Jokes about Vovochku

Read funny Jokes about Vovochku

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

97  98  99  100  101  102  103  104  105  106  107  108

On uroke.
marya Ivanovna speaks detyam:
-Children, think up a rhyme that in it there were words a vice and a hammer!
Vovochka after long thought pulls a hand and speaks: To
-of Marivann, and it is possible to deliver instead of the word a hammer the word a sledge hammer?
-A what for? of
-That was stronger blow! Well put
-if you want... Then I thought up
-!!! If to deliver you to
-Rasskazyvay
Vovochka:
-a cancer,
I to clamp nipples in a vice, a sledge hammer to set
A to a sraka,
GDE will appear brains?

*****

At a lesson: Ivanovn's
marya speaks to children:
(MI) Children think up a rhyme that in it there were words a vice and a hammer!
Vovochka after long thought pulls a hand and speaks: Marivann's
(B), and it is possible vvvmesto to put words a hammer the word a sledge hammer?
(MI) A what for? of
(B) That was stronger blow! Well put
(MI) if you want... Then I thought up
(B)!!! (In) If to deliver you to
(MI) Rasskazyvay
a cancer,
I to clamp nipples in a vice, a sledge hammer to set
A in с#аку,
GDE will appear brains?

*****

At a lesson mathematicians sit on a back school desk Vovochka and Masha and obsuzhdayut:
Vovochka:
-Here a session I pass the third, hard treatment for alcoholism takes place... Here I plan once again abortion to make
mashenka:
-, it was necessary to use elastic bands...
B is time the teacher Vovochka notices "razgovorshchik" of
-A well, get up and tell how many will be 2х2?!
Vovochka:
-Four, Mar Vann, eh to me your cares...

*****

At a lesson of chemistry of Vovochk mixed reactants and not that rastvor.
moknul made a finger - and it ceased to be bent. It brought a flask home, rassaid
ottsu. That gave it ten and took away solution. In the morning Vovochka,
A under a pillow thirty more rubley.
-It to you wakes up from mother, - the father told.

*****

At a natural study lesson the teacher asks:
-Who knows why storks for the winter depart to Africa?
vstayet Vovochka:
-Clear business, Blacks too want to have children!

*****

At Russian lesson. Maria Ivanovna:
-Vova, tell how you learned cases?
-Ya learned them on father's metodike:
den there was Imenitelnyy
vecher there was Tvoritelnyy
ya it Predlozhnyy
ona to me Datelnyy
teper I not Vinitelnyy
chto it Genitive

*****

At a lesson of Russian yazyka.
uchitel: - Children make the offer with the words "wood" and "girl". Well give Masha.
masha: - The girl left from lesa.
uchitel: - Good fellow FIVE! And now you Vova make the negative offer with same slovami.
Vovochka: - Not the girl left from lesa.
uchitel: - Vova, quickly isprav.
Vovochka: - And you will not correct it any more.

*****

At a lesson. A subject - pogovorki:
-Vovochka! Language to... that will finish?... On a letter K?
-To Kolyma!

*****

At a lesson the teacher dictates predlozheniye:
v to a corner Ivanna, and who such "skr" scrapes mysh.
Vovochka asks:
-Mar?

*****

At a lesson the teacher explains how it is important to brush teeth before snom.
-Irochka, what you do before going to bed? I Clean
-zuby.
- The Good fellow. Vovochka, and you? I smoke
-Ya for the night sigaretu.
-Anything to myself, and your parents? You know
-about it, but unless it is a question for the first class?

*****

At a lesson the teacher tells about Pushkin's creativity. And then asks:
-Sasha how called Alexander Sergeyevich's nurse? Decrepit washing
-of the Pigeon, - the pupil answers.

*****

At a lesson the teacher asks:
-That most of all excites the person?
-Body of the naked woman! - Vovochka sitting on the first school desk answers.
-of Wons from a class! Also bring the father!
Ha of Vovochk came the next day one and sat down at the last school desk.
-You why did not bring the father? Why sat down at the last school desk? - the teacher asks.
- The Father told that if you are not excited by the naked woman, you are a pederast, and it is necessary to steer clear of you.

