Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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When I come home, I do not turn on the light in the room, densely I cover a door. Slowly I curtain off windows that casual excessively curious passerby did not see that will occur in this room. I approach in a bed, slowly I undress and I get from a bedside table excitingly the rustling paper bag in the firm big subject wrapped in it. In an anticipation of night I vzragivayu, gently develop a paper bag... A hand washing gropes a smooth firm surface, on a body the familiar languor is rolled.... I lay down on the bed greeting squeaking in reply. The soft pillow as if calls me to touch it with a cheek. Ho it is impossible to lay down. I nestle on a bed, I lean about a wall... My fingers feel all roughnesses on its surface, breath becomes frequent in an anticipation of that indescribable pleasure which I will feel... I turn on the light over the head, I admire oblong forms, exciting red color its regional points. . grebanny the abstract also I read this
otkpyvayu, I read, I read all night long. Well session at the person … …

*****

When the teacher from the tenth time puts to the student "well" is means that that not simply satisfied it - and simply zaye*at.

*****

- Whom from great and famous chemists of the 17th eyelid you know? - Asks prepod.
-So they all died long ago!

*****

- Colleagues, at us in shop will do practical training students from institute, - the director told sellers. Students came. Sellers taught them to all the cunnings ask: - And to that you now at trade institutes are taught? - And we not from trade, and fro

*****

College of programmers. The teacher studentam:
-not only learns our college, but also saves many human lives!
-???
- Because such idiots as you, do not go to the medical!!!

*****

The room in student's the hostel. The girl runs and krichit:
-Devchyonki take off pants, guys go!. Silly women! Remove from a rope!!!

*****

Competition of sexual abilities male who how many times can in a night. There is odin
-How many time? - asks it vedushchiy
-Three. I do not drink, I do not smoke, I behave in physical forme
zatem leaves yog:
-Five. I do not drink, I do not smoke, I concentrate attention, vnushayu.
vykhodit the student and it is loud zayavlyaet:
- And I desyat
-Share experience as it at you turns out. Probably do not smoke? Do not drink
-KURYU
-?
-PYu
- Then that? Well to tell
- to you... I love this business!

*****

The control.
prepodavatel watches closely pupils, and from time to time expels at whom noticed spurs.
B a class looks zauch:
- That, control we write? Here probably full to pospisyvat fans!
prepodavatel answers:
- Not, fans - behind a door. Here - only professionals.

*****

Who was not a student - to that not to understand...
If to put on a condom a stick of sausage, at you will be protected doctor's.

*****

- Where you arrived to study?
-B meditsinskiy.
-is excellent! And I in the veterinary. When we are learned, we will be able to treat dru
gdruga.

*****

1 course: Well everything, will expel. Will expel...
2 course: And can will not expel? Well vygonyat.
3 a course: Well will not expel now...
4 course: Well it is exact, will not expel...
5 course: Let will only try!!!

*****

1 course. The first couple on mathematical analysis in technical vuze.
prepodavatel:
-Write down a subject: "Valid function of a complex variable. Surjective, injective and bijective functions" .
golos with back party:
-Hallo, it is a military registration and enlistment office? I changed the mind. Tell, please, when I need to arrive to medical board?

*****

Hungry students lie in the hostel and mechtayut:
-Eh, now meat …
- Is a brilliant idea! And can a pig we will get?
- Yes you that: dirt, a stench …
- Yes anything, can be will survive …

*****

The naked woman on the road lies. By there is a director zavoda:
-Give you I will bang? Give
-, one hundred, back sotnya.
- There Not, at me for a month then the patch at plant zaderzhitsya.
mimo goes the director of firm, Give to
-you I will bang? Give
-, one hundred, back sotnya.
-It there, at me the firm then razoritsya.
mimo goes the student, Give to
-you I will bang? Give
-, one hundred, back sotnya.
-Well there, davay.
vstavil and lezhit.
-That you lie?
-A more money is not present.

*****

The lecturer grew exited, trying to fascinate listeners by the eloquence and erudition: Tell
- who was more brave than Alexander Nevsky, is wiser than Socrates, it is more fair than Solomon, is more honest than Washington, is wittier than Chekhov and it is finer than Apollo?!
vdrug in the hung silence sounded a voice from the last row:
- First husband of my wife!

*****

The lecturer says that communism already on the horizon. To it - a question:
-A that such horizon?
- Is the imagined line in which the sky meets with the earth and
kotoraya moves away from us when we try to come nearer to it.

*****

The lecturer finished the doklad.
-who will have questions?
golos from depth zala:
- At you there a glass on a tribune was not released?

*****

Lektor:
-I cannot believe in existence of what did not see the eyes! From auditorii:
- And the brain you the eyes saw
golos?

*****

The lecturer on popular lektsii:
-All know that two denials give one statement, i.e. "no" NA
"no" gives as a result "yes" ; but still never happened, that two utverzhdeniya
dali as a result one denial...
golos from zala:
-Well-well...

*****

The lecturer draws the schedule on a board and, stammering a little, speaks:
- And this m - we now zashtri-zashtr... The student solved
dobry pomoch:
-... hu*m.
tishina...
lektor, correcting galstuk:
-Well who than, and I chalk!

*****

Lecture at veterinary institute. Professor speaks:
- The Breeding bull can carry out to 12 sexual intercourses. Studentka:
-It for what period of time? Professor:
-In days. Studentka:
-Repeat it for the student from the last row. The student from the last ryada:
-Tell, professor, with one cow or with all herd? Professor:
-With all herd. Student:
-Repeat it for the student from the first row.

