Jokes about school

Read funny Jokes about school

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Two school friends meet. One bandit-NR, another uchenyy.
nr: - Well cho, you whom in nature became?
U: - Entomologist YA.
NR: - Ento cho such?
U: - Butterflies razvozhu.
nr: - Cho in nature? Those? Bucks?
U: - Well it is possible and to skzat so …
HP: - Well and how you part them?
U: - It is difficult process. Briefly, at first the larva hatches,
potom appears a cocoon …
HP: - And cho - both one so, and five, and ten?
U: - Though one thousand!
HP: - Wow - abruptly: Brothers should rasskzat. Estimate, they to these por
kak suckers believe chase that bucks on a goznaka print!

*****

- Why you were not at school yesterday?
- my sister venchalas.
-is good, only look that it did not repeat any more!

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On September 1st the first grader is brought together in shkolu.
babushka - "Do not offend girls, do not pull braids"
dedushka - "In offense of do not give"
MAMA - "Put apples in a briefcase in a paper bag. Obyazatelno
pomoy hands before food. And you are a father why are silent? "
PAPA - "I after all conduct it in school - I will talk on the road"
IDUT to the son school - on a meeting the blonde, feet from ears - sex a bomb!
ostanovilis, opened mouths, carried out vzglyadom.
papa turns to the son - "Saw? "
SYN delightfully - "Saw! "- "And so remember
PAPA the son. Such eb*t only excellent students!"

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The guest with astonishment looks at the son hozyayki:
-Neuzheli it goes to school? After all to it only three years! And on
deystvitelno reads newspapers? No! Well you! He only solves in them crossword puzzles!

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Most loudly cool 17-year-old first-year students shout of a stupid 16-year shkolota.

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Georgian school, physical education class...
prepodavatel teaches girls to twist a hoop. On one girl etot
obruch does not nalazit, she goes to complain uchitelyu.
uchitel answers: "Manana, peach, ne port figure, ides lady!"

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Dagestan shkola.
uchitel: children who wrote the CAPITAL?
magomet: Pushkin!
NET!
nasrulla: Lermontov!
NET!
nafisat: I know, it is Berberova, at them to the 12th light burned.

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Two schoolgirls talk between soboy:
-Dzhordzhetta, I beremenna.
-You know from whom?
- Yes, from Donalda.
-As it treated it?
- As real gentleman. He apologized.

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Children, finish with two words the following stikhotvoreniye:
kto to bears of a paw tears,
zaychikov under a rain of vanities,
tanin a ball threw into the small river,
oblomal to a bull a plate?
kazhdy knows it kto.
eto - [...] Agniya Bartho

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- Children, - the teacher addressed to a class, - tonight there will be a total eclipse of the moon. This phenomenon - very rare, and I hope that you look at it. Remember, the beginning in twenty pyatnadtsat.
- And according to what program?

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Children at school were given a task to be written the composition on a subject: "If I byl
premjer-Ministrom Russia". Compositions turned out very different, no
zakanchivalis everything is identical: "And h@y you will find me in this country".

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The director goes on school, sees - in one class a board dirty. By there are senior pupils, it to them speaks:
-Girls, wipe, please, a board!
starsheklassnitsy emu:
- And who here girls?
direktor was confused. Approaches to pyatiklassnitsam:
-Girls. zasmeyalis:
-Where you here girls see
Te?
direktor absolutely became puzzled. Goes sad on school, sees - the first grader. It it asks:
- And you though girl? I do not know
-, yesterday drunk was.

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The director, having come to school, sees that a handrail of a ladder is wound by a barbed wire. Seeing his amazed look, the school watchman to it speaks:
-Understand, children took fashion to ride on a handrail. And after all they with such speed move down, as to be killed mogut.
-you perfectly thought up It! Now they will precisely cease to ride!
- Is not present, they still ride, but now though the wire does not allow them to disperse strongly.

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The principal brought together teachers and speaks: - I congratulate you!
NASHA the school took the 1st place in a popularity rating!
- It because our children well solve problems at the Olympic Games?
- It because your children put the hidden cameras in school toilets!

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The Jewish boy comes home, in the diary one two. It,
estestvenno abuse, it opravdyvayetsya:
- And that you want? Teacher anti-semite. Here if you me zapisali
russkim, then another delo.
nu, parents conferred and solved, time such business, it russkim
zapisat. Zapisali.
no marks both were the two, and remained. Again all family gathered,
otets, mother the grandfather, all speak, well as so, why you so badly study, look at
vot, what good marks we had, when we in shkolu
khodili...
PATSAN:
-Oh and you, Jews, always in excellent students promylitsya.

