Anecdotes about the job

Read funny Jokes about doctors

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- Doctor! After your transplant surgery the skin of my face was like the ass!
- How do you talk to me? And why stand back to me and no pants, but still something there podmargivaete.

*****

- The doctor, after reception of your medicine I all was turned out naiznanku.
-Anything surprising, after all by medicine external.

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- The doctor, recently I see only moving subjects!
-A as you came to my office?!
- the head swung All road...

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- The doctor, what you will advise me?
- Descend in a drugstore, buy something, maybe, will help.

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- The doctor, advise how during sex without condom to avoid pregnancy? Know
-, told from words many do not remember, give I to you I will better show.

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- The doctor, advise that to me to do. As soon as I go to bed, at once I dream a dream that I am a professor. I wake up, and I am the ordinary porter. What to do to me? - To sleep less.

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- The doctor, I constantly am afraid of something, without seen prichiny.
-Drink these tablets (gives laxative), will be to you prichina.
-Following!

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- The doctor I constantly talk itself with soboy.
-you disturb the house?
- No, I live odin.
- And talk to yourself on zdorovye.
-Yes, but I am such bore....

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- The doctor, I constantly talk itself with soboy.
-you disturb the house?
- No, I live odin.
- And talk to yourself on zdorovye.
-Yes, but I am such bore....

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- The doctor how to me to grow thin?
- Is two ways. The first - to go on foot to Kiev, to visit Pechersky Monastery...
- So same is far!
- Then second way: to find the young, unrestrained woman in love caress...
- Yes it, in general, and to Ki

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- Dr. truth bumps on the skull can be found harakter
man?
- Rather, his wife ...

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- The doctor, is the truth, what women live more long than men?
- In any case widows - yes.

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- The doctor, is the truth, what I have very rare illness?
- Nonsense! The cemetery is hammered it with carriers!

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- The doctor, represent, I fell from the fifth floor, and anything, anything, both anything, and anything...

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- The doctor, I have such presentiment as though in me two persons sit. One speaks: "Drink!", and another: "Do not drink! "
- is clear. And you teach them to treat each other...

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- The doctor, come somewhat quicker. My husband, having got up, prinyal
tabletku from a stomach pains, then a vitamin dragee, medicine protiv
grippa, powder from a liver and mixture for cough. Also did not manage to light a cigarette,
kak was heard

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- The doctor, to you me forced to come to reception an internal voice! He did not tell
-A, than you are sick? - with hope the beginning doctor asks.

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- The doctor, in a reception the patient fainted!
- Let will enter without turn.

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- Doctor, what to use when splitting headache?
- Clay.

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- The doctor when I come home, seems to me that on a sofa the cat with rogami.
- At you "little squirrel" sits.
- Yes you that! What I to protein, cannot distinguish from a cat?

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- The doctor, I have a problem - closer by the night the head starts hurting. That it could be?
-O to change of a floor did not reflect?

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- Doctor! I have failures in pamyati.
- And long ago?
-C on March 14 last year, from seven hours fifteen minutes.

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- The doctor, I swallowed gold lozhku.
- When it happened?
- 3 mesyats nazad.
-That you did not come earlier?
-Ya did not need money.

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- The doctor how to live till 100 years?
- Is very simple: drink every morning on a cup of hot tea within 62400 weeks.

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Doctor, how it?
- the Bullet - the silly woman. Any vital not zadet.
-Thank God!
- But here a bayonet - the good fellow, the good fellow.

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- The doctor, I work as a horse, I eat as a pig, I am dog-tired. What to do to me? I do not know
-, I am not a veterinarian... Following!

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- The doctor, I to VAM.
-Undress!. Undressed? Da's
-!
- Put on!
-A as...? Everything is normal
-. Hearing as it should be.

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- The doctor, earlier I could eat nothing, and now I eat everything!
-A as chair?
-I chair too!

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- The doctor, my child does not utter a letter "P"...
- Probably, at your child wrong prikus.
-God with you, the doctor, what bite?! I have a girl!

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- The doctor, what this such on the roentgenogram?
- It? It we after the diploma with children acted. Group for memory.

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- The doctor, a hand hurts me!
- So hurts?
- Hurts!
-A so hurts?
-A here so does not hurt!
- And go! Following!

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- The doctor, my hands shiver.... Drink
-? Smoke
-PIL.
-?
-Kuril.
-So you that, threw?
- Is not present, only reshil.
-Here see, and the organism was already frightened.

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- The doctor, today I feel much better. Be so kind as, stop a course of treatment and you hand me yours schet.
-That that you, you are still insufficiently healthy for such shock.

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- Doctor, I... as it... Sidorov! At me... it... sclerosis!
-A... Petrov! Well, with yours... as you told... diarrhea? - it... as it... to the oculist!

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The doctor, at me strongly drop out volosy.
-Eto because you nervnichayete.
-Perhaps, but it just because at me vypadayut
volosy!

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- The doctor, at me strong kashel.
- And how old are you?
-70.
-A in 40 you coughed? My God keep
-!
-A in 50?
- Too net.
- And in 60?
-Neeet.
-So when to you to cough if not now???

*****

Doctor: Tell, what Rhesus factor at your husband?
the Patient (reddening): I do not know, centimeters twenty...

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- The doctor, tell, I will live?
- Yes, you will be zhit.
-Ur, I will live at the doctor!!!

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- The doctor, tell why you to me replaced a preparation? That forces
-A you think, what I replaced it?
- Yes earlier when I threw tablets into a toilet bowl, they floated, and now began to sink...