Jokes about Vovochku

Read funny Jokes about Vovochku

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Vovochka approaches mother and asks:
-Mother why you are by the window when I sing?
MAT:
-That people did not think that I beat you!

*****

Vovochka approaches mother and asks:
-Mother why you are by the window when I sing?
MAT:
-That people did not think that I beat you!

*****

Vovochka approaches to ottsu:
-Fathers, let's the grandmother bang!
OTETS:
-You that, the sonny, it is your grandmother!
Vovochka:
-Well and what? Give!
OTETS:
-As to you is not a shame, it already starenkaya.
Vovochka:
-Yes throw you, give!
OTETS:
-Eventually, it is my mother!
Vovochka:
-Well you bang every day my mother, I nichego
ne speak to you!

*****

Vovochka caught a bee and holds her for krylyshki.
-Release her! - mother speaks. - With it it is sick! With
-Aha and if I release it, it will be sick to me.

*****

Vovochka got two points for the control. The father came in shkolu
razbiratsya.
uchitelnitsa to him speaks, your son wrote off everything at the sosedki:
-Here look, the question - in what year was born Pushkin.
masha correctly writes - in 1799. And your son tozhe.
-Well and what? Why my son cannot correctly answer? Watch
-further. A question - who wrote "War and peace"?
MASHA writes - Lermontov, and Vovochka the same samoye.
- And why they could not be mistaken both?
-Well, we will allow. But here the following question - what plays wrote Chekhov?
MASHA wrote - "I do not know". And Vovochka - "and I too" .
Ha a lesson in shkole:
-Children how the dog barks?
MASHA:
-of Gav gav gav.
-Sit down, 5.
Children how the lion growls?
Vovochka: - Mar Vann, I to you after lessons pokazhu.
teacher thinks: "The zoo is it seems closed, the circus left, what it will show there?"
Vovochka brings it to the apartment, calls. The door opens huge muzhik.
Vovochka: - The uncle Lyova, I to you b*yad brought!
-of Uuuuuu!!!

*****

Vovochka Dear Vovochka received a Valentine's Day card from the neigbour on parte:
"! I very much love you! With a holiday! Nastyusha"
pishet otvet:
"Nastyusha, I you too very much lyu" (is crossed out) by
"Nastyusha, to me very much a priya"
"Bondareva was (crossed out), I "love" the word is written through "e"."

*****

Vovochka received "two" on physical culture. The father asks:
-For what the teacher delivered you the two?
-A he asked me to impose a goat with mats. Well, I also imposed...

*****

- Vovochka what will turn out if to four to add one?
-Not zna - and - ayu, Maria Ivanovna. Put dvoyku.
-Well here look. We take four fingers, we add one more. What turns out?
-A, understood! The fig will turn out

*****

- Vovochka what will turn out if to four to add one?
-Not zna - and - ayu, Maria Ivanovna. Put dvoyku.
-Well here look. We take four fingers, we add one more. Chto
poluchayetsya?
-A, understood! The fig will turn out!

*****

Vovochka helps the granny on ogorode:
- And what we will put?
-sunflower Sunflower seeds, will grow - we will fry!
- The Granny, and it is impossible at once fried to put...

*****

Vovochka understood that at him not everything is all right with health when nurses began to be photographed with its mant.

*****

Vovochka at a threshold met the guy who is looking after for it sestroy.
-I saw as you embraced and kissed to Mar?n!
-is not necessary so loudly here to you dollar.
-Thanks hold fifty cents sdachi.
-delivery??? From all I take
-Ya equally - on fifty cents.

*****

Vovochka potkhodit to the father and asks:
-Papa, and the truth that for the winter all storks depart to the tyuply countries?
Da sonny. And what? As a tagda I was born
-A in January?

*****

Vovochka went with the father to maternity hospital to see malenkogo
bratishku. The nurse brings the baby at whom on the handle hangs nomer.
-Look, the daddy, - Vovochka, - it absolutely new speaks, even the price eshche
ne removed.

*****

Vovochka went the first time to the first class and comes back radostnyy:
-I already know the alphabet: and - be-ve-ge-de, e--le-me-ne, zho-pare-se-te, fe-hu-I!

*****

Vovochka went the first time to the first class. Vova to that you were taught at school today comes home after zanyatiy.
papa at it and asks:
-Well?
VOVA: - Yes to anything, father... Tomorrow ordered to come again.

