Jokes about the Chukchi

Read funny Jokes about the Chukchi

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The Chukchi marrying the Russian gathers razvoditsya:
-Painfully dirty the woman got, - he speaks, - every day washes, cannot be washed in any way.

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The Chukchi married the Frenchwoman. In two months razvoditsya.
ego sprashivayut:
-What is the matter? Why get divorced? Da- And
-... Dirty she some - washes every day!

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The Chukchi married the Frenchwoman. His friend asks:
-Well, how you with it?
- All holoso.
- And with language at it as?
- All holoso. Only, however, very sekotny.

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The Chukchi got sick and went to vrachu.
-Bock hurts me, - speaks on.
-Which side? - asked vrach.
chukcha what I to a wall turn at night thought a little and speaks:
-However.

*****

The Chukchi comes in avtomagazin:
- The Detail number seven hundred ten, however, nado.
prodavets, opening a catalog table of contents zapchastey:
-What model of the car? Snowmobile
- at me, odnako.
prodavets, getting the idea in situatsiyu:
- And! Clearly. Such detail? - shows chukche
kryshku a maslozalivny mouth, perevyornuv
nadpis "OIL"" .
chukcha sees - it is written "" 710?", speaks:
-Such. The mechanic washing told - to take ten for emergency …

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The Chukchi in came in tramvay:
- And I by this tram to the final will reach?

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The Chukchi calls in information bureau aeroporta:
- the plane to Naryan-Mar How many flies?
- Minute, - are answered in spravochnom.
- Thanks, - the Chukchi speaks and hangs up a receiver.

*****

The Chukchi rings help Aeroflota:
-Flight 9999 flies to Urengoy?
-B #@$##$ it flies!!!
-A in Urengoy landing will be?

*****

The Chukchi goes to a bath, leads a telka and bears a big pipe. Ask it: "Chukchi, why to you telka? "
- However, we in a bath always with telka hodim.
- And why a pipe?
- However, I will hoot all night long.

*****

The Chukchi goes on the platform and fights the head about all cars. It sprashivayut:
-You that-headed knock?
-A at me in the ticket is written that a first-class carriage. Here I also look for.

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The Chukchi goes down the street, leads two cows and bears a bass pipe. At it sprashivayut:
-You where, buddy? Geologists tell
-: we with telka go to a bath!
-A why pipe?
- However, we will hoot all night long!

*****

The Chukchi goes down the street, on a neck at him the panel is reeled up, on a shoulder the huge bass pipe hangs, and for himself he pulls on a rope of two korov.
- the Chukchi where it you gathered? - asks prokhozhiy.
- the Chukchi in a bath zvali.
- And a pipe and a cow you what for?
- Me were told, in a bath we will go, with telka to hoot.

*****

The Chukchi in bookstore asks prodavshchitsu:
-Give me the book about clever chukchu.
-Go to department of a fantasy.

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The Chukchi bought KamAZ, arrived home, collected all village at himself in a yurta, sits - rasskazyvayet:
- The good car KamAZ. In a cabin heat, headlights light a taiga … One is bad - dogs quickly are tired!

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The Chukchi bought the car. Goes-goes and crashed into a tree. Got out from under the car, took in hand a headlight and speaks:
-Such big eyes, and nothing is seen.

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The Chukchi in magazine:
-Color TVs is?
- Of course! Give to
- The green!

*****

Chukchi mother sends the Chukchi daughter to Moscow in institut:
-If you are wanted by отъ$бать, say, what at you there ogon.
priyekhala the daughter home on vacation, and her mother asks:
-Well how are you? отъе$али He?
- Is not present, I spoke that I have fire there! Three departed at once,
A fourth suggested * sausage * to fry...
-I that?
- Well that, fried - fried, then it got, asked to try,
Ya tried, told that crude, and it answered: "Togda
razvorachivaysya, in * to an oven * we will wear out..."

*****

The Chukchi in Moscow lost the wife. Came to militia, asks that it was helped it otyskat.
-What it, - the person on duty, - signs opishi.
-What else sign asks?
- Well, here, - are explained by the person on duty, - my wife harmonous, high, goluboglazaya.
-my old, bandy-legged, - the Chukchi speaks, - let's yours look for better.

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The Chukchi is not a nationality. The Chukchi is a diagnosis!

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The Chukchi - the father, tells to the Chukchi - synu:
- The Main thing in life, the sonny, never eat yellow snow!!!

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The Chukchi on hunting. Goes, sees - the sable runs. Shot, killed, podnimayet:
-Fur, however …
belogo of a bear saw, shot, ubil:
-Meat, however …
TUT sees - the geologist by goes. Bach! - and laid the geologist. Podkhodit:
-Matches, however …

*****

The Chukchi hunter brags of feats on hunting in Afrike:
- There are I on a footpath, suddenly look - a lion! I pulled out a knife, rushed to it i
srazu the tail chopped off!
- Why tail, but not the head?
-A to me cut off the head...

*****

The Chukchi the first time got to the big city. Came into city park v
tir and struck all targets. It was given a prize - a live turtle. Went, beer
popil, has a snack. Again went to a shooting gallery. Again struck vse
misheni. It is given a prize - plush medvezhonka.
- And it is impossible again such meat pie and a crisp?

