Jokes about holidays

Read funny Jokes about New Year

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

457  458  459  460  461  462  463  464  465  466  467  468

Talk two drunk muzhika:
-You why Father Frost pulled a beard?
- Wanted to check - real or not …
- Well and how?
- Real appeared. I will not apply mind - that now with it to do?

*****

Conversation in ICQ, it and on:
-Darling wants the grandfather moroza
-whom whom wants?
- I want Father Frost with a fir-tree and with a bag pidarkov
-darling, imaginations, entertaining at you, =)
- * gifts

*****

blondinok.
-you Represent conversation of two! They say that this New year will drop out on Friday! Da- And
-! If only not on the thirteenth!

*****

Two eternally hungry studentov:
-Listen to conversation, Vas, and give can, we will get a pig, we will raise it, we will fatten him, and month through four, just by New year, we will hammer, and?
- Well, you think, such stench, dirt...
- Yes anything, Vas, will get used...

*****

Earlier morning on January 1, 2000. At gate of the Kremlin Borya by Eltsin:
-"Is trampled down in a pripryzhka it is necessary to drink less... It is necessary to drink less..."

*****

The rare Snow Maiden will reach the middle of a fire...

*****

Restaurant. New Year. A half of the first nochi.
- The Waiter that for a beefsteak you gave me! I half an hour cannot already cut it!
- You can not hurry, the sir, today we are closed in seven mornings.

*****

- I solved on New Year's Eve the Snow Maiden on appointments to call, and she with herself brought the grandfather!
- of Whom, Father Frost?
- Well, the former president of Moldova Mircha Snegur!

*****

Students in a deserted castle decided New Year to celebrate with ghosts. One girl otkazyvayetsya:
-to me mother does not allow to meet New Year with privideniyami.
-Why? Them at work one woman met
-U New Year with a ghost, so now cannot arrange in kindergarten of the child!

*****

Christmas. The Black family sits at a table. Knock in dver.
malenky the Black child asks:
-Who there? Open
-, this is Ku-Kluks... fie... Santa Claus!

*****

- Happy New Year, grandfather! That everything was good in life!
- Yes to me already and so ninety.

*****

The most lousy is to meet New year on a visit! But you understand it only in the evening on January 1 when houses absolutely could not be devoured...

*****

The most often discussed subjects when planning a trip for New Year's holidays in 2001: (1) class of hotel (2) cost of alcohol (3) local laws on criminal liability for a drunk fight and defeat of hotel

*****

The shortest day in a year - on January 1. You wake up - behind a window already darkens.

*****

Father Frost who visited on New Year's Eve 5 capital shops appeared the most hardy Father Frost of the new millennium. The sum of the property which is taken out by it is estimated at 600 thousand dollars of the USA.

*****

- You will meet Syom how New year?
-Ya already thought over everything and planned, it will be something unforgettable i
nepovtorimoye!
- You Will get drunk?
- Well. And how you guessed?

*****

Sema! Why you were not given the train ticket?
- was Told that on it about the Newest Year all tickets are booked!
- It that, armored train?

*****

The married couple is going to make a Christmas dinner. The wife speaks muzhu:
-I will go I will walk, and you will hammer indyuka.
-so far Ladno.
Wife leaves, and the husband, without knowing what to do, takes the book on cultivation of poultry, finds the section "Slaughter" there and reads: "Before slaughter the bird needs to allow to drink as much as possible". It goes to the bar, pours a liqueur glass of whisky and pours out it in a beak to a turkey-cock. Then thinks: "Today zhe
rozhdestvo so not a sin and most to toss of a glass" … Generally, to arrival of the spouse the husband was already in 0. It it asks:
-That occurs here? You slaughtered a turkey-cock?
-of Che? Ik! Yes you only try touch my buddy!

*****

The family rings round some firms and orders Ded MOROZA.
ZVONOC at a door. FATHER FROST enters. Suddenly the shot - FATHER FROST falls. After it the hitman enters and asks:
-FATHER FROST ordered?

*****

Sensation! For the first time Father Frost will come to the New Year's holiday not only with the granddaughter, but also with the wife. Meet! Snow Maiden, Father Frost and OtmoroWifeya
baba!

