Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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In the evening in a hostel already all went to bed, and one student is interested at drugogo:
-That you do when you cannot fall asleep? I consider
- of Sheep...
- Ha! And I ex-girlfriends!
- Well, and I as told?...

*****

During the admission to laboratory work on physical chemistry on the subject "Thermodynamics":
- When at us leaves gas, it is what process?
-... Digestive?

*****

During examination professor asks studenta:
-Why you so strongly worry? Are afraid of my questions?
- Oh, professor! I am afraid of the answers.

*****

During examination in Literary institut.
-Read something Pushkin, from "Eugene Onegin".
- my uncle - the rector of institute... Thanks
-, you are accepted.

*****

Whether during examination the teacher asks studenta:
-you, what such Know examination?
- Is conversation of two clever people about predmete.
- And if one of them the idiot?
- Means the second will not get a grant.

*****

During examination in sociology the teacher asks studenta:
- The Crime falls or grows?
- of Hm... Falls... After all at the time of Avel and Cain fifty percent were murderers.

*****

The student comes back to the hostel after examination. The look dovolnyy.
-Well, handed over? - the neighbor on komnate.
-asks Is not present, but professor compared me to known French dvoryaninom.
-D "Artanyan perhaps?
- Is not present, but with De.
pomnitsya, it too begins still the owner of Maykrosoft.
-Bill Geytts? So he is not a nobleman and not the Frenchman at all!
- Well, as. Professor directly and told: you Pupkin answer, as the real De Bill

*****

Disgraceful act made during session the student poor student which surname even there is no wish to call. Unlike in the time students, he decided to thank the teacher not a valuable present, but deep knowledge of a subject...

*****

Take me, more
i ebn about rocks!
Ya so zaye%alsya
reshat integrals.

*****

Question: - Why children of students the very nervous? Answer: - The first three months the embryo convulsively waits, whether mother will make abortion or not. The next three months the embryo guesses, whether the father marries mother or not. And the last three months the embryo thinks how all of us will live three together on two grants.

*****

question :
pochemu at institute of couple, and at school lessons?
potomu that study at school, and at institute take a steam bath!!!

*****

Question: Whether the student can marry?
otvet: It is impossible!!! If is fond of the wife - will appear hvost;y if is fond of study - will appear roga; and if is fond of both the wife and study - will kick the bucket.

*****

The teacher's question on pare:
-With what begins creation of a function graph? kafedry:
-Suck
KRIK from top!!!
PREPOD:
-is correct, from an axis!

*****

Question to the student of a matfak universiteta:
-Of what you think, looking at a brick?
-O what is a rectangular parallelepiped with a ratio storon
1:2:4
question to the student arkhitekturnogo:
-Of what you think, looking at a brick?
-O what if to take one and a half million such bricks, is possible budet
postroit inhabited dom.
question for the cadet of the Highest military uchilishcha:
- And you of what think, looking at a brick?
-O babakh.
-But why?
-Ya constantly I think of them!

*****

- A question on five: what color textbook? I do not know
-!
- the Question on four: what we hand over? I do not know
-!
- the Question on three: who conducted seminars? I do not know
-!
- Well, leading question: you or I?
B a back row

*****

The question on ekzamene:
-That will be if to unite cybernetics and mathematics?
OTVET:
-of Kibenematik!

*****

Vypusknik:ya I remember memoirs as mother conducted me in 1y a class... and as the father carried away after the final

*****

- After all interesting country of Russia. Compelled to be discharged from office as I have no higher education - everywhere demand vysshee.
drug it was disaccustomed at university, graduated - cannot find work as is not present stazha.
ya simply shiz

*****

There will be early in the morning,
vypyyu a cup of mercury,
I will go skonchayus
v this institute... The
Friend, it is not necessary to mercury,
luchshe of bitterns to tea -
Bce equally in all we will die, meeting
sessiyu...

*****

3 friends Vsterechatsya: one - the student of technical college, another - technical training college, the third a military college. The technician speaks: "We have at examination a question: "In what izmeryaestsya current?" Three options in Ohms, 2-v Amperes, 3-v Joules". The vocational student speaks: and we have such question at examination: Whether "Current is measured in Amperes?" 3 options of an otveta:d, I do not know". The fighter speaks: "And at us so on an ekzamene:sil of current it is measured in Amperes. Options of an otveta:d, precisely, so precisely."

*****

The student of the teacher of a tower of years through eight posle
okonchaniya higher education institution meets, got to talking, remembered time former. Professor
asks:
-Here I read you three years the higher mathematics, tell, in life moi
znaniya sometime were useful to you?
student, podumav:
- And after all was one sluchay.
-Very interestingly, tell, I at lectures will tell it, chto
vysshaya mathematics not such abstract science and in life happens nuzhna.
- There was I somehow down the street, and to me the hat a wind in a pool was blown off. So I vzyal
kusok a wire, bent it in the form of integral and a hat got!

*****

Meet the 3rd being sosluzhivtsev:
1y - I after army came to chemical institute and I let out stengazetu
"Chemist" .
2y there - I after army came to medical school and I let out stengazetu
"Physician" .
1y there - And I after army came to a normal school, and what newspaper vypuskayu
ya I will not tell you.

*****

Two flies - one thick, another lean meet. nteresuyetsya:
-As it you manage the second such figure nayest?
-A I in the dining room get into a glass with sour cream, the client - that me accurately a spoon and on a floor. So that's that!
vstrechayutsya in a month. Lean both was and remained lean. Rasskazyvayet:
-I as well as you zaleeat in a glass and I vyvazhivatsya in sour cream, and the client accurately gets me, in a mouth, sucks round, and then me vyplevyvayet.
-So you are a my dear in student's do not fly!

