Jokes about Rzhevsky

Read funny Jokes about Rzhevsky

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The Rzhev: Pierre, tell, and why to you x-y?
bezukhov: I to them quite often sou...
rzhevsky: It is right. And why it is necessary to you still?
bezukhov: It is inconvenient to me to speak...
rzhevsky: Tell everything zh.
bezukhov: All right... Let's say it is necessary to me for commission of the carnal act lyubvi.
rzhevsky: Yes, and it is possible. And still...
bezukhov: In total vrode.
rzhevsky: Neeet... still...
bezukhov: It seems vse.
rzhevsky: Yes. And what x - m people eb-sya, you did not hear?

*****

- Rzhev, and you with an animal had sexual relations?
- Once, incidentally. Somehow I gathered was to vperdolit already to one lady, but here knock. The husband came. Jumped out in a window without trousers, under it there was my horse. But slightly di

*****

Rzhev, missing ofitseram:
-Misters, give will be measured by willies. At me, for example, 35
santimetrov.
- And at me 146.
Go on h@y, Churov, you not from this joke.

*****

The Rzhev gathers for a ball, calls up denshchika:
-Listen, I go on a ball, tell couple new zagadok.
denshchik speaks:
-Without windows, without doors, the room of people is full?
Rzhevskiy:
-Ж#па!
- Well, same ogurets.
- And is exact. And still?
- Two ends, two rings, in the middle of carnations?
- Ж#па!
- Well. Same nozhnitsy.
-Wow. Well, I poshel.
na to a ball Rzhev, already any, climb on a grand piano and oret:
-Misters, misters! Riddle: Without windows, without doors, it is full ж#па of cucumbers!
Bce shocked. Rzhevskiy:
-Yes same scissors, misters!

*****

The Rzhev gathers for an invited dinner. Ivan summons denshchika.
-, the fresh riddle, but not trite is necessary. And you as will tell that, so all an ass and zhopa.
-is good. There is a riddle. Small, greyish, across the field pryg-skok.
-Ass, perhaps?
- Well that you! Same zaychik.
-That I think how it is an ass pryg-skok across the field?

*****

- Rzhev, you when ср#те - look back?
- Only on pretty women!

*****

The Rzhev knocks at the door to the mistress from the highest sveta.
-Who?
-X. y in a leather coat.
dver are opened by the lady and from a threshold poruchiku:
-Rzhev, how many times I asked to leave you this netsenzurshchinu
pri communication with me! Now I will close a door, you are knocked snova
i will be presented as it is necessary to the officer gosudarevu.
dver slams, the lieutenant puzzly scratches a nape, again uncertainly knocks.
- Who?
-X. y... In an astrakhan cap!.

*****

The Rzhev dances on a ball. Dama:
- The Lieutenant, guess a riddle: big, black, about which yaytsa
byyutsya...
-Sedlo.
-That you, lieutenant, same frying pan!
- As, х#ем about a frying pan?! Original with....

*****

The Rzhev is danced with Natashey:
-by Natashenka whether not to go to us to tr@khnutsya?
- Lieutenant, you boor and impudent fellow!
-A you against-c?
- Is not present, but you the boor and the impudent fellow!

*****

- Rzhev as you manage to have such success in women?
-Ya to their %b - and pulls together it!

*****

The Rzhev brags before ofitserami:
-was at V. I countess unexpectedly Yesterday came her husband .
-Well and what? What did you make?
- Protected honor officer mundira.
-!!!
- Interrupted all moth in a case...

*****

Rzhev again sort in court of officer honor that one woman of quality, passing by his house, dropped out from karety.
-Yes I did not make anything special! - justifies Rzhev. - Simply was on the threshold in the usual house dress: cylinder, eye-glasses, butterfly and condom.

*****

Rzhev sprashivayut:
- The Lieutenant, and the truth that all girls are lovesick on you?
- Of course is not present, they on me become wet!

