Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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The best breakfast of the first-year student - sandwich. The best breakfast of the experienced student - butylvrot.

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The best controler - conscience! But the best conscience, nevertheless, controler...

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- Tell the best way to calm the girl when she in a hysterics, - objyasnyaet
psikhiatr to students, is to kiss ee.
-, professor and how it is simplest to bring it to a hysterics?

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- The love is an illness which stacks all in a bed - Told student
-Kakaya it is an illness, - the doctor told - when nobody wants to be treated for it? The love is an art!
What this art if everyone can be engaged in it? - told hudozhn

*****

The major explains in auditorii:
- The Maximum corner of an eminence of a machine gun the armored personnel carrier 30 gradusov.
-What degrees, companion major, Celsius or Fahrenheit?
- (having a little thought) Farengeyta.
druzhny a laughter in auditorii.
-Well and it is impossible to joke. Of course, Celsius.

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politicheskiy.
dva the student razgovarivayut:
-Hear a trifle, you do not know as in Latin there will be "a member of communist party"?
-"Penis Partikus Kommunistikus"!

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- Marivanna as it is written: "Zabi-" or "zabe-reminit"?
-Masha, do not write about vacation. Write about Pushkin...

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Mathematicians was going to drink. One spills vodka in mixed ware:
- Well, on how many to pour?
drugoy:
- You that, do not see regional conditions?
trety: Hey, we from entry conditions have
- only one bottle!

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Mother comes with the daughter to reception to vrachu.
-I do not know what to do. My daughter has all the time of a bulging eye, the smile with litsa
ne descends... To you I will advise a braid to braid
VRACH:
-Ya more weakly...

*****

Medical institute. A voice with back ryada:
-Professor, and what such hemorrhoids?
- the Young man, teeth sometime hurt you?. Means that such a toothache know. And now imagine a full ass of painful teeth!

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Medical institute. Examination. Student-bokser.
-Tell, well you at least know from what party at me a liver? Having scratched
student, technically and sharply beats the examiner left lateral from below. The examiner writhes in a corner from pain, the boxer watches on left ruku.
-Aaaa, precisely, on the right side!

*****

Medical institute. There is an examination. The very young student perfectly answers. Elderly professor speaks to it: "Last question. Tell me about body of love". The girl starts telling about female and male genitals. The teacher attentively listened and told!" Yes, you know matheral, but know, the darling, presently heart was considered as body of love!"

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Meditsinskiy.
professor at lecture asks a question auditorii:
-Who will be able to explain to me, for what at spermatozoa long tails?
Bce are silent, one girl robko:
-Probably that easier to get from teeth?

*****

The cop stops the student and orders documents predjyavit.
-Ta-a-a-ak, we do not work, means...
- Yes, not rabotayem.
-Ta-a-a-ak, money state prozhiray, means...
- Yes, prozhirayem.
-Ta-a-a-ak, students we, means...
- Is not present, excuse, the student only I.

*****

The menu in student's stolovoy:
1. Soup without stone - 1 kopek of
2. Soup with a stone - 3 kopeks of
podkhodit the student and, pompously throwing 3 kopeks, tells - "soup with a stone". The seller pours to him waters in tarelku.
student:
- And where a stone?
- will Now be released...

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- Mother forced me with the dean perespat.
-Here those time! And how she told it to you? You will not hand over to
-session on 4-5, I will not buy the laptop.

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The militiaman stops on the street of the student. Thumbs through its passport...
- That - the academician. Means, we do not work? Yes, we do not work with
-...
- That - the academician. Money means state the prozhiray?
-Prozhirayem...
- That - the academician. Students, means?
- Is not present, excuse, the student only I.

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- Darling, today we have a fasting day...
- Darling it as?
-B McDonald's we walk!!!

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Young studencheskya family. The husband (M) and the Wife - both students. Sessiya.
posle the next examination (M) comes home, sees sleeps, a
na a table zapiska:
po to examination - otl.;borshch - on plite;zakhochesh тр%&*ть - do not awake.

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The young Georgian comes to Tbilisi conservatory. Everything to whom it is necessary, already gave money. It safely passes all examinations. There is a solfeggio. To it govoryat:
-It is absolutely simple. We will press a key a piano, and you ugadayete.
on turns away from a piano, listens to the sung note, then guesses also a tych a finger in one of prepodavateley:
-You pressed!

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The young man addresses to professoru:
-Mister professor, I am a suitor for the hand your daughter!
- the Young man, - are answered by professor. I have to learn the answer from the Great Dragon as it was always done by people on Vostoke.
- There is no need, - the young man speaks, - I already received blessing of your spouse!

*****

The young man enters the theatrical institute. At examination emu
dayut a task - the etude: to represent an elephant. It does a stupid look,
vyvorachivayet both trouser pockets and speaks:
-to show the Trunk?

