Short jokes

Read funny Short jokes

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In department of affairs of juvenile offenders mother podrostka:
-gives evidences We with the husband brought up the son pronouncedly! From where to us was to know that money which we give it on cigarettes, vodka and girls, it spends for drugs.

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In otele:
-Listen why the payment for the TV enters the sum of my account? You after all have no TV!
- For this reason, sir! We are just going to buy it and we save for it money.

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In parke:
-Move away the dog! On me already fleas jump!
- the Ball, depart from the uncle - it has fleas!

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In overflowed avtobuse:
- The Young man! What do you do there?!!!
- the Girl, is a tube...

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In beer there are not enough vitamins - that is why it should be drunk very much.

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In poyezde.
- The Conductor why you have light such tea?
- Calm down, the linen will be dark!

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In policy not so it is important as you igrayete; it is much more important who keeps count.

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In the police officer uchastke:
-So, a few years ago you were already fined for illegal carrying oruzhiya.
-I Remember, the sir, it when I killed the first wife.

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In the thin bar the married couple sits and drinks expensive wine. The drunk comes, takes beer and loudly and tastefully lets out gases. husband :
-Immediately apologize for that to Perdita before my wife!
ALKASH:
-Ah, the sir, excuse, I also did not know that now its turn!

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On Monday, after the only day off, workers have to have the right on opokhmet.

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On Monday Stierlitz was led on execution. "Yes, week hard begins," - Stierlitz thought.

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In popykha Stierlitz left classified documents. Next day in Popykhi the Gestapo appeared suddenly.

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Recently Semyon began to treat the mother-in-law much better: often came with flowers, painted an ogradka.

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Recently Snape had a nasty habit to smoke in laboratory. Dumbledore even wanted it to dismiss. But was not in time.

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In pokhode.
-Why you with yourself take the photo of the mother-in-law?
- Well here, you see: mosquitoes, rain, cold... And I will look at it - My God, that is good as!!!

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In a presentiment of pleasant evening Stierlitz sat at a rack and looked outside. Yes - and- And, Ruzha was the girl "that - is necessary"...

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In 2011 recruits storm a military registration and enlistment office. Of course, after all it is better to meet a doomsday in an air-raid shelter with an annual stock of provisions.

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In provincial circus number "Clowns on a Tandem" was renamed just in case in "Clowns on pedal transport".

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Last year one surgeon changed me a shape of a nose. He found me with the wife.

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The client comes to a brothel and sees - a circle one mermaids!
-Ya would like the woman with feet! - speaks on.
- At us fish day today.

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In way at the lady the car broke. It stops other car and asks the driver to help it. That climbs under a cowl, the lady interesuyetsya:
-Well as, big breakage?
- If it was a horse, I would advise it to shoot down.

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In way useless Putin was entangled by prostitutes.

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V. V. Putin told in the address that he has a black belt. And to it stockings.

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In a study of the chief physician of the Central clinical hospital on a wall Putin's fluorography hangs.

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- In what section of library to put the book "Onanism"? - In the section "Skilful Hands".

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- In what a difference between a penis and plane? - The plane rises - becomes less, and the member rises - becomes more.

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Near the Bermuda Triangle one more American vessel disappeared. from our party losses are not present.

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In stories of fishermen dimensions of fish hooked by them are limited at best to the reservoir sizes.

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As a result of fight received fifteen days of administrative detention for the rights. The inspector of traffic police got off with the torn sleeve.

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At restaurant ofitsiant:
-Madam why your husband climbed under a table?
- It not the husband. The husband costs in the doorway.

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At restaurant two friends sit. To one another and speaks:
-Look what girls behind the next little table! Let's approach!
- Is not present, wait, let will pay off!

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In maternity hospital to the expecting young father the nurse brings two mladentsev.
-you does not frighten, what their more than one? - asks ona.
-Is not present that you! - perplexed answers tot.
-Well and it is fine! You take these, and I run behind the others.

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In Russia all diseases are treated by vodka: from one diseases it is necessary to drink it, from others - not to drink, and from some - to be pounded.

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In Russia two troubles: tandem.

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In Russia not two, but three troubles - fools, roads and fishermen on an ice floe.

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In Russia declared an official holiday Day of Sobriety. People shocked how to note?

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In Russia the strike of doctors proceeds. There are already first results - mortality decreased by 25%.

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In Russia designed the superall-terrain vehicle and invited foreigners for its assessment. The western specialists long and with admiration examined an equipment miracle. And, at last, saidi:
- And that only these Russians will not think up if only not to repair the road!
objyavleniye in the newspaper in the section trudoustroystvo:
"For care of the elderly programmer is required the pleasant woman speaking on BASIC, PASCAL and S ++".

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In Russia it is traditional to eat two options of succession of events - the worst and improbable...