Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Jokes about doctors

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- Doctor! It was so inconvenient to me to call you during such heavy rain! Anything, I have
- in the neighboring house one more patient so I will kill at once two hares.

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- The doctor, really my illness is so awfully hopeless?
- Well, why is so gloomy! Let's tell in a different way: if I cure you - I will become world famous!

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- The doctor, trusts nobody to me!
- All right, is good to lie!

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- The doctor, at me with feet badly!
-C feet well, without feet badly. Following!

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- The doctor, you to me for the night forbade to eat, here I also caught a cold!
-A what communication? Well as - I all night long at the refrigerator staid
-, at chicken looked, here me and blew...

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- The doctor, I am a nudist!
-A why the dressed?
- Well, such I am a pervert!

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- The doctor, I need to give up smoking?
- Absolutely is not present, to you already late.

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- The doctor, I need the tablets relieving of unhealthy addiction to reception of everyone of tablets! There are such?
- Such already is, but the problem that a full course of treatment provides reception not less than ten tablets, and after the first

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- The doctor, I obespokoyen
-What is the matter?
- Here seems some days to me that everything that speaks moya
Wife it makes some sense...

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- The doctor, - addresses the patient's wife to the surgeon who has to operate her husband, - whether is though any hope?
- Everything depends on that, on what you hope...

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The doctor of usual rural hospital found wonder-working all female diseases medicine - It is necessary to tell the woman that is a usual sign of an old age, and recovery happens directly in the eyes.

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- The doctor, operation will pass well? Do not endure
- if it is bad, you do not learn about it.

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The doctor examines the patient, and keeps saying sure, vigorous tonom:
-So, well, well, very well!
bolnoy to which poorly, screwing up the face, asks:
-That is good, and?
- is good that I do not have it!

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- Doctor why is better to die from syphilis or dysentery?
- better to die than male asshole.

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- The doctor, the patient from reanimation already chuvtvut themselves better. Today for the first time zagovoril.
- And what he told?
-"As to Me Hu%vo"

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Doktor:
patsiyent, you are fatally sick and it was necessary to live to you not so long!
patsiyent:
bozhe! How many it is "short", доктор!?
Доктор:
Десять!
Пациент:
?его ten? Years? Months? Days?
doktor:
devyat...

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The doctor patsiyentke:
you completely recover if cease to play on pianino.
After leaving the nurse asks: Doctor and what communication mezhdu
pianino and her illness?
- She lives a floor above?

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The doctor - patsiyentu:
-Smoke?
- Not absolutely...
- It as?
-Ya - the passive smoker... Others smoke, and I breathe...
-A, I understand. So, further... Have sex?
- Not absolutely...

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Doctor to the patient:
-U me 2 news, one good, other bad. With what to begin.
-C bad.
- We by mistake amputated a healthy foot.
-???
-A sick can be cured.

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The doctor patsiyentu:
-Tae - e-ex-, next week will look at you Egor Stepanovich...
-A who is such?!
- our pathologist …

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- The doctor, all imitate me!
- To - about - about - ktor, peredra - and - and - znivayut...

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- The doctor, I pisat something in four strui.
- The Grandma, you swallowed a button. Following!

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- The doctor, me it is bad!
- Where is bad?
-B back pass.
-A that can be good there?

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The doctor, to me it is bad!
- Where is bad?
-B back prokhode.
- And what can be good there?

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- The doctor, remember the simulator from the sixth chamber?
-NU.
-Died!

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- The doctor, help, I keep thinking that I am a horse... Certainly I will help
-, but it will demand much deneg.
-Money not a problem, I won on jumps yesterday...

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- The doctor, help, I to you money of ladies, only help rather! Give
-, give at first money, and that you will help people - neither people, nor money, gratitude! Lies in a coffin and pretends that did not learn!

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- The doctor, help, me everything, for some reason ignore!
- Following.

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- The doctor, help. Every day my intestines begin burlit
v the 8th mornings and so to speak srabatyvayet.
-Well and what in it bad?
- Yes, but I get up not to a ransha of 9.

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- The doctor, help. At me in golove.
-you a player remove some voices and everything will pass!

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- The doctor, help, with my husband something not so. It had a habit - at night regularly scratches zatylok.
-Well, so to say: any disturbing symptoms personally I in it not vizhu.
-So after all it a foot scratches!

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- The doctor, help! Few weeks ago I overslept with the wife of the best friend - and since then I cannot find any peace, there is no rest on this earth to me, it torments me...
- Well, smart guy, I here than cannot help you, it rather in church is nece

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- The doctor, help, something somewhere hurts me!
- is good, good, now I to you will write out some tablets.

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- Doctor...
- Keep silent, I listen to you!!!

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- The doctor, my bottom scratches!!!
-I that?
-...

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Doktor:
-Everything is all right. And we will write: ORZ. Will come through three dnya.
seychas I to you will issue the bulletin … How, by the way, your surname?
patsment:
-Ya and knew … Know that, I to you to call a surname ne
budu, I will better write …
D.: …. And … #: [] What you wrote it? How it is not a shame to you?
P.: It is my surname. Trust He? Want the passport I will show? Here, please …
D.: Dda-a … Really … A series … number … is issued … My God!!!! How you it were given out?!?!?!
P.: Also do not ask. The passport officer who gave out, cried. You, speaks, do not lose it, and that again should be written out. Then at once
D left ….: Yes as you live?
P.: And I live. The passport constantly with itself. Happened earlier, on the street the militia as a surname will ask, and I as will answer … And now - the passport I will show and - anything …
D.: And you did not try to replace a surname?
P.: YOU THAT?!?! The surname is as the Homeland. One for the rest of life what is. Here you are a Russian?
D.: Russian!
P.: Too it is possible to replace?
D.: Really … And … as family, children?
P.: What family, doctor? Well I met one horoshey
zhenshchinoy here … Three years. Did not call a surname, thought - will manage. In a registry office all also became clear. She as a surname heard, thought that I so called it. And I to it: it at us a surname such. Also called it in plural: we, I speak, now …
D.: For God's sake, it is not necessary! Leave, I ask you! Following, please!
P.: Yes there is nobody there, the doctor!
D.: You that, called a surname?
P.: Why, I on reception zapisalsya.
d.: That you did! You for half a day without work left me! Here that, give your bulletin here, I will issue it to you not for three days, and for three years. Only a surname you enter …
P.: And if it becomes bad?
D.: Will call "ambulance". Only do not call a surname. Tell the address … to
P.: And you know where I live? No, I will not tell, I will better write …
D.: #% (0) It you … It you live there?!
P.: Yes, I live! To show the passport?
D.: Is not present … it is not necessary …. Go, and? Go …
P.: Where?
D.: And there, where live …

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- Doctor, I turned gray from bespokoystva.
- What disturbs you?
- What I sedeyu.

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The doctor visited patients at home: husband and wife. After survey relatives sprashivayut:
-Well as? I am afraid of
-, - the doctor answers, - that both will become a widow/widower soon.

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- The doctor, whether here one visitor finds out ran away from nas
bolnoy.
- And why it interests him? He tells
- that someone was washed away with his wife.