*****

- Vovochka, is the truth, what you are on friendly terms with Mashenkaya only because it has a lot of money?
-Is lies! I am on friendly terms with it because at me is not present not a stiver.

*****

- Vovochka, under what conditions liquid evaporates quicker,
pri heating or when cooling? It watching
-what liquid, Marivanna.
-Nonsense. All liquids have identical physical svoystva.
-Mother herself is surprised. But carried out experimental is

*****

- Vovochka, give an example of how in real life the saying "one for all - all for one" is confirmed.
-Khodorkovsky on plank beds, the others on Kanarakh.

*****

Vovochka invited Tanechka to himself home. Bought a pie, flowers, a bottle of cognac and a cigarette, exposed everything on a table and zhdet.
prokhodit to hour of Vovochk dumayet:
"Tanechka from a good family, will not drink". Cleaned butylku.
prokhodit an hour more of Vovochk thinks: "Tanechka from a good family, she does not smoke". Cleaned cigarettes. Here call to a door. Vkhodit
tanechka. Vovochka asks:
- And you that in a school dress came?
-So after all tomorrow in school...

*****

Vovochka invites Mashenka to come to him in gosti.
-I Will feed with such lunch - fingers will lick!
mashenka consults on the girlfriend, - to go it or net.
-to Lick will lick, - more skilled girlfriend speaks. - Here it is only not sure, whether there will be it fingers!

*****

- Vovochka, think up the offer with a verb "to have".
-Verka Perepyolkina can have any muzhchina.
-Here the impudent fellow! From a class!
Ha to change the teacher leaves in a corridor and notices, what Vovochka eats greedily a tile shokolada.
-

*****

Vovochka brought home the two on mateshe.
otets:
-For what? She me asked
VOVA:
-: how many will be 3х2? I told 6!
PAPA:
-Well is correct! Then she asks
VOVA:
-: and how many will be 2х3?
OTETS:
-Well and what na @@ difference? Here and I so told
VOVA:
-

*****

Vovochka brought home couple on behavior. Otets:
-For what?
-on literature gave a task to learn Us on the house Mayakovsky's rhyme "Oblako
v trousers".
-That, na? Here and I so told
-.

*****

Vovochka brought with himself in school a squirrel. She at it got out from portfelya
i in horror began to rush on klassu.
nakonets she dropped in to the teacher under a skirt. That in horror zakrichala:
-Immediately take away the squirrel!
Vovochka answers absolutely spokoyno:
-do not worry! It will only check, whether is not present orekhov.
i there when does not find - she will leave!

*****

Vovochka brings to the father the diary. Otets:
-Why the two on physical culture, you at me such sports, brought-up boy? The Father, the teacher of physical culture tells
-to me: "Raise a foot", I lifted. "Lift the second". I to it: "And that I on find fault I will stand", and he to me dvoyku.
otets thought: - Honestly on I find fault to stand perhaps? The good fellow my boy, correctly made, the man!
Ha the second day Vovochka brings to the father the diary. Otets:
-Why the two on mathematics, you at me such clever boy? The Father, the mathematics teacher tells
-to me: "How many will be two to increase by three", I: "Six". It: "And three on two", I: "What on h@y a difference?", and it to me the two in dnevnik.
otets: - Honestly, and what on h@y a difference, the good fellow my boy, correctly made, go gulyay.
na the third day Vovochka brings the two on literature. Otets:
-Vovochka, why the two on literature, you at me such widely-read boy? The Father, the teacher of literature tells
-to me:" Compose a rhyme about a cockerel", I composed: "The cockerel, a cockerel - a gold comb, gets up to children does not allow to sleep early in the morning. Pidaras such".
-Honestly, the sonny, pidaras a rooster if does not allow to sleep to children, the clever boy, go gulyay.
na the Father following den:
-, me from school vygnali.
-Why?
-Called me on teachers' meeting, I come into a teacher's room, and the mathematics teacher, physical cultures, literature and drawing sit there... Wait for
-, and on huya drawing? Here and I tell
-to them, "and on huya the art teacher?"