*****

The man comes to the doctor and complains that 17 years suffer golovnymi
bolyami and nothing can help it. The doctor looked istoriyu
bolezni, was convinced that the patient tried all drugs and speaks:
- When I have a headache, I spit on pain, I take the wife, I go with ney
v a shower, and I znimatsya with it sex so that to forget about vsem.
through some time the doctor meets the patient and interesuyetsya
rezultatom. The patient, in the absolute delight speaks:
-it is healthy! 17 years nothing could help me, and here - it vanished as if by magic!
- Well, so! I bad will not advise!
- is valid, the doctor, you have a magnificent wife!.

*****

The man to the seller sun-protection ochkov:
-We with the wife go to the beach where many pretty students. And I need black-prechernye ochki.
- And what for?
- That the wife did not see where I look.

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Thoughts of the student on the course of transition to the different courses
1y a course: Oh will expel! Oh will expel!
2oy course: And can will not expel?
3y: Likely, will not expel.
4y: It, will definitely not expel.
5y: LET WILL ONLY TRY!...

*****

Na examination the student leaves to answer bilet.
rektor: well?
student: konyak
rektor: cognac, it HOROSHO
STUDENT: no, cognac it is EXCELLENT

*****

At veterinary faculty professor asks studenta:
-As if you arrived if the horse fell and broke a clavicle?
student starts explaining. Professor would interrupt ego:
-First of all to you it was necessary to call in the zoological museum and to report that you found the only horse in the world with a clavicle.

*****

At a graduation party in institute:
-Children, I suggest to hold the friend the friend, and not to lose touch between us! After all all of us such confused and pigheaded that for certain will become chiefs.

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At state examination at medical institute show to the diploma student two skeletons - man's and zhenskiy:
-Who is it? mnetsya.
-As - You and it do not know
student? To that at institute six years taught you!?
TOT robko:
-Marx and Engels, perhaps?

*****

At state examination in physiology the girl sprashivayut:
-Where at the person has a vestibular device?
- On tele.
-Where on a body? - with amazement the kommisiya asks again. The girl specifies on grud.
-Why you consider, what a vestibular mechanism exactly here?
- On turns brings.

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At humanitarian faculty the student passes test according to the novel "Anna Karenina". Very long tells about Vronsky … The teacher speaks:
-Well, you already told about the hero of the novel. Tell about geroine.
student with interesom:
-Heroin now - a strong thing. And why you are interested?

*****

On a bulletin board of one of London medical kolledzhey
bylo the following notice is hung out: "I bring to your attention that Ee
velichestvo the Queen appointed me the court doctor. Rector". Na
sleduyushchee morning someone from students dobavil:
"My God, rescue the Queen!".

*****

On a note to the examiner: "Be tactful. Do not repeat a question, If
student did not catch it, and imperceptibly try to transfer conversation na
druguyu a subject".

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On occupation, the boredom smertnaya.
v audience after a 30-minute break sets the teacher (P) - kind and very clever uncle with otpadny feeling yumora.
smotrit on one of little girls in group (we will name it M.), that prosekat it and starts looking through a subject in the book, expecting that he now will interrogate her addiction on teme.
mezhdu them is given up such dialog:
p: - The m, means so, answer me such question … with
M. (in tension)
P: - If the man says to the woman, what he likes a smell of her hair, it is a compliment or harassment?
M (is affected): - Compliment …
P: - And if he is a dwarf?

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On offset on physical culture the teacher asks studentov:
-That the sports judge has to be able? Student:
-to Whistle!
- Good fellow. Now second question. Checkers - summer sport or winter?
- If in the house heat, winter and if is not present - that summer.

*****

On each school desk at any institute there has to be a control panel the lecturer containing a number of the following knopok:
1 - start-up of the lecturer behind beer,
2 - reduction of loudness of the lecturer,
3 - self-destruction of the lecturer.

*****

On courses of preparation for institute teacher:
- we Will solve a problem: On a thread whetstone hangs. The bullet punches it through and flies further, having lost a half of speed. Find a corner fi on which whetstone deviated.
devushka from the first school desk:
-A you have tasks about little squirrels and nutlets?
prepod:
- Of course. On a thread the little squirrel hangs...

*****

At lecture in medical institute.
professor:
-... also the seed of the man contains big amount of glucose...
studenka:
-Professor, you mean the same glucose, how in sugar?
professor:
-Quite right!
studentka:
- Then why it not sweet?
Bce began to neigh, the girl reddened, and the teacher unperturbably said:
- Therefore, the darling that the flavoring receptors answering for sladkiy
vkus are on a language tip, but not on tonsils.....!

*****

At lecture. Professor:
-Stop throwing each other notes!
studenty:
-It not notes, it we in cards igrayem.
-Well, then excuse.