Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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In Vuze.
ekzamenator:
-Explain entrance examination, please,
pochemu turns elektromotor.
-But because electricity...
- That it for the answer?
otchego then electric utyu
gne turns?
- But because not round...
- Well, and rangette?
kruglaya? Why it does not turn?
- But because rough, treniye
v legs...
- is fine... And bulb!
elektricheskaya! Round! Smooth!
BEZ of legs! Why bulb ne
krutitsya?
-A bulb just i
krutitsya...
-???!!!
-A here when you it in patrone
menyaete, what you do? After all it twist
VY!
-Nda-a... really...
kruchu hm... Yes! but after all it I ee
kruchu, but not she...
- Well, know, in itself voobshche
nichto does not turn! Von
elektromotoru too, probably,
elektrichestvo is necessary!

*****

Entrance examination in the inzhnerno-construction. The last. Abituriyent
otvechayet it is mediocre, and it needs four points that proyti.
ekzamenator too it understands, but to it on figu.
-Well, all right, ask the last question. Answer - I put "well". No -
togda dismiss. What plant in our country lets out teploizolyatsionnye
matheraly on the basis of basalt?
question on a zasypka, at all not for an abitura, and the guy, sadly smiling,
razvodit hands:
-Hz.
prepod with surprise and uvazheniyem:
-is correct, the Khabarovsk plant. - Also puts "chorus".

*****

Entrance examination in mathematics. Teachers invite the first entrant:
- How many will be two plus two?
-Three!
- Is not present!
-Five!
- Is not present!
-Six!
- is wrong!
DA... the fool, but looking for... we take!
zakhodit second entrant:
- How many will be two plus two?
-Three!
- Is not present!
-Three!
- Is not present!
-Three!
- is wrong!
DA... fool, but annoying... we take!
zakhodit third entrant:
- How many will be two plus two?
-Four, of course!
- Yes... the clever.
Ho of places is already not present!

*****

Entrance examination … The student knows nothing. Professor sees such business and speaks:
-Give, one simple question and if you correctly answer - You arrive?
student is joyful kivayet.
-How many bulbs in this room?
-Five, having quickly counted, joyfully speaks student.
-you Will come for the next year, - professor speaks, taking out from a jacket pocket the sixth lampochku.
… passed year …
istoriya repeats, and the student gets besides professoru.
-So how many bulbs?
-Six! - speaks student.
professor with confidence empties pockets - they are empty and takes the handle …
- Is not present, professor. - The student speaks, and gets the sixth bulb from a pocket …

*****

HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION. A toilet for teaching structure. In the next booths sidyat
dva professors. Sit long, business goes badly, make an effort... At last, iz
odnoy booths glug glug reaches treasured...
- Oh, I congratulate, the colleague!
- have nothing, it at me lenses dropped out...

*****

High school toilet. From the first kabinki:
-Well sho, he delivered offset to you?
IZ second kabinki:
-Yes did not put, a goat bald! kabinki:
-Also I will not put
IZ of the third...

*****

Yesterday at lecture ukurenny professor showed electromagnetic volny.
polovina students them saw...

*****

- Yesterday took courage and kissed Yulku.
- And it to me: "And what it would mean? "I take
-A and blurt out about the silly woman:
- Told "Request for authorization" that on Saturday came to log in to it.

*****

- Yesterday on the prospectus the bus crashed!
-C people???
- Is not present, with students...

*****

- When you see the graduate of philological faculty, what you usually speak to it?
- "Two potatoes and Big Mac, please."

*****

- Why you think, what malaria - a slight illness? - asks professor.
-Yes because it is transferred even by a mosquito, - the student answers.

*****

- Why are you suddenly interrupted his speech? - Asked the lecturer, who suddenly came down from the pulpit.
- You see, I'm already used to the fact that the students are looking at the clock, but when they start their next to your ear ...

*****

- You do not talk in a dream? - asks vrach.
-Is not present, the doctor though I often speak when others spyat.
-???
-Ya lecturer.

*****

Expelled the student from a fizfak. Arrived on faculty where the religion is studied. Sits sleeps on couple, and the father gives lecture. Suddenly notices that the student sleeps. Asks ego:
-Tell, my son what there is Divine Force?
TOT, without opening glaz:
-Divine weight on Divine acceleration...

