Short jokes

Read funny Short jokes

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Station. The man oret:
-Give a suitcase, and that as will be that time!
otdali is also asked muzhika:
- And what was that time?
-A did not give that time.

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Volynsk bogs. Heart-rending krik:
-Help! Rescue! Tonuuuuu!!!
vykhodit from the wood the gloomy person with the gun. Klats lock. Ba-bakh.
-you are better than a plavata vyvchylsya, than tsyu for a klyat a mova...

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Generally Medvedev was lucky, he got off light: its otinaugurirol only once. And here Putin of an otinaugurirola three times - everything, the disabled person.

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Contrary to the standard opinion, in America not democracy, and Chaktatura.

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Question: What difference between one ruble and one dollar?
otvet: One dollar.

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Question in a crossword puzzle "A blood-sicking being, 4 letters". I offered two options: wife and mother-in-law. It appeared that there is still a tick …

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Question for muzhchin.
chem women and condoms are similar?
I that and another spends in your wallet more time, than on your member.

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- The question turned to the girl - "You went?" - sounds somehow ambiguously, do not find? - Aha, "you went" odnosmyslenny …"

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Question: How many babies will be located in a usual single carriage?
otvet: Looking how to chop...

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The thief gets to the stomatologist home at night, but finds nothing. The stomatologist, waking up and yawning, speaks:
-I do not have anything but if you wish, can extract to you free of charge tooth!
- Why you jump on one foot?
- Sorry, I just from under the tram...

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- A crow, however, that you have two feet?
- However, truth, especially right.

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Sunday morning. An ant, lying under tankom:
- And that only being drunk you will not drag...

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Teacher: - Vanechka whom you will be? - Neplemenno alkhitektoly: I vystloit to myself the house without corners... - Why without corners? - Bothered very much!

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Having used that at school there was a fire, the fifth-grader Vovochka imperceptibly smoked in a toilet...

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The eighth-grader Vovochka, having returned from a party only at daybreak, it was very happy and sang the song: "Ha, my kid grew up beyond the years …".

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The eight-meter crucian caught from the Moskva River forced the fisherman to execute three of his desires …

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Here so always: working week hardly began, and already - Wednesday!

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Here also the generation of cats who had not to lie down on the warm monitor grew...

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Here speak: If WORK is not pleasant, it should be changed. And how to be if I do not like to WORK?

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- Here its photo... And is not present, someone beer poured it...

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- Here you marry the sonny, then you will understand that such real happiness! Da's
-?
- Yes, but will be already late...

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Here some more very short jokes about krasavy, but silly girls.

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Here the chamber - eight beds, Here professor is included into a door, Tychet a finger - "paranoid", And go check it.

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Here listen the mother-in-law is the mother-in-law truly, and the son-in-law then who, the great martyr?

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- Here imagine that you came back home and you have on a back lipstick. How you will justify before the wife? I will tell
-Ya: "Darling you see, I turned aside as soon as could!"

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- Here present - early summer morning, you go on a kitchen garden, enjoying a cool breeze, lift a water-melon, press, and it cracks... So ripe
-?
- Is not present, the alarm system...

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- Here I look at you and I think: "Still to drink, or you are already pleasant to me..."

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For the first time in 36 years the color dream dreamed Stierlitz.

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In a hurry Stierlitz left classified documents. Next day in Popykhi the Gestapo appeared suddenly.

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The doctor - bolnomu:
-I Find it difficult to deliver you the diagnosis. Probably it is alkogolizm.
-All right. Then I will come when you sober up.

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The doctor speaks bolnomu:
-Take two pill today, and tomorrow if wake up, two more.

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The doctor speaks to the husband patsiyentki:
-If you do not sleep with her at least once in a week, she umret.
husband comes into chamber to zhene.
-Well the doctor told? - asks ona.
-That-that? You will die.

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The doctor of only "fast" in the city died of a heart attack because there was nobody to go to a call.

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- As the doctor, I to you, Maria, so will tell is syphilis and as the husband - I will kill, a bough!

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The doctor dissatisfied with the small fee, ironically asks patsiyenta:
-It to me or my assistant?
- It to you for two...

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The doctor examines the patient and swings golovoy:
-Something you are not pleasant to me...
- And you, doctor, not such handsome!

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The doctor patsiyentu:
-you followed my instructions?
- Yes, your nephew already director of firm!

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The doctor advised a thicket to breathe fresh air. It was necessary to put the TV directly at an open window.

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The doctor-psychoanalyst patsiyentu:
-After your inspection at me for you two news - good and bad. Bad - no doubt, you hidden gomoseksualist.
-What can be good?!
VRACH sits down blizhe:
-you nice!