Jokes about Vovochku

Read funny Jokes about Vovochku

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Vovochka returned with the father from walk. The Father takes a receiver i
soobshchayet:
-, mother just left, phone still the hot...

*****

Vovochka:
-Grazhdanka you are necessary to me as the woman.... I have a ball in female tualet
zakatilsya.

*****

– Vovochka!Do not gnaw nails!And in general - depart from the dead man.

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- Vovochka, you know who such Chapayev?
-pointed знаю.
- Well? Who?
Black essno. () C that you took
-Sh8-?
Well he was at war with the white.

*****

- Vovochka, and what largest fish you know?
-Б&$#ь.
-.....???????
-here the father said Yes that caught on holiday of ?$ # @, so then tselyy
mesyats it fried!

*****

- Vovochka, a canary disappeared somewhere!
-is strange, five minutes ago I vacuumed it, and it was na
meste.

*****

- Vovochka, do not shake on the father: not for this purpose it was hung up!

*****

Vovochka:
-Mother, go to an office, I dropped big stremyanku.
-Well, the father to you will set when uznayet.
- The Father already knows, it hangs on a chandelier.

*****

- Vovochka, open rather a mouth and tell a-a-a that this angry i
protivny the doctor could pull out at last the finger from tvoikh
zubok!

*****

Vovochka:
- The Father, tell and how catch mentally ill people?
-by means of powder, beautiful dresses and lovely smiles.

*****

Vovochka:
- The Father, at school today PTA meeting, but only for
samogo narrow kruga.
-For the narrowest circle? How to understand it?
-Will be only the teacher and you.

*****

Vovochk with the father is walked in the park, and there is a sculpture of Venery.
-Pap and why it has no hands? You
Will gnaw nails, the same will be...

*****

- Vovochka what will turn out if to four to add one?
-Not zna - and - ayu, Maria Ivanovna. Put dvoyku.
-Well here look. We take four fingers, we add one more. Chto
poluchayetsya?
-A, understood! The fig will turn out!

*****

Vovochka:
-As it is correctly written, Maryivanna: "onanism" or "onanism"?
uchitelnitsa:
-Vova, from where you know such words?
-A che here nobility? We have all class it zanimayetsya.
- And you too?!
-Ya - ne-e-e. I in 1-b have a woman.

*****

Vovochka shirked in the most malicious way school. Ego
uchitelnitse this disgrace bothered, and she solved provedat
roditeley and, at the same time, pitomtsa.
prikhodit to the address - there a mansion nemeryany, from gate do
vkhoda prostelena carpets. Knocks at the door... The door-keeper,
vezhlivy to impropriety opens. Behind it pictures in podlinnikakh.
teacher, confused are looked through mramornye
lestnitsy, is silent asks:
- And d-houses V-v-Vovochka?
shveytsar conducts it on the house to the Vovochkiny door. Stuchit:
-Voldemar! To you the lady!
-PIZDISh!
-BLYa I will be - with! in a notebook.

*****

Vovochka sits in a sandbox and molds kulichka. By there passes a man i
nastupayet on odin.
- The Man, you that oh... ate?
muzhik led Vovochka to mother and speaks:
-your son rugayetsya.
mama forces a mat Vovochka izvinitsya.
-Forgive, the man, x... nya it turned out.

*****

Somehow Vovochka asks mamu:
-Mothers and how I was born? Well, the sonny, we with the father took
-a glass. He spat, I spat, put na
okoshko, and next morning you poyavilsya.
na the next day in shkole:
-Tan, spit in stakan.
-Yes you that, Vovochka?
-Well plyun.
-Tfu.
Vovochka too spat and put a glass the cockroach fell to a window in the komnate.
nochyyu in a glass. In the morning Vovochka with a glass approaches to mather:
-Mothers, crush the grandson - the hand is not raised against the son.

*****

Vovochka asks at mamy:
-Mothers, what for fish "manicurist"? From where you took
-, what it is fish?
-Yes the father called by telephone to the uncle Kolya and told that vchera
na to fishing all night long fried the manicurist!

*****

Vovochka asks at mamy:
-Mother, and from where children undertake? I told
-to you, them brings aist.
-3nayu that a stork. But who bangs a stork?

*****

Vovochka asks at mamy:
-That for fish the secretary?
ETO not fish, is the woman who prints on mashinke.
- And why then the father said, what it all night long zharil
skretarshu?

*****

Vovochka asks Mashi:
-Masha, and you are the hot woman? I do not know
-! But when I get up from a pot - from there steam all right!

*****

Vovochka asks:
- The Father, and the six-year-old girl can become pregnant?
-NET.
-U-u-u, a shantazhistka!

