Jokes about school

Read funny Jokes about school

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

635  636  637  638  639  640  641  642  643  644  645  646

- Father! - little Johnny shouted, going down to the cellar. - You can not stop up a hole in trube.
-Perfectly any more. The plumber came?
- Not absolutely. Simply our house lit up.

*****

The father after final vechera:
-Well, the son, you already the adult and I allow you to light! Thanks
-, but already two years as I threw.

*****

The father asks syna:
-Chto was at lessons today?
-Ha of chemistry studied explosive veshchestva.
-A that will do at school tomorrow? What
-B to school father?

*****

The father with the son go from shkoly.
otets:
- The Sonny, you see that girl?
SYN:
-Vizhu.
-What it pretty! Da's
-!
- What legs at it, what figure! Da's
-! So remember
- that such girls sleep only with excellent students.

*****

The father calls to sosedu:
-you made for the son a house task on mathematics?
- Made.... Let's write off
- …

*****

The teacher on a lesson brings two flasks. In one water, spipt.
uchitelnitsa takes a worm in another and thrusts into water, to a worm of anything. Potom
zasovyvayet in alcohol, a worm podrygalsya and umep.
uchitelnitsa:
-Children what you can draw conclusions?
DETI kpichat:
-Alcohol is a POISON! Alcohol it is bad
-!
Vovochka holds a hand. The teacher udivlenno:
-Well, Vovochka, what conclusion you can draw?
Vovochka uverenno:
-Drink alcohol and you will have no worms!

*****

The little Georgian boy home and govopit:
- The Father comes, to me today at school told, what I - gpuzin.
eto the truth?
- Yes, synok.
- The Father, and you is a Georgian?
- Yes, synok.
- The Father, and my senior brother Givi - it too the Georgian?
- Is not present, the sonny, he is a New Russian …

*****

- The father, the father, at school everything say to me that I too volosatyy.
-Man!!! You have only a look: our dog talks!

*****

The father, the father, at school everything say to me that I too volosatyy.
-Man!!! You have only a look: our dog talks!

*****

The father and the son in the evening 1 sentyabrya:
-Well and to that you were taught at school today?
- Yes to anything, father! Tomorrow told again to come …

*****

- The father, in school vyzyvayut.
-What for?
- You Remember you, I asked to write you for me the composition?
- Well?
- not really was pleasant to the Director of studies about a striptease on a table.

*****

The guy cannot come off the computer. Parents called the doctor. Doktor
osmotrel he and said:
-should be treated him!
roditeli:
-As?
- Cigarettes, binge, girls...

*****

On the first of September the Minister of Finance visited financial college, ministr
oborony - Suvorov Military School, the Minister of Culture - school of arts,
ministr of internal affairs - school of werewolves.

*****

The first grader is dragged in shkolu.
on rests against all and krichit:
-Eleven years!!! For what!!???

*****

First class. The son of the programmer asks teacher:
- The Alphabet you know?
- Yes.
-Rasskazhi.
-Y, Ts, U, K, E …

*****

The son approaches the father and asks:
-Fathers, give to the grandmother in a mouth we will give?
- You that, was stunned, same my mother!
-A that how it is so possible for mine?

*****

The fireman arrives in musical shkolu.
na its examination sprashivayut:
-What difference between a violin and a contrabass?
pozharnik podumav:
-Kontabas burns more long.

*****

- And remember how we the teacher of chemistry in laboratory closed and a lesson broke?
- Yes, yes!
- the little son came Yesterday from school, speaks, it already also began to knock more silently. It is visible, years any more not those.

*****

After conversation in a director's office the shocked father vosklitsayet:
-Really my son is most worse in a class?
- Well you! That you! At school!!!

*****

- Listen, the wife since we began to give ours sorvantsu
dengi for good marks, it began to carry home only the five! What do you think about it?
- It seems that they share revenue with the teacher.

*****

Why at school lessons, and at institute of couple?
DA because study at school, and at institute take a steam bath!

*****

The teacher of physics klasse:
-We live in the 7th on one side of Earth and we see one party of the Moon, a
amerikantsy live on other side of Earth and see other party of the Moon.

*****

There arrived Americans to look and to learn about ours shkolakh.
khodyat more, look. One of them sprosil:
-you use computers at schools?
- Yes, from the first klassa.
zakhodyat in a class, is seen: stand on a window sill 4 kompyyutera.
uchitelnitsa speaks:
-Sidorov, take 1 computer and put it on a table. Children, how many computers remained on a window sill?

