Jokes about women

Read funny Jokes about women

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Wooden devushka:
- The Waist aspen,
- The Breast flat as a board,
-ON mind an oak-oak, bed
-B a log.

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In posteli.
zhenshchina asks:
-Darling, you me love dialogue?
bezrazlichny otvet:
-Is not present, I have now a rest …

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Expensive, - the young husband speaks to the half. - I compared the expenses on a wedding to the cost of your given...
-Well and what?
-Turns out that I married you only for love.

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- Darling to me to wash the dishes or you will wash?
-good my darling... Specify
-, please, - "well, my darling", "well, my, favourite or "well my, favourite"?!!

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- The daughter why you do not want to marry the father of your future child?!
-But, mummy as I can marry the person whom almost I do not know

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- The daughter, bring five plates!
-A why is so much?
-I need to talk to the father.

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The daughter mather:
-you Know, mother, all men odinakovy.
-You is right, darling, but it does not mean that you have to check this every day.

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The daughter asks at mather:
-What husband you would advise me to choose? By
-Oh, leave you husbands them to wives. Find to yourself the good single guy. The most sophisticated torture for the woman - to buy it a heap of fashionable cool belongings, perfumery and cosmetics... and to lock in the room without mirrors. The beautiful, slender brunette will get acquainted with the nice young man. I am 19 years old and 134 months. podrugi:
-your husband smokes two?

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The daughter comes home and the Father tells ottsu:
-me raped that to do to me? Eat
-limon.
-What for?
-A that so happy muzzle was not...

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- How you think, whether women feel pleasure from sex?
-Of course, it occurs at them during a prelude and discussion of consequences.

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Her eyes looked with tenderness at each other.

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If you wait for guests and suddenly noticed on the dress a spot, be not afflicted. It is reparable. For example, spots from vegetable oil are easily removed by gasoline. Spots from gasoline easily are removed alkali solution. Spots from alkali disappear from acetic essence. Traces from acetic essence should be rubbed sunflower oil. Well, and how to remove spots from sunflower oil, you already know.

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If the woman says to the man that he the cleverest, means she understands that she will not find the second such fool.

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If the woman with a ring on the right hand - it is married if on the left - means nothing if on right and on the left - that she is married, but it means nothing.

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If the woman does not groan at night - she grumbles in the afternoon.

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If the woman wants to win the man, she has to show him all the advantages with which she was awarded by the nature. Otherwise why the nature was such generous.

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If say to the woman that she irresistible - that it means,
chto in a mirror to it is better not to look.

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If you invited the girl to feed small fishes, and you never before had no aquarium, open at least a can of sprats. As a rule, having crumbled a little bread there, girls start guessing, why them called.

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If the traffic light was constructed by the woman, colors it would have following: red in small white peas, yellow in a slanting black strip and green with golden spangles.

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Is a lot of different modeley.
modeli with beautiful hands help to sell a varnish, rings, braslety.
modeli with beautiful legs help to sell stockings, shoes and razors for nog.
modeli with a beautiful breast help to sell brassieres, combinations... cars, beer, cigarettes, at home, furniture, phones, pizzas, islands in the Caribbean Sea...

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- What did you throw me? To Shoot down
- The hand was not raised!

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The wife and the husband come back from shop with pokypkami.
Wife:
- The Road, take on hands of the child, an I will incur a vase. to
y you a foolish manner all to let out A from pyk.

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- Zhanna very faithful woman!
-Well!? She married in the third raz.
-But the lover at her remains the same.

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The wife on divorce protsesse:
-He said to me that I good. And I also believed!

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The wife got up at 4 o'clock in the morning. Broke a rod. Lowered in a toilet bowl of worms. Cut rubber boots and the boat. Then went to bed and gently nestled on the husband's back. It was necessary to live it no more than an hour..... The husband comes from work and speaks zhene:
-Gather, we go to theater! What
-B? In Big? - joyfully asks ona.
-do not worry, you will be located.

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The wife got me. for days on end same - give money, give money! Bothered already!
-Where to it is so much?
-Yes it knows a horse-radish, never gave.

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The wife isterit on muzha:
-I was deaf and blind when married you! Here you see
-, and thanks to me - recovered!

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The wife good at me, serves coffee to a bed, tea in a bed...
OBED, a dinner, a breakfast - all in a bed, the TV, slippers in a bed of vanities,
zaraza! Nasty - in a bed, a carpet to beat out a bucket, a dog to walk - everything, all in a bed!...

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The wife caresses to muzhu:
-Tell, darling, at me beautiful hair? Eye
-Krasivye.
-A beautiful?
-Krasivye.
-A nose?
-I nose kras...
TUT the husband bethinks and asks with podozreniyem:
-Wait a moment, and you that, are not reflected in a mirror?

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Medvedev's wife followed an example of Obama's wife and put a potato plantation in the Taynitsky garden. Now every night on the Kremlin wall it is possible to see Medvedev's figure with the Berdan rifle.

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The wife - muzhu:
-Darling, let's have sex... Idi begin
husband :
-, I now will approach.

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The wife muzhu:
-Darling, whisper me my favourite three words: "I will buy you..."

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Wife:
-It is necessary to dismiss our driver, at last. Today it the third time nearly killed menya.
husband :
-It the excellent guy. Let's give it one more chance.

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Wife:
-It is time to dismiss our driver, at last. Today it the third time nearly killed menya.
husband :
-It the excellent guy. Let's give it one more chance.

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The wife after a shower enters the room, plows up a dressing gown and asks muzha:
-Well as I?!
-Is good!!! And would be others, the price to you would not be!

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The wife invited to herself the lover. Its steps muzha.
-were suddenly distributed It is necessary to hide! - shouted Wife.
kogda the husband entered, he asked muchinu:
- And where my wife?

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The wife brought a vodka bottle, hid in a sideboard and speaks:
-Let will stand. Perhaps we where will go, - can, to us who will come...
nochyyu the wife clung to the husband, caresses it, and it in otvet:
-Let will stand. Perhaps I where will go, - can, to me who will come...

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The wife comes late vecherom.
-Where was?! - speaks husband .
-do not worry, at the girlfriend, - the wife speaks - There men were not. Then the husband comes late vecherom:
-do not worry, I was at the girlfriend! And there too men were not.

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The wife sees off the husband in sanatorium and speaks:
-I Ask you, do not spend money for things which you can have for nothing houses.