Anecdotes about the time of year

Read funny Jokes about the seasons

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0 degrees of C. The distilled water freezes. Water in the river Wanda (in Finland) slightly gusteet.
-5? C. People in California are frozen almost to death. Finns go on the last shish kebabs before zimoy.
-10? C. British include heating in houses. Finns put on shirts with long rukavom.
-20? C. Australians depart to Majorca. Finns celebrate Midsummer (a holiday of average summer). Fall already prishla.
-30? C. People in Greece die of cold and disappear from the face of the earth. Finns start washing clothes in pomeshchenii.
-40? C. Paris collapses from a frost. Finns stand in a queue at booths with hot-dogami.
-50? C. Polar bears begin evacuation with the North Pole. The Finnish army postpones doctrines on "a winter survival" before real zimy.
-60? C. Korvatunturi (Santa Claus's house) froze. Finns hire video and remain doma.
-70? C. The traitor Santa leaves on the South. Finns feel thirst as cannot store a braid (the Finnish vodka) on a frost. The Finnish army leaves on winter ucheniya.
-183? C. Microbes die. The Finnish cows complain, what at milkmaids cold ruki.
-273? C. The movement of all molecules stops. Finns swear: "Perkele, today on the street it is cold".
-300? C. The hell froze. Finns won the Eurovision cup. Russians shiver and start doubting global warming of climate.

*****

The decline reddens, the first stars light up, the easy ripples on water, the sea breathe fantastic romanticism. The smart cruise motor ship slowly and smoothly approaches Odessa. The frightened ship's boy rushes into the captain's cabin and, choking, krichit:
- There, there, there... Behind a stern!!! Mermaid's
-?! - the captain with ukhmylkoy.
-Aha prompted. And how you guessed?
- The First time in flight to the CIS?
-Yes. But mermaids?!
-Calm down, the sonny! Not mermaids, but local old women of a bottle for us select it.

*****

The banker appeals to psikhiatru:
- The Doctor, remember, last summer you advised me to have a good time with girls to distract from work?
-Yes, I perfectly remember, in what state you then were and for this reason gave such advice. What brought you to me today? Today advise
-A to me how now to distract from girls and to return to work!

*****

In Ireland somehow the man came into the bar, ordered three pints of "Ginnes", sat down in a back corner of bar, and began to drink the beer. Saws it it oddly: took a sip up to a throat from each mug on ocheredi.
zakonchiv, it approached a rack and ordered still tri.
barmen zametil:
-Know, beer after all exhausts over time therefore it will be better if to order on one pinte.
muzhchina otvetil:
-You see us three brothers: one in America, one in Australia, and I here. When we left, we promised to drink beer quite so to remember the friend druga.
barmen was touched and left a subject alone. The man became a frequenter and every time ordered beer in the same way. Somehow time it came to the bar and ordered two pints. All frequenters noticed it and fell silent. When the man approached a rack, the bartender said:
-I do not want to climb to you in soul so simply accept my condolences on an occasion of yours uteri.
litso men assumed the puzzled air, but then he understood in what business, burst out laughing and said:
- And, you about what! Well, all at us as it should be! Simply under the influence of my wife I adjoined Baptist church and stopped drinking. But my brothers drink still.

*****

In department of clothes the seller tells pokupatelyu:
-This coat it is useful to you goda.
-Even in the summer at all times? - did not understand pokupatel.
-Even in the summer, only if you carry it in hands.

*****

In Tbilisi on the square the Georgian on a box sits and catches fish a winter rod. Another approaches and asks:
-That do?
-I catch Fish!
-As? Tell!
-E-e expensive who so asks? Buy wines, meat, we will eat, we will talk!
TOT quickly ran, brought wines, greens, a shish kebab. Mudflows, ate, for acquaintance drank, for parents, acquaintances vypili.
-Well, tell! Here and I catch
-, you today the fourth!