*****

Vovochka brings to the father the diary. Otets:
-Why the two on physical culture, you at me such sports,
podtyanuty the boy? The Father, the teacher of physical culture tells
-to me: "Raise a foot", I podnyal.
"Lift the second". I to it: "And that I on find fault I will stand", and he to me dvoyku.
otets thought: - Honestly on I find fault to stand perhaps? The good fellow my boy,
pravilno made, the man!
Ha the second day Vovochka brings to the father the diary. Otets:
-Why the two on mathematics, you at me such clever boy? The Father, the mathematics teacher tells
-to me: "How many will be two to increase by three",
Ya: "Six". It: "And three on two", I: "What on h@y a difference?" a
on to me dvoyku
v dnevnik.
otets: - Honestly, and what on h@y a difference, the good fellow my boy, pravilno
sdelal, goes gulyay.
na the third day Vovochka brings the two on literature. Otets:
-Vovochka, why the two on literature, you at me such widely-read boy? The Father, the teacher of literature tells
-to me: "Compose a rhyme about a cockerel", ya
sochinil: "The cockerel, a cockerel - a gold comb, early in the morning vstayot
detyam does not allow to sleep. Pidaras such".
-Honestly, the sonny, pidaras a rooster if does not allow to sleep to children, the clever boy,
idi gulyay.
na the Father following den:
-, me from school vygnali.
-Why?
-Called me on teachers' meeting, I come into a teacher's room, and there sit uchitel
matematiki, physical cultures, literature and drawing... Wait for
-, and on huya drawing? Here and I tell
-to them, "and on huya the art teacher?"

*****

Vovochka comes in apteku:
-Give me packing of condoms!
-First, it not for children, - are answered by the druggist, - and secondly,
pust will come the father and will take necessary razmer.
-First, it not for children, and from children, and secondly, it not for
papy, and mother goes to the resort and what there the sizes will be, she does not know yet.

*****

Vovochka comes in apteku:
-Give me packing of condoms!
-First, it not for children, - are answered by the druggist, - and secondly,
pust will come the father and will take necessary razmer.
-First, it not for children, and from children, and secondly, it not for
papy, and mother goes to the resort and what there the sizes will be, she eshche
ne knows...

*****

Vovochka comes in apteku:
-Give me packing of condoms!
-First, it not for children, - are answered by the druggist, - and secondly,
pust will come the father and will take necessary razmer.
-First, it not for children, and from children, and secondly, it not for
papy, and mother goes to the resort and what there the sizes will be, she eshche
ne knows...

*****

Vovochka comes to a drugstore and asks:
-you have condoms?
aptekarsha is indignant speaks:
-First condoms not for children, and secondly tell the father let itself comes and Vovochka otvechayet:
-First will choose to herself on razmeru.
na that condoms not for children, and from children, and secondly mother goes to the South, and does not know what there will be a size yet.

*****

Vovochka comes to the doctor and prosit:
- The Doctor, infect me with AIDS!
-What for?! I will infect with
-Ya the nurse, the nurse - the father, the father - mother, mother - our teacher po
geografii. I have a grudge against it long ago!

*****

Vovochka comes to the doctor and asks:
- The Uncle the doctor, and the seven-year-old girl can become pregnant? Shantazhistk
-NET.
-!

*****

Vovochka comes sad of school home. Otets:
-That again two?
-AGA.
-In what subject? Yes on choral peniyu.
-Well you sing
-most loudly. Better than Kobzon and Lady Dens!
-Ya also sang most loudly in chorus, especially a couplet: "And podru- At-ga
ne uzna - and - et what at the guy was the end".
-Well and that! Nevertheless sang, and why only to you one two? Well so I also showed
-.

*****

Vovochka comes home. Speaks to the father - a pier, we have a new subject - sexology.
yesterday passed female genitals. Today muzhskiye.
zavtra - a practical training. The father in a panic runs in school, to uchilke.
grit how it is small children, and you such teach to them?
ONA speaks - do not worry, your Vovochka all the same is not allowed to practice - he writes the word "eb@tsya" through two "c".

*****

Vovochka comes home the gloomy. His mother asks:
-Vovochka what happened?
- The teacher said yes to me that I am inattentive at lessons... well, at least, it seems to me that she so told.

*****

Vovochka comes home the father him asks.
-Chto you did on chemistry? vzryval.
-A that on the house set
Explosive? Were not in time!

*****

Vovochka comes domoy:
-Fathers, today at us at school happened such that your salary can not be enough!

*****

Vovochka comes domoy:
-Fathers, at us today at school such happened, what your salary not enough! of
-Children, what mushrooms grow under an aspen?
-(chorus) of Podosinoviki.
- And under a pine?
-(Vovochk) of Podsosniki.