*****

Graduation party at economic university. The softened and sung along students - offsprings of the new Russian aristocracy stick to the darling professoru:
-Professor, in nature, want, at parting, we will be dumped by group and we will buy you, is pure, the computer?
- Is not present, not hochu.
-Professor, in nature, want, we will be dumped by a stream and we will buy you, is pure, the car?
- Is not present, not hochu.
-Professor, in nature, want, we will be dumped by faculty and we will buy you, is pure, a country house?
- Is not present, not hochu.
-Professor, sho for a market, to you sho, zapadlo to tell, sho you want?
- Is not present that you, misters. There is at me one treasured desire. If it is possible, never and say to nobody that you at me studied.

*****

Final examination in physics. Time already filled up far for a lunch. The commission already tired, want to sleep, want to eat. The last student comes. Does not know absolutely anything, even the most elementary. Do not want to bring down, after all final ekzamen.
predsedatel говорит:
- Well you though something tell the commissions to us, well, получите.
Студент:
- Well I do not even know a troyechka, well unless that I will sing Vam.
komissiya exchanged glances, all approvingly nodded if only somewhat quicker with it to finish. The student sang. It was pleasant to all, even an applause sounded. Predsedatel:
-Ladno, are free, three balla.
student entered in vkus:
-Ya also to dance mogu.
komissiya conferred, decided, what sang a pier not bad, let stantsuyet.
predsedatel:
-Ladno, tantsuyte.
student:
-Tolko it on four .
Председатель:
-Договорились.
Студент danced, all ponravilos.
predsedatel:
-Stavlyu to you four, go .
Студент:
-Подождите.
Председатель:
-?то still?
student:
-Eshche at me sperm sladkaya.
zhenshchina from komissii:
-Kak the sweet?
student:
- Well so, sweet and vse.
zhenshchina from komissii:
-A it is possible to try?
student:
-Mozhno, but it on pyat.
chleny the commissions conferred and soglasilis.
zhenshchina of the commission made to the student mint, pochavkat and speaks:
-Sperma as сперма.
Студент:
- Well four so four!

*****

The student chemist extends the ticket at examination, is written - acetone. Molchit.
professor not vyderzhivayet:
-Well same it is so simple! Acetone is dimetilketon, is oxidized s
razryvom a hydrocarbonic skeleton, well and so on. Everything is clear to you?
- Yes, except one: why an average "With" equal to zero?

*****

The student before examination learned only one ticket. Well comes to hand over next day, delays the first ticket and horror krichit:
-Only not the sixteenth!!! - also throws the ticket back for a table into the general heap. The teacher is caught on a hook finds the sixteenth, and solemnly hands the ticket!

*****

There is Winnie- The-Pooh from examination sad-sad such. Leaves and speaks:
-Piglet... I understood everything. It, probably, wrong teacher...
-???? It, probably, asks
-I the wrong questions...
-???????
-Piglet! You have a gun?

*****

There is a student audience. Companions volnuyutsya:
-Well as, handed over?
- Seems, handed over... That did he ask
-A?
-A goodness knows, it asked in English.

*****

Somewhere between St. Petersburg and Moscow on the narrow road met bratva.
komu to the first to pass cannot solve of course, well and they started fingers bending in what city an order better derzhat:
moskovskiye:
-we here bought recently the airport that was where wheelbarrows all our to put!!!!
piterskiye:
-ha!! yes we have so many carts that on one airfield will not be located!!
moskovskiye:
- yes we with the president skorishitsya now together on hunting we go!!!!
piterskiye:
pauza:
-but at us in St. Petersburg even PART bridges!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*****

On March 8th at professor of the house the call is distributed. He takes the call, and from there one of students speaks:
- Companion professor, since March 8 you!
professor in perplexity:
- It still that? I to you that, woman, perhaps?
golos from a tube:
- Well, I do not know, the woman you, or not, but a bough still that...

*****

- They say that beating cases prepodavateley
-became frequent And I pound that!

*****

2050. The arms became very difficult, therefore army completely professional and elitnaya.
universitet, 1 course. Two studenta.
-Well soldier? Too from army deducted?

