Jokes about Vovochku

Read funny Jokes about Vovochku

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

96  97  98  99  100  101  102  103  104  105  106  107

Moscow. The elite kindergarten for new russkikh.
vospitatelnitsa carries out the test for leadership of new Russians children.
-Kto there was your grandmother, Nastya? Nastya - "It from an ancient noble sort". Your
-A, Ninochka? Ninochka-"My grandmother opened a voice for Alla Pugachyovoy"
-A from what you sorts, Vovochka? New Vovochka, as always most abruptly - "And I was Philip Kirkorov's spermatozoon"

*****

The husband speaks to the wife: Listen to
-, we will depart in a bedroom, and?
-Yes is inconvenient, see - Vovochka sits, plays. He is the small child how we will explain to him, what we will do so long in a bedroom? And if hears that? Be not afraid of
-, I will suit everything.
podkhodit to Vovochka: Listen to
-, Vovochk, go to a window and observe. For each person seen by you in all black I will give you ruble.
poshli in a bedroom. In ten minutes hear:
-Ruble...
EShchE in twenty minutes:
-Two...
cherez half an hour Vovochkin shout: Listen to
-, fathers, the prostitute to you would leave cheaper - there is a funeral procession.

*****

The husband with the wife went to bed. Nearby in Vovochk's bed. Passed nemnogo
vremeni.
-Embrace me, expensive! - speaks husband .
-Wait, the son zasnet.
prokhodit a little more vremeni.
-Darling embrace menya.
-Yes wait, here the son will fall asleep...
husband , having taken offense, went to kitchen to drink a wine glass of champagne,
otkryvayet a bottle. Cotton is distributed. The part of champagne prolivayetsya.
sprosonya the man poskalzyvatsya and crashes down on a floor. Vovochka jumps s
posteli and shouts mather:
-That, doupryamitsya? The father was shot!

*****

Na to change of Vovochka fought with the schoolmate. The teacher separated fighters, put in a class and forced to write the name and a surname on a leaflet of 100 times. Vovochka speaks:
-It is dishonest, Mar Ivanna! I have to write 50 times!
-Why it?
-Because his name is Jan Us, a me Vladimir Krasnoperekopsky!

*****

On Unified State Examination on literature the graduate Sidorov significantly enriched sense of the well-known saying of Socrates "I know that I know nothing" .
ON added: "Also I do not want to know" .

rebenok asks the father chinovnika:
-From where in a family superprosperity and the house on Canary Islands? You Understand
-, the sonny, Is such Profession - the Homeland obchishchat.

*****

Four-year Vovochka:
- The Father came to kitchen, I want hernyu.
-On, the sonny, only wash up it and remember is the persimmon is called.

*****

On New Year's morning performance the little son of the electrician Vovochk closed a round dance.

*****

On parental sobranii:
-Mar Ivanovna, well and how to you my Vovochka?
-will Far go stervets... if not to the very top, as minimum
etapom from Tver.

*****

On training on track and field athletics. Trener:
-Vovochka!!! How many to you to repeat time, what it is the THREEFOLD jump, you understand??? The THREEFOLD!!! also it is not necessary to jump all 17 meters at once, they should be proprygat for three times!!! Vovochk's
malenky went with the grandfather to circus the first time. The Grandfather saw the arena and voskliknul:
-, look, well and the arena!!! This
-arena??? Yes it is пи$да, but not the arena. At our nurse in hospital was пи$да, this there was an arena!!!
nachalos representation. Acrobats ran out. Vovochka:
- The Grandfather, look, well and actresses!!! This
-of the actress??? Yes it is blyad, but not actresses. Here I had blyad, this there were actresses!!!
vybezhali horses. Vovochka:
- The Grandfather, look, well and horses!!! This
-horses??? Yes it is mandovoshka, but not horses. Here I had mandovoshka, this there were horses!!!
predstavleniye came to an end. Vovochka to the bus also went with the grandfather home. Suddenly something began to knock. Someone from passazhirov:
-It probably the piston!!! This
A Vovochka:
-piston??? Yes it x? y, but not the piston. Here at my grandfather was x? y, this there was a piston!!

