Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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At medical institute professor, giving lecture on sexology, gives one woman who for one night managed to reach more than hundred orgasms as an example. Here from audience someone cries out man's golosom:
-Eh, I would like to get acquainted with this woman. .
zhensky golos:
- And I - with her partner...

*****

At medical institute old professor asks studenta:
- The Young man why you were not the whole month on occupations?
-Ya hurt an endometritis (a uterus inflammation), - answers student.
ego fellow students loudly laugh. Professor, having heard hokhot:
-I with your endometritis passed all war!

*****

The grandma goes to the subway, looks - there is a thin student, she gives way to it from sostradaniya:
- The Boy, sadis.
-Yes not, the grandmother, spasibo.
-Sit down, the boy, you such thin, it is already sick smotret.
-Thanks, I postoyu.
-You probably the excellent student? To
-Not, the grandmother, troyechnik.
-Well give I though your raincoat poderzhu.
-It not a raincoat, the grandmother, this is my classmate. Here it just and excellent student.

*****

At the beginning of the 19th century most of students in higher education institutions learned French. As a result stuffed to Bonaparte and took Parizh.
v the beginning of the 20th eyelid most of students in higher education institutions learned German. As a result of Hitler's umordovala Berlin.
seychas also originated of the 21st eyelid and most of students in higher education institutions learns English... such wide choice in the history of Russia was not yet.

*****

In one of schools experiment on introduction of system of estimates on amrekanskiya of manners was made. That is, on points - A, B, D, E, F. Where And - corresponded to the highest point, and F - the lowest. And here in the course of blamestorming session after next control, the teacher, without leaving from detached thoughtfulness vydayet:
-If you also answer at examination, receive on "E" - to point...
B was distributed to the formed silence only one uncertain voice with back part:
-you that, to us threaten?

*****

In one English college among pupils competition on the shortest rasskaz.
tema any was announced, but is four obligatory usloviya:
1) In the composition has to be koroleva.
2) Bog.
3) A few cekca.
4 Has to be mentioned) That was present tayna.
pervuyu the award was got by the student who found room for the story in one frazu:
-About My God! - the queen exclaimed. - I am pregnant, and it is not known from whom!

*****

In one of higher education institutions asked graduates programmers a question: "You got into the plane, and here to you told that the program for onboard computers was written by you. What will you do? "All students amicably answered: "I will try to get out of this plane and to depart the following flight" And one answered: "I will do nothing".
I explained: "With my program it is the plane even on a vzlyotny strip will not taxi..."

*****

In one of higher education institutions there is an examination in logic. Certain cute, no
neradivy the student offers professor of counter three questions - say -
otvetite if you such expert - I up lift up pads, is not present - put otlichno.
questions the following: what is - "lawfully, but it is not logical", what such "logically,
NO is illegal", and, at last "both it is illogical, and is not lawful?" Professor does not know and,
skrepya heart, puts perfectly. The following is answered by the excellent student. Professor
asks at it the answer to these questions. Having secured postavlennym
ekzamenom, the excellent student answers: "That at you, the old man, the very young 25-
letny wife it is lawful, of course, but illogically. That with it sleeps molodoy
chelovek - absolutely logically, but is alas illegal. But here that you only chto
emu put "perfectly" - both is illogical, and is not lawful..."

*****

In one of the inhabited yards the sewerage - a typical picture in our life broke through. Called the plumber. It came with the student-praktikantom.
podoshli to the hatch, and he - is stout brown and smelly. The plumber took off a jacket and bulty in swill. There passed minute, comes up: "The student, a key on ten!" That to it furnishes the clue and the plumber again dives. In five minutes comes up: "The key on five" and again dives with a key. Derez gets out two minutes, rubs off from a face go. but also speaks to the probationer: "Here so, student. Study, and all life keys you will give that!!!"

*****

In one of the Russian medical institutes there was terribly basic teacher, but thus the man correct and anybody specially did not bring down in addition still had some business and as a result of bribes practically did not take. The student the blockhead, well his subject which was not wanting to learn got to it somehow, respectively this studiozus did not pass examination from the first, neither from the second, nor with tretyego.
i here before the fourth and last repeating an examination (it is followed as a rule by contribution) to an office to the teacher daddy of this student comes and puts to it on a table keys from strange work domestic the автопрома
15th-y model with slovami:
-If it hands over, it yours!
prepod watches some time at daddy, then from a breast pocket gets keys from BMW H-5 and puts on a table near its keys with slovami:
-IF your son hands over, it yours!

