Short jokes

Read funny Short jokes

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The enraged husband runs in in dom:
-Manya, I know everything!!! Now we will check
-. What length of Danube?
-Qom, what you do in my cellar?
- ishchu.
- And fat why ate You?
-A that did not get in the way.

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- You saw sometime the husband's eyes when you suck off? - Videla! I suck off somehow, and here the husband comes...

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Winnie- The-Pooh comes to Piglet and speaks:
-I want to open Madoc cooperative. You will help me?
- Wow! Of course! You will sell honey?
- Is not present, I will buy honey, and I will sell pork.

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Winnie- The-Pooh asks Pyatachka:
- When you return me money?
-B martabre.
-Is not present such month! Here I also tell
-.

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Winnie- The-Pooh - in Presidents?!!!

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- From the screw!!! - with all the might Carlson who by mistake dropped in in blue cafe cried out, dispersing the homosexuals pressing it.

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The announcement hangs and on it is written: "The young intelligent Chechen will rent apartment in your house".

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Turned on to it the photon and neutron TV on mezona - and there Putin acts! About increase of a retirement age, it seems...

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Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin so liked inauguration in presidents of the Russian Federation that he bought household mechanical INAUGURATOR!!!

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Vladimir Zhirinovsky attended kindergarten. As he declared in prosecutor's office subsequently - children the first began a fight.

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- We have Vladimir Ilyich in the village hunger, the grass is guzzled, soon
- we will start lowing as a cow! Here we a keg of honey ate a vcheg with Felix Edmundovich - so after all we do not buzz?

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Vladimir Putin subscribed for Yandeks-Probki.

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Vladimir Putin builds the new mausoleum in which it and Dmitry Medvedev will lie in turn on Red Square.

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Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin so liked an inaguration in Russian Presidents that he bought household mechanical INAGURATOR!!!

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Instead of a power vertical at us constructed a pyramid in which center the justice mummy is based.

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Instead of okhuitelno to tell genitaliziruyushche much more decently.

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Instead of what to be born as the ordinary child, Chuck Norris decided to open the way from mother's womb a fist.

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Attention! From a zoo the angry, hungry elephant ran away, having squeezed through cage rods.

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To attention of air passengers and travel companies. The Ministry of Defence of Ukraine realizes wholesale and retail the schedule of doctrines air defenses for 2002.

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Grandson to the grandfather: - The grandfather, and it was terrible in Chernobyl? - No, granddaughters, it is not terrible at all, - the grandfather told and stroked the grandson on the left head.

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During war my grandfather brought down the enemy bicycle. Also it was awarded by a pedal for courage!

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During war before fight the Ukrainian soldier writes a note: "Yaksho vbyyut, I ask vvazhit to exchange komunistom, and yaksho ni, ni".

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In time operatsii:
-Alcohol... clip... alcohol... scalpel... tampon... alcohol... alcohol... alcohol... cucumber...

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During reorganization in one of newspapers it was printed: "The women's council is a women's body into which not less than three members at the same time enter".

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During dance the gentleman gently presses to himself the partner and shepchet:
-Ah, I feel, as in paradise!
- Really? And I as in the bus.

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During a festival there took place the action "Tell drugs: At us STILL VODKA DID NOT COME TO AN END!"

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- How much does a decent girl goes to bed? - At eight, ten because she had to be home.

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In the phrase: "That I you in a coffin saw in white slippers" Snape most of all the second part frightens.

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- Vova, tell, under what tension you will get if you undertake these two phases? - Let Petka will undertake, he is an excellent student.

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- Vova, tell, under what tension you will get if you undertake these two phases?
- Let will undertake Petka, he is an excellent student.

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Vovka came back from school and speaks ottsu:
-Fathers, we measured in a class of a piska today, so at me the biggest appeared. Why?
- Yes because to you is 27 years old Vova!

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- Vovochka, do not beat the boy on the head a shovel, and that you will sweat and you will catch a cold.

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Vovochka speaks mame:
-Mothers, at me does not pisatsya!
MAMA turns and otvechayet:
-So why, Vovochka you on pisyu came?

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Vovochka for New year thought that his desire did not come true and by that broke system of fulfillment of desires.

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Vovochka, do not pull the father a nose! Do not touch hair! And in general depart from a coffin!

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Vovochka goes with parents in mashine:
-Mother, look, the plane departed!
- Mother, watch, the train...
- Mother, watch, a horse...
- the Father, watch... blonde...

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Vovochka:
-Mother, today the principal asked, whether there are at me brothers and sisters, and I told, what I am an only child in semye.
- And what she answered? She told
-: "Thank God!"

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Vovochka puts on galosh boots. Mother speaks emu:
-Vovochka, on the street is dry - dirt net.
- And I will find.

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- Vovochka, call 5 African zhivotnykh.
-2 monkeys and 3 elephants!