*****

Vovochka is in the yard and krichit:
-Natasha!
IZ of a window leans out the sleepy father of Natashi:
-It already went to bed! Perhaps I than will help?
-Is not present, Natasha is necessary to me as the woman! In five minutes in dvor
vyletayet Natasha - in a miniskirt and translucent bluzke.
-you Know, Natasha. - Vovochka speaks to it,
-my ball was gone in a female toilet...

*****

- Vovochka, where your school diary? His Kolk's
-took. Will frighten parents.

*****

- Vovochka when you have a Birthday?
-29 fevralya.
-Tebe was lucky that there was a leap-year, a that could not be born at all.

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(C) Vovochka at a lesson sent (MI) Mar Ivanna on х&й. MI came to (D) direktoru
vs?
rassaida.
(D) - to Vovochk to me is URGENT!
prikhodit Vovochka.
(D) - As you could offend the teacher?
(B) is impudent so - And you have VONYaYaYuT socks...
(D) 8-() ChTOOOOO?!!! Well father! In school! Quickly!
(B) - And it cannot, it has a Communist Party meeting in regional executive committee...
(D) confusedly - Vovochka vydi on minutku.
Vovochka vykhodit.
(D) - Means is done so, Mar Ivanna, you - ides? those on х&й, and I go stirat
noski.

*****

To Vovochka uchitelnitsa.
-Vovochka home comes, call the roditeley.
-I cannot, they in vannoy.
- And will leave soon?
-I do not think, I instead of BF vaseline palmed off on them.

*****

The father presented to Vovochke popugaya.
cherez half-month parents heard from a parrot netsenzurnye
slova up to perfect mata.
razgnevanny the father lectured syna:
-It is your work. The parrot says disgusting words. Only you s
nim are engaged. Speak, you taught him to talk smut?
-Ya is not guilty, - Vovochka, - it with insult spoke the first said
mne: "Punks!"

*****

Delivered to Vovochke for the answer at a lesson the two. He took out from karmana
pistolet and speaks uchitelyu:
-Or perhaps will think?
uchitel corrected the two on the five. On Vovochka following den
prikhodit in school, and there to him again the two is put. It snova
vysovyvayet pistolet.
-Or perhaps will think?
uchitel gets from under a table pulemet.
- And here and there is nothing to think!

*****

Vovochka is accepted in pionery:
-As you study?
-of Horoshist! Senior you help
-?
-A as...
-A with whom you live?
Vovochka pokrasnel:
-Yes there, with one...

*****

When Vovochka was asked, whether he can call five samykh
schastlivykh years in the life, he otvetil:
-Of course, it when I studied in the first grade.

*****

Vova from school comes back home. Threw a portfolio - and k
roditelyam:
-Sit, know nothing? Peep in a different way is called!.

*****

The teacher calls Vova to a board. It goes, shatayetsya.
-Vova, you in any way the drunk? - asks uchitelnitsa.
-Is not present, Marya Ivanovna, I it is simple opokhmelennyy.
-Now that's something like it! I thought, in my class anybody and does not take in a mouth!
-does not drink, Marya Ivanovna, only an owl! And that because in the afternoon ne
vidit, and at night shops are closed!

*****

- Children that means: "I love, you love, he loves?" - asks
uchitelnitsa.
-I think, - Vovochka answers, - that it is such situation, pri
kotoroy one will be for certain killed.

*****

У: Children, give examples of offers with a turn "probably... because"
TANYA: It will be seen a rain because swallows fly nizko.
u: Good fellow, Tanya.
Vovochka: The grandmother took gazetu.
u: So what?
B: Probably wanted sr@t because she is not able to read.

*****

Children came to excursion in zoopark.
stoyat, examine animals. Suddenly what-to
kozlik jumped on a nanny-goat and the beginnings her imet.
detishki uvidat it, to the teacher podkhodit
mashenka and asks:
-Marya Petrovna, and why it kozlik
na a nanny-goat jumped?
-A it it for this purpose jumped, chtoby
luchshe to see a grass, the sky, ptichek.
Vovochka:
-Marya Petrovna! And v-au-au-n that birdie is possible for me better to razlyadet?

*****

Children hid under a bed. Mother with the father children at the grandmother came from kino.
-Probably, - mother speaks, - give in a bed,
poka them net.
Vovochka whisper of Lenochke:
-you See, what shameless, one is done, and two are pressed!

*****

Kindergarten. The teacher thinks to children zagadku:
-of Two ends, two rings, in the middle of carnations. Children who knows, what is it?
Vovochka pulls ruku:
-I know. Wedding of homosexuals!
-of Vovochk... As it is not a shame to you!!! And tack from where?
-A it them were nailed by socialist morals!

*****

Vovochka about seven goes? y in the car?
Vovochka:
-Mama, mother look the small river!!!
Mother, mother look a cow!!!
Mother, mother watch the engine!!! The
Father, the father look the blonde!!!!!: