Russian jokes in machine translation
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"One Chechen drugomu:
-With whom we will be at war? With whom we were not at war yet? With Kitayem.
drugoy:
- And you thought where to bury them?
*****
One FSB-shnogo of the chief ask - why till this time of any Chechen commander did not wet? It is
otvechayet - and they do not use a toilet, to a wind go.
*****
Bodies of FSB arrested the Chechen field commander Rulon Oboyev and his helpers Blasting Foundations and Disorder of Jews.
*****
The Ingush (And) comes to jeweler shop in the Suburb, and asks the Ossetian seller (O):
(And) - Zdrastvuyte, you have a bread?
(O) - No, we gold, diamonds... topguyem.
(And) - So, you will not sell some bread to me?
(O) - HET.
(And) - So, I from here without bread will leave?
(O) - Leaves tak.
ingush as will strike to it on morde.
ha the next day the seller costs with a shiner. The Ingush comes and everything povtopyaetsya.
ha the third day again comes Ingush:
(And) - Zdpastvuyte.
ppodavets convulsively starts spreading hleb.
(About) - Please - white, black, long loafs, rolls - with poppy, with jam...
(And) - Well, thanks, I already in a drugstore got bread, I to you behind mayonnaise came.
*****
The Chechen bent the Chechen saber, comes to the master. That speaks, now we will make a pier, puts it between two chairs,
saditsya on it and vypryamlyaet.
tot speaks:
-VAKH, for what money I pay? so after all and I can!
kladet a saber between chairs, sits down on it and that lomayetsya.
a the master EMU:
VAKH, the master's bum - too the master!!!
*****
The elderly member of spetsnaz thinks to grandsons zagadki.
-Children, who the fastest animal on light?
-A who?
- The Chechen on 600th "Mercedes". And who the most dangerous animal on light? We do not know
-!
- The Chechen with the grenade launcher. And how the city of Grozny now is called?
-Chechnya, perhaps?
-No, it is called the city Harmless.
*****
The Chechen gold rybku
dostal caught a knife and gathers it raspotroshit
rybka - do not kill me I will execute yours zhelaniye
chechenets - I! I want! You! To kill!!! My such desire!
*****
Germans of the Chechen caught and put in a concentration camp. He well somehow filled up all protection, changed clothes in
nemetskuyu a military uniform and escaped from there. Went outside, looks...... others country, knows nobody, language not of
znayet, chyo to do to it? Then remembered that in a concentration camp where he was supported there were many Chechens and conscience of his
gryzt began because he did not try to release them. Thought: "eh not to do anything any more" and
V restaurant decided to come. Comes into restaurant, and there all people in a military uniform sit, it thought "be that will be" and solved
pozdorovatsya.
*****
Chechens and Americans at whom long-livers starshe.
priyekhali Chechens in the USA and after long searches, in gerontological clinic on a wheelchair chair, under three
kapelnitsami argued, Americans to Chechnya found the long-liver age 103 goda.
priyekhali, went to mountains, suddenly see - the old man of advanced years runs. Stopped it and
sprashivayut, and how many to you the grandfather of years?
-to me 95 let.
amerikantsy breathed sigh of relief and ask and where it you so run?
-From the father I run!
ofigev they sprashivayut:
- And why?
-insulted the Grandfather!!
*****
Put in one firm of the robot that employed, such here automated interview. the person of
zakhodit, greets go questions.
zakhodit Pervyy:
-Zdravstvuyte
-Zdravstvuyte further. You smoke?
-DA
-Do svidaniya
zakhodit Vtoroy:
-Zdravstvuyte
-Zdravstvuyte. You smoke?
-NET
-Vy drink?
-DA
-Do svidaniya.
zakhodit Chechenets:
-Zdravstvuyte
-Do svidaniya.
*****
Why the Russian politicians started talking to such hunting about negotiations with Chechnya?
-Well, as! An excellent occasion to sit down at a table!
*****
The president of America calls the president of Russia Putin and speaks:
-Pochemu you do not sit down to a negotiating table with chechentsami
na that Putin otvechayet:
-A with whom, tell on favor, to exchange words, when Maskhadov - the separatist, Basayev - the terrorist, Yandarbiyev -
vakhkhabist, and Zakayev in general - the actor.
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Collection of Russian jokes:
- Jokes about drunks
- Anecdotes about the army
- Jokes about Vovochku
- Anecdotes about the time of year
- Jokes about women
- Jokes about life
- Jokes about cats
- Jokes about love
- Jokes about husband and wife
- Jokes about men
- Anecdotes about drug addicts
- Jokes about peoples
- Jokes about hunting and fishing
- Jokes about the characters
- Jokes about politicians
- Jokes about holidays
- Anecdotes about the job
- Jokes about Rzhevsky
- Anecdotes about students
- Jokes about mother in law and son
- Jokes about Chapaev
- Jokes about Cheburashka and Gena
- Jokes about the Chukcha
- Jokes about school
- Jokes about Shtirlits
- Short jokes