Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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The student died. To it the Satan comes and speaks:
-you have two choice - 2 hells. Well student asks:
- And what? To
-School and studencheskiy.
-Well, give the school. Every day the student drank, smoked, and the devil came in the evening and drove in to it a nail into a bum. The student lived so half a year and comes to satane.
-Not, will be enough, give a student's hell. The student drinks half a year, smokes. In half a year the devil with a bucket of nails and speaks:
-Well comes that the student, session came.

*****

Dies old professor.
lezhit on a sofa, in an office, at a sofa - its old front drug.
professor raises the head, shows on the book shelves hanging over the worker stolom.
"It everything - speaks - books which I wrote".
I the head again on pillows ronyaet.
sobirayetsya with forces, rises again, shows on other wall with book polkami.
"And it - speaks - books of my pupils". Again the head ronyaet.
"And here I remember
I - speaks - as in 1942 in one small village I finished a saninstruktorsha, and anything at me with it it did not turn out because hay soft was and at it in it the back failed" .
priyatel:
"You it to what?" .
professor:
"Eh, all these books - yes then to it under an ass...".

*****

The University since morning looks so as if all people on Earth died out, and those that did not die out - mutated in terrible freaks and came to the first couple.

*****

University. There is zanyatiye.
stary professor by a boring voice something rasskazyvayet.
v audiences noise. Students talk and are engaged in the delami.
professor does not maintain and, pointing a finger at the loudest (in his opinion) the student, speaks:
- The Boy, get up!
TOT scaredly vstayet.
-Surname?!
paren robko:
-Rams... ustalo:
-Here you see
professor, sit down...

*****

University. Lecture. The company of students sitting on the last ranks strongly got noisy. Teacher:

*****

University. Reading room. Session. Fully to the people, prepare. Approaches one student drugoy:
-Listen! Yes you head over heels hold the book!
-A you che, Freud perhaps?
- What does it have to do with Freud?
- It book! What feet at it?! You still tell that I to it between pages look...

*****

Lesson in Bible kolledzhe.
prepodavatel:
-As you think why the Apostle Pyotr followed Jesus?
ODIN from studentov:
-Because Jesus cured Pyotr's mother-in-law and to that anything else did not remain how to leave the house.

*****

Literature lesson. The teacher asks: "Well children, you read "War and peace"?" Silence... One guy is blown up from a place as though the pricker in an ass, with the dumbfounded eyes asks: "And it che should be read???" Teacher: "Well... And I copied!!!!!!!"

*****

Russian lesson at the Odessa school. Uchitel:
-Today mi we study degrees of comparison of adjectives. Chtobi
bilo it is clear, I will give at once examples. We take the floor "well" .
sravnitelnaya degree - "best", a superlative degree - "ochen
khorosho", and degree which will not be compared to anything - "that I tak
zhil!" Understood? Then take, Monya, the word "badly" and make with nim
to most!
-HUZHEE.
-is fine! Give excellent stepen.
-Very much plokho.
-Perfectly! Well, and last degree?
- That Vee so lived!

*****

The pupil passes examination, terribly worries, all sweats, receives the ticket, starts writing the answer. nervously rises and asks:
- And pislo to scratch?
- well if it helps you, scratch.

*****

Physical mat in universitete:
professor studentke:
-That such step tension?
- Is tension which arises between feet when you undertake the bared end...

*****

Physics and Technology faculty withdrew 2000 graduates. Reason: systematic wrong provisions in the matheral stated in the lectures by associate professor Petrov are found.

*****

Fizfakovets sees the Physics and Technology faculty lying in a ditch, reads on a cover of the book which dropped out of a portfolio "to Landau. Lifshits. "Theory of a field. "". Also speaks - Well it is necessary! Agronomist! And got drunk just like the physicist!"

*****

The Frenchwoman was disaccustomed in St. Petersburg in University... 5 years, lived in a hostel... Comes to the family lock... lays down in a marble rozovuy bathtub with milk and flowers... Luxuriates... pours a champagne glass... savors... Madam Clicquot... and delighted exclaims: "Sharman Bl@d!"

*****

Kharkov is recognized as the record-holder city by number of teetotal students - 7 people!