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The grandmother, and opposite - the pioneer goes by the bus. The grandmother smells a tabachok and sneezes. Pioneer ey:
-Good luck, grandmother! Yes it I am not ill
-, granddaughters, I a tabachok smell it …
- Yes you are a grandma though h%y choke, and us at school learn to be polite!

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If in gold to melt and pour in it the melted lead, after hardening it will become invaluable... (from control on physics)

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- Tomorrow let your grandfather will come to school! You want to tell
- - the father?
- Is not present, the grandfather. I want to show it, what mistakes are made by his son v
tvoikh homeworks.

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Record in dnevnike:
vash the son again fought today on change. I put on it and won 100 rubles. Thanks.

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The principal comes into a class with the new teacher. Zdorovayetsya:
-Hi, laces!
- Hi, boot! - amicably with chorus This sole you answers klass.
-to algebra will learn.

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- What do you know about cultural plants?
- Cultural plants absorb carbon dioxide and emit oxygen, and uncivilized impudently it use!

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There is a grandmother with the granddaughter, and on the sidewalk of a dog of $бутся. The granddaughter asks:
- The Grandmother and what they do? The grandmother otvechayet:
-you Understand one doggie relaxed, and another strained, clearly?
- Yes the grandmother, clearly it is impossible to relax, and that вы$ $ут.

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There is a lesson at the Georgian school, the teacher asks the pupil. - Ahmet that such fiasco. - A fiasco it when you go on dark transition, you are gone ahead by the beautiful girl, suddenly podezzhat the bus, she sits down and leaves. - Good fellow Ahmed correctly. - Muhammad that such fiasco. - A fiasco it when you go on dark transition, you are gone ahead by the beautiful young man, suddenly podezzhat the bus, and it leaves. - Correctly Muhammad. - Giv that such fiasco. - A fiasco it when you go on dark transition, behind there is Muhammad, and no bus is present!

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There is Russian lesson in Georgian shkole.
-Gogh, what Russian fabulist you know? -
asks uchitel.
-Kryladze! - answers Goga.
- And what its fable you know?
- Monkey and point!
- Well, tell to us ee.
- There is a monkey along a pond, a point a point syudy.
i suddenly to it from a pond of Kryladze there: "Syuda courses, syuda courses!''

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From the anonymous survey conducted at school "Requirements and Wishes"
stalo is clear that 93% of school students do not belong to polls seriously.

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From sochineniya:
"the Countess went in the carriage with the back raised, put in an accordion."

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From the sochineniya:ena the heroine of the novel of Lev Tolstoy "War and peace", especially very much is pleasant when she dances on a ball with Stierlitz.

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From sochineniya:
u Onegina it was heavy to be facilitated at heart and therefore it went to Tatyana.

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From the textbook on Russian for 2 klassa:
" (What?) (what?) brought us to this (what?) wood."

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Cool rukoDriver:
-Well how you worked at home? House
- I worked on a plate with pies, and then on compote.

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When Vovochka was asked, whether he can call five samykh
schastlivykh years in the life, he otvetil:
-Of course, it when I studied in the first grade.

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When little Dracula did not come back home from school, his mother and thought: "Probably, a stake put".

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When you pass examination, remember the main thing: y you is the rights, not to answer questions, to demand presence of the lawyer and to make one phone call!

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When pupils of Sunday school went for church meeting, uchitelnitsa
sprosila:
- And why it is necessary to behave silently in church?
ODNA the ingenious baby otvetila:
-Because people sleep …

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End of May. The teacher on the last in academic year cool chase:
-Children, what for you was most difficult in the 3rd class? To Explain with
-to the shop assistant for whom vodka is bought!

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End educational goda.
-Fathers, and fathers! And you happy!
- It why?
- for me should not be bought Textbooks. I for the second year remained.

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The 13-year-old school student Vasya Ivanov found in a table at the father five pill of viagra which took inside. Later the teenager was taken to hospital with burns of palms of the 3rd degree.

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The 10-year-old girl mame:
-Mother and if I become pregnant, I will not go to school?
-: shock:
- Is not present, definitely I will not go, and that I will receive a bad note, I will be alarmed i
poteryayu the child.

*****

The little girl comes from school home and speaks:
-Mother, you represent, Vovochka on change kissed me directly v
guby!
MAMA, half indignant, half amazed, asks:
- And how it occurred? It was very hard for
-, but three girlfriends helped me to hold it.