Short jokes

Read funny Short jokes

<** Previous Topic          Next Topic **>

666  667  668  669  670  671  672  673  674  675  676  677

- Vovochka how the receptacle for water is called? - Prezervuar! - Generally, correctly, but only without "p". - Well, then rezervativ!

*****

Vovochka stops mashinu:
- The Uncle, bring to shkoly.
-I go to another storonu.
-That better.

*****

- Vovochka, open rather a mouth and tell a-a-a that this angry and opposite doctor could pull out at last the finger from your teeth

*****

Vovochka writes the composition on the subject "Spring": "The sun, snow starts thawing. Wolves strike" .
uchitelnitsa:
-Vovochka, it neudobno.
-Of course, feet after all part.

*****

- Vovochka why you cry?
- Mother of all my kittens of drown- And-silt!!!
- Yes, is valid zhalko.
-Still! After all she promised me that it is ya-ya-ya-ya them I will drown!

*****

Vovochka understood that at him not everything is all right with health when nurses began to be photographed with its mant.

*****

Vovochka resorts domoy.
- The Father, I marry Vaska from next doma.
-So he is a boy!
- of Anything to itself boy, 25 years!

*****

Vovochka brings home the girl and speaks:
-Mother, I am on friendly terms with Dasha now. She good - does not drink, not kurit.
dasha:
-Ik, I cannot any more.

*****

Vovochka sticks to ottsu:
- The Father how the brain works?
- Leave alone, I have a sonny in the head other things.

*****

Vovochka comes home with the schoolmate and speaks:
-Look, mother, is Mischa! He is an unusual boy!
- Than it such unusual? He studies
- worse, than I!

*****

Vovochka comes to sosedke:
- The Aunt Klava, my mother got sick, and raspberry jam is necessary!
- Of course, of course, child! Where to you to pour?
- Yes anywhere, I will gobble up here!

*****

Vovochka came to psychiatric hospital, so there and remained - hospital attendants do not understand policy...

*****

Vovochka tells the neighbor on parte:
- The father me two times vyporol.
-Yesterday For what?
- the First time - when I showed it the diary. And there such marks, such records!
A second - when it understood that it is its old diary.

*****

Vovochka asks papu:
- The Daddy, and your mother sometime beat you?
- Is not present, only yours.

*****

Vovochka never asked parents, children because his family rented the room in a communal flat from where undertake.

*****

Vovochka very much wanted candy, but gave it to Masha because Masha he wanted more.

*****

- Little Johnny, why are you all day to lie on the couch?
- I am preparing to become a father.

*****

Vovochka at school asks uchitelnitsu:
-Marya Ivanovna, and the truth, what all in militia of small growth? You took
-C of that?
-A the father told that all cops to it to a bum.

*****

Vodka is not only invigorating drink, but also a trouble-free contraceptive if to drink a sufficient large number.

*****

Vodka executed inadmissible operation... it will be unloaded!

*****

Vodka - the only thing in the world substance which has property to transfer mental anguish to the head

*****

Okochurovka vodka. 146% of alcohol.

*****

Putin's Tear vodka - in all grocery the countries!

*****

The military registration and enlistment office disappeared from Nikolay Valuyev while he was not 27 years old...

*****

Military registration and enlistment office - a wonderland. There got and there disappeared!

*****

The military unit Chuck Norris is not present at game "A civilization 4 ? because one unit "Chuck Norris" will destroy all nations together for one course.

*****

The lover from a case comes back. The wife shouts muzhu:
-Hide rather in business trip!

*****

Vovochka from school comes back home. Threw a portfolio and to roditelyam:
-Sit, know nothing? Peep in a different way is called!...

*****

New Russian from Spain comes back. Well, brothers ask it: "How there"?
- Yes anything, normally. Was on bullfight, so there men so professionally run over bulls...

*****

The case from business trip comes back. Also sees: the house on its place is costed by the husband. And the wife on the husband of a trick vykidyvayet.
-What is the matter? - a case asks.
a the wife speaks:
-You to me any more not a case.

*****

Near a public toilet the Black urinates. Approaches militsioner:
-As it is not a shame to you! Cannot make in a toilet of it?
NEGR smushchenno:
-Is not present, it is impossible. There white mister drinks wine.

*****

Near PTU:
- the Girl, you from school?
- Still what!

*****

Near maternity hospital every second daddy looks for the third.

*****

Possibilities of medicine are boundless! Possibilities of patients are limited...

*****

Indignant remark of the main character: "What you so stared at me?! At me that on a forehead is written, what I am Harry Potter?!"

*****

The indignant visitor calls up ofitsianta:
- And you call it strong coffee?!
- Yes, of course. And the proof is that after the first drink you are strongly excited.

*****

The age matters for veal, and the woman always the young.

*****

- Take, companion seller, back your fan. It broke in the first den.
-I said to you, what it is necessary to wave not a fan, and the head.

*****

Vokzal:
-to Each passenger - in a soft place!!!