*****

The hungry student rising on foot to himself home by the 14th floor to the last believed that as roast chicken smells from its apartment

*****

The group of students of physicians in infectious diseases hospital examines and vedet
opros the patient with poisoning. It becomes clear that she before gospitalizatsiyey
ustraivala houses vecherinku.
sprashivayut than poisoned: "I do not know." Ask, whether there were mushrooms on a table,
speaks: "Yes". On a question "There were no mushrooms spoiled?" in eyes zhenshchiny
poyavlyaetsya dark gloss, and she speaks with a mischievous grin: "Gosti
khvalili!..."

*****

The group of students costs at the museum. The guy approaches the nice student and familiarly embraces her for taliyu.
devushka playfully asks: Promise that you will be treats me gently... Well, as to museum exponatu.
paren: Konechno.
devushka: NOT to TOUCH museum pieces!!!

*****

The student Fizmata goes out with the friend somehow, and he solved her
kak-nibud would be time to hint supposedly us to pass to closer
otnosheniya. And here he speaks to it:
-A you know, what such vacuum?
- Is not present. Well here present to
-that we kiss you. I soak up in myself air,
TY soak up in yourself air, between our lips such
bezvozdushnoye space is formed, already lips cannot be torn off. It is also vacuum.
A the girlfriend answers:
- Here me somehow one matrosik eb@l, so when it pulled out, me in a point soaked up a sheet. This there was a VACUUM!

*****

Walk the student with the girl on the city. Pass by smart restorana.
-Oh. how smells delicious … - the girl studentu.
-speaks to You it was pleasant? You want once again we will pass?

*****

Give to the student a point of support, and he will fall asleep....

*****

Two African tribes united and won against the third tribe. Vozhdi-pobediteli
sjeli vozhdya-pobezhdennogo.
-it is tasteless! - told odin.
-But nevertheless it is better, than that wish-wash with which we were fed in the dining room universiteta
patrisa Lumumba.

*****

Two graduates of Polytechnic University submitted the application on same rabotu.
opyt and skills, judging by pieces of paper, at them were identical, and nachalnik
reshil to give to them the test. Upon termination of dough, through some time
nachalnik calls in an office of the first candidate and speaks:
-Well, both of you correctly answered nine questions from desyati.
no I decided that I will employ as another kandidata.
-But after all it is not honest! Time both it, and I gave identical kolichestvo
vernykh answers...
- You see - are killed by the chief, - I made the decision not because of pravilnykh
otvetov, and because of nepravilnykh.
- And how it is one wrong answer can be better than another?
- Is very simple. Your rival answered the tenth question: "I do not know. "
A you answered: "I too do not know."

*****

Two hungry students sit in the hostel and on the last money drink. Suddenly one asks:
-From where is shish kebabs began to smell?
- the Fool, remove a fly from a cigarette!

*****

Two Georgians talk, one another asks:
-Katso why Gogi has such voluminous hair?
- Yes it the head eggs moyet.
-In the acrobat, and!

*****

Two friends studenta.
odin:
-Estimate, yesterday Mashka gave rise. All hostel the name was thought out!
VTOROY:
-Yes you that!
- But is a hogwash! Tomorrow all hostel we will think out a middle name!!!

*****

Two teachers in eatery. One something knifes and suddenly its the роняет.
1st-y: Oh, someone will come! The
2nd-y: And blunt knife? The
1st-y: Tupoy.
2-y: Means, again the student on a repeating an examination …

*****

Two professors go along a corridor of university and talk. Mimo
probegayet at a huge speed the student also pushes one of them. Professor
ronyaet also starts them collecting papers. The second professor studentu:
-As it is not a shame to you, the young man, you interrupted our business besedu
i distracted from a problem, important for the Homeland...
student apologizes and runs away. Rising, professor speaks vtoromu:
-So on what it we stopped? And, and so, then I to it - and - to dal
trusy and took off for a window leaf!

*****

Two professors have a rest on a small bench in park. One speaks:
- And nevertheless the person - surprisingly strange sushchestvo.
-Why you so think, the colleague? - asks sobesednik.
-Enough to tell any of them that in the sky of 9567432876932176978 stars, and he will believe. And it is worth writing: "Carefully! It is painted!", and it will surely check a finger.

*****

Two tutors stand at a board with results introductory ekzamenov.
odin with a sad face I show on rezultaty:
-Here for it and I do not love entrants!
VTOROY:
-You simply do not know how to cook them...