*****

- The Chukchi, flooded an oven potbelly stove?
- Flooded! However, hardly got into an ice-hole!

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The Chukchi writes the letter domoy:
"Hi the brother, we reached well, in the apartment where we lodged there is even a washing machine, it only works somehow strange, I loaded clothes there, for a chain pulled, water began to seethe, and then the clothes disappeared somewhere. Weather at us costs good, for the last week the rain went only two times, the first time 3 days, and the second 4. The wife expects a baby but as we do not know yet - the boy or the girl, we do not know whom you will be an uncle or tetey.
do appointments your younger brat.
p.s. Wanted to send you a little money, but already stuck an envelope."

*****

The Chukchi floats on the small river by the boat, watches on the parties and poyet:
"What beautiful wood on the coast, in this wood a lot of cowberry ripens, we will collect very a little soon..." Looks - the geologist sits on the coast and celebrates NEED :) .
chukcha: "Fie, shaitan! What, however, the song spoiled!"

*****

The Chukchi floats in the boat. Towards to it two men, too in lodke.
- The Chukchi, did not see the person who shouted? You Will see
-NET.
-, us pozovesh.
-it is fine, - floats dalshe.
smotrit - someone flounders in water, krichit:
-Help! I sink!
chukcha to it - Bach! - an oar on golove.
- The Man, hide, you are looked for there!

*****

The Chukchi approaches the prostitute on Skok's Tverskoy:
-in a night, however?
ONA measured it vzglyadom:
-From you 150 dollars, lokh.
tut the Chukchi friends jumps up and pushes it in bagazhnik.
***
proshlo half a year... it is landed on the same place, run wild, smelly, in high fur boots and the Chukchi rags: she studied at school badly, from where to it was to know that night polar.

*****

The Chukchi approaches to help byuro:
-Tell, please... Thanks
-You're welcome.
-...

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The Chukchi wishes the wife happy birthday and gives a gift - a beautiful box. That opens and gets scrap and kupalnik.
-What is it?
- So... Beach set!
- Beach? And what for?
- the Ice-hole you will hollow scrap.

*****

The Chukchi caught a taxi, sits down. The taxi driver speaks:
-Ten rubles for posadku.
chukcha:
-Is not present, dorogo.
on stops the following car and krichit:
-Pass, pass, I under way will drop in!

*****

The Chukchi received the apartment in the nine-floor house on the last etazhe.
-Well how are you getting on? - ask ego.
-However, feet hurt, on foot upward mine hodit.
- And what, the elevator does not work?
- Works. But Tam it is written that is designed for four people. Shibko
dolgo to wait for three more.

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The Chukchi received the new apartment and pokazyvt to guests. First room: "Here I have a tundra." Second room: "Here I have a tundra." Kitchen: "Here I have a tundra." Toilet: "Here mine of plagues." It is asked: "And where you go to a toilet?" - "To the tundra!"

*****

The Chukchi received the new apartment. To it friends come. The Chukchi to them pokazyvayet:
-Is a bathtub, it is a bedroom, it is kitchen. Shows on gas plitu.
-It - I do not know that such, but every evening I come here, I open the crane and I go bananas!!!

*****

The Chukchi got somehow to Moscow in the twenties, the city does not know, in general understands nothing, came incidentally to the station and became on the ways. Suddenly on it an animal runs, however very big, whistles, puffs, the smoke lets, black such an animal - however the Chukchi brought down the engine, he did not understand that to it happened. Cured the Chukchi - he went to himself to Chukotka, comes in plagues - and there - the wife on skins exchanged a teapot on a fire with a whistle for trading stations. The Chukchi is enough an axe - hryas on a teapot! - that popolam.
-You that, - the wife asked. - However new thing!
-Ya understood - these animals need to be killed, so far they small.

*****

The Chukchi got to frontier troops. Well, it was sent to an outpost far away from border (the fighter it was that still …). Suddenly it vozvrashchayetsya.
-Companion commander! I met the violator, it was necessary to shoot!
- As!? And well, tell!
- Well I ambush, healthy such man with a backpack behind shoulders suddenly gets out. I ask it: "" You who?"". He speaks: "" Chief of party"". I slapped him at once, I know that, who at us the chief of party!

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The Chukchi slipped, fell, hit the head about led:
-However, - the Chukchi speaks, rubbing the cone, - would be a brain, would shake.

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The Chukchi after hunting comes back in plagues. The wife made to it a lunch, and to boil a teapot zabyla.
chukcha ate and asks:
-Tsyay kipel?
Кипель, kipel.
a itself gives it a mug with ice chayem.
chukcha took a sip and splashed out everything to the wife on fizionomiyu.
-Holoso, what not kipel, - the wife thought.

*****

The Chukchi comes from Moscow to himself to the village and, having brought together all the relatives, begins hvastatsya:
- The Big city of Moscow, and there all know me!
- cannot be - do not trust emu.
-Can! There is such piece there, the subway is called. To the people there - darkness. And the ekhskalator goes there. And so I went to such ekhskalator, and to me towards on it people rise up, push me and shout: "Hey! Rozenbay! Where you prt?!"