*****

At school there is a lesson. The teacher gives a task to children to make the offer in which words "probably" and "because" surely have to be used. Five-minute pause. Olechka rises RUKA.
UCHITELNITSA:
-, get up and tell the predlozheniye.
olya:
-Probably, the rain because in the sky of cloud SOBIRAYUTSYA.
UCHITELNITSA:
- The Good fellow, Olechka, sit down, you the five will go soon!
B a class again a pause after which rises RUKA.
UCHITELNITSA:
-Get up Shreds, tell the predlozheniye.
tolik:
-Probably, the winter because every day becomes colder and HOLODNEE.
UCHITELNITSA:
- The Clear head, Shreds, and you the five will come soon!
neozhidanno for the teacher is raised a hand in corner KLASSA.
UCHITELNITSA:
-of Vovochk, really and you made the offer? Get up, GOVORI.
Vovochka:
- The Grandfather took the newspaper and there were from KOMNATY.
UCHITELNITSA:
-Vovochka, and where words "probably" here and "because"?
Vovochka:
-Probably to shit went because it is not able to read.

*****

Evening. Sea. Beach. Alone the girl lies. Unexpectedly in the sky there is an UFO. Smoothly lands on a beach. There are two, silently approach the girl, silently her have, silently sit down back in UFO and depart. Next day. Evening. Sea. Beach. The group of girls lies. In the sky there is an UFO again. Smoothly lands on a beach. There are two, silently approach group, silently in turn all have, silently sit down back in UFO and depart. Next day. Evening. Sea. Beach. All beach is hammered by girls. In the sky there is an UFO again. Smoothly lands on a beach. There are two, silently in turn all have, silently go back to UFO. Suddenly one girl does not maintain and asks:
- And you have all such there?
figura slowly turns and speaks:
-Yes, at naz tam vse the taky! And a tarelka toljko at naz with Givi!!!

*****

Took in head to drive to the Chukchi the car. He went to Moscow behind the driving license, arrived to the capital and began to look for where it is possible to buy the rights. Stopped the first car and asks at Driverya:
-Hear and where here it is possible the rights to buy, however? Yes here buy
-from me, - stretches to the Chukchi a usual pocket calendar card with drawing of some foreign car on the face. - Give two hundred dollars...
-Without problems, however, - joyfully answers chukcha.
otdayet to the driver two hundred and goes back to itself to the tundra. Here he in the homeland, bought already the car to himself. The winter, cold, the Chukchi goes with a speed of 120 km/h, the car into smithereens suddenly crashes into a column. In total as always: GAI officers here as here, everything put...
-your documents, please, companion driver...
chukcha stretches it "rights". The GAI officer looks at the rights and speaks:
-So-so, companion driver, are not able to go in the winter, therefore, January and February is cut out...

*****

Winnie- The-Pooh with Piglet come on the first of September to school. Here, as usual, the composition "As I spent summer". The patch speaks:
-Winnie, and what we will write? We after all for days on end smoked all summer the plan, and more than nothing delali.
vinni the Down thought and speaks:
- And you, Piglet, instead of the word "smoked" write "read". Read the whole summer - same horosho.
ladno, they wrote this business. Check work of Pyatachka:
-I Woke up somehow in the morning. Esteemed. Went washed. Esteemed. Before a breakfast esteemed a little more. Has breakfast. Till a lunch read. Has dinner. Something I wanted to sleep. Before going to bed esteemed. Read up the book. Has a sleep. Woke up, esteemed. Here Winnie- The-Pooh came. At once it is visible - read. We with it went to a balcony. We stand, we read. Here in the bottom of News agency goes and shouts: "At you is what to esteem?" And itself such widely-read-widely-read, and still the half-abc-book behind an ear sticks out.

*****

Vovochka calls the grandfather and the grandma to the village. Approaches phone ded.
-Me, the grandfather, tomorrow in pioneers accept. Told that in pioneers take only good children, I want to confess in all bad affairs. Well, remember, I at you in the village had a rest in the summer? I Remember
-, I remember... Remember
-A, you cooked jam? I Remember
-, I remember...
- And so, I got to you into a cellar, gobbled up half-banks of jam and shitted tuda.
ded shouts babke:
-I said to you that this shit, and you: "BECAME CANDIED, BECAME CANDIED!"