*****

At a lesson. Uchitelnitsa:
-Children, here I hold a brick in hand. What do you think, looking na
nego?
lenochka: - I think of a great feat of the Soviet builders!
zhenechka: - And I think of prospects kommunisticheskogo
stroitelstva in ours strane.
Vovochka, - And I - about babakh.
uchitelnitsa: - Vovochka, but why?
Vovochka: - And I always think of them.

*****

At a lesson, uchitelnitsa:
-Children, tomorrow we will write the composition on the subject "Our Homeland Russia" .
Vovochka Vovochka what wanted pulls ruku.
-Yes?
-Marya Ivanovna and if I come the sexually overstrained tomorrow?
-of Anything, Vovochka, you will write with other hand.

*****

At a lesson, uchitelnitsa:
-Children, tomorrow we will write the composition on the subject "our homeland Russia" .
Vovochka Vovochka what wanted pulls ruku.
-Yes?
-Marya Ivanovna and if I come the sexually overstrained tomorrow?
-of Anything, Vovochka, you will write with other hand.

*****

At a lesson uchitelnitsa:
-Children, call any flower on the letter "P".
-Peony! - tells Tanechka.
- The Sexual intercourse, - tells Vovochka.
-But after all it not a flower, - is indignant uchitelnitsa.
-But it is very pleasant, - Vovochka speaks.

*****

At a lesson the teacher dictates predlozheniye:
-In a corner scrapes mysh.
Vovochka Marvanna, and who such Vugluskr pulls a hand and asks:
-?

*****

At a lesson the teacher asks children that they will do when become adults. Vovochki's turn approaches. He gets up and otvechayet:
-I Will drink vodka and women tr@khat.
uchitelnitsa expels him from a class and calls parents. Vovochka comes home and speaks to the father about a call in shkolu.
-For what? - asks otets.
Vovochka explains. After diligent washing of brains, the father asks:
-Well, understood everything?
-Understood, - Vovochka gloomy answers. - I will drink Coca-Cola and др#?ить.

*****

At a lesson the teacher asks at children:
-Petya what it is possible to receive from a chicken?
-Myaso.
-Masha what it is possible to receive from a chicken?
-Yaichki.
-Well Vovochka, and you that you will tell?
-Not znayu.
-Well on what you sleep?
-On lavochke.
- And under the head what you put?
-Valenok.
- And your father on what sleeps?
-On polu.
- And under the head of it that?
-Second valenok!
- And the grandfather on what sleeps?
-On an oven!
-A under the head of it?.
-Pillow!
-Well can be received if at the grandfather to cut a pillow?
-Pi%d%lya, from the grandfather, it is possible to receive!!!

*****

At a lesson the teacher asks:
-Deti how you understand expression "was born under a lucky star"?
MASHA:
-U me the grandfather was born under a lucky star. In the war its tank was lined, all were lost, and it net.
petya:
-U me the father was born in a rubshka. The house which they built failed. All were lost, and he net.
Vovochka:
-U me a cat was born under a lucky star. I ate 3 tablets of viagra yesterday, and his house did not appear.

*****

At a lesson in shkole:
-Children, call an animal with whom the person in odinochku.
- The Tiger will not be able to cope! Lion! Elephant!
-is correct, children. And what Vovochka thinks?
- The Polar fox, Marya of Ivanovna.
- When will not be able to cope with this lovely fluffy small animal the person?
- When a polar fox - full, Marya Ivanovna.

*****

Nastenka:
-Mummy and where tampons are inserted?
TETIA Yang (having choked with pelmeni):
Well... There, from where undertake deti.
nastenka:
-V a stork, mummy, huh?

*****

The lesson in the 2nd "And" a class begins. The teacher drew on a board apple and asks:
-Children, what I drew on a board?
Vovochka pulls a hand and speaks:
-It is an ass!!!
-of Vovochk and as you dare … - in a panic shouted uchitelnitsa.
zatem she ran out from a class and ran to a director's office. Comes there, cries and speaks:
-Boris Ivanovich and there and I and at me …
Tak some minutes hysterically proceeded!!! She so also could not tell anything plainly!!! The director decides to understand a situation itself. It comes into a class. Starts something explaining to children, looks at a board and speaks:
-Oh, and who on a board drew an ass?!