*****

Russia. 1812. Ball. Porudchik Rzhevsky dances with Masha Rostova. Here on small need prikhvatilo.
Rzhevskiy:
-I Apologize it, Maria, I otoydu.
vozvrashchayetsya in five minutes got wet to nitki.
masha:
-Oh! There that thunder-storm?!
No, wind!

*****

Since morning a bit earlier, the porutchik Rzhev goes joyful on ulitse.
-Where it you so hurry, a porutchik?
- one of passers unterofitserov.
-asks its the Horse eb@t!
-of Foo as it is low! I a taburetochka took
-A!

*****

The small talk, Pierre Bezoukhov tells as natives of Australia catch ostriches. Present to
-! Bushmen shave the head nalyso and I am dug in in sand, only the bald head sticks out... by the ostrich runs, watches egg in sand, thinks that it should be sat out, sits down to hatch out, and here the Bushman from sand is enough it, and was such is!...
vecherom, in other Rzhev company rasskazyvayet:
-Misters! Recently Bezoukhov told a very interesting way of catching of ostriches, natives in Australia shave the heads and are dug in in sand, leaving on a surface only the eggs, the ostrich by running, seeing such business, stops and thinks that it ITS eggs. and here the native jumps out from sand and is enough strausa.
-Allow the Lieutenant! and why natives, in that case the Heads shave?
- Savages-with!.

*****

Secular ball in the heat. The lieutenant Rzhevsky dances with Natashey
rostovoy:
-Happy you Natasha! Love Pierre, get married, rebenochka
rodite...
-A you, lieutenant?
-A I, likely, the friend of the family will be.

*****

Secular society. One of ladies tells the son:
-Misters, I saw a bad dream today! As though I thrust a finger into a mouth - and there is no tooth! Madam's
Rzhevskiy:
-, you possibly not there thrust a finger.

*****

The family Growth invited the lieutenant Rzhevsky to a lunch. At dinner Natasha does the remark younger bratu:
-Petya, do not eat egg with a silver spoon, silver blackens from yaits.
-Live and learn - the lieutenant thought, shifting a cigarette case from a trouser pocket in a jacket pocket.

*****

The family Growth sells furniture. Business reaches the room of Hatashi.
-of Madam, how much is this bed?
- It is not on sale, it is memory of my intimate relations with the lieutenant of Rzhevskim.
-of Madam, and how much is this grand piano?
- It is not on sale, it is memory of my intimate relations with the lieutenant of Rzhevskim.
-of Madam, and how much is this case?
- It is not on sale, it is memory of my intimate relations with the lieutenant of Rzhevskim.
-Allow, but there is only one chandelier...
- Ah... The lieutenant was such inventor...

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky on a ball sits, misses... Perhaps to shit
- On a grand piano, - thinks, - So after all will not understand, cattle - page.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky sits, something writes... The Lieutenant enters polkovnik:
-, what you write?
- Yes here, I compose the anthem of our regiment.
- Really?! Let's esteem... Yes right there continuous mat!!!
- Well why... Here, in the second line, the word "banner"...

*****

Hussars in a hall sit, have a rest. Suddenly one asks:
-Misters how you like the lieutenant Rzhevsky?
- of Open company - answers a cornet Obolensky is such joker of the Lord! I here recently a goat in ovrage
imel-with, and it behind approached and a wolf raised a howl, so in hands one horns remained with me!!!

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky, Andrey Bolkonsky, Pierre Bezoukhov and Natasha Rostova sit in the room. Vdru
gNatasha quietly breaks wind. There is Pierre and speaks:
-Misters, ask me to forgive, it made ya.
prokhodit some time, Natasha again breaks wind, now there is Bolkonsky and apologizing speaks, chto
eto he made. Passes a nekotor time, there is Rzhevsky and speaks:
-So, men, I will leave I will smoke and if this silly woman still is п#рдеть, well bring down everything on me.

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky and Natasha on a small bench sit somehow late at night. Dream... Here the lieutenant speaks so grustno:
-E-eh!
- That it you, lieutenant?
- Yes so, reflected on the...
sidyat is farther.... Here Natasha:
-of the Trestle you shitty, Rzhevsky! Moron and pede@ast!!!
- That it you, Natasha?
- Well, anything... It I all about the, about the maiden...