*****

The driver of abrupt firm comes to a deaf village to the old parents. Those go outside, see its new jeep and start sighing amicably. The grandfather the first recovered and speaks synu:
-Listen, Vanyusha. At us you will not find such cars in all state farm. Yours trakhtur quickly drives, perhaps? To
-Quickly, fathers, still as bystro.
- And us with the old woman you will give a ride? I Will give a ride to
-, the grandfather. Only let's agree: if you scream with fear - I to you two shchelban on a forehead dam.
starik agreed, went. The sonny dispersed so that from penk one chips fly and where hummocks were - one holes remained. Also braked, and again dispersed... Whether slightly did a loop on the jeep, however the old man all the same was silent. To the son bothered to laugh at the parents, he stopped the car and asks ottsa:
-Tell, the grandfather, whether was the moment when you wanted to cry?
-Was, synok.
- And when? Yes when we on the bridge passed
-, and the old woman my of a window dropped out...

*****

Near tram ways the man in unassembled form lies: feet, a trunk and the head - all separately, in hands a string-bag with loaves. The head, sadly looking after the leaving tram, it is silent shepchet:
-a fig to itself, descended for the hlebushky!

*****

- Yesterday during a storm to my girl in a bathing suit some sea jammed...
-Really stars?!
-Is not present... I, infantrymen!!!

*****

The doctor warns the patient abusing alkogolem:
-Understand if you do not drink, prolong the life for some years!
-Plain truth, doctor! Recently I tried week not to drink, so this time seemed year to me!

*****

Two friends who were not seeming many years met and decided this business to note. Pervyy:
-As I am glad you to see! You will drink something?
VTOROY:
-With pleasure I will drink a glass vina.
- The Glass of wine? No, I drink only water. You know, my cousin died a month ago, and the reason of his death became vino.
-Well, for that matter, that my brother-in-law drowned yesterday...

*****

Meet dvoye:
-You that such gloomy?
-Yes shtrafanut prilichno.
-yesterday For what?
-On a nudist beach hodil.
-Well and what?! Now it easily. Undress and sunbathe!
-Yes, but undressed I still at home!

*****

You already start growing old, if...
1. You the man who can tell the woman "no", not stesnyayas.
2. You the woman who can tell the man "yes", and too not stesnyayas.
3. You play sports and all with pride about it rasskazyvayete.
4. You have drugs in bedside tumbochke.
5. Virginity for you is not a subject obsuzhdeniya.
6 any more. Children with whom you were friends several years ago, call you the uncle Kolya now (Vanya, Mischa, Grisha etc.) besides also on vy.
7. Mornings you obviously have not enough to recover after vecherinki.
8. Irritates you when someone leaves open a tube with tooth pastoy.
9. Your friends marry, and at all not because vynuzhdeny.
10. Your 10-year-old cousins ask from you a sigarette. Besides they better you understand in kompyyuterakh.
11. You can spend the whole day on a beach, so never and not iskupavshis.
12. You prefer not to go to concerts, and to watch them on televizoru.
13. You always go to birthday with a gift as well as when you were still malenkim.
14. For sports activities you buy to yourself a suit which "hides" your figure, but does not "show".
15. You prefer to meet the friend instead of for hours to stir with him on telefonu.
16. You always very well know that want.

*****

- You heard, what becomes? To swim in the sea it is life-threatening, the sanepidemstantion closed all beaches!
-A even is pleasant to me. Yesterday bathed, beauty, anybody net.
-Here, here. And tomorrow and you will not be.

