Anecdotes about students

Read funny Anecdotes about students

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Distinctive feature of memory at the student: did not know, but remembered.

*****

- Perfectly, you know theoretical part, and will be able to give a practical example of profitable business with application of superthin transparent substance?
- Yes, professor, is the sausage slices cut for sandwiches in our student's dining room!

*****

Sent FBR(F) in the Nikolaev Shipbuilding Institute (Ukraine) of the spy (Sh), in a week it comes back, filled up...
F: How?
Sh: And so: To smoke everything, well and I to smoke. In total on beer, and I uchus.
posylayut the following, in a month returned, filled up...
F: How?
Sh: Well to smoke everything - and I to smoke. In total on beer - and I on beer. In total on women, and I uchus.
vse, send the best of the best. Taught everything that was not punctured. Through a floor of year returned. Popalsya.
f: Well that this time!
Sh: Well to smoke everything - and I to smoke. In total on beer - and I on beer. In total on women - and I on women. All handed over session, and I do not...

*****

Having defended small turn in buffet the student speaks
prodavshchitse:
-Five sausages...
IZ ocheredi:
-Shows off!
-... and 47 forks.

*****

- P-professor, professor, what you did?! In a record book neud do not put!
- do not worry, smart guy, it to you is more and it is not required...

*****

The person to doktopu:
- The Doctor comes, I have something not that - where will not point a finger: in a neck, in a stomach, v
spinu - everywhere bolit.
doktop/zainteresovanno/: Well we will look at
-that at you there... My God and your finger is broken! 8-0

*****

Carry out researches on a matfaka. To students of different courses set one question "How many will be 2 to increase on 2"
studenty of 1 course to a descent otvechayut:
-Chetype
studenty 2 courses at first rummage in cribs, then otvechayut:
-Chetype
studenty 3 courses get the calculator and having counted too give correct otvet.
studenty 4 courses ask time to descend in a computer class and to make for calculation ppogpammu.
sppashivayut the student of the 5th course. He vozmushchenno:
-I that by heart has to remember all constants?!!

*****

- Professor, what do you think of the use by students of cosmetics?
- Well, at least these students do not roar, having received a bad note.

*****

- Fathers, give 500 rubley.
-It what for?
-Ya them pomenyayu.
-On how many?
- On chetyre.
-It - at what course?
- On mathematics.

*****

- The father, you represent, I leave institute. Some drunk goat sticks to me and suggests to suck off here for this gold chain...

*****

Couple of philosophy in the Kiev Polytechnic University. Examination. Question: "Than recreational bioconservatism differs from transhumanistic constructivism?" .
golos with back party:
-Forgive, and what means the word "differs"?

*****

The guy on protection enters the institute. Ekzamenator:
- And now tricky question: between whom and whom was Russian-японская
война?

*****

The guy enters the medical institute, on office
"gynecology". It sprashivayut:
- And that it: - Your great-grandfather the gynecologist was, the grandfather, the father is a dynasty?
- Is not present, we cannot see enough.

*****

The guy comes to the female hostel. His watchwoman asks:
-you to whom, the young man? To whom you will advise
-A?

*****

Park. Night. Conversation of students on skameyke:
-Remove points, you tear to me stockings...
through some minutes...
- Put on glasses, you tr %% at a bench...

*****

The couple makes love, is suddenly ringing. The husband from where returned. There is nothing to do, it is necessary to hide. The lover got into a case and waits. The husband paces the room, looks, under a bed will glance, for curtains and already a case starts approaching. The lover thinks, it is a khan, but here the cockroach creeps and speaks human golosom:
- And you, is small, for the member pull yourself you will turn into a cockroach, and you will quietly creep out, and then again you will pull and you will turn back the person!
delat nothing, the person of pulled this business, became a cockroach - red, and crept out on the street. Creeps joyful and thinks - it is TIME to BECOME the PERSON! Derg itself for the member.... any effect! Derg once again, derg, derg, derg. .
vdrug golos:
-Sidorov not only that you sleep at lecture, so you also dr%chit!!!!!!

*****

Foamy beer in a glass sparkles,
raduyet of eyes and caresses a womb,
Ho if beer prevents to study, its
NU nafig this study.

*****

First precept of the student:
" during lectures in audience do not forget all the time to have before yourself the textbook that noise from blow a forehead about a school desk did not wake the neighbor who is with pleasure sleeping a row and did not draw excessive attention of the lecturer. It will allow venerable professor to finish the brilliant monologue, a will also relieve you of need to address to the front surgeon or tooth."

