Anecdotes about drug addicts

Read funny Anecdotes about drug addicts

Anecdotes about drug addicts

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Narkash with the eyes which are widely opened from surprise, turning to babke:
- The Grandma! Be kidding - we in the submarine!

*****

Narik flocked on fishing. Went, went and remembered that did not dig out hearts. Got into a hempy field, dug a worm and further shurut. Ha to the coast got a worm on a hook and in water... In 5 seconds the worm gets out on leske:
- The Brother, in nature, you cho do? They will bite me!!!
harkoman wakes up, looks out of the window, endeavors to remember as the tree under oknom:
-"Hochu-li-ya is called?"... no, not that... "Mogu-li-ya?"... not, again it is not similar! "Gamno-li-ya?"... br-r-r! And! In - "magnolia"!

*****

The addict Vasya died. Horonyat.
srazu the coffin is followed by close relatives - plachut.
hesut the poster: "Why you left so early, Vasily?" .
dalshe there are distant relatives - plachut.
hesut the poster: "You forever remained in our hearts, Vasily! "
poslednimi go friends: Radiate, move, hokhochut.
hesut the poster:" VASYa! TY HE DIED! TY GOOONISh..."

*****

The addict in "Toy Store" addresses to prodavshchitse:
- The Girl, and you do not have anything to be kidding? M-m-m
-. We have inflatable crocodiles, hippopotamuses.
-Well, to me something to be kidding!
-Well. At us is clockwork myshka.
-It as? Well you it get
-, throw on a floor, she runs - other mice run out and start running behind it, clockwork runs up to the river and jumps in water, other mice jump behind it and all tonut.
-Oh, a trick! Tell, and you have no clockwork militiaman?

*****

The addict Sergeyev slightly upykhany comes into the dining room. Stretched the shivering palm to razdache
-Put to me a cutlet here...
perevorachivayet a hand a palm down and again in razdachu
- And here makoronchik...
-Yes at you cutlet fell!
vnimatelno and long takes an all around view of a hand... and so uncertainly...
-... a chuvikha, you drive...

*****

The addict - the teacher zoologii:
-Children, write heading - "Cow" (fills a jamb). The cow treats cattle... (it is tightened, starting up a smoke in a window leaf - pykhkhkhkhkh...) Means, the cow has horns... (pykhkhkhkhkh...) The cow has an udder... (pykhkhkhkhkh...) The cow has wings...
UCHENIK:
-Ho the cow has no wings!
uchitel:
-Is not present - will grow... (pykhkhkh...) Also weed - e - fir-trees!

*****

Accident on Tera Square. The car is smashed, from it hardly izvlekayut
troikh the young people drunk in dosku.
-Who drove the car? - Anybody asks politseyskiy.
-, - one of victims answers, - all of us sat on a back seat.

*****

Afghanistan became the first country which recognized independence of Kosovo. So the producer ­ of heroin recognized independence of the distributor.

*****

The grandmother, old-prestarenkaya, approaches the pricked addict, and asks:
-to Vnuchok and how to pass on Arbat?
narkoman long looks at it unseeing eyes and otvechayet:
- And as to you, the granny, in a high, and go.

*****

Two talk narkomana:
-I do not trust this advertizing. Bought Head and Shoulders shampoo - any effect!
-Why?
-Nonsense all this! I both drank it, and smelled, and in a vein pricked, and dandruff did not pass!

*****

Mobsters drove up to building, at gate the narkosha almost in zero sostoyanii.
-sits Hear, the torchok, it cho here such yours is under construction, and?
Hapk, is thoughtful sosredotochivshis:
-Oh, vaashcheeey …
-Is not present, purely specifically speak, cho build here?
-of Open company, vaashcheeey … Hear
-, you be not in a stupor! In nature, nerves at us not iron, quickly tell, cho will be here?
-of Au vashche-storage!!!

*****

The ambulance crew pumps out narkomana.
on, it seems, oklematsya, looks back around, sees kogo-to:
-About! You who?
-Ya - Your mother, synok.
-Aaaa... About! And you who?
-Ya - doktor.
-Aaaa... About! And you who?
-Ya - too doktor.
-Aaaa... Che, twins, perhaps?!

*****

The addict goes by the bus. The old woman comes and asks it to transfer to punch a talonchik. The puncher has a seaman. Narkash emu:
- The Soldier, punch talonchik.
-I not soldiers, I am a sailor.

*****

In apteke:
-you have something from glucocorticoids?
-NET.
-A glucose?
-Is not present!
-A...
-Here to you a calcium gluconate also slide from here, the addict unfortunate!

*****

In fight against alcoholism of the greatest progress drug addiction achieved.

*****

In the house pozhar.
pozharnye call to the apartment to addicts. Those sprashivayut:
-you who?
-Fire!
-Oh, is good, fry to us cutlets! We do not fry
-, we extinguish!
-Means extinguish!

*****

In an office of the dentist the patient pulls out bumazhnik.
-But you should not me platit.
-I today and I am not going to pay. I simply want to count money before vy
dadite to me an anesthesia.

*****

In London two addicts enter in avtobus.
odin from them rises by the second floor and right there goes down, weigh the person blednyy:
-Hey, the brother, you do not go there! There the driver is not present!

*****

The complaint that in one apartment not particularly chto
proiskhodit came to police station: the laughter foolish is heard, of rags fake stinks. Poslali
uchastkovogo to understand. That rings a door, he is opened by the addict,
ukurenny in stuff. The cop asks:
-That here at you occurs, neighbors complain, what the laughter constantly, fake stinks of
tryapkami, than you are engaged? Rag
-zhzhy, we laugh.