*****

On the street mother with the little daughter walks. Suddenly see as the cat "tramples down" a cat, and thus both wildly shout. Mother vosklitsayet:
-Oh, poor kitty! It uspokaivayet:
-Yes you mother so do not endure
dochka, it potr*khat it and will release!

*****

On a zoology lesson the teacher brought arbuz.
-That this such, children?
-Same water-melon, Mar Ivanna! - cries out Vovochka.
-Is not present, this Michurinsk apple. - with a malicious smile says
uchitelnitsa.
na sledyyushchy day the teacher brings dynyu.
-Children! What is it?
-DYNYA
-is wrong! It is Michurinsk sliva.
na the third day Vovochka brings a full portfolio of crayfish and,
vysypav on a table to the teacher, asks:
-Mar Ivanna, and it that such?
-As that? Of course crayfish!
-Is not present, Mar Ivanna, incorrectly! These are Michurinsk COCKROACHES!

*****

At school comes to a lesson of a foreign language checking from RONO and sits down near Vovochka. The teacher fine ochkut, but to lead a lesson nado.
ona speaks:
-I now will write the offer on a board, and you will translate it on russkiy.
teacher writes. At it the piece of chalk falls. She lifts it and finishes predlozheniye.
-Who will translate to me?
Vovochka pulls a hand. There is nothing to do, it was necessary to ask. Vovochka:
-With such ASS it is possible to live!
-That?! From a class!
Vovochka collects books and notebooks in a portfolio and with scope beats checking on bashke:
-If do not know, do not prompt!

*****

At a lesson anatomii:
-Who will tell, what biggest human organ?
-Ass, Marya Ivanovna: in it all country is located.

*****

At an anatomy lesson the teacher asks Vovochku:
-Tell us about a structure human serdtsa.
-Well... - Vovochka answers. - At heart is nogi.
-As it so? - Marivanna is surprised uchitelnitsa.
-Well... When yesterday I passed by your window, heard from there: "My heart, move apart feet!"

*****

At an anatomy lesson the teacher asks Vovu:
-Tell us about human serdtse.
-Well... - Vova answers - heart has feet...
-As it so? - is surprised uchitelnitsa.
-Well... When yesterday I passed by your window, heard from there: "My heart, move apart the feet!".

*****

At English Marivan's lesson asks Vovochki:
-As there will be my name in English?
Ha that Vovochka otvechayet.
- And is possible I for you to Mikhino a name I will tell? That do you say to
-Yes? No!!!
-Well, - and on syllables - Ma-ri-ebana.

*****

At arithmetics lesson to Vovochk sprashivayut:
-How many there will be 4th plus 8?
-15.
-A 12 plus 7? Strange you consider
-28.
-. And with whom your father works?
-Waiter.

*****

At a lesson of biology of the 7th class. The teacher speaks: "If to consider that the fruit of the person develops the first two weeks on female type, and then there are changes and the man further of
rastet as the man, and the woman remains without changes... "
C of a back school desk in a whisper: "I said that our women are underdeveloped men"

*****

At a biology lesson Marivanna told children about birds, well and tells Vovochke:
-So, Vovochka, so at whom the biggest eggs?
-U of an elephant!!!
-You that Vovochka as you can, at an ostrich!!!
-A it, what wrote music?!

*****

At a biology lesson the teacher asks Vovochku:
-That do amoebas after division?
-One of them turns away and snores

*****

At a biology lesson the teacher asks at children:
-Children, what eggs you know?
DETI krichat:
-Chicken, pigeon, crocodile...
Vovochka:
-... at slona.
-Two, Vovochka.
-Of course two, not three.

*****

At a biology lesson. Uchitelnitsa:
-Vovochka, well do not spin and do not wriggle, and look at me better, a
to you do not learn a structure and monkey habits.

*****

At a biology lesson, the teacher asks:
-Children who knows why so flat flounder?
Vovochka pulls ruku:
-Because overslept with a whale!
-of Wons from a class!
Vovochka leaves. The teacher sets following question :
- And who will tell me why at a cancer such goggled?
otkryvayetsya a door, is shown to Vovochka:
-from there Because he saw all this!