*****

First couple... All silently doze... The door is opened...
prepodavatel, not glyadya:
-Leave... also enter as a mouse... small white mouse...
dver opens... in the doorway huge such Black (the student on an exchange), obrechenno:
-Tss... I small white mouse.

*****

First-year student: "I will give nobody!!! "
vtorokursnitsa: "I will give it, one! "
tretyekursnitsa:". well can be still to someone... "
chetverokursnitsa: "Gave it, gave it, gave it..... "
pyatikursnitsa: "LADIES! I WILL GIVE! I WILL GIVE! "
posledny course: "To a lump? To whom? To whom?....."

*****

The first course, the teacher asks studentku-pervokursnitsu:
-Tell about polarization sveta.
ta to it in reply zayavlyaet:
- And I am not Sveta, I am Natasha!

*****

Before examination. Prepodavatel:
-you do not worry, a positive assessment all poluchat.
student:
- And positive is what?
- is More than zero!

*****

Before examination students ask at prepodavatelya:
- And what tariff at you at examination?
PREPOD:
-UNLIMITED...

*****

Transfer on radio. Called suggest to call the word which is not present in the dictionary but which in the offer can make sense. So, it is ringing. Vedushchiy:
-Hello, you who?
-Ya Deyv.
-your word?
- of Sholb. On letters: Sh-O-L-B.
-of Such word in the dictionary is not present. At you chances to win the permit. Now tell the intelligent offer with it slovom.
-to Sholb you on x...!
telefonny is ringing instantly obryvayut.
dalee transfer proceeds, takes place some unsuccessful talk with the calling. And here next zvonok.
vedushchy: - Hallo. What is your name?
-Dzheff.
-your word?
-of Etsnovo. E-Ts-N-O-V-O.
-Yes, the strange word, in the dictionary is not present. And offer entirely?
-of Etsnovo I. Sholb you on x...!

*****

Pearls prepodavateley
-Bloody Sunday once again showed that the tsar could shoot not only at workers, but also on vykhodnym.
-Let the ball falls... the round. vertically... yes, let will be vniz.
-If I am mistaken, you me silently popravite.
-That you had nothing to be engaged, take work out zadachki.
-I akademiyev did not finish, but the higher education to you Dadu!
- Here and so stuffy, and still you shout!
- Diary entry: Ran at a physical education class!
- You have to be competent lyudyami.
- The Right hand rather widely is used in fizike.
-All this is called in a word: differential uravneniy.
-N holes to me not to draw stability of decisions of system, I will draw pieces tri.
- The Teacher on NVP, having heard behind a wall piano sounds: Chopin it is good. But what such Chopin? A gas mask it is much more difficult!
- That you, companion student, drew such not round square? What did you have breakfast?
- of Occupation will pass once a week - on Wednesday and chetverg.
-You in a toilet? Pomoch at the same time and rag

*****

PREPODAVATELEY
-PEARLS as a result of use of chemicals were lost mosquitoes and others ptitsy.
- The Staff on the card is designated by a tag triangular tsveta.
- The Word always speaks to you about something? Girls, lower hands!
- Suits of characters were usually supplemented with the increased parts tela.
-Usually it there were genital bodies. Well, for example, large ears, stomach...
- (1830-1905) - the active participant of war 1812 goda.
-This gas causes headaches in muscles and kostyakh.
- The Shell flies at first on a parabola, and then on inertsii.
-Companion student, I recognized you! Who are you such? We will take
- For an illustration two imagined countries: America and Britaniyu.
-Want, go, want - no. But at a lesson that were! We Will pump out
- vakuum.
-from there It was before half-sheep attacked the Soviet Union...
- the Air-raid shelter is covered with a grid that the bomb did not know where padayet.
-It will be constructed in the top right corner zala.
-Well, you, eagles, please, become silent... Raschirikalis.
. .... to be continued