*****

Elections in our wood (the Hedgehog note). Spring. Snowdrops blossomed. Woke up. Learned that this year elections of the King of beasts. Now at us the tsar Leo the Second. For me it simply Leva. For it I will not vote. He 10 years the King of beasts, and at me every spring bodun and to guzzle nechego.
vesna. The grass seemed. Leva told that for the third term not poydet.
molodets. Correct man. I will vote for nego.
vesna. The chestnut blossomed. They say that in Kings of beasts marks Foxes. He under Leva went earlier, and now spoils him. Especially for it learned to climb trees. Will get above and waits Leva. Only Leva under a tree lay down, and here bang - and all in shit. For Leva I will not vote - from it badly pakhnet.
leto. Hot. Wolves put forward in tsars of Volka.
leto. Very much hot. It appears, one of Wolves still believes in Father Frost. Idiot. Father Frost is not present. Though... The horse-radish knows it. I sleep zimoy.
leto. Ass, as hot. Foxes tells all that saw the Wolf on the petushayena. Long ago. Interestingly, and what he did there? Well that from them you will take? Youth...
LETO. When it ends?! It becomes clear that the Wolf on the petushayena removed combs from roosters. To make a cat laugh. But what there after all did Foxes?
osen. Speak, bend sheep to vote for the Wolf. I do not want to be a sheep. I will not vote for Volka.
osen. Roosters are going to vote for the Fox - cannot forget to the Wolf petushatnyu. And I that, rooster perhaps?! But for what roosters so love the Fox?
osen. Foxes rubs about all trees the bum. All trees already in red wool. Foxes says that it is a pre-election campaign such. And I think that at it simply the bum itches. I guess, for what roosters SO love Lisa.
kholodayet. Winter soon, probably. Acted Leva. Told that to it the further destiny of the wood is not indifferent. For whom to vote, it not said.
pravilno! I will vote for LEVU.
B... d! Went to vote. Looked at the list of candidates. GDE LEVA? B... D!? Well you on a her. Left to sleep.

*****

The deaf farm which is on boundless open spaces of Siberia. Late fall. Four o'clock in the morning. Mother of family having many children, hardly waking up, goes to a shed to milk a cow. Having entered a shed, sees that a cow sdokhla.
- The Pancake, winter is at hand, year was poor harvest, potato of a pomerzl, stocks is not present, a family I will not support, the cow sdokhla.
Took and was in a fit of temper hung up. The father wakes up, claps on a bed, and the wife is not present, goes to a shed, the cow died, the wife in petle.
-, winter is at hand, nothing to guzzle the Pancake, the cow died, the wife in petle.
dostal the gun and was shot. The eldest son wakes up, sees that parents are not present, the cow dead, mother in a loop comes into a shed, and there, to the father of a half-head took down. Came to the coast of the small river, villages on penek and became sad. Suddenly comes up rusalka.
-That, the hlopchik, became sad?
-Yes here all wrong way: the cow died, mother in a loop, the father was shot, soon zima.
-is fine, these are your problems, and years to you how many?
-Twenty chetyre.
-Well, so you will bang me twenty four times, then I will help, than I will be able, and is not present - excuse, podokhnesh.
starshy gathered, on the fifteenth time broke and died. The average son wakes up: the brother is not present, parents are not present. It comes into a shed, and there a known picture. Comes to the coast of the small river - the dead brother, and again comes up rusalka.
-So, I know everything. How many to you years?
-Vosemnadtsat.
-Well, you bang me eighteen times, and or I will help, or... The brother you videl.
sobralsya the average son with forces, but on the tenth time broke and too died. Wakes up mladshenkiya, looked round: brothers are not present, parents are not present. He removed with nailing a favourite drum, tied a pioneer tie and under a drumbeat went to a shed. Tram-tararam - the cow died, a tram-hullabaloo - mother in a loop, a tram-hullabaloo - the father without head. It went to the coast of the small river. Tram-tararam - brothers dead. Here comes up rusalka.
- And you, it is small, how many years?
-Tram-tararam - twelve?
-is fine, five times me will bang and is free, all the same in the winter zamerznesh.
-Tram-tararam - can be, ten?
-A you, hlopchik, anything. Come on!
-of Tram-tararam - can be, twenty?
-Ah, shalunishka! Give dvadtsat.
-Tram-tararam - and fifty times you will cope? Let's try
-, perhaps sdyuzhu.
-give Tram-tararam, only keep in mind that the cow did not cope.