*****

The ukurenny addict goes by the full bus and oret:
-Who lost 10 rubles?
tishina. It opyat:
-Who lost 10 rubles?
staraya babusya:
-It I, probably, synok.
-Well, and che you sit, look for give!

*****

In the tram the boy asks at standing ahead narkomana:
- The Uncle, you leave?
- The Boy what to you a difference, leave I, do not leave if only you studied well.

*****

Evening. Two hunters sit and wait when the pack utok.
vdrug because of the wood flies by the goose on ochen
maloy is shown to height. The first hunter throws up the gun and is going to shoot. To it speaks:
-Wait a moment the second, now it will fly up closer, we will throw a dog, she also will catch it. And you will save a cartridge, i
ostalnykh we will not frighten off!
Tak also made. At this time from the closest field of corn there are two addicts and see flying sobaku.
odin to another speaks:
-In, in nature! And you spoke - the corn does not prt!

*****

Two addicts in himlaboratoriyu broke and induce the laboratory assistant to do by him drug. Well, the laboratory assistant merged a heap of chemicals that to hand came and gave to addicts. Those drank it - wait for effect, a bang-bakh, before eyes here, light-, is dark. That light-, is dark. Addicts regained consciousness and speak laborantu:
-Cool drugs, only that before eyes light - is dark - light - temno? Laborant:
-Well, so you here sit the fourth days!

*****

During a festival there took place the action "Tell drugs: At us STILL VODKA DID NOT COME TO AN END!"

*****

The man from work comes back somehow. Only went to bed and suddenly a call to a door. Opens and tam
narkoman.
-Hear, the man, paint green is necessary to you?
-Is not present, is not necessary, go otsyuda.
tak three days until the man bought paint proceeded. Again the man goes to bed as vdru
gopyat it is ringing. The man opens a door, and there the same narkoman.
-Hear all, the man, I do not understand, the nakhrena it is necessary to you?

*****

Three from a party come back to a taxi. Two get out, and tretyego
vytaskivayut and put to a wall. It falls, they put it. It falls, oni
ego put... - What do you do, monsters? - the passerby speaks, - You ego
trety time on the head put!

*****

The doctor speaks to the patient who regained consciousness from narkoza:
-an Operation you underwent well, and here before it you behaved simply nevozmozhno:
vyryvalis, shouted. And your acquaintance from the next bed behaved even worse!
-Still! After all we to clinic were sent by windows to wash.

*****

One glue sniffer of another meets and speaks:
-Hear, the buddy, estimate: my neigbour complains - every day cockroaches water with a dichlorvos, and they do not leave! Da's
-?. And if you with a dichlorvos were watered every day, you that, left?!

*****

Two narik, one all in bintakh:
(1) You that it meet, beat perhaps?
(2) Yes net
(1) A that? I to myself go nobody
(2) Yes here I touch, suddenly I am hit by the car. Nasilu came to, I go further. Suddenly I see a horse jumps, well I think I will manage to pass,
NE was in time, it hit me with a hoof. Again to a nasil came to. I go further, I see the plane flies, well I think this highly, will not get, is not present and it menya
krylom touched. Well and after everything to me also the director of a roundabout added.

*****

Two narco meet. To one another zaryazhayet:
-Estimate, yesterday shot up, I bring down home. Here as dragged me, about zabor
udarilo, emptied pockets, took off a cap and released!

*****

Two addicts meet. Odin:
-You tried Baunti?
-Is not present, and what?
-Speak: "Paradise pleasure".

*****

Two addicts meet. One speaks drugomu:
-As live-can?
-Yes is quite good. Spent summer according to the full program: glue smelled, was pricked, of "wheels" swallowed, generally, was cool! And how are you?
-A I plokho.
-Why?
-any swine did not say yes to me that it is summer!.

*****

Two addicts meet, one bears motygu.
2: - Why to you mattock!?
1: - To fight against weeds idu.
2: - With what else weeds?
1: - Yes I in a kitchen garden landed hemp, and here these tomatoes of a poperla!

*****

Two addicts meet. One bears a mattock. Pervyy:
-Why to you mattock?
-C weeds to fight idu.
-Against what else weeds? Yes I in a kitchen garden hemp landed
-, and here these tomatoes of a poperla!

*****

Two addicts meet: guy and girl. The guy at the girl asks:
-Why you today such strange, rumpled, beaten?
-On the escalator went and zadumalas.
-Well and how?
-passed Three circles.

*****

Two meet narkomana:
-Hi, the mobster! And what it you such sad? Yes which day I cannot normally raskumaritsya by
-!
-A why? Only I start a syringe filling
-as there is Emma Petrovna and speaks under a hand: "Also a half of a dose will be enough"...

*****

Two meet narkomana:
-Hi!
-Privet.
-A of that it at you on a shoulder?
-Yes is my old glitch of VASYA
-Yes not on it, on other!
-Oh!!! (with horror looking at a shoulder).

*****

Two meet narkomana:
-Hear, I watched TV here and there said that drugs prevent to see natural beauty of the nature, spring...
-Yes, lie everything. Here I approach a window yesterday and I see everything - spring, the sun sings, birdies shine...

*****

The smoker, the alcoholic and the addict meet in the next world. The smoker speaks: "I died in terrible tortures - at menya
sgoreli lungs". The alcoholic speaks: "I died in VERY terrible tortures - at me the liver burned down". And the addict thinks: "In,
vstavilo! Already and mertvyak started talking..."

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