*****

PERLA PREPODOVATELEY!!
- Let that yellow cube will be for descriptive reasons, a blue sharok. We Will draw with
-an infinitesimal triangle. No, it is badly visible, we will draw more...
- All in your interests: the quicker will clean a class, the quicker will go to wash a corridor.
- cannot be drunk Propyl alcohol therefore we will not write its formula.
- Diary entry: Came to a physical education class without pants.
- After Pavel 1 on the Russian throne of women was not any more.
- Student, you that, really such clever? - Who, I? - Well not I! Give
- for simplicity we will take a matrix of the 7th order.
-A now we open genitals and attentively we study them!
- the Girl in a back row, change to me on a forward place.
- Diary entry: Somersaulted without mat.
- the seller in shop Gauss-Ostrogradsky's formula Will ask you... And you do not know it! Take
- the schedule and daggers will put ticks. Tomorrow unexpectedly I will give
-Ya to you control.
- Silently crept, silently clanking with caterpillars.
- lay corpses Everywhere. Here and there they were still living.
- (civil defense) you lie to me, companion student, but I trust you.
- Fly N planes, N is not enough - To and both jet... With
-So, my young guerrillas, I begin interrogation on last subject.

*****

Written examination at university. Professor notices that one girl on the last table actively copies something from a crib. It very slowly and silently approaches it, but nevertheless the girl notices it dvizheniye.
ona quickly pushes a crib in dekolte.
professor for an instant stopped and then speaks:
-As professor, I, of course, cannot afford it but as the man, I am able to do it!
ON thrusts a hand into cut of her dress and gets shpargalku.
devushka, second without deliberating, otvechayet:
-As the student, I cannot afford it but as the woman I am able to do it!
I gave to professor a good slap in the face.

*****

LETTER:
dorogoy the father, I have all $покойно. So for me not бе$покойся.
$рочно send me пи$ьмо $ my programs. Say hello $е$тренке. $ын
TVOY.
OTBET:
dorogoy the son, Netrudis is too strong. I know, you Neterpitsya
sdat all examinations. Do not hurry. I hope, you will hand over on one five.
TVOY father.

*****

Letter of the father to the son-studentu.
"... I send you ten rubles as you also asked. Only remember - ten it is written with one zero, but not with two!!!"

*****

The student and the dean floated by one ship. The ship crashed about rocks, and ikh
dvoikh threw out on the island to cannibals. Give them to vozhdyu:
-What to do with them?
- of the Student to feed, give to drink and sleep to lay, and with it I still pogovoryu
o the distribution!

*****

Along a corridor of HIGHER EDUCATION INSTITUTION there is professor. Towards student:
- Hello, professor. It is possible to ask you?
- Of course, ask, the young man. Tell
-, professor, you when go to bed,
NA beard a blanket or under a blanket put?
posle of some pause: Yes, know
-, somehow did not reflect.
- Well, excuse, please.
razoshlis.
through green professor with circles under
vstrechayet eyes in a corridor of the same student also grabs week breasts:
- Well you and swine! Week I cannot sleep any more - and it is so inconvenient,
I is so inconvenient!

*****

On the route the column of cars goes, go far and periodically stop to refuel. Only one rusty kopek does not refuel. And here drove one without having sustained approaches it and asks:
-Children, we passed already 5000 kilometers, and you so never also did not refuel, I thought the tank at you big can or the car eats a little, but for such distance not enough! kopek
IZ two surprised studenta:
- And our money is not present any tank!

*****

The tipsy student, having decided to be kidding, looks in a mortuary and shouts v
polutyomnuyu komnatu:
-Hello, misters corpses!
I, suddenly, is distributed a voice from temnoty:
-Rest is not present anywhere! These students, absolutely okhrenet!...

*****

Girlfriends on the hostel train the girl for the first appointment: "Give bitterns of 50 grams for bravery!".
-A MOZhET, is better 100 for nonsense? - the most skilled of girls speaks.

*****

One student to drugomu:
-suits Vas, know, what difference between a curtain and toilet paper?
- Is not present.
- So it you, INFECTION!!!

*****

Late night. Student's obshchezhitiye.
v to the room the student sits, prepares to ekzamenu.
nichego does not understand, but continues to read persistently lektsii.
vdrug knock at a door. The student opens a door, looks, and there is a man immense razmerov.
-You who?
-Ya - п#здец.
-A of that such thick?
-Ya not thick, I full.

*****

- Let's go to a hostel, to glue girls.
- THAT?! You tore our girls?!

*****

Caught a tribe of cannibals of the American, Frenchman and pusskogo.
vozhd: - Thin frantsuzishku we will eat this on zavtpak
-This fat American we will eat on obed
plemya: - And Russian we will eat for dinner?
vozhd: - No, we will release the Russian, I together with him in one group V
MIMO studied.