*****

Her professor, and what type of joint-stock company when your share as the investor has to be more, differently other investor will not create with you the joint-stock company, monthly payments from the budget of the joint-stock company for you it is much less, and in case of bankruptcy of the joint-stock company the property is halved in the best for you a case thus that you will pay to other investor for life your share what you once managed to create with it the joint-stock company?
- Is absurdity, student.
-It not absurdity, a her professor, and marriage, including yours. And you to us give lectures about economy here.

*****

The owner doma:
-I will not let out you from the room which you occupy, you for it not uplatite.
student:
-Many thanks so far! At last I am provided with housing for a long time.

*****

The owner kvartiry:
-I was already bothered by your fairy tales and excuses! I now will lock you in the room, and I will not let out until you pay all money which you have to me for it!
studenty radostno:
-Hurrah! At last to us for a long time where will live!

*****

I want to say hello to my university, I ask to deliver to
I for nego
pesnyu groups Leningrad - For.... ball.

*****

The quote from the diploma of the graduate of TEKHVUZA:
"As everything will equally read nobody my degree project, for simplicity of calculations I accept PI equal to five …"

*****

That you suffer, - his fellow student calms the student composer before examination in the specialty. - Take a prelude of the teacher, copy it on the contrary - since the end before - and it is ready!
- Tried, - the student sighs, - Schubert's waltz turns out...

*****

The session is closer - the student is closer to the superperson, he ceases to need food, a dream and other entertainments, and only strives for knowledge...

*****

- How is the professor of the student?
- Professor - a student who has passed all the exams.

*****

- Than the level of knowledge of the first-year student differs from the level of knowledge of professor?
- Yes practically anything... One" @ya does not know them because nikh@ya did not learn yet. Another nikh@ya does not know because long ago all na

*****

Whether in some years the teacher met the former student and asks:
-Enough to you the knowledge gained at institute?
- of Knowledge is enough, and here money is not enough.

*****

The student on a board draws a circle, and it at him rovnaya
poluchayetsya. As though compasses narisoval.
prepod asks:
-you where learned so a circle to draw it? I in army the meat grinder twisted two years
-A.

*****

Gives lecture seksolog:
-during sexual intercourse of a temeperatur of a body rises by one gradus.
i notices the sleeping student here. Approaches, awakes and speaks:
- And well repeat that I told here!
student half awake started zyrkat eyes on the parties, and here the friend on hands shows it - points a finger between two others, then 1 palets.
-during sexual intercourse of a tmeperatur of a body rises by one gradus.
-Well, ladno.
i went to read dalshe.
- At birds during sexual intercourse body temperature increases by 2 degrees. Suddenly sees - the student again sleeps, well he again to him, "repeat" - speaks. And the student again looks around, and the friend to him again points a finger between two others, then 2 fingers, and then hands as wings pomakhal.
student scratched turnip, and vydal:
-What during sexual intercourse to raise body temperature by two degrees, it is necessary e %%% so that feathers would fly!!!...

*****

The teacher gives lecture, suddenly to him in a back someone with back ryadov
kidayet an axe. The teacher, pulling out an axe from a back and throwing it in pol:
-Well I spoke to whom it is uninteresting, do not come!!!

*****

The Scottish student arrived in Oxford universitet.
through year there come to it parents. It shows the room in obshchezhitii.
-Well the sonny, you do not offend here?
- Is not present. Here on this bed one my classmate sleeps. Moron full. Jumps from a bed at night and starts shouting not the golosom.
a on this bed other my neighbor sleeps. This too is not better. Is undermined in the middle of the night and fights the head in a wall. The fool probably …
- the Sonny and as you live in such conditions!?
- Is very simple. I ignore them and all night long I play a bagpipe …

