Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Jokes about teachers

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Lesson of the Russian literature at the Georgian school. Uchitel:
-Gogi, gift gy, tell us the fable. Gogi:
-Basnya Kryladze "Strekazel and Muravel". Muravel all leto worked, worked, a field sowed, hleb plowed, listen and. And Strekazel all leto ran. Leto came to an end. Strekazel comes to Muravel and gavarit: "Listen, daragy, give a hleb for a shower and!" And Muravel answers: "You, listen, all leto ran, did nothing, zima
pryshel and you are pryshet to ask, huh? Go to the devil, Flies the damned!"

*****

Lesson in shkole.
-Who read "War and peace"?
-A that, it it was necessary to read? Ml
-Konechno.
-, and I copied.

*****

Language lesson in Georgian shkole:
-Deti, Russian - very difficult language! Naprimer, Nastya - eto
devushka, and nenastya - bad weather!

*****

In the morning with a hangover great the teacher comes to school. Comes into a class, and children emu:
-Hello!
- Oh, My God, that you so shout?! (squeezes the head hands) What lesson at us?
- Russian literature!
- Oooooy! Yes well do not shout so. Well that started to yell? (rubs the rumpled muzzle) And whom we passed last time?
-of Puuuushkin!
-Oooookh, well that you so shout, well is more silent... And what work?
- INDIAN SUMMER! (S), changing in the person, starts vomiting under a table.

*****

In the morning the wife addresses to muzhu:
-Darling, forgot to tell. You are called in school. Vovochka opyat
razbil okno.
-How many at this school of windows, devil take it?

*****

The pupil was late for a lesson. Uchitel:
-Vanya why you were late?
- Mother ruble poteryala.
- And you here at what?
-A I stood on it.

*****

The pupil runs up to militsioneru:
-Go quicker with me, the uncle!
-A that happened?
- our teacher parked the car in the forbidden place.

*****

Uchenik:
-In seeds there is a protein (having thought), a yolk...
uchitelnitsa:
-generally, fried eggs!

*****

The pupil - whether uchitelyu:
-It is necessary to punish somebody for what he did not do?
- Is not present, certainly by no means it is impossible!
- is good. I did not make homework...

*****

Kant's pupils could not reconcile to that their great teacher,
postigshy of secret of life and thinking, did not learn the woman. one day
oni brought to Kant the person who agreed to spend night with velikim
filosofom. Having comprehended sacrament, Kant defined: "The love is mnozhestvo
suyetnykh forward and returnable movements".

*****

The schoolgirl asks uchitelnitsu:
-Marya Ivanovna, I heard by radio that the queen podarila
muzhu the son. How it?
- It means, it gave rise to the king syna.
through some days the schoolgirl Marya Ivanovna resorts radostnaya.
-! Yesterday I had a day rozhdeniya.
-to You something presented?
- Yes, the aunt Tanya gave birth to me to a dachshund.

*****

The teacher of biology tells about insects who live only one day. A voice with back party:
-Here a lafa! All life birthday.

*****

Uchitel:
-Vashek as it is not a shame, you in the fifth class and already smoke!
- Well and what? The president of Valence too smoked in the fifth klasse.
-But you forget that the president Walesa then was 21 years old!

*****

The teacher returns to the pupil the diary and speaks:
-your father will turn gray when sees yours dnevnik.
-Not posedeet.
-Unless your estimates do not excite him?
- Of course, excite, but it bald.

*****

The teacher vozmushchenno:
-Simply is not believed that one person can make so many mistakes!
- Why one? We solved this problem with the father!

*****

The teacher utters to the person on duty on klassu:
-Again a board dirty, the rag dry, and on the globe, - points a finger, - pyl.
-It not dust, - the person on duty objected. - Where you have a finger, there is Sahara.

*****

The teacher of geography asks the pupil a question, whether he knows something about Panamskom
kanale.
"Is not present, - the boy answers, - on our TV of such channel is not present".

*****

The teacher speaks shkolniku:
-Tomorrow let your grandfather will come to school! You want to tell
- - the father?
- Is not present, the grandfather. I want to show it, what mistakes are made by his son v
tvoikh homeworks.