*****

Michael Karleone sits young (years of 12) - simply little mafioso)... Reflected. Nearby maiden Maria's figurine. Soon New year. Candles start smoking... Obstanovochka... Michael takes a sheet of paper and writes: "Dear God! Soon New year. Present me please the big red bicycle with nickelized under..." Looks back at the Mother of God, sighs: - Will not present! In vain we then this guy of an umochila... Well itself it is guilty - why to others area it was secured? Once again sighs and rumples pismo.
through a couple of minutes prevails a new sheet of paper and starts over again: "Dear God! Soon New year. Present me please the big red bicycle with nickelized under..." Looks back at the Mother of God, sighs: - Will not present! In vain I then raped this maid... Well itself it is guilty - I offered two hundred dollars to it, che did not take? Again sighs and tears the letter...
potom swells up because of a table with a type of the person who found a way out of a difficult situation, runs out for a minute, comes back with a small wooden box, nails and a hammer. Puts the Mother of God in a box, will earn and sits down to write the letter: "Well, God! If you want to see the mother..."

*****

The man in the bar on New Year's Eve sits, suddenly sees his friend with kefir and a glass and asks:
- And you chyo here one comes?
muzhik otvechayet:
-Yes here decided New Year to spend in the bar, sit down, we will drink!
- Not, I better to a kefirchik will drink...
- Yes you chyo, New Year after all...
- Well and what, here tell you New year last you remember? Yes, pomnyu
- And I do not
-!!!

*****

Some mobsters sit, celebrate New Year. Suddenly call to a door. Open, and Father Frost is on the threshold, in the prikide.
-You type who?
-Ya??? Father Frost!!! Well then freeze
-!!!
- Well, children, I brought gifts!
-to us gifts?? Not, the brother, you in nature the freezed!!!

*****

- To you how many years?
- Not znayu.
- And how many times you watched the movie "Twist of Fate, or with Light Steam"?
- Well, time 20.
- Means, you are 20 years old.

*****

Soon New year. And still it is still a shame for last.

*****

Soon! Look in all refrigerators of the country! m@ndarinka!

*****

After an action "Click Father Frost!" the Sosa-Sola company plans to start since New year actions "Bekapni Father Frost" and "Formatni Snegurochka".

*****

At first he stuck together the snow maid, and then made her the woman...

*****

- The Snow Maiden, you where hurry? Probably, to the house of pioneers on a fir-tree?
- Is not present, in Officers' Club on a stick.

*****

- The Snow Maiden why you go with a naked breast?
- Yes my Father Frost somewhere beard poteryal.
-Well and what? So that nobody noticed
-.

*****

The Snow Maiden 90-60-90 needs Father Frost. With a good gift.

*****

The dog asks the owner in New GOD:
-Let me pogulyat.
-Is not present, I will not let. Again you will get drunk... Well start up
-, I will not get drunk, honest slovo.
-Not... You will get drunk, napyeshsya.
-Yes there is no owner, will not get drunk. A reptile I will be, I will not get drunk!
- Well go...
odinadtsat - no. Twelve - no. Hour - no. In two - a call to a door. Hozyain:
-Well, got drunk?
- Yes, well pledged the word!
-A well, pro-bark!
-Bark - bark - laa-laaaaa...

*****

Dog, having seen New Year's elku:
-Well here, at last in a toilet light was repaired!

*****

Hurry, only at us to each buyer as a gift plush Father Frost and the rubber Snow Maiden!!!

*****

Ask small devochku:
-Mashenk, tell who comes to you for New year, bearded such, in a red fur coat and congratulates you on a holiday?
-Father Frost!
-of Mashenk and who else with it comes?
mashenka molchit.
-Well, Mashenka, the girl such - in white, with a long braid, who?
- Death perhaps?

*****

Old New year is not a holiday. It is a control shot in a liver!

*****

There are two snowmen on a bus stop, and to one another speaks:
-Is not present, Kolyan, after all it was necessary to go to a taxi...

*****

The son - ottsu:
- The Daddy and why you so highly hung up candies on a fir-tree?
-A it that you, the kid, them about New year not skyshal.
-So to me now, the daddy to guzzle the serpentine?

*****

- So, Petrov, labor union will organize departure on Father Frost's house and Snegurochki.
sdayem on 1000 rubles. To write down you? To Write down
-! Why give
-A 500?
- the Wife with the child for New Year leaves to the mother-in-law, therefore