Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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Three practicians on achievement prosvetleniya:
-talk I prayed 3 years and meditated, and reached prosvetleniya.
- And I prayed 5 years and meditated and reached prosvetleniya.
- And to me at once the brick fell on the head.

*****

Library of staff of Verdzhiniya. At an entrance on a wall over them "Only for teachers" .
KTO from students added some hangers with an inscription: "And also it is possible to hang up safely your coats and hats".

*****

Biological faculty. Ekzamen.
- The Girl, tell why animals lick the genitals? Because they it can do
-, professor!

*****

- My God, - the doctor sighs, - in my times it was simple heart...

*****

Hospital. Round. The doctor goes from a bed to koyke.
-Ha that we complain?
-Gemopoy.
-Than treat?
- Cotton wool, brilliant green...
cleduyushchaya koyka:
-Ha that we complain?
-Glandy.
-Than treat?
- Cotton wool, brilliant green... and, the doctor, ask that vatu changed more often...

*****

The bum approaches two students going down the street... One refuses flatly to give it money, another rummaged in a pocket - and gave to the bum a little rubley.
-Why you made it?! - asks the first. - You know that it will spend everything for vodka!
-A we?.

*****

The Bremen musicians went by studencheskoy
stolovoy late evening. Look, light, brisk voices. Sent a rooster behind a grub. Ne
vernulsya. The cat and a dog went, too did not return. Leaves osel.
vozvrashchayetsya with the bags full of a grub. Trubadur:
- And where the others? Their
-A sjeli.
- And how you live remained?
- I Come there, and there all our sit.

*****

The crew of medical students will cure young women about a klastrofobiya, arachnophobia, persuasive movements, schizophrenia, a depression, a headache, sleeplessness, intervertebral hernia, youthful eels, the small tortoiseshell, zaikaniya.
lecheniye the free. Customer's condoms.

*****

- When the Great charter of liberties was signed? The young man on the last row, to you a question! Also sit down normally, by the way! I do not know
-Ya... You do not know
-?! Well, then answer when there was the Third crusade? I do not know
-Ya

*****

The Russian, German and English students were sent to one of the American universities. Everyone was given a personal task for a year. In a year. The Englishman brings 12 thick tetradey:
-Here, professor, the report for January, here for February.... here for dekabr.
hemets brings 3 thick toma:
- These are laboratory researches, it is theoretical part, it vyvody.
russky does not bring anything. Professor:
-????
- Professor, you know, I so was hurt yesterday by the head...

*****

To audiences there is an examination in anatomy. Examination subject: Penis structure. The examiner notices the nervous student who is attentively looking under a school desk, having giggled, the cheerful examiner gives out:

*****

In audience the teacher gives lecture studentam.
vkhodit the late student and asks for permission to be present on lektsii.
prepodavatel:pochemu you were late?
student: Yes here, was on rally, supported the friend racer. It, by the way, borrowed prize-winning mesto.
prepodavatel:nu all right, in that case vkhodite.
through some minutes appear one more late student and ask for permission to be present on lektsii.
prepodavatel: And you why were late?
student: I participated in rally, and then to me handed priz.
prepodavatel: Well, pass on the mesto.
vskore the student enters and asks for permission to be present on lektsii.
prepodavatel: And you that too with ralli.
studentka: No, I smoked.

*****

Enters into audience, reeling, the drunk student, approaches to professoru:
-you will not refuse to accept offset at slightly drunk studenta:
tot pomorshchilsya:
-Well, ladno:
student turns around and shouts in dver:
-Children, bring it!

*****

At the Sherementyevo airport the reporter interviews group Italian turistov:
-What your purpose of stay in the USSR?
- We adopt experience in rural hozyaystve.
-In agriculture???!! Da's
-! We can only dream of such organization of business. State farm it simply fantasy! The patronage help it is grandiose!!! Soldiers plow the earth, workers weed, students harvest, professors, graduate students, associate professors sort. And all - is free. Having sold production, the director of state farm tells "7 million losses. "Fantasy! And it them is given. Mother miya! Such also did not dream us!
- You are farmers?
- Still that! We are representatives of the Italian mafia!

