Jokes about women

Read funny Jokes about women

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- And he about the last relations told you?
-Is not present...
-Here bough!!! And you to it?
-NET.
-Here well done!!!

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- To Alya, hello. And Katya it is possible? Who it asks
-? As each other I will tell
-Drug.
-: Katya - it is POSSIBLE.

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- Hallo! It you, Alice? I bought theater tickets!
-is remarkable! I already begin sobiratsya.
-Correctly do! It is necessary to be in time, tickets for tomorrow.

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- Hallo! Sidorova it is possible? - He now takes a bath! - Tell to this bathtub that I to it povytsarapat eyes!

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The Armenian radio sprosili:
-That the general between Kivalov and the pregnant woman?
-Delay …

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ICQ. The guy - girl:
- At you the car is? You Will give
-Est.
-to me in the evening? I Will give
-. And about the car why asked?!

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Two talk podrugi.
-You know why I meet the stomatologist? If at me teeth ache - it will cure!
-A I meet the priest. If I sin - will absolve a sin.

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The blonde calls another blondinke.
-Yesterday in the elevator the maniac attacked me! What
-nightmare! What it with you did?
-Dushil.
-Hands?
-"Threefold" odekolonom.
-Here reptile! I still understand, if "Kenzo" or "Shanelyyu". And that "Threefold"! Pervert nasty!

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- Blondes - silly women, brunettes - ill-natured persons, red - whores... And normal women in this world are?... - Is. Look in a mirror, darling!

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Most chess players keep the figures.

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Most of all in "female" logic of women application to him revolts it.

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- What will a woman, when the length of mini-skirts will be reduced to the navel? - Will do bouffant and lipstick.

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The vodka bottle, as well as the woman - attracts to itself with appearance. And good it or bad, you learn only in the morning.

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- Why don't we legalize the relations?
-A I think, it is not obligatory to report to the state with whom you sleep.

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- What happens at the woman of times a month and comes to an end in 4-5 days?
-husband's Salary.

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Sociological research on a subject was conducted: "What, in your opinion, the best way for the woman to lose excess weight?"
70 of percent of doctors answered - diyeta.
80 percent of women answered - Spa and fitness.
100 percent of men answered: the best way for the woman to lose excess weight - to cease to carry underwear.

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In the bus: - Man! If you on me absolutely laid down though do not sleep!

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In a drugstore the girl seller shouts: - The young man, I address to you! - What? - having been frightened, that turns around. - I instead of chloride calcium incidentally gave you potassium cyanide. - Well, so to do to me now? - Yes anything! Pay in addition three kopeks in cash desk.

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In hospital two ladies speak about just died podruge:
-I Would like to have her feet - it had charming feet! It is a pity - now will be gone...

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In marriage kontore:
-you whom prefer, Ms., the brunette or the blonde?
-would be desirable for me red. Know, I have a furniture of red color.

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On a visit the elderly lady speaks:
- When I was a child, I was brought down avtobus.
-by me think it there was a stagecoach, - one guest whispered

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In life of each woman there are three periods: in the first it irritates the father, in the second - to the husband, and in the third - to the son-in-law …

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In publishing house of the remote provincial town very young and very nice girl sits at office of the editor, and he attentively reads the manuscript brought to it. Р: - Well, very, very nedurstvenno, madam Sinitsyna... And you wrote something or this first work earlier? Д: - Last year I wrote the autobiographical short story based on the intimate adventures and sent the manuscript to big publishing house in Moscow. Р: - Interestingly, interestingly... And what, they published it? Д: - No, but the editor-in-chief arrived from Moscow that personally to get acquainted with me!

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In an office psikhologa:
-Understand, erotic dreams of your husband are not izmenoy.
-Yes I not about it, the doctor. As if to me though with half an eye to look, to what woman it goes there?

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- In our country of the woman can do everything, simply some hesitate.

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In one room three couples are engaged seksom.
muzhskoy golos:
-Want a joke? I Want
zhenskiy:
-, only not trite.

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In one Norwegian cocktail hall: "We ask women not to bring children in the bar.

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In the crowded bus the woman prepares for an exit, in one pyke y her a string-bag, and in other children's pot. She pushes with a pot the man and speaks: - The man, you do not descend?. That looked at a pot and speaks: - Sorry, I to the house will suffer.

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In the crowded bus there are two girls One speaks: You know I I will become mother Vtoraya soon: And who father??? The first: I do not know, it is necessary to turn back!!!

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In the trolleybus: - Oh pancake...! The girl, take away an elbow! - It not an elbow... It is a bottom.... - Horse-radish to itself "bottom"! An eye can be put out!

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- In six so in six, - she told resolute tone, - but look, anybody will not wait for you! Really, when it came, even the whole hour nobody waited for it.

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- Wan, and went to Gorky Park, on roundabouts we will drive! - No, Man, give better to your mother we will go: from it feels sick not less and it is absolutely free.

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- The cheerful, fervent, loving various sex, and also cooking, cleaning, washing. Your interests dividing everything and kindly looking at your love to beer. It everything about girls. Such they during courtings for nimi.
- And why they so torop

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Party, all walk, dance have fun. And on a wall the mirror, big such weighs........ and if someone tells not the truth, it sucks in also everything, well, from the ends there... The brunette, beautiful such, figuristy approaches it, and speaks: - I think that I here supposedly the most beautiful..., - bang! drained in it. Approaches red, well it is direct the knave, eyes burn, gait cat's and speaks: - I think that I am the most beautiful and desired girl from all., - and this there... The blonde approaches and speaks: - I think..., - and it there to all devils.

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The enraged husband runs in home and, choking with indignation, already with poroga
krichit:
-do not open, mean, I know everything! Now we will check
-, - the wife quietly answers. - And well tell, kakova
maksimalnaya depth of Lake Titicaca?

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The husband CUSTOMS OFFICER from business trip comes back home and (as usual) sees in a corridor others men's shoes, clothes on a hanger. Well, all such of - himself furious runs in a bedroom. The wife already felt by then wrong and hid the lover. The husband, so runs in a bedroom, shouts, swears, looks for on all corners, the lover net.
nu anywhere, here he looks under a bed, and there the man naked lies and stretches it $100 one piece of paper. The husband takes money and speaks:
-it is strange... And here not...

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The age matters for veal, and the woman always the young.

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Question to the Armenian Radio: "How the woman who always knows where there is her husband is called?"
otvet: "Widow!"

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- The question turned to the girl - "You went?" - sounds somehow ambiguously, do not find? - Aha, "you went" odnosmyslenny …"