Jokes about women

Read funny Jokes about women

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There is a punk down the street - beer pyet
sam all such peeled jeans the torn, wild dirty hair is watched by the girl on a bench all sits such accurate some book chitayet
pank sits down on a bench stretches it beer that scaredly is removed from nego
pank: - Everything is clear, means about a minyeta out of the question

*****

The man and the girl meet halfway down the street each other. Having overtaken, the man speaks igrivo:
- The Girl, I want you!
ONA koketlivo:
-Oh, the man, I so am afraid of you!!!
I disperse...
devushka after the man razocharovanno:
-IT YOU SO HOTEL, KAK YA BOYALAS!!!

*****

Because of me two guys fought yesterday... One krichal:
-Take away it to yourself!
A drugoy:
-it me is necessary to Nakhren!

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From conversation of two podrug:
-Present, I on a visit met being muzha.
- And what?
-Appears, it is such cool interlocutor!

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2 guys approach the girl on the street and sppashivayut
-you need ear rings?
-Yes.
-Ok. one I, another - my friend.

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Somehow time to the great Chinese thinker Confucius the woman who is very formed on those times came and set to it question :
-Tell, Confucius why when the woman has many lovers, she is subjected to public censure, a when the man has many women, it raises his public status and adds authority?
prezhde than to answer Confucius silently made tea and poured it in six chashek.
-Tell, - he asked it after that, - when one teapot pours tea leaves into six cups, it is normal? To
-Yes, - answered zhenshchina.
-Here you see, - having grinned Confucius answered, - a when in one cup merge at once six teapots?...

*****

- It seems, I become tarakanom.
-???
-Ya made to relatives the promise to grow thin And now I eat only at night in kitchen when all sleep. And when turn on the light, I start hiding in a panic...
zagruzka...

*****

As the woman prepares for a summer swimming season - various cream (suntan, mosquitoes etc.), bathing suits (every summer new fashion), hats, sundresses, slaps - all and not perechislish.
kak the man prepares for a summer swimming season - cuts nails standing.

*****

When he to it suggested to meet, she fell from a chair, jumped on a bed, minutes 15 ran on the apartment with happiness and answered I "Will think".

*****

When you have money - You have women! The woman's
poyavlyayutsya - vanish money!
propadayut money - vanish women! The woman's
propadayut - appear dengi.
If you will be able to move away from this vicious circle women - You will be fantastically rich!

*****

Beautiful women cost very much as it is necessary to pay with it also refusal of intimate proposals of other men.

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By the way, analginum - very effective contraceptive. A method of application - to clamp a tablet between knees and not to release.

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- Darling, let's be engaged in sex!
-Ya was very tired, the head hurts, monthly just about will begin...
-Sleep-sleep, I speak by phone...

*****

- Darling, what beautiful eyes at you!
-of Hm... (confusedly). What
-A at you a mouth!
-of Hm... (confusedly). What
-nose!
-of Hm... (confusedly).
-A what ears!
-Little fool... (confusedly hides the face in an ear).

*****

I like to tease girls to a state" Shchas as I will give!".

*****

- Lyusya, and you in marriage for me will go?
-Is not present, in a day so was...

*****

Michael, the young pleasant guy, suffered from an incontience of gases. Once it went for appointment to the girl and all evening constrained itself as mog.akonets it understood that it is necessary to say goodbye urgently. about the girl insisted that it came to get acquainted from her roditelyami.
-In a drawing room at his feet the dog by nickname the Baron nestled. Conversation proceeded quietly until while Michael could restrain. about then nature prevailed, and the Baron was distributed loud obscene zvuk.
-! - the father semeystva.
exclaimed <>, - Michael Okonchatel calmed down. In a minute it again could not constrain sebya.
- The Baron!! - the Baron began to yell otets.
maykl rasslabilsya.
-!!! - the father began to squeal, - yes depart rather from this type while it did not obgadit you from feet to the head.