*****

In female hostel. The room runs in studentka:
-Maids, take off pants, to us guys go … Silly women, you that do? Remove from a rope!

*****

In a zoo the last gorilla dies. On its place the management of a zoo takes one student. He shouts, jumps and on a cage, generally behaves, as the real gorilla. Suddenly it loses balance and falls in a cage with a lion: - To the aid! Help!, - the student shouts. Here hears whisper lva:
-Close a mouth, differently both of us will lose work!

*****

- In what current is measured?
-B kilometrakh.
-???
- Well so wires last, last.

*****

- To what institute admit without examinations?
-B Sklifosovsky's Institute

*****

At institute there is a lecture on OBZh. Professor - auditorii:
-you are a foreman on building. On your eyes falls from the woods and breaks to death rabochiy.
vashi the first actions?
studenty:
-to Call an ambulance!
- to Cause militia! To Tell
- to relatives! - and other
professor:
-need to put on a helmet and a safety harness a corpse, differently the militia will arrive for you.

*****

At institute of foreign languages there is an examination on literary perevodu.
prepod gives to the student the phrase for the translation into English. The phrase sleduyushchaya:
"Eh, bast shoes I will spend the night my, four frills,
KHOCHU of the house, I want at Egorka" .
student as can, translates it into English. The teacher ofigevayet.
i gives to already following student for the translation this English phrase into Russian. The student translates it to the following obrazom:
"shoes intolerably lakom.
mne Shine there is no place to run. In total resheno.
mne now houses the quiet sleep is not delicious any more, me is fated to spend the night at George now!"

*****

In institute:
na the first course - robeyushchiye
na the second year - smeleyushchiye
na a third year - nagleyushchiye
na the fourth year - obnaglevshiye
na the fifth year - pofigisty
na the sixth course - Young specialists

*****

At Institute professor at examination asks a question studentu:
-Tell, and what function is carried out by MUSCULUS GREAMASTER muscle?
student:
-Professor, is a muscle which lifts moshonku.
professor:
-Correctly. And what it carries out?
student:
-Ya it is definitely not sure but if to pinch it a door, she vypuchivayet
glaza, opens a mouth and forces sheaves to shout nechelovecheskim
golosom!

*****

At institute there are teachers and talk. Suddenly the student who flew by pushes one of teachers. The guy apologizes and turns at once to leave, but one of teachers calls up him and you start soaring to it mozg:
-Here now interrupted our debate, tore off a chain of scientific reasonings and in general, it is possible to tell, overturned all mankind back in technical progress …
student, reddening, apologizes, on what the teacher even more, having tempered justice with mercy, releases it and continues begun besedu:
-Well, I, so throw her feet to myself on shoulders …

*****

In an institute locker room an inscription over several kryuchkami:
"Only for teachers". Some cheerful student pripisal:
"It is possible to hang up also jackets and caps".

*****

In the institute dining room there are not enough places and all are occupied (everyday occurrence) .
professor took to itself a place and went to buy a havchik. While it went, on its place the student took seat and calmly the Young man started accepting pishchu.
professor:
-! And you know, than the person differs from cattle?
student:
-Of course! The person eats sitting, and cattle - standing!

*****

В: What book you read?
O: Collection of tasks of theoretical mechanics of Meshchersky. If he is a gentleman, at the end there will be a wedding of the book and my brain.

*****

In conservatory of class in music history. The teacher lifts the dozed-off student and asks to call known to it kompozitorov.
tot half asleep cannot think, costs and looks at the companion. The companion claps the book on stolu.
-Bach!.
- is correct, and still?
shurshaniye bumagi.
-Liszt...
- is good, and than somebody is more modern?
-Chlennikov!
- Not Chlennikov, but Hrennikov. And you, Petrov, hide and do not confuse girls with the help!

*****

In conservatory at examination in a vocal the entrant asks prepodavatelya:
-Forgive, but I want to know the truth: my voice is not suitable anywhere?
- Is not present, why? It can be useful, for example, at the fire or a robbery.