*****

- Do not forget, the sonny, we live on this earth, chtoby
truditsya. Whom do you want to become when you grow up?
-Pilot.

*****

- Do not forget, the sonny, we live on this earth, chtoby
truditsya. Whom do you want to become when you grow up?
-Pilot.

*****

- Not in a rhyme! - the father shouts, - Try still raz.
- The Father goes to Leningrad,
mamin е#$рь will be rad.
mamin е#$рь our neighbor,
papa will buy me a moped.

*****

- But still it can be a stack of old hay...
Vovochka (from a back school desk):
-Or heap of shit!
-Always you, Vovochka, any nonsenses tell!
-A is possible I too I will ask?
uchitelnitsa (cautiously):
-Well, try...
-That it could be -

*****

The new teacher comes in klass:
-Hello, children, I your new uchitelnitsa.
Vovochka from the last school desk zlobno:
-Vy@bu!
teacher in horror resorts to the director and tells that stryaslos.
direktor:
-A- And, this Vovochka if promised, will make

*****

- How to you new teacher of French?
-generally, it, how a protective film on the screen new telefona.
-That is?
-Wants to be taken and TORN OFF!

*****

New year. Vovochka takes off for the yard holding an ass two hands and is loud rugayas:
-Well Father Frost, well a pancake the wizard!!!
Bce friends abandoned fireworks and surrounded ego:
-That happened?
-Parents told that went to friends, and I have to wait for Father Frost. I hear a call, I open - were drawn. I climbed on a table, and nachal:
"Father Frost - chlenosos, the Snow Maiden - in a mouth the fucking little fool. Verses will be enough from you, drive a gift and an umatyvayta. "
DED Moroz: "For such verses I to you shcha so a staff vdaryu that 3 days will not be able to sit down on an ass. "
Ya: "You have no right, only parents can make it! And they now are not present so break off the old fart! "
DED Moroz: "Well, Vova! "
I as will give 3 times a staff about a floor. Suddenly they with the Snow Maiden started undressing and be transformed to parents. Well pancake wizard!!!

*****

New year at school. Father Frost comes and asks Vovochk's Vovochki:
-that you want for New year? I want
-Ya that I was the president of Paris! The Aaaaaa is not present! I want the brother! Send me the brother! Father Frost tells
A: - And you send me the mother!

*****

Night. One-room apartment. Vovochki's parents want zanyatsya
lyubovyyu. The father begins, but mother not soglashayetsya:
- The Child does not sleep!
-Sleeps! Vovochka, you sleep? Bring waters!
molchaniye... Here you see
-, it sleeps!
I continue the begun business. Minutes through twenty razdayetsya
nedovolny golos:
- And long I here with water have to be above them?!

*****

At night in the train. A voice with next polki:
-Mummy, well, how many it is possible: "Mischa, pis-pis, Mischa, pis-pis! "That can I make
-A? The child cannot pee in any way to descend!
-But I already 20 times ran!

*****

- Well, Vovochka, you at school were called today?
-Yes, the father, call you tomorrow...

*****

- Well, Vovochka, you at school were called today?
-Yes, the father, call you tomorrow...

*****

- Well, and how in you at new school into which you passed?
-is lousy, to write off in general anything nevozmozhno.
-Everything the teacher - animals?
-All pupils - morons.

*****

- Nyuma, immediately stop to torment a cat and be engaged in a violin! I am engaged in
-A skripkoy.
- Then immediately stop to torment a violin and go to eat!

*****

- Oh, my God! Vovochka who taught you to tell these awful words?!
-Father Frost, mamochka.
-Father Frost? Is that so!
-Yes, mother when it fell in my room, having stumbled about the bicycle.

*****

Usual morning, mother takes a shower, the father has a shave, Vovochka begayet
po komnate.
nashla on the father with mother love, decided to have sex since morning in dushe.
tut Vovochka and that the son suspected nothing,
papa runs in, making the movements, became prigovarivat:
-do not dare to beat the son, do not dare to beat syna.
Vovochka looks and speaks:
- The Father, bang still a cat that it was not scratched.