*****

- How it is most correct to tell the girl, what she is a sheep? Hellou, Dolley's
-!

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- Mothers, mothers why all say to me, what I not such as all?
-A-a-a!!! It talks!!!

*****

- Mother, and I am a silly woman?
-Silly woman! I am a FATHER!

*****

The mother's sonny decides to marry and approaches mother:
-Mother how to me to choose the wife that she was a virgin?
- The Sonny, go walk on the yard and observe if the girl sits with shirokorasstavlenny feet, and at it "there" all is visible, it means already the woman and if the girl sits modestly, feet squeezed, it means devstvennitsa.
paren and made. Left to the yard noticed only one girl sitting with the squeezed feet with her and pozhenilsya.
v the first marriage night, it with the head climbed to it "there", gets out from there and speaks - "That you the silly woman of a foot so squeezed in the yard?", and the girl in otvet
-"And I if widely would place them at me guts dropped out!"

*****

- Mummy, today inoculations did to us!
-Well you, the daughter, I hope, did not cry?
-Is not present, mother, they did not catch up with me!

*****

- Mummy, today inoculations did to us!
-Well you, the daughter, I hope, did not cry?
-Is not present, mother, they did not catch up with me!

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- Mummy, you remember, once you said to me, what the way to heart of the man lies through his stomach?
-Well and what?
hichego. Simply this night I found absolutely other way.

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- Mummy, and Sasha told that I am the wonderful girl. It is possible I will invite him on a visit?
-is not necessary. Let further so thinks.

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Mother with the daughter arrived tourists to Scotland. On the street the daughter continually twirls by the head, darting glances on passing muzhchin.
-I Ask you! - mother exclaims - do not admire at each skirt!

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Vaseline you will not spoil Masha

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My name is Ania! Thirty years I did to men manicure. And yesterday learned that it not manicure.

*****

- The darling why you did not tell at once me, what you such with @@ and?
-Syurpriiiiiz!

*****

- Darling, I after six ate yesterday, scold menya.
-Burn down from shame, a monster fat.

*****

- Darling, for what you love me?
-For your beauty, mind, style, feeling of humour, darling. And you for what love me?
-For your faultless taste.

*****

- Darling, you love me? That I your way do
-A?!

*****

- Darling, I was so tired, we go two hours! Suffer
-, the darling, soon prival.
-I cannot! To me the backpack rubbed shoulders, gym shoes press, the sun bakes! Well I can make
-, darling?
-Perhaps you will get out of a backpack?

*****

- It seems to me, I am capable to read your heart, as the opened book! Read
-on health, only do not touch a cover.

*****

The young woman with the small child comes to vrachu.
vrach attentively examined the child, and told mather:
-Fast undress and lay down on that couch!
zhenshchina udivlenno:
-What for?
-your Boy is absolutely bad. New it is necessary to do.

*****

Young nice (d) the evushka addresses concerning work in (f) ipmu.
(f) - And chtol you are able to do?
(D) - Anything % - []
(F) - we Regret, but these places at us are already taken.

*****

The very young girl comes home and heatedly tells the grandmother, what carrot saw in the market, accompanying the story zhestikulyatsiyey:
-with Waugh-it of such length... Centimeters eight-ten in the diameter...
napolovinu the deaf grandma, swinging golovoy:
-All this is very good, a vnuchenka, but the main thing that he married!.
*** devushki:
- At last at restaurant mine told last night
razgovarivayut two those treasured four words! He, at last, decided to ask
-: "You will be my wife? "
-Is not present, it told: "Hide money, I will pay"!

*****

The young man speaks girl:
-we Will go to cinema today?
-Can be better to me home? - shy offers devushka.
-Why to you? After all at you telivizor it is broken.

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The young man (it is interested, making advances):
- The Girl, and you is married?
ONA, slightly smutivshis:
-Is not present, I simply am not made up...