*****

The teacher gives a task, to make the offer with the word "pineapple", Mashenka otvechayet:
-Pineapple lay on prilavke.
- The Clear head of Mashenka.
vstayot and Petechka:
-answers Yesterday we were left by the father to drugoy
- And where the word "pineapple" here? - is perplexed uchitelnitsa
-"And on us" with mother the her put!

*****

Uchitel:
-Children, what most of all was pleasant to you in the museum?
- As Petrova from a ladder fell down!

*****

Uchitel:
-Children, what such "wasps"?
-"OS" - this balshchy flies!
-Nat, "wasps" - this on what a derzhits of wheels, and balshchy flies - this PChOL!

*****

Uchitel:
- And now I will prove you the theorem of Pifagora.
lentyay with back party:
- And whether costs? We take you the word.

*****

The teacher wrote down in the diary of the schoolgirl: "Mary - awful boltunye" .
nazavtra returns to Mary the diary with the answer of the father: "And if you poslushali
ee mother!".

*****

The teacher comes into a class and sees that two pupils quarrel nearly to draki.
uchitel:
-What is the matter?
- Yes here, we found ten and decided to give it to the one who will tell lies best of all!
- As is not a shame! Yes I also did not suspect of your age that this such vrat.
desyatku gave to the teacher.

*****

Uchitel:
-Who knows, how many will be trizhd three? Petrov! - Nine!
- of Sadys, two! Ivanov! - Nine...
- of Sadys, two! Gogi! - Sam, uchytel!
- Yes, gde so - sem-vosem...

*****

The teacher klassu:
-it is silent! I told... Or I said in low tones?!

*****

The teacher of literature asks uchenika-otlichnika:
-You, of course, read and learned Onegin's letter to Tatyana?
-NET.
-Why?!!
- cannot be read Someone else's letters!

*****

The mathematics teacher, having glanced in the pupil's notebook, was potryasen
zamyslovatymi vychisleniyami:
-One of us went crazy, Sidorov! The next day Sidorov puts
Ha on a table konvert.
-That in it? - the Reference that I not the madman asks uchitel.
-.

*****

The music teacher speaks ucheniku:
-I Warn that if you will not behave as it is necessary, I skazhu
tvoim to parents that you have a talent.

*****

The music teacher of Sashenke:
-I Warn if you do not behave properly, I will tell
Ya yours to parents that you have a talent.

*****

The teacher addresses to disobedient malchuganu:
-Skazhi, Kolya, you though sometime listen to a voice of the conscience?
-A on what channel transfer him?

*****

The teacher explains to pupils of the rule good tona:
-Upstairs the man always walks before the lady. And whether knows who-
nibud from you, why? Because the lady for certain does not know
-, on what floor it lives.

*****

Uchitel:
-Give an expression use example "fortunately" .
uchenitsa:
-Robbers trapped the traveler and killed him. Fortunately, he left at home money.

*****

Teacher: - Pavlov, tell where to be Siberia? Pupil: - In Asia gospodin
uchitel. Teacher: - And what way it is possible to get there? Pupil: (having thought) - through
okruzhnoy court mister teacher!

*****

Uchitel:
-Before you a skull of a rare version. In our their country of everything dva:
odin in the National museum, another at me.

*****

Uchitel:
-Petya, your composition on a dog is word for word similar to the composition of yours brata.
-So after all at us one dog for two.

*****

The teacher caught at school of the pupil playing cards and tore off it for ushi.
-You know, for what I punished you? - asked uchitel.
-I Know. I incorrectly went the king.

*****

The teacher on portrait K.Marksa:
-Children, all of you know this genius, this great person. Who will call it?
UCHENIK:
-So is our janitor uncle Vasya. The teacher in isparine:
-That you? Same...
- Yes not. Look - our new janitor. The teacher runs out to the yard. There the type completely similar on K.Marksa.
-sweeps the yard Know, the dear, is school. You very much are inopportunely similar. Can shave better to you a beard? The janitor having thought: - Well I will shave a beard, all right. And umishche that where to put?... Umishche that?!

*****

Teacher: - Give an expression use example "fortunately" .
uchenitsa: - Robbers trapped the traveler and killed him. Fortunately, on
zabyl houses money.