenta.
dali, but decided to check that it with bricks does. Come, see: the Chukchi sits ashore, kidayet.
-That you do bricks in water?
- However, I think: why bricks square, and traces on water the round?

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There comes a Chukchi to a settlement in velveteen jeans. It sprashivayut:
-Why to you velveteen jeans?
- However that each voshka on the path ran.

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The visitor, examining the settlement the Chukchi, asks the Chukchi, which hour of
-Exactly 12, - answers chukcha.
-Really? I thought - much more bolshe.
-In these parts never happened any more. After 12 it is made a fresh start: hour, two, three.

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There arrived the photographer the Chukchi to photograph. Photographed, nachal
pechatat, and all of them as like as two peas. Well, it without thinking twice, took one negative, and s
nego printed a photo. Comes to Chukchi, distributed. All look rejoice, a
odin looked, looked and speaks:
-it is strange, however, a face it seems washing, and Keshkin's shirt!

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There arrived somehow to Chukotka one professor (P). Lodged at the familiar Chukchi (H), lives. Once sees - the Chukchi sobirayetsya.
p somewhere: - You where?
Ch: - On hunting, odnako.
p: - Take me with yourself?!
Ch: - It to have the head nado.
p there: - Yes I it seems not the fool, vsezh professor!
Ch: - And on skis you are able to run?
P: - Of course! In youth was the champion of area in biathlon!
Ch: - Well... Gun
vzyali, went to a taiga. Long went. At last find a bear den. Well the Chukchi takes the gun, shoots in a den and to tick...
(P) understands nothing, but is attached near the Chukchi. Behind backs, certainly, the furious woken bear. Two run hour...
nakonets (P) thinks: '' And someone's I actually run away? '', also BAH is developed, aims! to a bear between glaz.
ch: (discontentedly) - and not the fool spoke... Now such hulk home we will drag
Kak???!

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There arrived a Chukchi to the city, goes means down the street and finds zerkaltse.
posmotrel in it and speaks: I too would throw out such photo.

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There arrived a Chukchi to Moscow. Goes to a taxi on the city. Suddenly across - starushka.
Driver - to the right, and the old woman to the right, the driver - to the left and the old woman to the left. Hardly razminulis.
edut further. The Chukchi speaks:
- The Russian hunter - the bad hunter. If the Chukchi did not open a door - the old woman would leave!

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There arrived a Chukchi to Moscow. The company was going to drink. Think: whom to send to shop. Chukchi! It went. Hour is not present, two are not present. In three hours comes back without binge. It sprashivayut:
-Where you so long were?
- were Got by me, however, in line. I cost hour, I cost two. We approach shop, we go down to the cellar, and the seller, however, died Є

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There arrived a Chukchi for the first time to Moscow. And it is bad itself pochuvstvoval.
zakhodit to vrachu:
- The Doctor, it is bad to me... Give
- I will deliver you termometr.
- The Thermometer? And where you will deliver it to me?
VRACH-shutnik:
-Where? In back pass, of course!
minut through the 10th doctor pulls out the thermometer and vosklitsayet:
- At you temperature - 40.5!
- However! And it in a shadow!

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There arrived a Chukchi to representation of Japanese equipment. Well, bought a petrolsaw and went to itself to a taiga. Passes month. Again comes to representation and speaks: here according to the instruction of 50 cubes in day and at me no more than 30 it turns out. Well there all took alarm, collected the commission and to a taiga went. Arrived, generally... For the morning woke up and see: the Chukchi went to a taiga... Main from the commission also speaks: "Men, you do not tell current to it as she is brought, and it all taiga nakhren will cut that!"

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There arrived to Chukchi the photographer. Photographed all, looks, and all of them as like as two peas. It also printed all photos from one negative. Distributed photos. One Chukchi looks and udivlyaetsya.
- The Face washing, and a shirt - no.

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Arrived two Chukchi to warm regions - we will tell, to Moscow at the beginning of May, - and was impatient them a small fish to catch. Well, missed a small fish. And how to catch - do not know. Ice, pancake, no. Kind people also speak to them: one beret of another for feet, that overhangs from the bridge - and forward. Fish hands lovit.
a che, was decided to be tried. And here one, so holds, another hangs. And suddenly what hangs as zaoret:
-Pull give! Pull, pull give!
- That? Fish? What
- fish?! Train!

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There arrived racketeers to the Chukchi and dragged him to an ice-hole to bathe. Dip it into an ice-hole and speak: "" Give money!"" The Chukchi speaks: "" There is no money!"" They it again in an ice-hole: "" Give Gold, pebbles!"" Chukchi to them in reply: "" You, men, or give a mask or more deeply lower, it is visible nothing, however!""

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Called up somehow the Chukchi for military service. Think, it is dangerous, however, to it oruzhiye
davat. Distances the wooden grenade also told it supposedly now the tank because of holma
vyedet, you it at once and blow up. Well, however, the tank leaves, the Chukchi granatu
brosil. "Women!" - speaks. Other Chukchi i
otvechayet gets out of the tank hatch: "Bdyshchshch!"

