Short jokes

Read funny Short jokes

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In honor of Chuck Norris in all McDonald's in Texas give the biggest sandwiches. Simply order "Big Chak".

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In a case only that lover, which itself as a case does not hide.

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At school for children with new Russian uklonom:
-Children who bought homework, raise, please, fingers!...

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At school for New Russians there is a teacher - a chain gold on a meter neck three, the pood cross two, fingers up, teeth shiferom.
-is shorter, children, twice two will be four, clearly? And who did not understand, now on fingers I will show...

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The drunk man on the street in Moskve.
prokhodit the Russian rolls: "Got drunk a pig! "
nemka: "Help rather! Cause somebody the fast help! "
frantsuzhenka: "Muzhchinka!!! Yours? NOT YOURS!?! Taxi! Taxi!"

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It is interesting to you, what party received my vote? To me here too.

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Vanechka - mother: - Mother, and "Snickers" is the same as "Tampax", only with cream?

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- Wan! Descend in selmag, there wall-paper gives on cheap stuff! - Wall-paper?! And Verka and Klavk?!!!

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- Vasily Ivanovich, white brought!
- How many boxes?

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- Vasily Ivanovich, white beer with crayfish is drunk! Ivanovich takes
vasily the field-glass, long and attentively looks and speaks:
-Well, Petka, it at them an ugly face takiye.
-Who was in Russia the first GAI officer?
-Solovey-Razboynik! Sa

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- Vasily Ivanovich, Kotovsk priyekhal.
-to Feed, warm and sleep ulozhit.
-He syt.
-Here as possyt, to feed, warm and sleep to lay.

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Vasily Ivanovich and Petka agreed that if Petka will guess, in what hand at Vasily Ivanovich a bottle, - they will drink it and if is not present - will break. Petka:
-In the left?
- Think, Petka, think!

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- Vasily Ivanych, how many will be zero the whole five tenth plus one second? The Interior I feel
- that liter, but I cannot prove!

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Vasily Petrovich from Kaluga, gathering for hunting, by mistake took the son's cigarettes, and already by a lunch, on a forest glade, shot three giraffes.

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Vasilisa Prekrasnaya was pleasantly surprised when learned that Zmey Gorynych not only three-headed, but also...

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- Vas, look, that girl looked at me and smiled!!! - Blya, I when the first time saw you, in general nearly obossatsya!

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- Your Vovochka threw to us into a window a brick!
- Please, return us it, we with the husband keep all these small reminders on pranks of the boy.

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- Why is your son is still a bachelor?
- He's not a fool to marry that fool who agreed to become his wife.

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- Your son catapulted during a lesson, - mother's teacher uchenika.
-Ah complains! This rascal again lost a colt which I presented to it to birthday.

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- Your name? - Ivan Sergeyevich. - Year of birth? - 1973 - Marital status? - Intolerable!

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New game - badminton is offered to your attention! You will be able samolichno and asolyutno with impunity to strike with a racket on the Shuttlecock!

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- Your lines on the palms say that they should be washed.

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Washington. Washington declared release of the first party of the American dollars in Russian.

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Suddenly the hunter drinks, by the hare shoots...

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The Great Wall was constructed for protection against Chuck Norris, but the invention shamefully failed.

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The camel looks at a horse: "What underdeveloped camel". The horse looks at a camel: "What ugly horse".

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Camels have a hump because Chuck Norris needs a place to store its weapon.

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Whether you believe in love on ICQ from the first greetings?

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The Verkhovna Rada of Ukraine to eradicate the last remains of discrimination from Russians, decided to rename Ukraine into Useredina.

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Spring. On the earth the hillock is formed, from where there is a smiling worm. Near it the hillock is formed, and from there is one more worm. vtoromu:
-I you love the first!
- Go to the devil, the fool, I am your bum.

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Spring 2001. Somehow inadequately Americans to a good-natured wish "The world to your house react now!"

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Evening on Baker Street. Behind windows darkly, fog. Watson's voice: - Holmes, at you whisky turns gray - Suck, Watson, do not distract.

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Evening. The lieutenant Rzhevsky comes to a balcony and speaks:
-What moon, what stars...
- Your mother, your mother, your mother... - on a habit the echo responds.

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Evening over the river. The old fisherman, having caught nothing, clears out. Mutters: "If this is so did not calm - would strangle all!"

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Evening for those at whom for 30.

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In the evening to Vovochka Lenochka came. Vovochkina mama:
-Lena, and why to you portfolio?
- As it what for? Since morning after all in school!

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In the evening the wife speaks muzhu:
-Darling, to tell you as I drove by our new car or you learn from newspapers tomorrow?

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In the evening the husband spins at a mirror - shaved, nadukharitsya, the suit with a tie dressed and Darling you not asks at zheny:
-against if I today for the night go to club? Of Idi, darling, I you for horns do not hold
-...

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The enraged parents, the scattered things, beer banks... And drunk Vovochka everything tries to pick up Mr. Propper's melody on a bayan...