*****

In a break between lectures two professors talk. The student running along a corridor unintentionally pushes one of them and is negligent izvinyaetsya.
-Well as it is not a shame to you, the young man! Here you now interrupted our scientific dispute, killed my thought... Perhaps, you deprived mankind of any opening. The student apologizes once again. Professor turns to sobesedniku:
-So means, I throw her feet to myself on shoulders.

*****

In respect of reform of Russian the new case "accusatory"
otvechayet on the question "what" and "on which" is entered.

*****

To the empty room in the hostel the student creeps, without switching on light approaches a window, pulls out a cactus from a flowerpot, cleans part of the earth and puts the pie wrapped in polyethylene. After all this he returns a cactus into place, levels the earth and lays down spat.
utrom leaves on zanyatiya.
vecherom comes back, rushes to a pot, digs out the earth, and there zapiska:
-do not scatter the things on foregrounds. Pie was eaten that it was not spoiled.

*****

At restaurant the student zakazyvayet:
-Give me a glass of water and a crust hleba:
ofitsiant udivilsya:
- And it vse:
-Eh, to walk so gulyat:
vedro waters and 2 loaves of bread!

*****

In agricultural academy session. The student cannot answer a question. Professor:
- Then I to you put dvoyku.
-Professor, but you cannot do everything znat.
-I know everything, - professor answers. Student:
-I will ask you a question and if you do not answer it, put to me "five" and if answer - that "two". Professor:
-Soglasen.
-Why pigs have no monthly? Professor reflected for a long time, but could not answer. It was necessary to put to the student the five. After a while the second student comes. Professor:
-I will ask you only one question if answer, at once I put the five. Why all pigs have no monthly? Student:
- And what fool will hold them till 14 years.

*****

Professor admits examination to agricultural academies and does not know, chto
poslednemu to deliver to the student: five or four. It seems on all questions bileta
otvetil. Professor:
- And tell me: whether the cow can make abortion? I understand, vopros
nestandartny. Go think. Will return through ten minut.
student left. Thought, thought, it is thought out nothing. Vstrechayet
odnokursnika-narkomana:
-Listen, and the cow can make abortion?
narkoman was tightened, hemmed and otvetil:
-Well you, the brother, and flew...

*****

In the middle of examination old professor cleared the throat and modestly addressed to audience: Whether
- will be someone from students, not copying now the text from the textbook, good enough to give me this book for some minutes? I right there will return it.

*****

In a trace to S. Lavrov:-))
ekzamen in MGIMO:
professor: - We consider intsendent: in port of the African state the Soviet submarine sank a torpedo the lying alongside bulk carrier. From the Government of this country the note of protest follows the Government of the USSR. It is necessary to write the reasonable answer. You have 40 minutes. The clock is ticking.
through of 40 minutes. Professor: - Only one of you - Ivanov coped with a task. And that - receives a weak chetvyorochka. Mistakes: "not ebyot" it is written separately, and "Chernozhopy" from capital letter - after all you address to the President of the sovereign state!

*****

In an insole the drunk student keeps ringing in spravochnuyu:
-to Al-l-l-lo, it with - with - help? Yes, it spravochnaya.
-Give to
-Toporov Valery Aleksandrovich's address!
- is good, and what is your surname?
- Toporov Valery Aleksandrovich!

*****

In student's stolovoy:
-to me three vtorykh.
- And a root from minus of two you do not want?

*****

In Tbilisi the Georgian gets into the plane and the Citizen pulls along barana.
-, why carry a ram?
- It not a ram, it magarych, and a ram at me in Moscow studies!

*****

In theatrical school there is an examination in a pantomime. There are students and them ask to show any animal.
pokachivayas, leaves in a board the smoked student …
EMU speak: Show to
-an elephant.
ON turns inside out pockets and speaks: The Trunk to pull out
-? …

*****

In the trolleybus the elderly woman tries to give way very thin young cheloveku:
-Sit down poor, you that thin that such? You are ill perhaps?
- Is not present, thanks. The student ya.
-Well give though I will take your raincoat!
- It not a raincoat, is my friend Kolya!

*****

In a toilet there is professor near the urinal and feels the head.
ryadom the standing student speaks to it: What with you professor???
Da again this sclerosis … I remember somewhere in hair, and here it is exact where forgot!!!!