*****

Pierre Bezoukhov, Natasha Rostova and the lieutenant Rzhevsky sit somehow at a table together. Eat salad from shrimps. And Rzhevsky is drunk in a smoke and everything strives to fall asleep a muzzle in salad. Eventually it manages it. Pierre somehow to distract Natasha's attention speaks:
-Here see, Natasha, it in salad of a krkvetka. These are such cancroid families of arthropods...
B this moment Rzhevsky raises a muzzle from salata:
-That, what? Natasha? In a bed? Cancer? Members hundred-legged??? You, Pierre as will get drunk takuyu
khernyu bear!

*****

- Tell, the lieutenant, women are lovesick on you?
- They on me become wet.

*****

- Tell, the lieutenant! What is the monarchy?
- It when the country the king governs!
-A if the king will die?
- Then queen!
-A if will die the queen?
- Jack!

*****

- Tell, the lieutenant, what such a monarchy?
- It when the country the king governs!
-A if the king will die?
- Then queen!
-A if will die the queen?
- Jack!

*****

- Tell, the lieutenant, and it happened to you to get to accidents on the railroad?
- Was! Once was! I go to a compartment with the general and his daughter. Stopped by in the tunnel - a temnotishch! I take, and bang by mistake not the daughter, but th

*****

- Tell, the lieutenant, you will be able to drink a vodka bucket? To Drink
-, perhaps, but I will take a sip - with нех#ево-с!

*****

- Tell, Rzhev, did not give you though one woman?
- Yes, odna.
-As it called?
- Loan officer.

*****

- Tell, Rzhev, what weapon you win against women?
- Artificial chlenom.
- And why not natural?
- Weapons of mass destruction is forbidden by the Hague convention.

*****

- Tell, Rzhev, under what constellation you were born?
- Alpha male.

*****

- Tell, Rzhev, what most terrible sexual perversion?
- First marriage night …
-?????
- … after a golden wedding.

*****

- Tell, Rzhev, and the truth, what you ran in attack to French,
razmakhivaya instead of a saber by the artificial member?
- Not absolutely so. Ran not on French, and from French. And not in attack,
A in hospital - page. And the member was not art

*****

The lieutenant Rzhevsky by train - on the second shelf follows, and below conversation vedut:
-You know two ladies, expensive, I here noticed that if eggs to lay down on a silver tray, the tray gradually begins temnet.
"Hm", - the lieutenant thought and shifted a cigarette case from a trouser pocket in a breast pocket: "Yes here really - a century live, a century study".

*****

The lieutenant gathers for a ball to knyagine
k *** somehow and asks the striker that that told any pun or story, and, tot
rasskazyvayet:
-Know, there is such not trite kalamburchik, toko
vy do not mix anything - with: "There is a statue,
A instead of fyu-fyu - a maple leaf!! "
- is wonderful, speaks Rzhev, - and as it you think out such: fyu-fyu-fyu.
tak also left whistling. Ball, hitch, minute silence... Rzhevskiy:
-Misters! New pun!
Bce are wrapped to the lieutenant, weak exclamations of fans "Bravo reach!!". The lieutenant having struck an attitude the poet, touchingly says learned frazu:
- There is a statue, and instead of @uya-FYu-FYu maple leaf!!!!

*****

Gathers Rzhev for a ball and asks the butler to tell it any zabavnyy
kalambur. The butler speaks:
-Means so walked the barin with the servant on the wood, suddenly the barin was gone somewhere, the servant and shouts it: Barin, barin where you? And the barin also answers: - In a moss, I. - what word-play, - the butler concludes. On a ball Rzhev as always having reveled completely soobshchayet:
- And here such pun of the Lord, walk the barin with the servant on the wood, the barin got lost, and the servant calls him: Barin, barin where you? and that also answers: - Went on x "y! What word-play.