*****

The Georgian family has a rest on a nudist beach. The little son asks:
- The Father, it is possible I with your feature I will play?
-Is possible, only far do not depart.

*****

The young woman complains vrachu:
-Now my husband does not satisfy me!
-do not worry, it will pass!
-But it such healthy!!! Where you saw
-A in the winter of an active bear?

*****

Business happens on a beach, people sunbathe, the sea worries, worries, and suddenly from the sea the mermaid with the child on hands comes up and asks those who sunbathes on a beach: "Will not prompt where to find the diver Zhora?"

*****

- The doctor, the grandma washing was unwell. Sent me instead of itself. Write out it the recipe. What medicine? Here a head full of holes - while went, forgot. Something with a winter is connected. How you speak? "Колдрекс"? No, though at us now "Koldrek

*****

The house owner comes to the specialist in heating and asks to count, how many it is necessary to prepare for winter of firewood. That asked, what area of the house, how many rooms where there are windows, how many furnaces and a weight more of details. Then gives out raschet:
-From 3 to 19 kubometrov.
- And why so approximately?
-Everything depends on what will be winter.

*****

The daughter is going to the street, approaches mother and speaks:
-Mothers, and where my rubber boots?
-Daughter and you that? On the street it is dry, summer, pools net.
-Mothers and stop to lament you. You know me. Really I will not find a pool?

*****

Two Georgians in "six", in sheepskin coats, ondatrovy caps, gloves go. All windows are tightly closed, go and are dripping with sweat. On ZhARA Street. Women in bathing suits, men in shorts. SUMMER. Suddenly one speaks:
-Givi, can, we will open akno, and?
-NET, let vse think that at us KANDYTsYONER...

*****

Two passengers go by the train: Russian and Georgian. Georgian molit:
-My God! Let's the train reach station safely!
russky asks boga:
-My God! Do not deprive the thirteenth zarplata.
gruzin asks:
- The Man, how many you have a salary?
-1000 rubley.
gruzin climbs in karman:
-On you 2000 rubles, and do not stuff the head to God with any trifles!

*****

Yeltsin times. Military unit. Check point. At the box sleeps drunk dukh.
ryadom there is a prapor, Tolyan awakes ego.
-, get up, now the presidential train will go, Yeltsin will leave to greet, and you drunk in dupel, get up...
DUH bast...
EDET a train, stops Yeltsin's limousine, that leaves, the soldier how your service approaches to praporu.
-Fine? - Attentively gets accustomed. - And it who? TOLYaN!!! Whether you it? It's ages since we met! Where vanished? Long ago did not see you... So, here the maza will not be, went to the Kremlin, there Clinton promised to drive up to me on a buffet reception, vodka we will drink. Prapora in protection vozmem.
edut to the Kremlin, vodka, a seledochka, girls-pripevochki... Bill.
-Hi, Boris comes... TOLYaN!!! Whether you it? It's ages since we met. Where vanished? Long ago did not see you... Well, men, here drudgery, went to Vatican to the Pope, there the buffet reception will be more abruptly. . Prapora in protection vozmem.
edut to Vatican, respectively all at the level: prostitutes, caviar overseas, vodka river... The Father of Rimskiy.
-Hi, Boris, hi, Bill comes... TOLYaN!!! Whether you it? It's ages since we met. Where vanished? Long ago did not see you... So, everything, my sons, we go to me to the country residence to a private party, there for me Michael Jackson will act... We will take Prapor in okhranu.
edut to the country. Again all up to standard. Michael Jackson comes, approaches a prapor, something speaks to it, and that falls as if it was knocked down. It is lifted supposedly that happened, as health and so on...
-B... I, men! That my TOLYaNA our president Boris where still went, one after all country knows. That it is known by the president Clinton, too is fine. That it is known by the Pope, and is a horse-radish with it... But when Michael Jackson approaches me and asks me: "CHTO ZA TRI H. . I STAND S TOLYaNOM THERE?!", - I oh... ate.