*****

The Ukrainian and the Black student go to a compartment. The Ukrainian spread out bread,
salo on a little table, cuts off a slice behind a slice, puts on bread and with appetitom
zakusyvayet. The Black watches his actions hungry glazami.
nakonets, the Ukrainian gorged on, accurately wrapped the remained fat v
chisty a bench hammer, cleaned in a suitcase, put bread and povernulsya
k negru:
-Zvynyay, a hlopchik there, is mute bananyv!

*****

At medical institute at state examination show to the student diploma student dva
skeleta - man's and zhenskiy:
-Who is it?
student molchit.
-As, you and it do not know? To that did six years teach you?
TOT robko:
-Marx and Engels, perhaps?.

*****

At medical institute there is a lecture. Professor speaks:
-Before calling to you a subject of today's lecture, I to you rasskazhu
sluchay from own life. When I was a student, it was pleasant to me odna
devushka. It was pleasant and to one more student. Girl otdala
predpochteniye to that student. I was left high and dry, and that young man - nose
bez. Now I to you will declare a subject of today's lecture: "Syphilis and ego
posledstviya".

*****

At medical institute there is an examination, the teacher tells studentke:
-So, and now the last question. What body at the person can increase by 4 times? Hee-hi-hi-hi-hi
studentka:
-!
PREPOD:
-Yes not "hi-hi-hi", and liver!

*****

At medical institute there are examinations. Professor asks studenta:
-Tell me signs beremennosti.
student is rumpled, looks back, prompt to him: "Hair drop out, feet become curves the Pot-belly "
-Volosy drop out, feet become curves, a pot-belly, - answers student.
posle examination professor invites to himself the unlucky student, that enters and sees naked professora.
-You see, - professor addresses to the student, - hair at me dropped out? Dropped out. Pot-belly? To
-Big, - answers student.
-Feet curve? Here when I will give rise to
-Krivye.
-- consider that you passed examination.

*****

At medical institute at lecture on sexology prepod:
-Tak-s, young people who how many knows poses for sex?
otkuda from a gallery man's golos:
-Fifty!!! I know
PEPOD:
-Ya that you there on a gallery know everything. And we here will take an interest at the girl from the first ryada.
smushchennaya devushka:
-One … in
-What?
krasneyushchaya devushka:
-Well, the woman lies on a back having moved apart feet … The man lies on it from above …
C of back rows man's golos:
-Fifty one!!

*****

At medical institute professor accepts examination at the stupid student. Knocks itself on a forehead:
- Well! Here, where I knock! How this bone is called?!
-... the pubic.
- Well. You well thought? Once again I ask how this bone is called?
- pubic.
- is good! Then IT that, on yours?!
I pulls itself a nose.

*****

In medical academy there are final examinations. Professor speaks: "In a bag human bodies. Who to the touch will call body and will get it, that handed over." One speaks: "Heart", gets - heart. Handed over. Another: "Lung", gets - a lung. Handed over. The girl puts a hand in a bag and speaks: "Sausage". Speak to it: "It is human bodies, you well thought? "It: "Yes! "Gets - sausage. Surgeons exchange glances: "And than we had a snack yesterday?"

*****

At medical institute there is an examination. Professor asks pretty studentku:
-Tell the darling what rises in one minute?
studentka:
-Hi-hi
professor:
- The Two, you svobodny.
asks at following studentki:
-Tell me, what rises in one minute?
studentka:
-Ha-ha
professor:
- The Two, you svobodny.
asks at the third studentki:
-Tell, what rises in one minute?
studentka:
-Arterial davleniye.
professor:
-is correct, five. And to those two, report, please, that Hee-hi Ha-ha rises in fifteen seconds.

*****

At medical institute - lecture. Professor calls the student to a board, shows on the skeleton standing nearby and speaks: "Call and show parts of a body when the skeleton was the person". The student begins: "There was a brain, here - eyes, a nose, a mouth, heart, a liver, kidneys, a spleen..." Reaches a delicate place and speaks: "And there was a penis". Professor (old such) sits, having reflected. "Professor, was a penis here", - the student repeats. "First: was not, - professor speaks, - and happened. Secondly: this is the woman."

*****

At medical institute the student who well knows nothing comes to examination. Professor, showing on a forehead, asks:
-What it is a bone?
-Lobkovaya.
-you well thought? To
-Yes.
professor, showing on nos:
- Then it that?