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Called the Chukchi in landing troops. The first jump he forgot Ha that it is necessary to do i
padayet by a stone down. Sees towards another flies chukcha.
-Hey the fellow countryman, tell that it is necessary to pull that this thingummy revealed? I know
-He, the fellow countryman, I am a sapper, however

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Russian to chukche.
-comes Lend hundred grams of gold. I will give in a year with navarom.
dal to it the Chukchi gold, waits. In a year again comes russkiy.
-Listen, excuse, did not leave so far, give as much again, I will give through god
srazu vse.
dal to it the Chukchi gold. In a year sees the Russian which is coming back k
nemu and speaks zhene:
-However Russian goes, again will ask as a loan. I under lezhak
spryachus, and you tell that I on distant pastbishchakh.
prikhodit russkiy.
- And where chukcha-to.
- And on distant pastbishchakh.
-It is a pity, I wanted to repay debts to it yes with a gain. Well, get food,
spirt.
vypili, have a snack, laid down to strike. The Chukchi under them and dumayet:
"Here after all trouble however lies, money should be taken away, Russian to kill, the wife morda
bit, and I on distant pastures".

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The Chukchi home from hunting comes to a yurta and asks zhunu:
-Tea boiled?
- Boiled, boiled!
poprobyval - cold and with a summer, takes a teapot and beats the wife of Wife:
-Well sho did not boil!

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The Chukchi comes to bookstore and speaks:
-Give me, please, the book about clever chukchey.
- The Fantasy on the second floor.

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The Chukchi to the doctor and speaks:
-That it at me such comes, what all the Chukchi call me?
VRACH opened to it a cherepushka and sees: two parallel crinkles. On
vzyal and put their cross crosswise. Next morning the Chukchi gets up, approaches to zerkalu:
-Oh, well yakiya I am the celestial boy!

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The Chukchi with the son to the doctor and speaks:
-Doktor comes, my son eats nothing: neither bread, nor meat, cheese!
Why? No.

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The Chukchi to shamanu:
-comes Tell, however, the winter warm will be or cold? How many firewood to prepare?
shaman undertook to knock on a tambourine and to jump up, and itself dumayet:
"And who knows it, what winter will be … I will tell cold, let it is better excess firewood will prepare, than will freeze to death".
- Spirits say that u-u-u will be what cold winter!
namylilsya the Chukchi behind firewood. And and most it became interesting to the shaman what will be winter: guessed or not. And that if to be mistaken often, and can expel from the village … Went to meteorologists on stantsiyu:
-you clever, however, tell - what winter will be?
meteorologi exchanged glances, poblymat eyes on devices, then one looked in a window, and speaks:
-Cold there will be a winter! Thanks
-, however! - the shaman who is made happy with what his reputation not postradayet.
-Hear and that you decided what the winter will be cold was moved away? - meteorologists at otvechavshego.
-ask And the Chukchi behind firewood was soaped - means, cold will be!.

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The polar explorer and speaks:
- The Chukchi comes to the Chukchi, occupy 100 grams of gold till next year?
NU the Chukchi, of course, cannot refuse, borrowed. In a year the polar explorer (Russian) comes and speaks:
-Hear, the Chukchi, it did not turn out at me with gold that time, occupy 100 more grams?
NU, the Chukchi of that, it the kind soul, borrowed. Year passed, the Chukchi sees - Russian again goes to it, well it to the wife and speaks:
-See, Russian goes, will ask gold again, so you tell it that I on distant pastbishchakh.
Wife:
-Ugu.
chukcha hid under a bed and lies there. Russian comes and speaks:
-Where yours husband :
Wife:
-On distant pastures, odnako.
russkiy:
-Well a pancake, I brought a debt to it at once in two years, and it is not present. Well it is fine, get alcohol, and itself in krovat.
lezhat, puff, means. The Chukchi under a bed dumayet:
-Oh, lousy day, however: the debt should be taken away, Russian to kill, the wife a muzzle to beat, and I on distant pastures.

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Time to the Chukchi new Russian comes and asks:
-Listen, the Chukchi and why we with you in jokes for morons are considered?
chukcha thought-thought and speaks:
-Matter in that, however, that antagoniziruya on a surface of the general, we with you show what other how a simbiozny attaraktion of sub-apropolyusnykh emotions from electorate which annihilates individual self-insufficiency, getting samokontseptualno defined realnost.
vjekhal in a subject, the brother?

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The Chinese representative to Chukcham:
-came we will be at war with you. You how many?
- of People five hundred budet.
- And you?
-One milliard.
-However where we will bury you?

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The Chukchi on a visit came, him invite to a table. It sits down on a chair, to it the wife sits down on knees, to her the child sits down on knees. The owner speaks:
-That you so sat down? - how many place!! You plates put
CHUKCHA:
-Ho one in one...

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