*****

If only men operated this world...
vosmoye of March would postpone to February twenty ninth. Time in four years it still was possible vynesti.
galstuk it would be possible not to tie, and a fly not zastegivat.
slovosochetaniye "feminist movement" would write on walls in tualetakh.
chtoby to protect the partner from conception, would be during sex to put fingers a dagger for spinoy.
tanki would be given for rent with the same ease, as avtomobili.
atlet enough, won competitions, would have the right to kill and eat lost sopernikov.
plasticheskaya operation on increase in a female breast would enter the program free medical strakhovaniya.
raz in a month everyone would have stipulated the labor legislation the right to set fire to the ofis.
for conceptions of the child would be required to joint participation of one man and four zhenshchin.
vsekh women would call equally - for simplicity in obshchenii.
v each watch would be built in the laser, a roentgenoscope, a penknife and rope lestnitsa.
volosy from a nose, and also from a back would easily be transplanted on golovu.
dlinu bristles and level of an erection you could regulate at own will as loudness level in priyemnike.
pele would play to these por.
u all women there would be an allergy to gold, jewels and furs zhivotnykh.
avtomagistrali would not have restrictions on speed and without fail would be under construction in the form of huge ovala.
u men too would happen multiple orgazmy.
avtomobilnye signals would be four times gromche.
v female noses there would be special filters muffling smells of beer, sweat and luka.
v to sale there would be special telephone aerosols. If the maiden on the street gives you the wrong number of the phone, would be to puff on it this aerosol enough, and it right there would turn in its real nomer.
tiranozavrov would remove anew that in life was more priklyucheniy.
na to work the guy who best of all plays Quaqe, automatically would become nachalnikom.
koshek it would be authorized to keep only in two places: refrigerators of the Chinese restaurants and in shooting galleries - in quality misheney.
boi gladiators suicide bombers still would remain popular shou.
tebe never it should listen to refusal of the lady whom you invited to slow dance because there would be no more slow dances!
kazhdy the man of times a year would receive one subscription on unbinding that it there natvoril.
kazhdy the telephone set would be supplied with the device interrupting communication in thirty seconds razgovora.
salfetki and would remain not invented. Galoshes tozhe.
pristalny the view of a female bust at the first meeting would be regarded the same as official recognition in lyubvi.
za journey in the left row with a speed of sixty kilometers per hour would shoot on meste.
chtoby to undo a bra fastener, was easily on it dunut.
posle the next stage of races of "Formula One" enough anyone could drive a race car pobeditelya.
vydav the daughter in marriage, mother automatically would forget about her existence therefore the problem of mothers-in-law would be solved okonchatelno.
vmesto "a beer stomach" at us "beer muscles" .
perevorachivaniye a little table kick with a backgammon would grow, checkers or "monopoly" automatically would mean yours pobedu.
v the beginning of transfer of news announcers would tell all fresh abusive anekdoty.
byli socks which would always exist only in pairs are invented. Left you in different places, they vigorously would creep up a friend to drugu.
kupalnik-bikini would be considered as an ideal suit for the business lady (and not only!) .
sidenya on toilet bowls would lean back how from them vstavali.
muzhchina, come to kindergarten to morning performance to look as his children dance dance of gnomes, it would forcibly be transported for the rest of day in Thai massage salon up - for mental reabilitatsii.
v each bar there would be folding beds for those who does not gather today from here ukhodit.
musornye packages would leave the house independently. On them would be to hit properly nogoy.
mesyachnye enough at women would be once a year, during opening fishing sezona.
sperma would cost worth its weight in gold. Therefore you near at hand would always have a source dokhoda.
nikto would not belong to anything it is too serious.

*****

Heat. Beach. The photographer with the monkey. Otdykhayushchiy:
-This... with the monkey... will cost how many?
fotograf (attentively looking at the vacationer):
-to be photographed?

*****

Heat, sun, beach... On a beach the lonely Georgian lies and sunbathes... To it the big green fly sits down on a breast with hum. "Ne meshaaay", - the Georgian shouts, driving a fly, but a fly, having turned round and round, again sits down to the Georgian on a breast... "Well, the fly, ne meshaay", - again drives her the Georgian... A fly, doing by an abrupt bend, flies to the Georgian in pants and there begins went crazy to buzz... "Oh, a fly, disturb... disturb!!!"