*****

Two professors of mathematics meet. The first, vzdykhaya:
- The Colleague, and after all I was robbed again! Vtoroy:
-Imagine, the colleague, I once and for all solved this problem! Pervyy:
-Hm... it would be interesting to learn, how. Vtoroy:
-I used the theory of probability and put six cheapest Chinese locks on the door! Pervyy:
-Well and at what here the theory of probability if they can be opened everything one key?! Vtoroy:
-do not tell, the colleague! When I leave the house, I close three locks, and three - no!

*****

3 students meet: HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION, technical school and military college. Discuss at whom at examinations what tickets. VUZ:
V than is measured current?
a) in OMAKH;
B) in voltakh;
c) whether in amperakh.
tekhnikum:
a is measured in amperes current?
a) DA;
B) NET;
C) not znayu.
voyennoye uchilishche:
sila current is measured in amperes!
a) DA;
B) is!
c) is so exact!
d) I serve the Soviet Union!

*****

Two meet somehow studenta.
-You now what do you do?
-Ya ra-ra-ra-rabotayu.
- And where?
- On they are those is that-telephone hundred-hundred-hundred-station... Than you are engaged in
- There?!! I go - go - tell
-A to all of them: "that is that is that is that is that-that"...

*****

Two meet studenta.
-You know, what you already deducted? Da's
-?! Here a nevezukha, and I wanted also today to shirk.

*****

Two meet studenta-medika:
-I, undoubtedly, performed my last operation just votime.
-In time? What do you want to tell these? If I it would not make
- this day, the patient would recover on following without any operation.

*****

Two students mechanics meet. At one new velik.
-Hear, from where it is great? Yes I approach
- a hostel yesterday, here a telka on are great approaches, breaks from itself clothes and speaks:
-Take if that you see is pleasant! I also took
NU. Cool
- Cool is great, huh?. The right choice made, on which to you babsky belongings.

*****

Two students in a hostel meet and to one another speaks:
-You heard, Serega brought SUCH telka to himself yesterday, VA-A-AU-U!!!
- Yes are known by me, know. Only there was no you at them nichego.
-Yes that? From where you know???
- So after all Serega my neighbor, and through a wall everything is audible. Well he brought her, well on a sofa mudflows... It to it "and", it to it "about", it to it "and", it to it "about"... And so all night long: (speaks by a languid voice with aspiration) "A-a-a!!!", "Oh!!!", "A-a-a!!!",
"Oh!!!!!".... I hear - conversation is not glued at Seregi.

*****

Two students with obshchagi
odin meet:
- bought the book of culinary recipes Recently. Only I can prepare nothing:- (One sensible recipe:- (
VTOROY:
-??????? You Understand
-, each recipe begins slovami:
"TAKE the PURE PAN":-):-):-)

*****

Two students meet. At one under the arm a roll of the dirty crumpled Whatman papers. It asks:
-Where this garbage you drag another?
- It not garbage, is an academic year project. There is to the teacher pokazyvat.
-Yes he you with it pogonit.
-do not think. He told yesterday that it is already time to hand over the project, and at me on sheets still nothing has been done so far. Demanded, that by today I a situation ispravil.
- And how?
- Well, here - from a hippodrome I go.

*****

Two meet studenta.
-Well, handed over?
-Sdal.
-How many?
-Chetyre.
-A why not five?
-A at the fifth a neck was broken away.

*****

Two meet studenta:
-You that such tired?
- Tomorrow offset on technology of sex. All night long wrote spurs!

*****

Three students meet: higher education institution, technical school and a military college - and rasskazyvayut
drug about ekzamenakh.
- At us, - the student of higher education institution, - in the examination card tells to the friend a question: "In chem
izmeryaetsya current?" and three versions of the answer: in volts, ohms, in amperes. I
nuzhno to choose pravilnyy.
- At us, - tells the second, - a question: Whether "Current is measured in amperes?" i
tri version of the answer: yes, I do not know. It is necessary to choose pravilnyy.
- And at us, tells the third, - the question "current is measured in amperes" and tri
otveta: yes, is, so precisely. Here also suffer choose the correct.

*****

Four students meet, one speaks: - Men, give to me tonight - there is a beer, fish... - And little girls will be? - And I already agreed with little girls. They will not be.

*****

Introductory lecture in technical college. Professor speaks:
-For a start I will explain to you who such engineer. So, imagine plant where every day bring the alcohol car for those. needs. There is a huge tank where fill in alcohol. About a tank the uchetchitsa who gives out alcohol strictly according to the consignment note sits (the tank has a faucet). In the evening the remains of alcohol merge through the same faucet. I raise a question: how to steal alcohol from plant?
obaldevshiye students start putting forward versii.
- And now the answer, - our professor speaks - engineers put a bucket in a tank. As a result the bucket was filled when filled in a tank and after alcohol merged in the morning, the bucket was pulled out and drunk. And we will study as engineers now.

*****

Entrance examinations on department of history Odessa universiteta.
-Elena because of what Trojan war began?. I will a little prompt, because of one lady. How she was called?. Well, more safely, after all she was called just as you!
- Really Rabinovich?

*****

Entrance examinations in conservatory, professor addresses to abituriyentu:
-Call, please, surnames known to you kompozitorov.
-List.
-Horosho.
-BAKH.
-Remarkably. Well, and now, somebody from sovremennykh.
- The Taciturn person H*ev.
-Well, it you, old man, zagnuli.
-Sorry, professor, Tikhon Hrennikov.