Jokes about women

Read funny Jokes about women

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The wife speaks by phone then puts trubku.
husband (reading the newspaper):
-It who was?
-Yes mother. It in my opinion already half sumasshedshaya.
-A-a-a... Means it became better.

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Wife:
-Hochetsya something light, warm...
husband with pokhmelya:
-Pivo you will be?

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The wife asks muzha:
-Darling, you do not love me any more. Earlier all evenings you gently held mine ruki
v the and you spoke to me about love, and now it not delayesh.
-But expensive, I do not see in it need any more - since we sold a piano.

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- Your wife Frenchwoman?
-Is not present, it I taught it.

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Female drama: did not manage to look back - and ceased to look back.

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Female logic. The girl goes by the bus. It is necessary to transfer to the ticket. Nearby there is other girl. How to address to it - on first-name terms or on formal terms? Argues logically: This bus - the express. If the girl did not descend at the previous stop, so it goes to my residential district. Goes with a wine bottle, so to the man. The bottle expensive, so goes to the handsome man. In our residential district two handsome men: my husband and my lover. To my lover it cannot go as I to him go. Means, it goes to my husband. My husband has two mistresses - Wriggling also Katya. Katya now in komandirovke.
-Yulya, report to the ticket!
devushka (dizzily): From where you me know
-?

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The female humour is so thin that sometimes is not noticeable.

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Female nablyudeniye.
zhizn it is full of adversities and sufferings. Grief and hatred. Disappointments and treachery... Then, at last, you find
A that hairdresser who is necessary to you.

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The woman in apteke:
-you have a cheap and effective remedy for weight loss?
-Is. Plastyr.
- And where to glue it?
-On a mouth!

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The woman returned from examination with redressed rukoy.
-Well handed over on the rights? - asks it husband .
-I do not know, the instructor in hospital...

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The woman always wants to be purer than the man even if they were soiled about same.

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The woman is ready on everything for the sake of love, even to make love. Muzhchina
gotov on everything for the sake of occupation by love, even to love.

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- Why the woman even if it is ready to tell "yes", all the same at first will tell "no"?
-Probably because if it will at once tell "yes" to speak then, actually, already and there is nothing.

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The woman complains the podruge:
-my husband such swine!
-why?
-I asked for it $200 for cosmetic operation, and it looked at me and gave 500!

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The woman lies in a bed with the lover. The call to a door is suddenly distributed, it understands that the husband and in a despair rush vosklitsayet:
-My God came, make so that he noticed nothing!
razverzayutsya heavens and the Lord speaks:
-is good, I so will make, but you will die from vody.
ona speaks:
-Horosho.
prokhodit year, two years. The woman does not bathe, washes only under a shower, tries to avoid whenever possible in any ways water. Passes 3 years, she unexpectedly wins the permit in sea cruise. It Posomevalas-posomevatsya, and decided to go. It floats on the smart liner, suddenly the storm begins at night, everything in a panic the ship sinks. It again in a despair rush vosklitsayet:
-My God, well you cannot sink because of me one all ship!
razverzayutsya heavens and Lord speaks:
-Yes I you. yady, on this ship collected three years!

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- Why the woman loves ears, and the man eyes? Because to the woman to watch
- There is nothing, and the man has nothing to listen.

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The woman on the fan: - A long breast - Magnificent feet - White eyes - Brown teeth

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- What can a woman to powder without a mirror?
- brain.

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The woman - the girlfriend: - Money is not present, and there - sticks! - And who such? - Well so... it... husband!

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The woman - the complete antithesis to a dog. The dog understands everything, but can tell nothing.

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The woman invited to herself to a dinner the man. When it devastated all bottles and plates, it to it saida:
-you mine Now!
Ha that it ovetil:
-mine!

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The woman on reception at seksopatologa:
-Why my husband does not satisfy me? Because you tr*khatsya by
-in different rooms!

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The woman comes to gadalke:
-Remember, I was at you five years ago? You still foretold me the rich husband and children.
-I Remember five... I want to learn
-Ya - and the husband from me when is?!

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The woman comes to the female sexopathologist and complains that muzh
sovsem does not turn to her vnimaniya.
doktor asks to come separately muzha.
-you, the doctor as the woman, have to understand me, - rasskazyvayet
husband -Understand, I go outside in the morning, I meet the mail carrier. "Nu
chto, she speaks, to give newspapers to you, or how?" Of course ", or as",
govoryu I. Then I get into the trolleybus and I go to work. Kontroler
proveryaet tickets. "You will show the ticket, or how?",
asks it. Of course "or as", I answer. Then I come na
rabotu. The secretary asks: "To you urgently to print what ya
yesterday did not make or how?" Of course ", or as", I speak. And so - put
tsely, with the bartender, militsionershy, the shop assistant and even with moyey
nachalnitsey... In the evening when I come home, any more not to the wife!
-Well, - are answered by the woman doctor - the Case difficult. Well, budem
lechit - or how?.

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The woman is a bullet with the displaced center tyazhesti:
popadayet in heart, beats on pockets and backfires.

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The woman standing and the woman lying - two different women.

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Female this being who creates to the man the mass of efforts and inconveniences in an award for those small joy which it sometimes to him gives.

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- When the woman loses 90% of the intelligence?
- When at it dies husband .
- And when it loses the remained 10%?
- When after the husband at it dies a pet.

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Women like men, at kotorykh:
-hair Well lie,
-Well fits a suit,
-Well costs of what you thought at once.

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Women speak: It is better to give rise to once, than all life to have a shave!
muzhchiny answer: Better all life to have a shave, than to be afraid to give rise to all life!

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- Why women wear heels, are painted, and smothered??
-Because they, small, terrible and smelly!!!

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Women love when them compare with koshkami.
vot will call her a kitty and it at once represents herself the proud, graceful, independent predator...
stranno, and why hysteric woman, not primitive, hairy, real on corners?

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Women love ears until they are clogged with the noodles hung by men. Then women bethink, call themselves veriest fools and shake noodles. Then history repeats itself.

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- Why woman there is a lot of time and means give to appearance, but not development of intelligence?
-Because blind men much less, than silly.

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Women in Russia are anxious with two problems - that to eat and how to grow thin.

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Women - such touching sushchestva.
tak would touch and touched.

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Women spend money intelligently! As a result - neither money, nor mind...

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Women life flowers, them either in water, or to the earth!

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Wives share on three kategorii:
1. Krasivye
2. Vernye
3. Beautiful and true, but inflatable. Paradoxes of fashion.