*****

In the hot summer, during a time when hospitals are empty, the man with obvious symptoms of pneumonia came to reception. The doctor, prescribing him medicine, with astonishment asks:
-Tell how it you managed during such heat to ache with pneumonia?
-Is not present anything more simply. After all I all night long, till the morning, staid on a balcony the almost undressed! As it "honor"
-?
-B one condom.

*****

The Chukchi married the Russian. Arrived young to the mother-in-law. And at that the table is laid rich, and in the middle of a table there is a dish with cutlets. So it were pleasant to the Chukchi of cutlet that he "finished" one all dish. And then at the mother-in-law asks:
- And how, however, to cook these cutlets? To
-Well, zyatek, you take meat, bread, salt, pepper, onions, all this in the meat grinder, then in a flour and on a frying pan...
-However, mother, in the winter to a mine in plagues come. I too to treat you with cutlets budu.
priyezzhayet the mother-in-law to the son-in-law, and he has on a table one cutlets, but the whole mountain. The mother-in-law eats... Chokes... And the Chukchi sits and eats nothing, only for a jaw derzhitsya.
-Zyatek, and you why eat nothing?
-I cannot, odnako.
i again for a jaw skhvatilsya.
-Why?
- The Meat grinder hurts.

*****

The woman lies in a bed with the lover. The call to a door is suddenly distributed, it understands that the husband, and in a despair rush vosklitsayet:
-My God came, make so that he noticed nothing!
razverzayutsya heavens and the Lord speaks:
-is good, I so will make, but you will die from vody.
ona speaks:
-Horosho.
prokhodit year, two years. The woman does not bathe, washes only under a shower, tries to avoid whenever possible in any ways water. Passes 3 years, she unexpectedly wins the permit in sea cruise. It Posomevalas-posomevatsya, but decided to go. It floats on the smart liner, suddenly the storm, all in a panic begins at night, the ship sinks. It again in a despair rush vosklitsayet:
-My God, well you cannot sink because of me one all ship?!
razverzayutsya heavens and Lord speaks:
-Yes I you... dy, on this ship collected three years!

*****

The woman after passing of inspection talks to the district doctor. The doctor speaks:
- At you everything is all right, only I to you will advise to walk more in the summer, and is warmer odevatsya.
zhenshchina comes home in the winter. The husband asks:
-That told the doctor?
zhenshchina:
- The Doctor told that I should go in the summer to the sea, and to buy a mink fur coat in the winter.

*****

Life in 100 words: Cradle. Diapers. Plach.
slovo. Step. Cold. Vrach.
begotnya. Toys. Brat.
dvor. Swing. Children's sad.
shkola. Two. Three. Pyat.
myach. Footboard. Plaster. Krovat.
draka. Blood. Broken nos.
dvor. Friends. Party. Fors.
institut. Spring. Kusty.
leto. Session. Hvosty.
pivo. Vodka. Gin with ldom.
kofe. Session. Diplom.
romantizm. Love. Zvezda.
ruki. Lips. Night without sna.
svadba. Mother-in-law. Father-in-law. Kapkan.
ssora. Club. Friends. Stakan.
dom. Rabota.
dom. Semya.
solntse. Leto.
sneg. Zima.
syn. Diapers. Kolybel.
stress. Mistress. Postel.
business. Money. Plan. Avral.
televizor. Serial.
dacha. Cherries. Kabachki.
sedina. Migraine. Ochki.
vnuk. Diapers. Kolybel.
stress. Pressure. Postel.
serdtse. Kidneys. Bones. Vrach.
rechi. Coffin. Proshchanye. Crying.

*****

Comes into the crowded trolleybus drunk, but very cheerful muzhik.
i on all trolleybus krichit:
-People, what weather good today!
Bce is gloomy molchat.
on still raz:
-Citizens, you look, what weather today on the street! Spring!
tishina...
alkash is evil speaks:
-Well if in the trolleybus anybody is not present, I will cast...