Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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Two students thump in a hostel. And as always, even to have a snack there is nothing. Here one starts slipping strenuously nosom:
-Feel, brochette from where pulled?
- Well, you and dork! Remove a fly from a cigarette …

*****

Two students of military chair stand, smoke in a toilet. asks:
- And you know one, than our major differs from a donkey?
IZ-for backs a mayorsky muzzle, ekhidno:
-Well and than?
- Anything, companion major!
- Here. The same at me!

*****

Two students met somehow in the evening during a rain pered
kinoteatrom:
-Listen, - told the first, - why it you dressed up in my raincoat?
-A you that wanted that I wetted your new suit? - the second answered.

*****

Two studenta:
-If the dean will not take away the words back I will leave institute!!! That did he tell
-A?
- of WONS FROM INSTITUTE!!!!!

*****

Two students concluded a bet. Came to a stop taksi.
-Tell, the driver, what price to st. of Gorky?
-Chervonets.
-A if I with the friend? You See
-Chervonets.
-, Vasya, I said to you that you cost nothing.

*****

Two students come into audience for delivery of English. Teacher speaks:
-Sit down! drugomu:
-Listen to
ODIN, and che it told? He told
-: "Sit down the moron!"

*****

Two students zoologists hooted before the examination, and at night before nim
spokhvatilis and rushed to textbooks. Managed to read only the first glavu:
pro a flea. Examination. The first buys the ticket: "Ram: the trunk structure" .
nachinayet:
-Well, is a ram, this at it the head, these are feet, it is a tail, it is wool, and v
shersti - fleas! - also give about fleas. Receives otlichno.
vtoroy buys the ticket: "Crucian: trunk structure".
- Well, is a crucian, it at it the head, these are fins, it is a tail... And was by
sherst, there would be fleas!

*****

Two students go down the street, one saw the thrown roll and give ee
pinat.
vtoroy: - That you do!!
pervy: - Wait, now I dopinat for a corner, together we will eat.

*****

Two students on the moon smotryat.
- The Moon... She reminds me a face of the girlfriend...
-A to me a hole in a zh*pa!
- You that, sduret? What hole in a zh*pa?! The moon is such light, and that... dirty and smelly!
- Well, you did not understand, we - INSIDE!

*****

Two medical students drink beer at a stall. One tells drugomu:
-Something beer the foamy today! otvechayet:
-You give up
vtoroy this Latin!

*****

Two students from a mekhmat sit in audience, asks:
-That we will do one another? Let's a coin throw
-A: if the eagle drops out - we will take beer if the reshka drops out - we will take vodka and if hangs in air - we will study. Threw - the coin hung in vozdukhe.
-your Mother, again above physics experiments make!

*****

Two students from a mekhmat sit in audience, asks:
-That we will do one another? Let's a coin throw
-A: if the eagle drops out - we will take beer if the reshka drops out - we will take vodka and if hangs in air - we will study. Threw - the coin hung in vozdukhe.
-your Mother, again above physics experiments make!

*****

Two students before session: That you read
-?
- Quantum mechanics.
-A of that book head over heels?
- Yes what difference...

*****

Two students after sessii:
na how many handed over?
Ha troyak. At first wanted on five, and then solved on figs, I will hand over on troyak, and on other money of beer I will buy.

*****

studenta.
-Listen to two, and you how many already examinations filled up?
- Together with tomorrow's - four.

*****

Two dogs sit
ODNA talk speaks - here I with the owner went shooting yesterday
vtoraya and that. We go
NU we go, I look, because of bushes the boar jumped out
A the owner as ill luck would have it forgot cartridges.
NU and...
NU I threw oneself on the neck to it
kakaya you courageous, a boar threw oneself on the neck.
DA not on a boar, and on the owner and as I will cry run the fool, run...

*****

Two students discuss new young lektora:
-He dresses so well! - speaks pervaya.
-Yes, - the second agrees, - and so quickly …

*****

Door to paradise. Outside there is a man. Opens a door, looks inside - and slams a door. So proceeds minutes ten. Eventually at God the patience bursts and he asks flying by by angela:
-That it supposedly for the moron here a huff leaves?
ANGEL:
-A! It it in hospital in reanimation now - there students do practical training!

*****

Two in kamere:
-Hear, the brother, you at liberty whom was?
-Studentom.
-A for what sat down?
- For that that skipped class on quantum fizike.
-Yes you drive how it is possible? That day I took
-B bank.

*****

Two students have to go to pass examination on Monday. But, as they very roughly spent days off - the head cracks after all this, and mood not so examination.
TUT at one of them ripens good idea. They safely shirk examination, but next day go to professor and tell it the tale of as if the aunt of one of them who needed to help to dig up a kitchen garden had them for the weekend at dacha, decided to spend the night there and when they went directly from there to institute by car in the morning - at it lowered a wheel and therefore they were late for examination. Professor appointed by it passing an examination next day. When they came, he seated them on different audiences and asked them the same question:
- Which wheel?

*****

Two students ask for leave from lecture at prepodavatelya:
-Forgive, Evgeny Nikolaevich, very urgently it is necessary to leave, release?
- Well if is urgent, idite.
- And to note do not awake? I at work do not drink
-A …

*****

Two studioz come into audience for delivery of English. The teacher speaks: - Sit down. To one another: - Listen, and che he told? - He told: "Sit down, the moron".

*****

Motto of the Russian teacher: "Each creature - on couple!"

