Jokes about Shtirlitsa

Read funny Jokes about Shtirlitsa

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Stierlitz ate eels which to him were brought by the radio operator of KET.
"Tasty", - kept saying Shtirlits.
"Eat", - Cat smiled. - "I still will squeeze out"

*****

Stierlitz went to Berlin. The city was shrouded in a smoke of the fires. "Again forgot to switch off the iron" - with disappointment Stierlitz thought.

*****

Stierlitz went across Berlin and noticed at the corner of Veershtrasse of the person in a long-skirted Red Army overcoat and a budenovka, is lazy the sample of 1911 cutting passersby with a checker. "Coherent"... - Stierlitz realized.

*****

Stierlitz went across evening Berlin. Near restaurant there were representatives ancient professii.
-Prostitutes, - Shtirlits.
- The Russian scout Stierlitz thought, - learned on the car of the prostitute.

*****

Stierlitz went in the car and "M?ller" saw voting Myullera.
, - Stierlitz thought. "Stierlitz", - M?ller thought. through
pol hour everything repeated once again. "Ring", - Shtirlits.
thought "Scoffs", - M?ller thought.

*****

Stierlitz went in the car and saw voting Myullera.
shtirlits did not begin to stop, but through couple of kilometers saw the same kartinu.
shtirlits again again did not stop and through couple of kilometers everything repeated still raz.
"Ring", - Shtirlits.
thought "Scoffs", - M?ller thought.

*****

Stierlitz went by the tram and saw M?ller digging in the motor of the car. After a while the situation repeated. On the tenth repetition Stierlitz guessed: "a ring route".

*****

Stierlitz went on the escalator and incidentally passed an excess circle.

*****

Stierlitz lit a candle, the candle burned but light did not give. Stierlitz extinguished a candle. Light gave.

*****

- Stierlitz, close a window - M?ller asked, - blows!
- Do it yourself, motherfucker!!!

*****

- Stierlitz, and you why have not a snack? - with suspicion asks
myuller. - You that, - Russian?
- We, Germans, - the people economical, - got out Stierlitz.

*****

Stierlitz stuffed up a foot for a foot. Next day Japanese resident Nogu-za-nogu Gestapo visor.

*****

Stierlitz noticed coherent at once. It was in a red bathing suit with a bright star on a breast. She held the Pravda newspaper in hand. It imperceptibly approached to girl.
-What time is it now? - playfully asked Shtirlits.
-Ya forgot hours on Lubyanka, - smiled devushka.
eto there was a password.

*****

Stierlitz if you do not pay for electricity, we will disconnect to you a handheld transceiver.

*****

Stierlitz came into the bar with krikom:
-I Will chop, boughs!
nemtsy chipped in together of ruble, and Stierlitz left.

*****

Stierlitz came into a tavern, took seat for a little table, made the order, and, having put a hand to the waitress under a skirt, felt someone's thick chlen.
-Well there, now you got, Stierlitz!
- Is not present, M?ller. It you got now, - Stierlitz answered and strong clenched a fist...

*****

Stierlitz came into M?ller's office and said:
"Mister M?ller, you would not like to become the agent of red investigation? Will not bad pay you" .
myuller indignantly refused. Then, already leaving the room, Stierlitz sprosil:
"Gruppenfyurer, you have no headache pills?". Stierlitz knew that from conversation the last phrase is remembered.

*****

Stierlitz came into an office and saw M?ller in a budenovka sitting on a table and playing on balalayke.
-"Yes, Stierlitz, - M?ller melancholically said, - not one you are homesick."

*****

Stierlitz came into the wood and saw - blue spruces. He looked narrowly and noticed that they not only ate, but also saw... "Well thank God, though nobody remade this joke" - Stierlitz thought.

*****

Stierlitz came into Abver's residence and on the door saw "The residence of the Soviet investigation".
-"Publicity", - Stierlitz thought.

*****

Stierlitz came into the entrance. On a wall it was written: "Stierlitz - the Russian spy!" Stierlitz it zadelo.
na on a wall was written the next day: "Stierlitz - the Russian scout!"

*****

Stierlitz came into a toilet, pulled out a pencil and M?ller wrote on stene:
"- the cattle" .
ETO was the first inscription made by the Soviet soldier on the Reichstag.

*****

Stierlitz, you know Tikhonov? unexpectedly asked Myuller.
-Of course is not present, - Stierlitz did not become puzzled.

*****

Stierlitz, these boots are familiar to you? - asked Myuller.
shtirlits would learn these boots from one thousand. They were made of skin of the pastor Shlaga.

*****

Stierlitz knew that 2*2 - four, but he did not know, whether it is necessary to inform on it the center and as more intelligible to explain it to them.

*****

Stierlitz knew for certain. But Navernyak did not know Stierlitz.

*****

Stierlitz played soccer with SS-men. He made a footboard of Kaltenbruneru. The judge M?ller showed to Stierlitz a yellow card. "Mustard plaster", - Shtirlits.
shtirlits thought went on streets of Berlin and suddenly raised eyes. It were eyes of professor Pleyshner.

*****

- Shtirlits goes on koridoru.
- By what corridor?
- on the green.

*****

Stierlitz goes along a corridor, towards to it Borman, having widely placed hands. "It is necessary to break", - Stierlitz thought and, having brought down from Borman's feet, skrylsya.
"the Devil! - Borman.
- The Fifth glass to an office thought do not allow to inform!".

*****

Stierlitz was the pervert. Therefore to Vrashchentsakh delivered it a monument.

*****

Stierlitz sometimes took a red flag at night, rose by a roof of the Reichstag and, swinging a flag, shouted at all Berlin: "Fascists of the swine and the Soviet Union is well!! Uraaa!!! "
rabota at office demanded an adrenaline emission time.

*****

Stierlitz tested inconvenience. Inconvenience was firm and did not bend.

*****

Stierlitz rode the bicycle and crushed about an egg frame. Next day Abram died.

*****

- Stierlitz, you are a communist! - M?ller began to squeal. - You walk in a red single-breasted coat!
- Well you, a gruppenfyurer, - indulgently grinned Stierlitz. - Simply I -
novy russkiy.
- And... That for work every day on new "Mercedes"... And

*****

Stierlitz fed the German children furtively. From an ukradka children swelled and died.

*****

Stierlitz went to bed and, a little bit later, fell asleep.

*****

Stierlitz lay on a floor, having masked under a stub.

*****

Stierlitz goes by plane to Berlin. In 10 min. after take-off it calls the stewardess. - Sorry, - Stierlitz, - I from a budun speaks, bring me a glass of water. The stewardess brings a glass of aerated water. Stierlitz drinks off it and puts a glass on a tray. - Thanks! In 10 min. it again calls the stewardess. - Sorry, - he speaks, - I from a budun, bring me still a glass of water. It brings a glass of aerated water. Stierlitz in a volley bypivat him and puts a glass on a tray. - Thanks! It proceeds within an hour every 10 minutes with breaks on visit of a toilet. In the next 10 minutes Stierlitz again asks the stewardess to bring water. - Yes, that you have there in the budena drought, perhaps?! - the harassed stewardess squalls in the end.

*****

Stierlitz did not love mass executions, but it was somehow inconvenient to refuse...