*****

In a toilet. One student asks drugogo:
-Vas, well, handed over session? Booth
IZ sprava:
-Well, this old goat to pass not hochet.
iz booths sleva:
-in any way And I will not put.

*****

In university it was found Seksbomba.
ONA was taken out for the city and neutralized by students of FACULTY OF LAW.

*****

At university near a board with the schedule there are two lovely girls, one vydayet:
-Well, %b your mother... And for what h%y some freak delivered us in the fourth couple cultural science?!

*****

At university there is an examination. Professor issued tickets and quietly strolls between ranks on audience. Suddenly he notices that some students something are transferred the friend drugu.
-by Misters students! How you dare directly at me in the eyes to transfer each other cribs?
- It not cribs are cards, mister professor. We to the bridge igrayem.
-A- And! Well then excuse the Lord, excuse.

*****

At university of Patrice Lumumba of state of emergency: ate the student! Explanatory rabotu:
-After all we feed you with
provodyat better than our students!
- Ho we very much missed house food!

*****

At university lecture on psychology begins. Having nestled behind chair, professor:
-Today, companions students, we with you will study three similar stages of mentality of the person: surprise, irritation and anger. Let's consider on a concrete example. .
dostav from a portfolio phone, professor gathers the first comer nomer.
-Hello, and Vasya it is possible? Know
-, here such does not live.
- Here, - smiling, professor speaks, is only a lung udivleniye.
smotrite dalshe.
nabirayet number snova.
-Hello, and Vasya did not approach?
- Told, there are no such here. .
potiraya hands, professor conspiratorially winks auditorii.
-Pecked. Well, and now. .
trety time gathers nomer.
-So Vasya is not present?
- Yes went you.
- Well, companions, I hope, the example is clear to you. Let's start theoretical part.
C of the first school desk rises young chelovek.
-Forgive, professor, but you forgot the fourth stadiyu.
-It is what?
- the Stage full okhreneniya.
podoydya to chair, the young man gathers nomer.
-Good afternoon. This is Vasya. Nobody called me?

*****

At university at law department professor asks the student:
- If you want to treat someone with orange how you will make it? I will tell
-Ya: "Please, be treated!", - the student answered.
- Is not present! - professor cried. - Think as the lawyer!
- is good, - the student answered. - I will tell: "Present I transfer to you all rights belonging to me, requirements, advantages and other interests for the property called orange, in common with all its peel, pulp, juice and sunflower seeds with the right to squeeze out, cut, freeze and differently to use, using for this any sort of the adaptation as existing now, and invented later, or without use of the mentioned adaptations, and also to transfer earlier called property to the third parties with a peel, pulp, juice and sunflower seeds or without it..."

*****

In the university dining room the student first-year student and gray-bearded professor sit at one table. That chirps something, chirps, and then asks:
- And you than are engaged?
-Ya, my child, I am engaged astronomiyey.
-Ha! And we already passed it!

*****

At school of militia examination. Teacher: - And well give your crib here!
- You have no right to take away it without corresponding standard and legal protsedur.
-Well, the young man, to me on kidneys to beat you?

*****

- It is difficult to read your diploma, - professor speaks to the student. - Work has to be written so that the last donkey could in it razobratsya.
-Yes, professor. What to you it is unclear?

*****

The student runs in the hostel and speaks:" Little girls, guys go, take off shorts! "
NU, little girls fast postyagivat from themselves trusy.
studentka: "Yes not these, from a string"

*****

- What carry? The weapon, drugs is? Now I will look at
-, simply mother brought together me...

*****

Having returned to the hostel, the student finds the roommate all in slezakh.
-That happened why you cry? You Understand
-, I wrote the letter to parents with a request - to send me money on kompyyuter.
-Probably, they refused to you?
- is worse. They sent me the computer.

*****

Evening. In a man's toilet of university, the urinal, has a student. Undoes a fly, long digs inside, then swings golovoy:
-Well, a pancake, I also reveled today!

*****

Evening. Hostel. A standard student's room on 3 people. Karamana and stomachs are empty. The formula "the sleeping person does not want to eat" does not work any more. The person cannot sleep half-month. All lie on beds and fatefully examine a ceiling. Also the remark full of melancholy hungry studenta:
-is suddenly distributed And mother to a dog a borsch incurred houses...