*****

The 80th. Profilak to the room Fiztekha.
v live on troye.
uzhe the late evening. Guys at last calmed down and went to bed. In the room, naturally, darkly, but eyes already got used and see something. * The market * already decayed, drives son.
vdrug the door opens and the room from the lit corridor is entered by the girl, as to itself home. It is clear that was mistaken a door or even a floor to whom did not happen. Without including light not to disturb the sleeping or falling asleep girlfriends, the girl starts undressing. A dream as a hand snyalo.
patsany, with bated breath, literally grew into beds, being afraid poshevelitsya.
u of all on mind the main issue: * To whom? Who that lucky person? * Secretly all decided to play to pobednogo.
devushka stops undressing. To become in the middle of the room (here it, decisive minute!) with pleasure so stretches and speaks:
-Oh, maids, eb@tsya as there is a wish!
... And guys broke. The wild laughter frightened all hostel. Dudes were tumbled down on a floor. The girl in general nearly gave rise. She flocked from komnaty.
potom right there returned with raked up things, but guys already not videli.
oni saw for a long time nothing it because of in the tears flowing in three streams.

*****

Examination in Amerike:
-George, - is asked by the student's teacher on couple, - characterize, please, droughts in your native staff?
-U us if the river will dry up... the schools of fish going against the stream raise huge columns of dust.

*****

Examination in anatomy. The teacher speaks studentke:
-In a box there are models of human bodies. If you correctly define naoshchup all from them, receive "five" .
studentka dips a hand into a box and rummages rukoy.
-Serdtse.
dostayut there - really, heart. The student feels following organ:
- The Kidney, speaks.
dostali - it is correct, pochka.
v the third time the student confusedly krasneet:
-Ogurets.
prepodavatel (confoundedly): Try
- still raz.
ta tries once again and again speaks:
-Ogurets.
dostayut - is valid, ogurets.
prepodavatel bledneet:
-My God, than we had a snack yesterday?

*****

Examination in anatomy. Professor asks studenta:
-What musculus cremaster function (the muscle lifting a small egg)?
- Lifts yaichko.
- And still?
- Well, I am not sure … But if to clamp a small egg a door, it still goggles, puts out tongue and forces vocal chords to shout: A-a-a-a …

*****

Examination in anatomy. At the student full zaval.
i here the teacher and speaks:
-you Will answer 6 questions - Yours took. No - not obizhaysya.
itak, a male genital from six letters?
- the Phallus, - without reflecting, answers student.
-From five?
-Penis.
-From four?
-Chlen.
-From three?
- H*y!
- From two?
(the student vigorously bends one hand in an elbow and beats another on a bend):
- On!!
- From one?
(extends a straight arm and beats on it another at the shoulder)
-O!!!

*****

Examination in anatomy, the student got the ticket on human sexual organam
professor:
-Well - with, tell me that you know about a male genital?
studentka:
-Well as it seemed to me, is such bone of centimeters 30 dlinnoy
professor:
-Well, two points of madam, and for the rest were simply largely lucky you.

*****

Examination on anatomii.
studenty lower in turn a hand in an anatomic bag and on oshchup
opredelyayut bodies … the student long feels
ODNA, reddens and Sausage gives out rasteryanno:
-… old professors exchange glances with
DVA and govoryat:
-you do not hurry, well think …
- Well sausage, I speak to you …
devchonka sausage takes out a hand from a bag, and there really! Professor drugomu:
-Listen to
ODIN, Stanislav, and than then we had a snack yesterday?

*****

Examination in anatomy.
studenty lower in turn a hand in an anatomic bag and to the touch
opredelyayut bodies … the student long feels
ODNA, reddens and gives out perplexed:
- Sausage … old professors exchange glances with
DVA and speak:
- You do not hurry, well think …
- Well sausage, I speak to you …
devchonka sausage takes out a hand from a bag, and there really!
ODIN professor to another: Listen to
-, Stanislav, and than then we had a snack yesterday?

*****

Examination in biology. The student in auditoriyu.
prepodavatel:
-enters That rises in 30 seconds? I will not answer
-Ya this question!
- of WONS!!!
vkhodit student. Prepodavatel:
-That rises for 30sekund? Pressure …
-Five also tell
- to this silly woman that that she thought rises in 5 seconds.

*****

Examination in biology. Approaches an examination table devushka.
professor:
-Tell please, the man during a spermoizverzheniye how many emits sperms?
devushka, is a little podumav:
-Full rot.
-Is not present, no. Not volume is necessary to me, and kolichestvo.
- And, well then two drinks!