*****

Lecture in higher education institution. Professor tells about Roman legionerakh:
-Soldiers for years stayed in campaigns, and it rallied them so that they, as a rule, fell in love each other. And it was encouraged because the legionary who lost in one person and the friend and the lover was ruthless to the enemy and revenged for ubitogo.
tut one student hikhikayet:
-Means, legionaries were pederasts?
professor heaved a deep sigh, removed points, looked at the student and speaks:
-Pederasts, speak? Yes let's you meet god though one such pederast. No, my young friend, it were any not pederasts. It were the real fighting pidarasa!

*****

Lecture at institute. One student - sosedu:
-Give idle time karandash.
-to NA.
-So it not idle time is red!
-A that, red for you too difficult?.

*****

Lecture for collective farmers. Lecturer:
- Companions collective farmers. Before you Alexander of Macedon's skull,
gde to it 7 years. And this skull where he is 25 years old. And, at last,
cherep of the died Alexander of Macedon. Questions are?
EST: Tell
-, please, as there can be at one person three skulls?
-A you, I'm sorry, who? - the lecturer asks.
- Summer resident.
- Here also go on a her. Lecture for collective farmers.

*****

Lektsiya.
lektor: at women in a vagina there live lakto bacteria, bifidobacteria.
replika from back rows: some wonderful yogurt is direct not p %%% and, and … ….

*****

Lecture at medical institute. Professor:
-in human life the first two days are considered the Most dangerous!
golos with back skamyi:
-Professor, the last two days even more dangerous!

*****

Lecture at medical institute. Professor reads lektsiyu:
-during sexual intercourse body temperature at people podymatsya on one degree, and at birds on two... - one student sees sleeps. - Ivanov, repeat!
ivanov comes off and looks back... show it gesture "well" and a forefinger to and fro then a forefinger under a mouse and afterwards vverkh.
ivanov:
-Well during sexual intercourse body temperature podymatsya on one degree...
professor:
-Further... .
ivanovu gesticulate "a well a forefinger, two palms represent a wave of wings, then under a mouse and two fingers vverkh.
ivanov:
- And that body temperature rose by two degrees it is necessary to e@at until feathers do not depart!!!

*****

Lecture began. One student opozdal.
lektor:
- Why you were late?
-Ya participated in rally competitions...
through some time comes one more student.
professor asks:
- You too with rally?
student was stunned:
- Is not present, I smoked...

*****

Lecture began. One student was late. Lektor:
-Why you were late?
- Sorry, professor, I participated in competitions on ralli.
through some time one more student comes. Professor asks:
-you too with rally? The student obaldelo:
-Is not present, I smoked...

*****

Lecture at agricultural institute. Professor speaks:
-a manufacturing Bull in days can make to 12 sovokupleniy.
pri these words the student Ivanova maliciously looks at the student Petrov and asks:
-Professor, I correctly heard: to 12?
- Yes.
- Be so kind as, repeat it for the student Petrov! The manufacturing Bull in days can make
professor:
-to 12 sovokupleniy.
student Petrov asks:
-Tell, professor, and it makes this copulation with one cow or with twelve?
- Of course, with dvenadtsatyyu.
-Be so kind as, repeat it for the student Ivanova!

*****

Lecture at agricultural institute. Professor:
-One healthy manufacturing bull has to have in day to dvenadtsati
sovokupleny... A voice from the first ryada:
-Forgive to
zhensky, professor, how many? To dvenadtsati.
-Repeat
-, please, for the last row! A voice from the last ryada:
-Tell
muzhskoy, professor, is about copulation with one cow or s
dvenadtsatyyu?
-C twelve, of course... Thanks
-, repeat, please for the first row...

*****

Lecture on a teormekh. Lektor:
-we Will imagine the three-dimensional object in the form of a parallelepiped established on four monocyclic units. Others slovami
predstavim to itself cart.

*****

Lecture, silent bubneniye of the teacher muffle sounds from the street: under windows of audience unload the truck with some pipes. The teacher on the course of lecture does the remark: "And this you surely write down." And in the same second one of loaders drops a pipe on a foot of other loader... The loud perfect mat is distributed. The lecturer did not become puzzled and added: "Too surely write down it, in life it is useful."

*****

Lecture. Three students on a gallery very strongly rustle. The teacher speaks:
-If young people on back rows behaved also silently as what play cards on averages, those who sits ahead could sleep peacefully.

*****

Lecture on philology. Old professor rasskazyvayet:
-In some languages of the world double denial means a consent. In others, double denial and remains denial. but there is no language in the world in which the double consent means otritsaniye.
golos with back party:
-Well, of course.

*****

Lecture on philosophy. Professor pepvokupsnikam:
-So, leaning on conclusions of the largest philosophers of various schools, we can claim, what not in possession desirable, and in even if not having chances of success, a pursuit of this desirable and the person finds the schastye.
golos from the last pyada:
-Professor, and you sometime tried to run at cold, dark, wet night behind the bus leaving a stop?

*****

Lecture on a filfaka. Students carefully write down...
-B English, - are told by professor, - double denial gives the statement. In other languages, for example, in Russian, double denial all the same designates denial. But there is no language in which the double statement would designate otritsaniye.
golos with back party:
-Aha, of course...

*****

Young specialists to a distribution place over a taiga fly in the helicopter. After a while pilot krichit:
-All! Arrived! Jump!
- Is so high after all! Let's break!
- is fine! - decreases. - Height is 25 meters! Jump!
-...!?
- I cannot Below! Young specialists of last year will start jumping!

*****

The student of the teacher catches to repeat examination. At last saw it,
kogda that came in sortir:
-you Can repeat engineering graphics? - asks student.
-It is possible, - the teacher answers, - sit down.