*****

At Vovochk's lesson called the teacher. She decided to go to nemu
domoy and to talk to parents. It approaches the house, and ves
razvalenny. the mess comes inside, and there. Passes on kitchen i
videt: on a table there is a kettle, and from there wooden spoons edyat
Vovochka and his father. The teacher speaks:
-your Vovochka called me on uroke.
otets takes the spoon today and beats it on a forehead Vovochka. Spoon razletayetsya
na slices. And Vova rubs a forehead and speaks:
-Che, you @@@ ulsya before the woman, now x @@ m will guzzle a borsch!

*****

On uroke:
-Vovochka, you on what reflected there? Well tell us, how many budet
dvazhdy two?
-Four!
-A three times three?
-Mar Ivanna, well about what you?! Yesterday on a TV set of the man showed to which
U the member is equal in trailing situation 25 cm. How in your opinion,
skolko on
budet centimeters when rises?
-That?!!! It still that for a pornography!!!
-Yes what pornography?! Elementary mathematics! With yours-to
opytom - it is a duck soup!

*****

At a lesson geografii:
-Children who will show where there is Greece?
-B to an ass, Marya Ivanovna.

*****

At a lesson geografii:
-Petya how the city on a letter X located near Odessa is called?
-???
-of Vovochk! Open eyes, raise the head from a school desk and clean the help in trousers

*****

At a geography lesson the teacher asks uchenika:
-Vovochk, what highest top on the earth? Pik Kommunizma.
-
-is wrong. The highest top on the earth - Everest. Its height - m
8844, and Communism Peak - only I do not know 7495 m of
-about height, Marya Ivanovna, but to Everest it is possible podnyatsya
za week, and we rose by Communism Peak 70 years and so not dostigli
ego.

*****

On uroke:
-Children, what most of all is not pleasant to you in people?
-Greed!
-Alcoholism!
-Gluttony!
Vovochka:
-Shaven pisk at women!
-That?!!! It still that such?!!!
-A you, Mar Ivanna that worry?!

*****

On uroke:
-Children who knows national proverbs about kindness? The Tender calf at two uterus sucks
PETYA:
-!
Vovochka:
-Means, the tender maid...
-Everything, everything, Vovochka, sit down!!!

*****

On uroke.
-Children who knows, at what bird black eggs? Tell you, Vovochka.
- At the Black!
-Sit down, dva.
-Well, correctly. Two also has to be.

*****

On uroke:
-Children, and you know how Levinguk opened spermatozoa?
Vovochka:
-Undertook a microscope dirty hands.

*****

At a lesson children wrote the composition on a subject "That such laziness? "
Vovochka received 5 for the phrase "This and there is a laziness!!!"

*****

On uroke.
-Children, think up a synonym to the word "work" .
petya: - Work!
Vovochka: - Horse-radish!
-As it?!!! How many work with
-A, you will catch up with Abramovich's horse-radish!

*****

On uroke:
-So, children, we will talk about politike.
kto at us symbolizes the biggest party of Russia today?
-???
-Well, sucks all winter...?!
Vovochka:
-A! People!! So he both and sucks in the winter in the summer!!!

*****

At a Scripture lesson the priest speaks detyam:
-Now I will tell you as there was the first chelovek.
- The Father, - Vovochka speaks, - I would listen as there was the third person!

*****

At a zoology lesson in shkole:
-Children how the tiger female is called?
-Tigritsa.
-is correct. Vovochka and how the leopard female is called?
-Man purse, Maria Ivanovna.

*****

At a lesson Maria Ivanovna asks:
-Children who knows: why storks for the winter depart to Africa?
Vovochka pulls ruku:
-That also Blacks could have children.

*****

At a lesson: "Maryivanna, and Putin - from the word to be confused, prostitutes or fetters? "
-Sit down, Hrenochlenov if you have a decent surname, it does not mean, chto
mozhno to scoff at others!