*****

The girl home after school and speaks:
-comes And we drew mother today! So you and mother drew last time
-! - speaks mama.
- And the teacher as will enter a class then shouts: "Draw, your mother!!!"

*****

The eighth-grader comes home and tells mother: - Mother, you know, we had a gynecologist today, all were undressed and obsledovali.
okazalos, what in our class only one devushka.
-I hope, what it you?
- Is not present, mother, our teacher.

*****

The eighth-grader comes home and Mother tells mather:
-, we had a gynecologist today, all were undressed and surveyed. It appeared, what in our class only one devstvennitsa.
- The Daughter, I hope, what it you?
- Is not present, mother, our teacher.

*****

The new teacher comes to a class and speaks:
-Zdravstvuyte, children, I am your new teacher. From now on we will have everything in a new way. My name is Gashishevn's Marihuana. Here tell, children how birds fly?
VES class druzhno:
-Kosyakami!!!!
-A as go cars?
Na wheels!!!!
-A that are eaten by cows in the winter?
Трааавкуууу!!!!!!
And so, children, birds fly packs, cars go on the road, cows eat hay in the winter. And my surname - OBLOMOV!!!!!!!

*****

The son home comes and the Father is praised ottsu:
-, and I helped the old woman crossing the road!
PAPA:
-Well done! Here to you konfetka.
na the son comes the next day with drugom:
- The Father, and we with the friend helped the old woman crossing the road!
PAPA:
-Good fellows! Here to you on konfete.
na the next day the son brings all the klass:
- The Father, and we all class helped the old woman crossing the road!
-A why is a lot of you? It resisted
-A.

*****

- Conjugate a verb "to live" in singular of past tense!
-Ya died, you died, it died …

*****

- It is simply improbable that one person can make so many mistakes! - the teacher of Vovochke.
-Why told one? Together with the father, - it is proud Vovochka answered the near teacher.

*****

- It is simply improbable that one person can make so many mistakes! The teacher of Maratu.
-Why told
- one?
vdvoyem with the father, - is proud Marat answers.

*****

The new Russian wakes up, looks at the watch - 9-00. Washes, odevayetsya
i goes to have breakfast. Sits down to a table, looks at the watch - 9-30. Zakanchivayet
zavtrakat, looks at the watch - 10-00. Asks the wife: "Katya, in kotorom
chasu at me a meeting with the Minister of Finance?" "At 12-00 the uncle will be tebya
zhdat" - the wife answers. New Russian sits down in a chair, lights i
dumayet: "How I managed to achieve everything in life? Studied at school badly, v
institute did not study, in what a success secret? In, I punctual!"

*****

Two shkolnikov.
-talk my father says, what doveryat.
-He is never impossible for wild animals at you that, the hunter?
- Is not present, the zoophile.

*****

Conversation of two shkolnikov:
-You one went to this terrible picture?
- Yes, odin.
- And movie theater was crowded?
- Generally yes, but under that chair where I hid, was empty.

*****

Real task from the textbook 2 classes on Russian yazyku.
vstavit passed slova:
" (What?) (What?) brought us to this (What?) wood..."

*****

The Russian boy comes from shkoly:
- The Grandmother, we should come in national clothes tomorrow!
-B a chest grandfather's shorts, a shirt, a cap, boots at tebya
est, and a string to tie now to a spryad...
evreychik...
- You Will dress a dress coat in which performed at the concert also a butterfly, take
persten with an emerald mine, and a diamond hairpin for
galstuka from the grandfather, father's hours with rubies...
kazashonok...
-Oy-bayay Where I to you such small militia a form will find?

*****

The Russian boy comes from shkoly:
- The Grandmother, we should come in national clothes tomorrow!
-B a chest grandfather's shorts, a shirt, a cap, boots at tebya
est, and a string to tie now to a spryad...
evreychik...
- You Will dress a dress coat in which performed at the concert also a butterfly, take
persten with an emerald mine, and a diamond hairpin for
galstuka from the grandfather, father's hours with rubies...
kazashonok...
-Oy-bayay Where I to you such small militia a form will find?

*****

Today the senior went to the 10th class, younger in 6-y.
sprosit at both yesterday - want in school?
OBE answered - net.
ya is quiet - at me normal children grow.

*****

- Sergeyev! You know a difference between the thermometer and a barometer?
- is excellent znayu.
-Perfectly! So tell in what it consists?
-B perfect trifles: one ordinary hangs in the room, and another outside!