*****

The girl decided to go to any Odessa UNIVERSITY. But before arriving, it is necessary to solve where. Well here her mammy also went to Odessa to look as students live in hostels that the nobility where to the daughter it is good budet.
zakhodit in a hostel of Polytechnic University. Walls are ragged, bulbs do not burn, doors are beaten out, a stench terrible etc. "No, - thinks, - my daughter will not learn here." Comes into a hostel of the refrigerating - a situation approximately the same. "No, here she too will not study". Comes into Mechnikov's hostel. Beauty!
steny are painted, polakirovana doors, everywhere accessories shines, plates hang. Passes on a floor, be touched. Here one of doors slowly opens, the guy drunk in firewood while falls falls out of it oblevyvat a floor and walls in a radius of 3 meters, itself falls in a pool own blevotiny.
vozglas mather:
-My God, here my daughter will not study!
paren, rising and otryakhivayas:
-Pralna! Let comes to us to Polytechnic University!

*****

The girl, future sculptor, worked Apollo's figure. Professor:
-it is quite good! Not bad! However, the darling why you think, what Apollon
byl the Jew?

*****

Devushka:
-you Know why in science there are not enough women?
PAREN:
-Is not present...
devushka:
-Because do not call up them for military service!

*****

The girl from an intelligent family enters the institute in another gorod.
through month to it the Daughter, how you calls mama:
- There? Speak at you there students drink, smoke, use drugs, have chaotic sex, enter in religious sekty.
dochka, udivlenno:
-RELIGIOUS SECTS??

*****

The girl parnyu:
-Let's descend in restaurant today, and then we will go to you and we will have all night long sex. The guy otvechayet:
-Sorry, at me now these days, constantly hurts that a stomach, the head, to strike in general there are no forces, etc. Girl nedoumenno:
-What such days? Paren:
-Session, blya! And you that thought?

*****

The girl comes to pass examination on literature.
ekzamenator: Surname, name?
devushka: If I do not hand over, then Anna Karenina.

*****

The grandfather speaks vnuchke-studentke:
-In my time of the girl still were able to redden! I Present to
-that you spoke to them!

*****

The dean returns to the student a record book and speaks:
-your father will turn gray when sees yours zachetku.
-Not posedeet.
-Unless your estimates do not excite him?
- Of course, excite, but it bald.

*****

Business was in stagnant times. Students of one of moskovskikh
vuzov sold to Caucasians for ten thousand the machine for printing deneg.
nu, instructed, showed where to fill paper, kuda
krasku to pour. Printed couple of chervonets, of the presents not otlichit.
predupredili that more than ten notes in day did not print, and that,
mol, the machine can break. On that also left. Through nekotoroye
time the machine rose. Does not print also all here. Caucasians popytalis
nayti sellers, but anything at them did not leave. Then they found the handyman,
kotory agreed to repair the machine and to keep silence. When

*****

Business was in the late eighties. Students of first-year students, yesterday's entrants, drove on vegetable warehouse on working off. Worked in the summer when the hostel was closed on repair therefore all were stuffed on several free rooms. Lived very closely, till 8-10 people. Among otrabotchik there was one very hot and very direct Caucasian, will call him Ahmed. Literally in the first evening he became the legendary character of a course. Only because of one frazy.
vecherom when all went to bed, he told the sokomnatnikam:
-Vee Lazhites, spite, and I will go I will remove a devachka. through hour vi usnete, here I with ney will also come. Vso will be tikho.
estestvenno, anybody in this hour did not fall asleep. Pickled jokes, expecting that will be. Approximately in an hour the door opens. In a doorway there are two shadows and in the room which stood with expectation the voice of Akhmeda:
-Zakhada is heard, ne be afraid, zdes vsego Sam Chelovek.
diky a laughter simply shook a hostel. That evening Ahmed obolomatsya into the account of sex.

*****

Business was before thesis defense in one Novosibirskom
vuze.
studentka came to the research supervisor (a month before protection) about a year ago for
napisaniya degree raboty.
nauchny the head sits down it at the computer, and speaks: ""Here yours programma
posmotrite as it works, its
potestiruyte, and I will approach soon, I should descend on an academic council"" .
prikhodit the chief after a while and sees that his student sits i
besopryadochno hollows on klaviature.
sh. - What happened?
ST. - the Computer hung!
Sh. - How hung? Whether he asks you in English want to prodozhit Yes/No,
skazhite that you want!
stuntka without hesitation bends to the disk drive and whispers: ""Continue""...

*****

Birthday of famous professor. The graduate student brings it v
podarok a toilet bowl and it hands with wishes of further progress in scientific tvorchestve.
v the answer to a dazed look of professor poyasnyaet:
- And remember, you somehow said, what for further advance in science you need a new push?

*****

1 Day of a grant: the rule of the right hand works. The student comes to the dining room, the right hand closes the prices, as left chooses names of dishes, on - bathes, est.
2) Week after a grant: the rule of the left hand works. The student comes to the dining room, the left hand closes names of dishes of the right chooses the suitable prices, buys, est.
3) Week to a grant: the rule of a gimlet works. The student came to the dining room, turned-turned and left...

*****

- John, - addressed at examination professor of geography to the student iz
oklakhomy, - tell, than droughts in your staff are characteristic?
- When our rivers dry up, that... the school of fish going up po
techeniyu lifts dust columns.

*****

Dialogue between two street muggers in troleybuse:.-Slysh, and where Vasyan, cho its not visible B*ya and in hospital lezhit-A h*l with it? - Concussion, 6 ribs, a hand and noga-H*yase are broken a jaw, and it cho, from a ladder welled up? - Yes not, got drunk, went outside, дое#ался to some student and tore to him a Whatman paper.

*****

Dialogue at examination. Prepodavatel:
-That such horsepower?
- Is force what develops a horse growth in one meter and is powerful in odin
kilogramm.
-Yes where you saw such horse!? It so simply you will not see
-A. It is stored in Paris, in Chamber of measures i
vesov.